Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
He couldn’t force it. Couldn’t force being forgiven, and one of the first things that she had said to him after the Highest had given him to her was that she didn’t care if he rotted in his own pain.
And he was doing just that. He couldn’t reach Eleni, couldn’t find the words to speak to Boreus about what he’d done, and Autumn wouldn’t listen until he managed to find a way to get the other two to forgive him.
And they wouldn’t forgive him until she did.
He was caught in a loop that had no end, and couldn’t see the way out.
There had to be a way; she was still bringing him food, still seeing that his needs were taken care of.
She still came to him, and that made him wonder if she was really as closed off to him as she seemed.
If he could find an opening, a crack where she could see him as someone who had done wrong, rather than the reason that the people she loved were in pain, Autumn might be able to offer him a chance to try.
She already had; he wanted to put his head through a wall. She had told him he could help them raise their home from the Mountain. As much as he knew he would not be welcome there, at least at first, he still would do what he could to help them.
Maybe the work he put in would help. Maybe if he showed he was in earnest, then she would unbend enough to allow him to begin to know her the way he should have from the first.
Auster was not a helpless puppy; he was not a fainting mortal; he was the God of the East Wind, and there had to be a way to make this right.
Even if he couldn’t see it right now.
He waited until the sun started to rise and left the villa to walk up the slope. He made the tiny rise where they would build their home, only to find Boreus there with his glaive held firmly in one hand.
“Will you kill me?” Auster asked, fighting the urge to kneel to him. Boreus would not appreciate that; he would see it as Auster mocking him.
“You are under Autumn’s protection,” Boreus replied tightly, hand clenching around the haft of the glaive. “I cannot kill you, not without facing consequences from the Highest.”
“But you want to?” Auster asked.
“I want to hurt you.” Boreus nodded. “I don’t want you to die; I want you to live with the consequences of your actions.”
“I cannot draw the Prism Blade,” Auster said, trying to figure out what he could say here. “I will guard, work to help you raise your home, but I am nigh defenseless here.”
“Try,” Boreus said, still holding the glaive.
Auster nodded, holding out a hand and calling the blade he’d wielded for eons. It came to him, but it was cracked. Riddled with fissures and as dull as anything. The light it cast was gray, rather than being bright rainbows. It was a shadow of itself, and Auster held it up to Boreus.
“This is what the Song left me with.” He said slowly. “I do not know when I will be permitted the blade in totality again, but until then, I am defenseless.”
“Yet you say you will guard?” Boreus narrowed his eyes at Auster. “How will you guard Autumn with that?”
“I still have myself,” Auster replied. “I still have my life, and if it is required, I will offer it to keep her safe.”
Boreus nodded, “She will be here soon; she was called before the Highest to update them on you. For the moment, we will mark the earth for the boundaries of our home.”
“Alright,” there was nothing else he could say.
Boreus handed him a long stick with a point on the end and took one of his own. “We have the plans there.” He pointed to a large square of paper pinned under stones on a flat rock. “Go and see, and I will begin.”
Auster nodded, going to look at the paper. The diagram was clear, but it looked as though some lines had recently been erased. Lines that would have delineated another bedroom, and Auster felt the pain hit his gut.
That would have been his place in their lives. They had made plans for him to share their home, but it was gone now, all because he couldn’t see what was directly in front of his face.
In the time it took him to swallow that pain, Autumn had walked up the rise and was heading for Boreus without a single glance in his direction. That hurt too, but not as much as those erased lines.
“Good morning, love.” Boreus kissed her gently, holding her for a moment. “How were the Highest this morning?”
“Intellect sends you his greetings, and Love may come and visit us later. They are all interested in what we do to raise our home.” Autumn smiled at Boreus before turning to Auster and nodding. “Are you ready to begin?”
“I am ready.” He bowed, resisting the urge to go to his knees and plead for a path back to her good graces. She wouldn’t tell him, only that the others needed to forgive him before she would.
Autumn just nodded and turned her back to him, picking up another metal-tipped stick and walking to the plans. “I’ll start on the foundation.”
“Then I will begin on the exterior walls.” Boreus looked at Auster. “We have a garden outlined. You will begin there.”
“Alright,” Auster walked away to the marker that delineated the garden and started drawing the lines that would connect the markers. It was not difficult work, but it was tedious, and Auster was the Spring Wind.
He made himself focus. Pulling up the grass so that he could mark the soil beneath was the most time-consuming part. And more often than not, it meant that he had bugs trying to climb his pant legs.
It was midafternoon before he completed the outline for the garden. It shouldn’t have taken him so long, but he kept having to shake insects out of his pants, and then he would get distracted by the way the other two were acting.
This was their home; it made sense that they should be excited. Auster was just sad; those erased lines were going to haunt him for a while. But there was nothing he could do, except what he was already doing.