CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Falling didn’t feel like drowning.
It felt like flying.
Soaring through clouds and heavens that never seemed to end. There was no weight. No fear. No hate. No memories burning at the edges of my mind.
Just air. Air filling my lungs to the brim. And I could breathe.
I could finally breathe.
It was silent. Not the kind of silence that feels empty or cold, but the kind that feels serene. There were no screams of agony, no fire roaring overhead, and no smoke curling down my throat.
No pain.
There was nothing.
And then there was lavender. A lilac ocean, sweet and soft and endless, blooming in every direction as far as I could see. The wind brushed over the petals in slow waves, rippling like an ocean.
I wasn’t sure if I was dead or dreaming, but I had never felt more alive.
There was grass beneath my feet, and the sun poured over my skin, soft and golden.
I felt like I belonged. Like the grass beneath and the sky above were part of me.
As if I was made of sunlight and wind. And beneath it all, I felt the quiet heartbeat of the world.
“Kera!”
Licia’s voice broke through the stillness, raw and cracking. Then her body hit mine, arms wrapping tightly around me as she dragged us both into the grass. I just stared at her, dazed. If I was dead, or dreaming, how was she there?
Will dropped beside us, his hands moving over my arms, my face, like he needed to make sure I was real.
Was I?
“You’re awake,” he breathed, a broken kind of smile tugging at his mouth. “Don’t ever do that again.”
I looked up at him, his eyes were bloodshot. His face tight and pale. “You hear me?” he said, voice low and raw. “You don’t get to do that to us.”
“I had to,” I whispered. “I didn’t know how else to stop it. I couldn’t control it.”
A voice cut in from behind, sharp enough to make me flinch.
“You asshole!”
Aran.
He came toward us fast, anger rolling off him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? What were you thinking?” He scowled. “You collapsed. You stopped breathing. And we couldn’t wake you up. You scared the shit out of us, Kera. Do you even care?”
”I did it for you.” I said.
Aran’s voice cracked. “We thought you were dead, Kera. DEAD!”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, though the words barely came out.
Aran pointed at me, his hand shaking. “No. You don’t get to be sorry.” His voice wasn’t loud, but it cut straight through me. “You don’t get to do something that stupid and then look at us like we’re supposed to be fine with it. We watched your body go limp. You stopped breathing. You stopped—”
His voice cracked again. He turned away, shoving both hands through his hair like he didn’t know what else to do. Then he dropped into the grass beside me, hard, like his legs couldn’t hold him anymore.
“I can’t do that again,” he muttered. “I can’t lose anyone else.”
Before I could find the words, Kalani threw herself into the group, arms wrapping around all of us in a clumsy hug.
And just like that, we were a pile. Me, Licia, Will, Aran, Kalani. Arms tangled. Faces pressed against shoulders. Hands clutching whatever they could reach. We nearly tipped over.
“Move over.” Aran groaned. “I can’t breathe.”
Licia started laughing, that wild kind of laughter that only comes after you’ve cried too hard for too long.
Then we did fall over.
Someone leaned the wrong way. Kalani yelped. Will cursed. I landed half on top of Licia, and Aran’s knee ended up somewhere in Will’s back.
It was awful. And it was perfect.
Will rolled up, grabbed my face with both hands, and kissed me, my forehead, my cheeks, my lips, like he was still trying to convince himself I was real.
”I’m okay.” I said, trying to sound convincing.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” Will breathed.
Aran groaned from the bottom of the heap. “Wait—wait—let me get out of here before you two start slobbering on each other.”
Licia laughed again and leaned in to kiss my cheek, just to provoke him.
I looked at all of them. We were all there. And suddenly, I realized I had no idea where we were. Or how Kalani got there. How much time had passed? I didn’t know how long I’d been out. Hours? Days?
“Where are we?” I asked.
“Come on,” Kalani said. “My family’s been wanting to meet my savior.”
───── ????? ─────
Meeting Kalani’s family was strange. Everything still felt like a dream I hadn’t quite woken from.
They owned a vineyard in the eastern part of Alevé, where most farms were surrounded by lavender fields.
She’d been gone almost three years, and still her family had never stopped searching for her.
But after she disappeared while visiting relatives in the capital, the trail had gone cold quickly.
Kalani told them parts of her story—the cleaner parts.
Mostly, they just wanted to hear about her rescue, and thank me by kissing my cheeks and calling me brave.
Their words made something in my chest ache.
I wasn’t used to that, gratitude without expectation.
