43. Jasper
FORTY-THREE
JASPER
"I'm the accomplice, the copycat killer, recreating her crimes." A buzzing starts in my ears, and it's getting louder and louder. The gun wavers in my grip, my finger easing off the trigger. How can this be possible?
If I wasn't seeing Scarlett before me, with that blade pressed against her neck right now, I would think this was all a farce Xavier created to escape his fate, but one glance from my peripheral vision shows me he's losing it as much as I am at her threatening to kill herself.
Something's not right with her. It's as if she's empty, her spark missing, and all that is left is darkness.
It pours from her right down to her angry tone.
"She's Ashmaker, and also Scarlett. Both of them share her body. Scarlett doesn't know what's happening right now. She's not in control."
Is it possible that what he's saying is true?
How can one person be two people, and what the fuck does he mean they share her body?
I rapidly flip through all the information I have on Ashmaker.
Could our profile have been wrong this whole time, and it was always a woman and not a man?
Could a woman be capable of that type of savage brutality?
Jesus fuck, the profile was mainly compiled by Scarlett Lyssa.
Was she purposely pushing us off track so that we wouldn't catch on to the fact that it was her?
If what Xavier is implying is true, she may not even have known what was going on.
How can she not be in control of her own body?
Is it some type of mental illness? Is Scarlett not well?
What the fuck am I saying? Of course she's not well, she's holding a damn blade to her neck.
"Scarlett, please, baby, please drop the blade," I plead in panic.
She stares right through me with dark, vacant eyes, a twitch on her cheek the only response.
Desperation and anxiety fill me, as I watch the woman I'm in love with being mentally unaware of what she's doing.
"Fucking explain now, Poine." I point the gun back in his direction, unsure of what to do next.
Maybe if I threaten to shoot him, she'll take the blade away.
He flinches at my action, but doesn't attempt to dissuade me, and other than following the movement with her glance, Scarlett doesn't object to the gun being back on him.
Does she not care about him? That doesn't make sense.
I've seen the way they are together. She has feelings for him.
"Dissociative identity disorder, her mind split long ago from the trauma and abuse she suffered as a child in foster care.
She's still Scarlett Lyssa, but she's also Ashmaker, each one with a distinct personality and mannerisms." Xavier's gaze connects with Scarlett's, and I watch as she stands there defiantly, her ego on display, and so different from the Scarlett I know. Her cold gaze turns in my direction, and it's as if she’s calling me out for how long it’s taking me to figure it all out, and she’s daring me to do something with every word that leaves Xavier’s lips.
Holy fuck, could what he's telling me be true?
"Ashmaker protected her from the child abuse, the rapes.
All the shitty, traumatic events that happened to her growing up, and as she became stronger, pervasive amnesia and memory gaps would have happened.
It was the way her brain rewired itself for survival.
She didn't realize until recently that she's Ashmaker, and she's been hunting herself the whole time. "
Child abuse. Rapes. Traumatic events. Survival.
His words echo through my mind louder than I can endure.
I lower the gun completely, my chest heaving as if I've just run a marathon.
The coldness in Scarlett's eyes scares me to death.
It's as if she feels nothing for either of us right now, and isn't afraid to die by her own hand.
Ashmaker, not Scarlett. I try to wrap my head around what Xavier is telling me.
"How do you fit into all of this? I know you two were once in the same foster home. "
"Very good, Jasper. You've been doing some actual work. I thought poor Scarlett was going to have to carry your investigation all on her shoulders, while you took all the glory. Fucking men, always stealing what's not theirs to take."
Duly noted that this version of Scarlett is not a fan of men, but I guess that makes sense with the way she's killed them.
I note that Ashmaker's voice is arctic and abrasive, and nothing like Scarlett's.
I want to rebuke her assessment of me, but I'm also terrified to trigger her further.
Right now, I'm neck-deep in uncharted waters.
"Yes, we met in foster care, and Scarlett saved me from our abusive foster dad. Isn't that right, Ashmaker?"
She rolls her eyes disdainfully. "She had more control then. She wasn't as broken yet. That came later, and that's when I had to step in more and more to protect her."
