Chapter 13
Kennedy
I had to force myself not to cry as I drove back home.
It felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind the further I drove.
All I could think about were Elijah and Jasper and how they had made me feel during my week at the cabin.
It was more than just fulfilling a fantasy, because for the first time in my life, I felt heard. Seen.
Accepted for exactly who I was.
Now I had to go back to a family who silently judged me, who I knew were still not over what they'd seen in my diary. I didn't know if they'd ever be.
The daughter who wasn't enough.
As soon as I arrived in my neighborhood, the dread got worse. It was late in the evening, and I knew everyone would be home, unless Dad was working late, and lately he wasn't really doing much of that.
The familiar streets felt foreign now. Everything looked the same, but I was different.
I sighed as I parked in the driveway and stepped out of my car, pulling my single travel bag along with me.
When I went inside, it was obvious they were having dinner. I could smell Mom's favorite beef stew, and light chatter was coming from the dining room.
I placed my bag on the floor and entered the room, staring at all three of them gathered at the table. Mom was the first to see me, maybe because I was in her line of sight. Her eyes widened as she stared at me.
Did I look different? Could she tell?
"You're back!" she exclaimed. "I was worried sick about you. Didn't you see the missed calls?"
"Er, sorry, Mom. I couldn't get much cell service."
The lie came easily. Too easily.
"Twenty-three calls, Kennedy. Twenty-three."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Where were you that didn't have service?" she asked, looking confused.
"I went to the mountains. I needed solitude," I admitted.
Kate's eyes narrowed slightly, studying me.
"Alone?" Mom's voice pitched higher. "You went to the mountains alone?"
"Yes. Alone."
"Kennedy, that's dangerous. What if something had happened to you?"
"Nothing happened. I'm fine."
She knew. Somehow, she knew I was hiding something.
"Come and sit, sweetheart," Dad said.
I was tempted to tell him no, but didn't.
Of course I didn't. I never did.
I sat. Mom served me stew although I didn't have any appetite for it.
"So how was your trip?" Kate asked.
"It was good," I said.
"Just good?" She leaned back in her chair. "You drove all that way for 'good'?"
"What did you do?" she pressed.
"I mostly stayed in."
Another lie. I'd hiked. Swam. Had sex with two men on every surface of that cabin.
"For a week?" She raised a brow. "Sounds boring."
"It wasn't boring. It was peaceful."
"Peaceful," she repeated, like she didn't believe me.
"What's with the questions?" I snapped.
Mom seemed taken aback. "I think she's just trying to know how your trip went, Kennedy."
"Well, I answered."
"Kennedy," Dad's voice held a warning.
I pulled in a breath to calm myself. "It was good."
"You already said that," Kate muttered.
Silence fell around the table, and I just wished I was anywhere else but here.
Back at the cabin. Back with them.
"Now that you've had the time to clear your head, I hope you're prepared to join me at the firm."
I offered a stiff smile. "Sure."
"Sure?" Dad frowned. "That's all you have to say?"
"I mean... yes. I'm prepared."
I thought back to the advice Elijah and Jasper had given me, but I couldn't bring myself to speak up. The words were stuck in my throat, afraid to come out.
They'd told me to live on my own terms, to stop letting fear control me. And here I was, doing exactly what I'd always done.
"You can come along with me on Monday—get a feel of the place. You'll love it." He smiled.
"Monday?" I echoed. "That's... that's really soon."
"Is there a problem?"
"No. No problem."
I smiled too, stuffing my mouth with a piece of meat and hoping this was where the conversation ended. Kate looked at me while she ate, as if she was trying to figure me out.
Once dinner ended, I headed to take a shower and then to my bedroom. Being back, sitting at dinner with my family seemed more exhausting than the hours of driving I'd done earlier.
I flopped down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling out of sorts. Then my phone buzzed, and I jumped up, grabbing it from my desk. My heart fluttered when I realized it was Elijah.
Relief hit me. He'd called. He hadn't forgotten.
