Chapter 2
Kennedy
I'd locked myself inside my room for the remainder of the day.
No one came to knock or check on me. I imagined they were just as shocked as I was.
Plus, I was happy for that. I didn't want to have to look anyone in the eye after what just happened.
I'd curled up in a ball and cried my eyes out for the entire night.
Now it was a new day, and I knew I'd eventually have to face my family. So after taking a shower, I slowly headed downstairs.
Mom was in the kitchen. Dad would've already left for work by now. She glanced at me when I entered but quickly tore her gaze away, like she was looking at something she wasn't supposed to.
That's what I'd become to her now. Not her daughter. A stranger with shameful secrets.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't..." I trailed off, not even knowing what to say.
Those had been my private thoughts. No one was supposed to read or hear any of it. I didn't even know why I had to apologize for it.
For wanting things? For being human? For writing down thoughts that everyone probably had but were too afraid to admit?
Mom stopped wiping the counter and sighed. "Kate was wrong for going through your personal belongings, and I'm sorry she did, but we can't unhear or unsee some of those things."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I understand."
But I didn't. I didn't understand why my thoughts were so horrifying. Why wanting passion made me wrong.
"Do you?" She set down the dishcloth. "Because I'm not sure you do."
"Mom, I—"
"Were you really that unhappy with your life?" She looked sad now. "I thought we gave you everything."
"You did, and I'm grateful for everything you guys have done for me." I gripped the back of a kitchen chair. "I'm not unhappy with my life, but sometimes, Mom, I think your expectations of me are too high."
She seemed taken aback. "We only want the best for you."
"I know that." I sighed. "I know."
The best. But whose definition of best?
"Then why write those things?" Her voice cracked. "Why fantasize about... that kind of life if you're happy with what we've given you?"
"Because they're just thoughts, Mom. Just... fantasies. Everyone has them."
"Not like that." She shook her head. "Not my daughter."
Not anymore, I thought. Not the daughter you thought you knew.
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore."
My pulse raced. "Mom..."
You never did, I wanted to say. You knew the Kennedy who got straight A's and graduated top of her class. The one who said yes to everything and never complained. But you never asked who I was underneath all of that.
"What else don't I know?" she asked quietly. "What else have you been hiding?"
"Nothing. I'm not hiding anything. Those were just private thoughts."
"All those things you want to 'experience'?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "If your grandmother was here, she'd surely have a heart attack hearing those things."
My throat burned. "They weren't meant for anyone to read."
"Well, now we all have." She picked up the dishcloth again, her hands shaking slightly. "Next time, you keep them in your head, sweetheart."
She left the room before I could respond.
My lips quivered, another round of tears ready to spill, but I swallowed them down and headed out back, desperate for some fresh air.
Kate was lying on a lounge chair by the pool, scrolling away on her phone like she hadn't just destroyed my life.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, stepping in front of her.
She raised a brow and sat up. "Wrong with me? You're the one who dreams of having multiple men in all kinds of places."
I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the way she said it out loud. "Those were private. You had no right to enter my room and go through my things!"
"Your door was unlocked."
"That doesn't give you permission!" My voice rose. "You went through my drawer. You took my diary. You read it to the entire family."
"Yeah, well." She shrugged. "Maybe you should've been more careful."
"More careful?" I stared at her. "You're my sister, Kate. I should be able to trust you."
"Trust goes both ways, Kennedy." Her jaw tightened. "You never trusted me with anything. Never told me what you were thinking or feeling. I had to find out by reading it like everyone else."
"Not everything is meant to be shared."
She sighed. "You know, Kennedy, I've spent my entire life living in your shadow. It's always Kennedy this, Kennedy that. Even when you left for college, I finally thought I'd have some attention for once, but it's like I never existed. Even in your absence, they talked about you."
"Kate—"
"They never asked what I was interested in or what my plans for college were. It was always about Kennedy the lawyer, the youngest in her year. I'm sick of it."
Hearing Kate express herself like this hit me harder than I expected. I was always so caught up in my own life that I never took the time to see how she was doing, and maybe that was the problem.
I'd been so busy trying to be perfect that I'd never noticed Kate drowning in my wake.
"I never meant to make you feel invisible," I said quietly. "But exposing me like that? That wasn't fair."
"Didn't you?" She met my eyes. "You get to be perfect Kennedy while I'm the screwup. Just once, I wanted them to see you weren't so perfect either."
"So you humiliated me."
She swallowed. "Maybe I just wanted them to see you the way they see me, for once. A disappointment."
The word landed between us. Disappointment. That's what we both were now. Kate had always been one, and I'd just joined her.
"Well, congratulations." My voice was flat. "You got what you wanted."
Regret flickered across her face, but it was gone before I could be sure.
She shrugged and went back to scrolling on her phone. I stared at her, wondering when things had gotten this bad. When we'd stopped being sisters and became competitors instead.
I left and headed back to my room. I took my diary, stared at it, and then began ripping out the pages.
The sound of tearing paper filled the silence. Each page was a confession, a desire, a piece of myself I'd tried to understand by writing down. Gone.
I wouldn't be in this mess if I'd never kept this. Maybe Mom was right. It was better if I just kept my thoughts in my head.
Safer there. Hidden. Where no one could judge them. Where I could pretend to be the Kennedy everyone wanted.
Later that night, dinner was silent. Dad couldn't even look at me. He always had a conversation going at dinner, but this time he was silent, his gaze focused on his food that he barely touched.
Every clink of silverware was deafening. Every swallow audible. The silence screamed louder than any words could.
"How was work, Dad?" I asked, desperate to break the tension.
He cut his steak with precision. "Fine."
One word. That's all I got.
"Did the Henderson case settle?"
"It did."
Mom cleared her throat. "Kate, eat your vegetables."
Kate pushed peas around her plate without responding.
I tried again. "I was thinking maybe I could start at the firm next week instead of waiting until—"
"We'll discuss it later," Dad said, not looking up.
Later. Always later. Never now.
Mom only glanced at me occasionally, still looking disappointed. It killed me seeing them like this, knowing it was all because of me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to leave and give them space, give myself some space.
So after dinner, I went back up to my room, pulled up my laptop, and began searching for a quick escape. I didn't want anywhere crowded. I wanted to be surrounded by nature, far away from people. I just wanted to be alone.
Away from judgment. Away from expectations. Away from being a disappointment.
I googled places, looking through the best spots that could give me peace and quiet. I found an Airbnb sometime later. It was in the Blue Ridge Mountains, two bedrooms with hiking trails leading to the top of the mountain. A one-bedroom would be more ideal for me, but there were none available.
I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering if I should book. The place was breathtaking and had the exact type of vibe I was looking for.
I sighed, knowing my parents would freak out if they knew I was thinking about staying at a place like this. There weren't any signs of civilization for a few miles. I'd have to drive hours to get there, and once I arrived, I'd be by myself.
Thinking about it now, even I wondered if it was a good idea, but the more I looked at places, the more I realized how much I wanted this break. Time for myself. A chance to figure out who Kennedy actually was when no one was watching.
I'd worked hard throughout college, surrounded by people who considered me a misfit. Guys made fun of me, girls thought I was too much of a nerd to be in their circle. And then right after college, Dad was already setting me up to work.
So I booked the cabin, sighing when I got the confirmation.
This was it. My escape, and my chance to breathe.