She wasn't as broken yet. My heart shatters at the words, and the knowledge that Scarlett suffered so horribly, that the only way her mind could cope was by splitting into two identities.
How could someone have done those things to a poor defenseless child?
No, children, because Xavier mentioned she saved him.
"Go on, tell your truth, Xavier. Tell Jasper here how you became her obsessive shadow, stalking her for years, thinking you needed to protect her, when she had me all along."
"She was mine! I had to protect her, to ensure she was happy," Xavier growls with frustration before catching himself.
"I didn't realize that her mind had fractured, and that she didn't recognize she was Ashmaker, until I followed her to a crime scene.
From that moment on, my task was to ensure assholes like you didn't catch her. "
"You copycatted the crimes to throw us off the scent. That's why there was an escalation of bodies. Why the fuck would you do that? Why not try to get her to stop, and get some help? Why become the accomplice who covered up her crimes?"
"Oh, do tell, Xavier." Ashmaker winks at Xavier, and it makes my blood boil with jealousy, even though I can clearly see that it isn't my little vixen in control.
"I couldn't allow you to lock her behind bars, or worse, in some fucking mental hospital.
I couldn't be parted from her." He drags his hand through his hair, pushing off the dark hoodie, and allowing the dim light to paint his tresses almost silvery-white.
"I also found I enjoyed helping her punish men who abused kids like us.
It was cathartic, a release that helped me with my own demons. "
"Jesus fuck, you're both serial killers! It doesn't matter if you're both out only killing men who abuse others. The law cannot be taken into anyone's hands!"
"The law fails more times than it saves, Jasper!
You know that as well as I do. They go free only to hurt another child or woman.
Rinse and repeat. The law is made to protect vile, predatory men, while punishing their victims," Ashmaker screams, her hand shaking violently, and causing another cut to appear.
"Please, Ashmaker! Put down the weapon. You don't want to hurt Scarlett. You've spent your whole life protecting her." Xavier turns towards me, and before I know what the fuck is happening, the bastard has disarmed me of my weapon.
"What the fuck!" I try to grapple for it back, but he points it at my chest. I knew I should have shot the bastard when I had the chance. A chuckle sounds behind us, and we both return our glance to the woman we're both infatuated with.
"Never trust a killer, Jasper. They didn't teach you that in your fancy FBI school?"
"You know I love you, Ashmaker." Xavier gets her attention as he takes a step forward, the gun trained on me, and I have the sudden feeling of being up shit creek without a paddle.
"I love both of you equally, not just Scarlett.
You belong to me, just as much as she does, and we are the same, you and I.
There is nothing I won't do to protect you both. Please don't hurt her."
He extends his arm forward, handing her my gun, butt first. "What the hell are you doing?!"
Ashmaker rips the gun away from him, and points it at both of us, as he returns to my side. "Protecting Scarlett. She doesn't want to hurt her, but she's feeling cornered, and the only thing left to use was our love for her."
A flicker of respect passes between us, and I acknowledge him with a nod.
Instantly, we can see a difference in Ashmaker's confidence, as she removes the blade from her throat, and slips it into the front waistband of her pants.
I take the first deep breath I can manage, since barging in through the door into this nightmare.
I need to de-escalate the situation somehow, but I'm not really sure how.
I've never been in a position where the woman I'm in love with is threatening to kill her other lover, and me, at gunpoint.
"Who is the dead guy, Ashmaker?" I direct my question at her, hoping that if I keep her talking, by some miracle Scarlett might be able to gain control, even though I have no idea if that's how it actually works, or whether Scarlett might shoot me anyway, with the way I've treated her lately.
"Jacques St. Clair. Rapist, serial killer, and all-around scum of the fucking earth.
The girl in the other room was to be his latest victim.
He finds them on dating sites, slips drugs into their drinks, then brings them here to torture and rape them, before dismembering them and burying their body parts all over the surrounding forest area. "
"He also ran a site on the dark web, teaching other men how to do what he does," Xavier slips in. Jacques St. Clair, why does that name sound familiar?