"Hi," I said softly.
"I was hoping you'd call to let me know you're home safely," he said, and I closed my eyes.
"I know. I was asked to sit and have dinner with my family as soon as I stepped through the door."
"How was that?"
"Like walking on eggshells," I said.
Nothing like the cabin. Nothing like being with you.
"That bad?"
"My mom counted how many times she called. My sister interrogated me. My dad wants me at the firm Monday."
"And what do you want?"
I swallowed hard. "I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
"Elijah..."
He was silent. "I miss you already."
I bit my lip and curled up on the bed. "You do?"
Please mean it. Please don't let this be just something you say.
"I do," he confirmed. "Having you around this past week felt natural—like it was something that's meant to happen every single day."
I smiled, my cheeks warming. "I miss you too."
So much it hurts.
"Come to the city," he said quietly.
"What?"
"Come to the city. Not for your dad's firm. For you. For us."
"Elijah, I can't just—"
"Why not?"
"Because my family... my dad's expecting..."
"What about what you're expecting? What you want?"
I didn't have an answer for that.
"What are you wearing right now?" he asked, and I glanced down at my pajamas.
I giggled. "PJs that are twice my size."
He chuckled. "You'd look good in a garbage bag. I wish I had you against me right now."
"What would you do?"
"My hands would be all over you. Your smooth skin, your firm breasts. Then I'd slip them between your legs—right at that warm spot that's begging to be touched…"
Heat flooded my body. "I'd massage your silky folds, make sure you're wet enough to take all of me … and God knows, you're always so, so wet."
I licked across my lips, my hands itching to touch myself to make the fantasy more vivid.
This was real. He was real. What we had wasn't just a cabin fantasy.
"I'd slip two fingers inside, stretch you with those, and then I'd take my—"
A knock came at the door, and I gasped.
"Who is it?" I exclaimed, my voice shaky.
"It's Kate."
"Go," Elijah said quietly. "Call me tomorrow."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
"Don't worry about it. Good night, Kennedy."
"Good night," I said as I got up from the bed and ended the call. I walked toward the bedroom door, more annoyed than I'd ever been.
I pulled the door open and found Kate standing there, arms crossed, a small frown on her face.
"You're locking doors now?" she asked with narrowed eyes, suspicion lacing her tone.
Because of you. Because you taught me I couldn't trust anyone in this house.
"What do you want, Kate?"
"Who were you on the phone with?" she asked as she shoved past me. "I thought you didn't have any friends."
"How is any of what I do any of your business?" I snapped.
"It's my business when you're being shady."
"I'm not being shady."
"You weren't in the city, were you?" she asked, avoiding my question.
"I was," I said firmly, happy with the way I sounded.
She shook her head, unconvinced. "You're lying."
"I'm not."
"You came back different. I can tell."
"Different how?"
"Something happened, didn't it?"
"Nothing happened."
She stepped closer. "I bet you were with some guy Mom and Dad wouldn't approve of."
Try two guys. And they'd lose their minds if they knew.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Why do you even care?"
"Everyone thinks you're so innocent, Kennedy, but I know better. You're just some slut who acts well."
I gasped. "Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you?" The words felt heavy as they left my lips.
She paused. "I don't hate you. I just hate the fact that you get all the credit as little miss perfect, and nothing I do ever seems to be good enough."
"That's not my fault."
"Isn't it? You're the one who plays perfect daughter. Who never steps out of line."
"I'm not perfect, Kate. Trust me."
"Then prove it. Tell them you don't want to work at Dad's firm."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
And I was. Because I understood now what it felt like to never be enough.
"You're not going to, are you? You're just going to keep being the good daughter."
"Kate—"
Her jaw clenched before she scoffed. "Whatever."
With that, she turned and left.
I sighed heavily once she left, closed the door, and went back to bed. I thought about what Kate said, what Elijah and Jasper had said, and came to the conclusion that maybe everyone around me would live better lives if I just spoke up.
Including me.