CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
The waves lapped gently against the shore, soft, slow, indifferent.
Hypnotic, even.
They didn’t care what I’d done. They didn’t know.
I sat hunched in the sand, arms wrapped tight around my knees, watching the dock.
Just a few minutes away, the fire still crackled behind us.
The air was thick with smoke and salt, and every gust of wind carried the faint scent of burning wood and ash.
I could still see the orange glow rising above the wall that surrounded the gentlemen’s club.
I hoped it would contain the fire.
But I doubted it.
Everyone else had fled the premises, the guards, the guests, and the few girls who’d made it out. I wondered what would happen with them. If they’d take the chance and use it to escape.
Will was shouting something I couldn’t make out.
He stood by the edge of the dock, tugging at a rope tied around a mooring post, his voice sharp in the night air.
Beside him, Aran clambered into a small fishing boat and began checking the lines, his knuckles white as he pulled the sail loose and tested the rudder.
I pressed my fingers into the cool sand, needing something solid beneath me. The sea looked calm, beautiful, even. Moonlight traced silver across the water’s surface. But it didn’t match the way I felt. There was nothing calm in me, just the ringing in my ears and the tightness in my chest.
The hollow ache that wouldn’t let go.
Will untied the last rope, his hands quick but shaking, as Aran jumped back onto the dock. I watched their silhouettes move, thankful that they were there. I had no plan for that scenario. Where would we go when I’d burned the world down?
The water looked so peaceful. I wanted to walk into it, just keep walking until it was over my head, until it closed around me, cold and quiet and still.
Maybe it would cool the fire still burning in my veins.
No.
I knew the truth.
I would scorch the sea before it ever soothed me.
Licia sat beside me in silence, her knees drawn up, her eyes locked on the water. But she didn’t look peaceful either. Her eyes were glassy, her hands clenched.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
It was a stupid question. What did that even mean anymore?
Licia turned to me, and for a heartbeat her expression was so sharp I thought she might slap me.
“Are you okay?” she snapped back.
Her tone had that same bite that old Licia did. Maybe she was still there. Somewhere beneath all the trauma and hurt and pain.
But she wasn’t the same. Neither was I.
I was a monster.
How was I supposed to look at myself now? How was I supposed to pretend that it wasn’t what I was? What I had become.
And sitting there in the dark, I remembered it all.
The way he screamed. The way his skin melted. The way I didn’t look away.
And the worst part? A small part of me enjoyed it. I liked not being scared anymore. I liked being in control. And I liked killing that man.
I hated that I did.
The guilt of it hurt, but beneath it was fear.
Fear of what I might do next.
It’s not about what you’ve done, it’s about what you will do.
The fire inside me wasn’t gone. It wasn’t even sleeping.
It was waiting. Waiting for the next moment I’d lose control, for the next time I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
“Have you calmed down now?” Will’s voice cut through, sharp but not cruel. He crouched in front of me, his face streaked with soot, eyes tired. “Don’t burn the boat,” he said. “Please. Then we’re fucked.”
I blinked, trying to focus.
The boat. Our escape. The only way out.
He hesitated, unsure if he could touch me, I saw it in his hands, in his eyes, the softness there, careful but real.
“I’m here. Licia’s here. Aran’s here,” he said. “Everyone’s okay.”
“Not those girls,” I said. The words came out cracked and raw.
Will’s expression changed, there was sympathy there, but his voice stayed firm.
“The guards killed them, Kera. They locked that door. It wasn’t your fault.”
But it was.
I started the fire.
“Kera,” he said, softer. “We can’t change what happened. But you have to stay calm, or you’re gonna burn this boat too. And then we all die. Can you do that for me?”
My eyes stung. I looked at him, and it hurt. Because he was still there. Still trying. And I didn’t deserve it.
“Leave me,” I rasped. “Just… go. Take the boat. I’ll stay. I’m the one they’ll be hunting.”
Will’s eyes flashed as something broke in him.
“Are you out of your mind?” He grabbed my hands, both of them, and held on tight. “After everything we’ve been through… you think we’d leave you? You really think that little of us?”
His grip anchored me. Real. Steady.
“I’m not leaving,” he said. “If you stay, I stay.”
Licia’s voice joined his. “Me too.”
Aran walked up to me as well. “Yeah. Me too. Did you hit your head or something? You think we’d just fuck off without you?”
I looked at them, bruised, burned, bleeding, and they were still there. Still with me.
“…Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll stay calm.”
I didn’t know that I could keep that promise. Just me being there was putting them in harm’s way. And I could be the one to hurt them.
I wasn’t going to risk it.
I turned to Aran.
“Do you still have the moon drops?”
“Yeah. Why?” He frowned.
“They might help,” I said.
He hesitated, then pulled the bottle from his pocket. ”Yeah, I got you.”
The liquid inside glowed faintly, silver-lilac and soft, like starlight trapped in glass.
And I drank.
Not a sip.
I downed the whole bottle in a single breath.
“Kera—” Aran’s voice jumped. “Wait. No. No, what are you—”
It hit instantly.
A cold rush tore down my spine. My limbs went numb, heavy, distant. The world tilted, then dropped out from under me.
I tipped sideways, and Aran lunged, catching me just before I hit the sand.
“Kera? Kera—shit—no, no, no—KERA!”
Will dropped to his knees beside us, sand scattering. “What’s wrong?”
“She drank it,” Aran choked out. “She drank the whole bottle.”
Will’s head snapped up. “Is that bad?” He was already pressing his fingers to my neck, searching for a pulse.
“She was only supposed to take a sip,” Aran said, his voice breaking. “The old woman warned us—if you take more than that—”
“Then what?” Licia’s voice cut through, sharp and terrified.
Aran swallowed hard. “She might never wake.”
Will’s hands were shaking as he cupped my face. “No. No, no, no—please. Stay with me. Please.” His voice cracked as he shook me gently.
I couldn’t answer. The world was already slipping away.
It was the only way.
The only way to keep them safe. To stop myself from burning everything we had left. From hurting them.
“Take me somewhere safe,” I whispered, my voice fading with me.
And I let go.
The bottle slipped from my fingers.
The world spun sideways.
And I fell.