Chapter 29
After two weeks of enduring everyone’s jokes and being ignored by Chris, things started to get easier.
I was learning to navigate the new normal of being considered the bad guy and keeping a low profile around school.
Isabelle kept me company every day, eating lunch in my secret grassy spot, and Madame Holly let me switch periods so that I no longer had to be in the same French class as Chris.
Everything seemed to be going a little bit better until early the next morning, when my Mom woke us up to yelling from outside the front door.
Amy and I both shot out of bed and ran down the front stairs.
“Look what someone did!” Mom said, pointing to the front of the house. There, above the front door, were two dozen egg splatters eating away at the paint. “Who would do that?”
“I know who,” I said. “Griffin.”
“It could have been anyone. People egg houses all the time,” Amy shrugged, void of all emotion. “It’s freezing out here,” she said, then she went back inside.
“There’s no doubt in my mind that it was him,” I said.
My Mom pulled me in for a hug before we both went back inside, and I got back in bed for a little while longer.
My stomach was still in knots, and my heart was in a million pieces from being abandoned by Chris.
The hurt came flooding right back from when my Dad left, and I still couldn’t believe Chris asked me to trust him and told me he was different.
I knew better, and I was right. Everything we had was gone.
That’s when I remembered that I still had the flattened penny, so I rolled over, opened the marble box, and took it out.
It turned out I did still have something of his.
I wondered if he still had mine. I ran the tip of my finger over it and remembered the night we put them on the train tracks, then I put it back and shut the lid like a memory that I wanted to lock away forever.
When I finally got up for school, I realized that I was running later than usual, so I raced through my morning routine and jumped in my Jeep, almost forgetting my field hockey gear.
By the time I got down to the locker hall, the first thing I saw was Chris, wearing his green hoodie, as if to rub it in that we were done.
It made me lose my breath, but thankfully, Isabelle anticipated it and was waiting by my locker to catch my fall.
“Allie, hey, ignore it, okay? I think he did it on purpose to hurt you, but we are not looking at Chris; we are focusing on Allie. By the way, my mom wants to know when you are coming to the farm again?” she said, in an upbeat tone.
“Soon,” I replied, absentmindedly as I glanced down the hall at Chris walking away in the hoodie that I once wore. Isabelle snapped her fingers to draw my attention back to her.
“Hey, eyes here. Good. Lucky misses you,” she said with a smile. I mustered a smile back. Just then, I heard something, and Isabelle spun around. “What was that, Brandon?”
“I said SLUT,” he said again, looking at me, with a disgusted look on his face. Great. I thought I was past this. Suddenly, people were looking at me again, muttering it, too.
“What are you talking about, asshole?” she said, looking at Brandon. “Get lost.” Then he rolled his eyes and walked away, and she snapped her head back to me. “Ignore it, he’s a loser,” she said with a reassuring smile. “He’s just jealous that he’ll never get laid in his life.”
The chatter continued as I walked around the school, and I was really getting tired of everyone calling me a slut, tramp, and every other vulgar word. I went back to the front desk, asked to speak with the Headmaster, and was shown into his office. I sat down immediately and began talking.
“The school has done nothing to help me. Our house was egged last night, and we know it was done by Griffin, but we can’t prove it—” the Headmaster interrupted.
“—Ms. Wyatt, how can you accuse him of such a thing?” he asked.
“Who else would randomly egg our house?” I asked heatedly.
“And suddenly everyone in school is calling me a…sir, it’s a pretty awful word that I’m embarrassed to say in front of you.
” He looked at me, waiting for me to continue.
“A slut, sir,” and his eyes got big. “And don’t forget what was carved into the boys’ locker room stall. ”
“Good heavens! I see. Well, that is certainly inappropriate. Do you believe it is related to Griffin?”
“I don’t know.”
“I will address it at the assembly today. Thank you for bringing it to my attention,” he said. “The graffiti in the boys’ locker room has been removed. If there’s nothing else, then it’s time for next period, Ms. Wyatt,” he said, as he rose to his feet and walked to the door.
