Chapter 52
“Yes, you do,” Kinsley urges softly. “Did you feel safe?” I don’t answer.
“Did you feel like you could be you?” Her eyes meet mine.
“I know you’re scared, Harper. And man, I get it.
I was so uncertain with Kaldar, but I took the leap.
I trusted that he would catch me, and he did.
I think,” Kinsley pauses and blinks a few times.
“I think maybe if you jump, Rauk will be the one to catch you.”
“And he won’t ever drop you,” Farrah adds.
“It’s hard to fall because it feels like you're giving up your independence,” Farrah says. “Believe me; I know. But with the right guy, you’re not giving up anything. You’re simply adding more strength. And I think,” she glances at Kinsley with a smile. “We both think that he’s the right guy.”
“But what if he doesn’t want me?” My words are a hoarse whisper and feel like they were ripped from the depths of my heart. I feel something wet on my cheek, and I wipe it away in horror.
“Oh, Harper,” Kinsley says. Suddenly, her arms are around me; and Farrah’s too.
I hold myself stiff, uncomfortable with all the touching and emotion.
Suddenly, Kinsley grips my arms and looks up at me.
“You listen to me. I’m sorry for the way we grew up.
It wasn’t right. I’m sorry you lost your parents at such a young age, before you even really got a chance to get to know them.
” I blink. “But they didn’t choose to leave you, Harper.
They had no choice. We’re not unlovable because we were banished, Harper.
” Her voice is soft. “It’s taken me a while to get this.
Who am I kidding? I’m still trying to live this truth.
We are not unlovable, Harper. We have people that love us, not for what we can do for them.
They love us simply because of who we are.
Kaldar loves me for me. And that’s all. And I think, if you give him a chance, Rauk will love you for who you are too. ”
“I think he already does,” Farrah adds softly.
“How do you know?” I hate the way my voice sounds, so desperate and broken. But I need to know the answer.
Farrah smiles. “It’s not in what he says, that’s for sure. It’s in what he does.”
Kinsley laughs. “Yeah.”
They must both see my confusion because they continue. “He brought his entire army to fight the guivres. He didn’t do that for us, Harper,” Farrah says. “He never had any intention of fighting in this war. He told us that when we first met him. He did it for you.”
“When you were unconscious?” Kinsley says, and both she and Farrah both shudder. “He lost his mind,” Kinsley finishes. “He threatened every single person that came near your room. He picked fights with Kaldar and Rysden.”
“And Lox,” Farrah adds. “I thought he was going to kill Lox. Rysden finally made him leave and come back here.”
“Really?” I ask.
“Oh yeah. He had it out for him. Bad,” Farrah says, shaking her head. They both laugh and then sober up. “I know we can’t tell you what to do, and we can’t tell you it will all work out. But we can tell you that if you don’t take this chance, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Kinsley nods. “You’ve always been the bravest person I know. Don’t change that now.”
“Do you love him?” Farrah asks softly.
My rebuttal is swift. “No.”
“But could you be headed that way?” Kinsley asks.
My rebuttal isn’t so swift this time. “I don’t even know how to love.”
Kinsley says, shaking her head fiercely. “Yes, you do. You may not be touchy feely or love touch or emotion, but you know how to love, Harper. You love deeper than any person I know.”
“How do you know that?” I ask, more harshly than I mean to.
“Because.” Kinsley lifts her head, staring me dead in the eye. “You would give your life for Farrah or me, and I have a feeling for Rauk’s little sister, too.” I don’t disagree with her. “Don’t tell me that’s not love.”
I close my eyes and rub a hand over my face. “This is all too much.”
Farrah gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know. It was too much for me at one time too.”
“And now, you’re carrying his baby,” I tell her, looking pointedly at her stomach.
She rubs her stomach and smiles. “Yes.”
“What if I go there, and he...doesn’t want me to stay?” I ask, hating my weakness.
“Then you come back here,” Farrah says fiercely, “and Rysden will cut off his—”
Kinsley slaps a hand over her mouth. “We got it.”
I can’t help but laugh, and it seems to ease some of the tension and emotion. I take a breath. “If he rejects me, I’ll do the deed myself,” I tell Farrah.
She pumps her fist, and Kinsley throws her hands into the air. “Nobody’s cutting off anybody’s anything!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you ladies talking about?” Lox asks, coming into the main room.
“We’re talking about maiming Rauk for life if he rejects Harper,” Farrah says easily.
“Farrah!” I hiss. It’s one thing to tell Kinsley and Farrah; it’s a whole other thing to tell Lox.
Lox looks over at me, surprisingly serious. “Are you actually worried about that?”
I shift uneasily, unsure what to say. He shocks me by laughing—like throwing back his entire head and laughing. “It’s not that funny.” I snap at him.
He tries to rein it in. “Oh, Harper.” He wipes his eyes, while I narrow my eyes at him. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about with that beast of a man.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Oh, what? You’re suddenly best friends with him?”
