Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Boreus was trying to focus on Autumn, on her body posture and her face; those would be the clearest indications of how she was feeling, and once he knew that, he could step in if she started to come apart.
She'd started to in the night, waking him from a sound sleep in tears that she'd tried to silence. She'd explained where she'd been, and that it was Eleni mourning with Autumn's body.
Boreus had told her to tell the Highest, but the fact that none of them had accompanied her back here meant that either they didn't see an issue, or she hadn't told them.
But she'd lost three of the binding threads he'd sewn her together with, and the idea that they had separated enough for Eleni to be mourning separately from Autumn was concerning at the very least.
Autumn finished outlining the foundation of what would be their home and straightened with a tiny sound of pain while she stretched her back out.
"Did you tell them, Autumn?" Boreus set his marking stick to one side and came to take her hands. "The Highest, did you tell them what happened last night?"
She nodded, but the motion was hesitant. "I think that's why Love is coming to see us. I think he wants to see us together so he can be sure I'm not about to fall apart."
Boreus smiled at her. "I think we ought to have some lunch."
"I brought us something from the Bastion." Autumn pointed to a very familiar basket before she looked over at Auster and her posture changed. More guarded, but still not angry, if anything, Boreus could say she was being careful to be as emotionless as possible.
"Come and eat, East Wind,” she motioned to him.
"Alright," he stopped, laying the marking stick down and walking over. "Thank you."
Autumn just nodded and sat down, passing them sandwiches and fruit soundlessly. Boreus didn't know how to speak now, wasn't certain what to say that would convey how much he knew she was struggling with the other half of her soul.
"Love?"
"I'll be fine, Boreus,” she said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. But her voice held too many shades for him to be convinced. "I just?—"
"I know," he said, flicking his eyes towards Auster.
Before he could say anything else, Love stepped out of a sudden opening in the air and down into the grass. Autumn started, so badly she nearly lost her sandwich to Solace, who had been sniffing at it from his place lying at her feet.
She just giggled and stroked his head. "Would you like some ham?"
Solace wagged his feathered tail, trilling happily as Autumn tore a piece of ham out of her sandwich and offered it to the fox. He sniffed at it for a moment before taking it with gentle teeth.
"A very polite being," Love said with a smile at Solace. "Well, Autumn?"
"I will be fine, Highest." She replied, bowing her head. "As long as I bleed off the mourning when it gets heavy, I should be able to manage the rupture."
"The entire idea is to prevent it, Autumn." Love narrowed his eyes. "Not to manage it."
"I think—" Autumn looked down at Solace. "I think I should let her mourn." She finished quietly. "She will not find peace until she can bleed off what she feels."
"So you will act as support?" Love asked, tilting his head at her.
"As much as I can," Autumn said quietly. "I will take care of us both, for as long as I need to."
"You will take care of her; I will take care of you." Boreus reached for her hand. "We take care of each other, alright?"
"Alright," but she didn't look at him, looking down at Solace with sadness in her eyes. "I know you worry, but I promise I will be fine."
“Would you tell me if you weren’t?” Boreus reached for her cheek, turning her to look at him. “Autumn, if you weren’t going to be fine, would you tell me, or would you keep it to yourself so I wouldn’t worry for you?”
She blanched and said nothing, Boreus just nodded and turned back to Love. “Is she alright, or is she trying to protect me?”
Love reached for Autumn, who tried to back away. Boreus just wrapped her in his arms and held her as Love’s hand came down on her head.
Love frowned, looking down at Autumn who just looked resigned. “You know, that is a terrible thing to hide from the people that love you.”
“There’s nothing they can do.” Autumn said faintly. “The threads aren’t strong enough with just Boreus and there is no-one else I can ask. No one that I would trust like that.”
Boreus heard Auster make a noise. It was strangled, filled with sorrow and regret, and he watched as Love let his hand fall and turned to Auster.
“This is what you cost yourself.” Love said, almost cold.
“I know,” Auster looked down at the ground. “I wish I could take it back, but I cannot. I will have to walk through what I did until I can be trusted again. If that ever comes.”
“It will have to,” Love looked back at Autumn. “Sooner rather than later. I will not have this, and if I must go to Light, I will.”
“I cannot,” Autumn shook her head. “To add him now would unbalance Eleni even further. I have to protect them, Highest, even at the cost of myself.”
Love sighed, raising a hand and making a gesture in the air like he was plucking a string. For the barest instant, there was the suggestion something golden and beautiful in the air before it was gone and a window snapped open in the air to reveal Light.
She sighed, stepping down into the grass, accepting Love’s offered hand to steady herself and looked down at Autumn with something that verged on frustration. But there was sorrow there too, and understanding.
“Come and walk with me, Autumn.” Light stopped in front of her. “We must discuss this.”
“Yes, my Highest.” Autumn rose, bowing to Light before looking back at Boreus. “I love you.”
“I’m not going to kill you, you goose.” Light shook her head. “We are going to discuss the way you plan to move forward.”
“There is no forward,” Autumn said quietly. “His future is not in my hands.”