I went to my next period still upset about everyone’s accusations. Why weren’t they past tormenting me? When I passed Chris in the hall, I finally got the nerve to confront him, so I grabbed his arm to stop him, and he spun around.
“What?” he asked curtly.
“Really? Wow. Okay. Why is everyone calling me a slut?” I asked point-blank.
“I have no idea. I haven’t said anything. I don’t kiss and tell,” he said. “Anything else?”
“No, I guess not,” I said, and then he turned and walked away.
My heart shattered all over again at his dismissal of me.
So this was how it was going to be. He wasn’t even going to give me the time of day.
How could he pretend like he wasn’t head over heels for me just a few days ago?
I didn’t understand. But wait! He said he hadn’t told anyone, so then who wrote it in the bathroom?
At lunch time, I overheard the soccer team in the courtyard talking about how Chris was such a stud for having sex with me, and suddenly it made sense.
Maybe someone had seen him leave the locker room with me that day.
How come the guy was always praised and the girl was shamed?
It was such a double standard. I guess I had to endure the pain of being ridiculed while he was crowned a King.
The only people who hyped me up were my teammates, who seemed to have moved past what I had done to Griffin and thought I was pretty cool for having had sex with the hottest guy in school.
At least my team was supporting me again.
I was just relieved that it was finally the last day of school before Christmas break, and I could escape my tormentors.
It was all beginning to be too much to bear.
That evening, when I got home, I overheard my mother speaking sternly on the phone to someone. She mentioned something about calling the police right before she hung up as I shut the door.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“I called Griffin’s mother,” she said. “I told her that I know it was her son who egged our house and that I expected them to come clean it up.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me that there was no way it was him, and that unless I could prove it, I would need to take it up with the police. I don’t have proof, so I guess I’ll have to let it be.” Then she walked out of the room, clearly frustrated.
While I was doing my homework, I turned on Dave Matthews Band’s Stay or Leave, and the lyrics of the song caused the tears to flow.
Once again, I felt like my world was crashing down on me, and my sadness had become so severe that I was questioning my own existence.
I put on my shoes and decided to go for a walk to the place that always used to calm my nerves as a child.
It was something that I hadn’t done alone in years.
As I walked past the three-board wooden fence, I paused to look at my neighbor, James Barr’s light blue house.
All their lights were on. I had always admired their house in the winter.
I walked through the gate and down to the airstrip as the freezing cold air nipped at my lungs, and the frost on the ground caused the grass to crunch with each step I took.
By the time I got to the white pebble X, I didn’t even realize I had come so far.
When I turned around, the fog began to settle all around me.
Everything on the airstrip looked eerie but calm.
I knelt down onto the white X to grab a handful of the pebbles, and I welcomed the pain as they needled into my knees.
The pebbles were just as smooth as I remembered them from my childhood as they sifted through my fingertips back onto the ground.
I noticed the light on in the airplane hangar and wondered if maybe there was someone in there, but this time I didn’t dare go look.
I wasn’t in the mood to be caught and chased away again.
The last time I was down here was with Chris, and the memory was still too painful.
I felt my eyes well up with tears, thinking about the time that I shared this sacred childhood space with him.
Now more than ever, I was certain that this pebble X, once a happy talisman from my childhood, was forever a negative mark on my life.
I was now painfully aware that each time I came back, the list grew longer. Maybe this place was cursed after all.
X My sister won’t forgive me.
X My Mom isn’t proud of me.
X My Dad doesn’t love me and left.
X My boyfriend broke my heart.
As the last pebble fell to the ground, I rose to my feet, dusted off my knees, and made my way back towards home.
The fog was now dense, and I could see my breath against the darkness.
I should have worn another layer because the winter air was colder than I expected.
As I got closer to home, the break in the pine trees came into view, and I couldn’t help but check to see if there were any stray coins that others had left behind on the tracks.
I veered towards the opening, the stillness of the tracks in the night singing to me like a siren song.