“No.” He scoffs. “I’m pretty sure he’d like to gut me.” He leans against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. “You remember the night he pinnned me against that wall?” The memory hits me clearly.
“I thought he was going to kill you that night.”
He nods, completely serious. “I did too.” He meets my gaze head-on. “Want to know what he said to me that night?”
“Not particularly,” I admit.
He smiles. “You do; trust me.”
“What did he say then?” I challenge.
“He told me that if I ever touched you again, he would rip my arms from my body and feed them to his dragon.”
“Ew,” Kinsley says, gagging.
“He just says stuff like that,” I say with a shake of my head.
Lox continues. “And then he said, and I quote, ‘Nobody touches my girl except for me and lives to tell the tale’.”
Shocked silence wraps around the four of us, and the words on my tongue shrivel right up. So does the spit in my mouth. “He said that?” I ask in a hoarse whisper.
Lox meets my eyes and gives me a tender smile. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that, Harpie.”
“Oh my word,” Kinsley says, wiping her eyes.
“I know,” Farrah says.
It’s at that exact moment that Kaldar and Rysden stride into the room. They both freeze, take in their crying mates, and shoot matching scowls Lox’s way. “Why does everyone always assume it’s me?” he complains loudly.
Rysden and Kaldar both wrap their arms around their mates, and I shoulder my bag.
It’s time for me to go; I’ll have the entire ride to ponder Lox’s words.
It will take at least that long. I take a deep breath.
“I’m leaving.” No one in the room is surprised by my words.
I let a small smile form. “I guess it’s time for me to be brave. ”
That starts the water works all over again, but thankfully their mates are nearby this time. With last minute hugs and a vow to myself once again to never get pregnant, I head outside to my waiting dragon. You ready to do this? I ask.
I thought you’d never ask.
I climb onto her back and settle in place before looking down at the people who mean so much to me. “Thank you.” I don’t say anything else; I don’t know what else to say.
“I expect to be invited to the wedding,” Lox calls out loudly. I shake my head with a grin.
I give one last wave, and Redara gets a running start before launching into the air. I fly high with the sounds of my friends’ goodbyes following me. Seconds later, they’re only specks on the ground. I lean into the wind with a smile on my face. Let’s fly, I send to Redara.
The ride seems to both take forever and go too quickly.
Before I know it, we’re flying over the walls of the city.
I’m full-on shivering now, have been for the last few hours.
And yet, I can’t keep the grin off my face.
Anticipation builds inside as we fly over the land.
I take in the beauty of this place and let it soothe that anxious part inside me.
I can’t believe how much I’ve missed this place.
I take in the snow-covered paths, and the trees sparkling with ice.
I've missed this place, I send to Redara.
Me too.
Did you tell Nox we were coming? I ask.
Nope.
I grin, thinking of the reunion between the two of them.
I’m shocked to see several people wave at us from the ground.
I find myself waving back. When we land on the landing area, daylight is just starting to fade.
There’s a gorgeous view as the last of the light fades away.
I take it all in, feeling it fill me up in the best way.
I walk to the front of my dragon. “Thank you. Now, go find Noxlyn.” She doesn’t have to be told twice.
I watch as she flies away, and then I walk over to the double doors and open them.
They’re unlocked, and I step inside. For just a moment, I close my eyes and let the feel, sound, and smell of this place wrap itself around me.
With a grin on my face, I make my way down the hallway past the closed bedroom doors.
I’ll drop my bag in my room later. Right now, I want to see Elowen and Auri.
I know Elowen’s in the kitchen long before I step inside.
I push the door open and sniff appreciatively, nearly groaning. “I have missed those smells.”
Elowen drops a bread pan on the counter and whirls around in shock. “Harper!” And then she’s moving towards me. She wraps her arms around me, pulling me close. I close my eyes as her scent wraps around me.
“I missed you,” I tell her quietly.
Her arms tighten around me. “Oh, Child. I missed you so much.” She pulls back. “Are you here to stay this time?”
I decide to answer her truthfully. “I guess we’ll see.”
The door to the kitchen is thrown open suddenly, startling both of us. “Harper!” Then there’s a chair headed straight for me.
I turn from Elowen and nearly fall on top of Auri when she runs right into me.
She grabs hold of my thighs, and my hands drop to her back.
“I missed you too,” I tell her with a laugh.
She doesn’t laugh, nor does she loosen her hold.
“Hey, are you going to release me or am I going to be stuck like this?” She finally pulls back, and I’m dismayed to see tears on her cheeks. “Auri, what is it?”
“You left me.”
Those three quiet words are nearly my undoing. I crouch down so that we’re at the same level. “I’m sorry.” I don’t fill in the silence with any other fillers.
She takes a breath, trying to get ahold of her emotions. “Are you going to stay now?”
“Yes, Harper. Are you going to stay now?”
I startle at those low, gritty words and slowly stand to my feet, facing the man who just entered the kitchen.