Then it hits me. "He's one of the wealthiest surgeons in the state. He was charged years ago with sexual assault, but the charges didn't stick, and he walked."
"Like I said, the system is rigged only to benefit the predator. He went on to kill eleven women." Ashmaker nods in the direction we can hear struggling from. "She would have been his even dozen."
Fuck, I have no idea what to say or even think right now.
A part of me is relieved and even proud that Ashmaker has killed this piece of shit.
The other part, the one who has always believed in law and order, knows that's not right.
That we can't just take justice into our own hands and play executioner.
"That struggle, the balanced scales of justice you crave, she feels it too.
That's why I hid what I was doing from her, that is, until he started leaving her clues. "
I glance at Xavier, and notice he's not remorseful in the slightest at her words. "I needed her to wake from the darkness you were hiding her in. It was making a huge impact on her, and she couldn't function. You knew, and yet you kept pushing her harder. You wanted complete control."
"The headaches and blackouts. The way she zoned out when she pulled her gun on me weeks ago. That was all you, wasn't it?" I demand.
"YES! FUCK!" Her shoulders rise and fall as she forces a deep inhale. "Can't a girl have a little fucking fun?!"
"You could have really hurt her. I could have reacted badly!
Not to mention she could have lost her fucking job, and all she's worked so hard to build.
" I step forward, rage racing through me, and I no longer give a shit about the gun; let her fucking shoot me.
This bitch hurt the woman I love. All I can see is the image of Scarlett, as she clutched her head when she came out of the blackout, how ill she was afterward, and how terrified and confused she was.
"She was fine, and I knew you weren't going to fucking hurt her, or get her fired. She's in love with you, both of you, and you two assholes are in love with her!"
Her words send a searing heat through my chest, and at the same time, they're crushing.
It's not like I hadn't realized she was in love with both of us.
Knowing and accepting, however, are two different things, and I've been grappling with whether I can handle sharing her with the white-haired cunt at my side.
She stumbles backward, a groan escaping her lips, as she raises her bloody gloved hand to the side of her head, and the gun wobbles in her other hand.
I glance at Xavier, and realize he's already waiting for me to meet his eyes.
"Scarlett is fighting her. It's only a matter of time before she regains control," he whispers.
"When she's safe, you're going to explain to me how you know so much about this, preferably from behind bars in a six-by-eight cell, serving life without parole."
The cocky bastard winks at me. "We'll see about that, Jasper.
" He returns his attention to Ashmaker, who's mumbling to herself and clutching harder at her hair.
"Please, Ashmaker, let her take control.
You know you can't continue this way. I promise that we will protect you, and he won't arrest you, will you, Jasper? "
Everything in me wants to deny his claim.
I'm a cop. I believe in law and order, right and wrong, good and evil.
Yet, I can't reconcile myself with Scarlett, even as Ashmaker, as being evil.
She's right that the law fails more than it should.
Do I ever believe taking it into your own hands is justified?
The thrashing, and whimpers, of the woman that would have died tonight at Jacques St. Clair's hands, remind me that it's not all black and white.
There is always lots of gray. The gray is where Ashmaker resides.
Then there's the other component. I stare at the only woman I've ever had a deep connection with, the one I'm certain I'm in love with.
I imagine her being gone, taken from me and locked behind bars or in a hospital, slowly wasting away, and it almost brings me to my knees.
Can I allow the law to take her from me?
Would that be doing the right thing? The part that's harder to get past is that she's not actually hurting innocents.
She's doing what the law failed to do: provide justice for the victims. Can I ever get past her killing men, even if they're vile and deserve it?
"Fuck, little vixen, I could never hurt you. I'm deeply in love with you." I meet Xavier's glance, and in it I see the same desperation to save the woman we both love. "I would never arrest you. I don't have it in me to see you behind bars."
"Please let Scarlett out, Ashmaker. We promise that we'll help protect you both." Xavier takes a step towards her, his hands out in front of him, as if he's trying to soothe a terrified animal that's been cornered, and I match his motions, as pain becomes etched on Ashmaker's face.
"You're both fools."