It made me feel warm and unsteady, like I didn’t know where to put my hands or how to stand.
And their home was lovely too, all soft colors and sunlit corners.
The food was rich and sweet, and they even prepared warm beds for all of us.
Real ones. Not mats on the floor. Not cold dirt or straw. Real beds with clean sheets.
They told us we could stay as long as we needed. And for a moment, I let myself imagine it. A life there. And the baker in me—the part I thought I’d lost—stirred again. I caught myself dreaming of citrus cakes and sticky glazes. Of orange tarts and grape pies.
Maybe I could’ve opened a bakery someday.
Maybe.
But by the time the day ended, it had all become too much for me. So I slipped out the back door, past the kitchen, down the creaking porch steps.
Everywhere I looked, I was surrounded by beauty.
Rows and rows of grapevines stretched across the hills, neat and endless, their twisting trunks rising just high enough to look like tiny trees.
Lavender spilled along the edges of the fields, and warm sunlight draped over everything like it had nowhere better to be.
It didn’t feel real.
I didn’t hear the door open behind me, only the soft scuff of footsteps. Then Licia’s shoulder brushed mine, her eyes fixed on the horizon, the fading sunlight warm across her face.
“Are you sure this is real?” I asked.
She looked over, her brows drawn as she studied my face.
“You’re not?”
“It’s too beautiful to be,” I said.
She didn’t argue, just looked down, her gaze falling to the space between our feet. The wind tugged gently at her dress, at the loose strands of her hair. When she looked up, her eyes had glossed over.
“It was reckless,” she said. “What you did.”
I’d never hear the end of that.
“I didn’t have a choice,” I said, shame rising to my cheeks.
“You could’ve died.”
I turned my face away. “At least then you’d be safe.”
But Licia reached for my hand, her fingers closing tight around mine.
“No.” she said. “I’m safe because of you.” She took a breath. “And so is Kalani. And Aran. And Will. We’d all be dead without you, Kera. You saved me. I thought... I thought I’d rot in that place. That I’d never feel the grass beneath my feet again. But you... You got me out.”
Tears blurred my vision, and I shook my head, barely able to speak.
“At least I could save someone,” I rasped. “At least I finally got it right. Because I couldn’t... I couldn’t save myself. I couldn’t save my family. I couldn’t save Novil.”
Licia’s gaze softened. “I know. I saw it.”
I choked on my breath. “You’ve seen the sacking?”
She nodded.
“Then why—” My voice broke apart. “Why did I survive if I couldn’t save them? Why couldn’t I save them?”
“Novil was never yours to save.”
She didn’t look away, just held my gaze.
“If you had stayed,” she said. “You wouldn’t be here. And I wouldn’t be. And I couldn’t tell you what I’ve seen.”
She paused.
“You want answers. You want to know what you are, right?” Her voice dropped lower. “You want to understand. And to do that… you need to remember. You need to remember what really happened that day. The day I found you.”
I stared at her. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You can,” she said. “You weren’t meant to save Novil,” she continued. “But you’re destined to stop the Eredians. That’s why you survived. You made a vow, didn’t you? To avenge your family.”
I shook my head hard, the words spinning through me. She’d seen it. All of it. Me crawling out of the burning house. Me sobbing beside my parents’ bodies. Me praying, to the gods, or anyone who might be listening.
“How do you—No. I can’t. I could barely fight three men. How could I—”
“It’s going to burn without you,” Licia cut in. Her voice was trembling now. “They’ll take and burn until there’s nothing left but ash. And they won’t stop there. You think those Vultures will stay in Vestance? You think Alevé will be spared?”
Her grip tightened around my hands.
“Nowhere will be safe. Not unless someone stops them. And we can’t afford to play fair anymore.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“The gods chose you for a reason,” she said.
I stared at her, my heart thundering in my chest.
What was she talking about? Chose me for what?
“The gods?” My voice rose. “You mean the ones who’ve been trying to kill me? The ones who killed an innocent woman because she wouldn’t? Did you see that too?”
I paused. The memory hurt more than I expected.
“They should make up their minds. And they’ll have to choose someone else—because I’m not going back. I’m never going back.”
Licia didn’t argue.
Instead, she let go of my hands.
The moon had risen, casting silver across everything it touched. Licia stepped to the railing, lifted her face to the sky like she was listening to something only she could hear.
Then she turned.
Her eyes found mine through the dusk, and she smiled. She smiled like she understood something I didn’t, like she’d always known.
“You weren’t just chosen by the gods, Kera,” she said. “You’re one of them.”