Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Autumn knew what Light was going to say, even before they were out of sight of the others, and she turned to Autumn with sorrow and understanding in her bright eyes.
“I know,” Autumn whispered. “I know what I need to do, but how do you forgive someone who nearly destroyed everything that mattered to you?”
“Slowly,” Light said, laying a soft hand on Autumn’s head. “You go slowly, talk in the dark and in the light, walk together and try to see the good in him. It’s there, I swear it to you, it might just take some effort to find.”
“Eleni,” Autumn stopped, to hold the feelings down. “She knows that, but he never saw me as anything more than a parasite, something to be destroyed, and I don’t know how to get around that. If they forgive him, I will try to see a way, but I have to defend them first.”
“I understand that,” Light smiled. “I do not make this an injunction, Autumn. I only say that you should try.”
“I—” she slumped beneath the Highest’s hand. “I will try to do as you say.”
“It mended my love four times over.” Light looked back the way they’d come. “I have faith in you, Autumn. Your heart already loves them, just let it speak for you.”
Autumn sighed, but looked up at Light and nodded.
Trying to find the determination to walk forward into caring about Auster.
Trying to find the courage to go to someone that she knew had never seen her.
She had to; there was no other way that she knew to hold her and Eleni together, but void. She didn’t want this.
“He tried to kill me,” she whispered. “He called me a parasite, but there is no other way to help Eleni, so I will do as you say.”
“You know yourself,” Light said, making Autumn look up at her. “You are the Season of Change, and he is the spring wind. You are opposites, but perhaps not so different.”
“He would be happier with one of my mother’s golden children.” Autumn said. “He will never be happy with the death that I am.”
“That is not what is stopping you.” Light said with a nod. “Fear stops you, fear of not being seen.”
“I am used to not being seen.” Autumn protested. “The East Wind saw, but he didn’t see me; he saw a block, something that deserved death. I do not say I am the most deserving, but surely that is not all I am worth?”
“It is not,” Light told her, resting that soft hand on her head again. “You know that, Boreus knows that. Child, you are Compassion; you have this in you.”
Autumn just nodded, out of words to convey how frightened she was that she was going to fail Eleni. She still couldn’t guarantee that she would be able to block the backlash from Eleni if the rupture happened. If it hit Eleni, she would die, and Autumn couldn’t allow that.
So she would find a way to walk with the East Wind. Perhaps now that he’d nearly killed her, he would find it in him to actually see her as her and not as something that needed to die to bring the past back.
Light nodded, relief in her eyes. “Come, we will return to them, and you can begin.”
Autumn walked back to the others, watched Light take Love by the hand, and they vanished back through the air to the Summit. Leaving Autumn to try to think of a way through.
She sighed; she was really making a habit of that now; it wasn’t that bad; she just had to keep her head up and look forward.
Void, she didn’t want this. Didn’t want to put herself in the company of someone that didn’t see her. She’d done that enough in her life, but this was what was demanded of her, so this was what she would do.
Autumn squared her shoulders and looked up at Auster.
“I cannot guarantee that I would be the one injured if Eleni and I rupture, so to prevent it, to hold her safe, I will do as I was ordered.” She closed her eyes briefly.
“I know you only do this for Eleni, but so do I, so we have that in common. I will not ask that you see me, I will not ask you to care, I only as that you help me guard her.”
“I do,” he dropped to his knees. “I do see you. I see you and I cannot regret what I have done enough to make you see it. I can only try to find a place where I can stand until you allow me to move forward again.”
She flicked a look at Boreus and then looked back at Auster. “If we are to walk together, you should be on your feet. We will safeguard Eleni, and then you may go where you wish.”
“And if I wish to stay at your side?” He looked so sincere, but all he wanted was Eleni.
“I cannot give her back to you, East Wind.” Autumn said, forcing her voice to be steady. “All I will ever be to you is a parasite, so it is best that we work to safeguard her, and then I will find you someone to lift your name as we save Skirion.”
“Autumn—” he sighed. “Let me stay, let me try to know you the way you should be known. The way I should have from the beginning.”
“Stay until Eleni is safe.” Autumn looked away from him, trying to hide the emotions in her eyes. “Until we save Skirion. After that, you may decide where you wish to go.”
“Will you let me try?” He asked, and Autumn shut her eyes, trying to stay steady as Eleni sobbed in her chest, as she mourned, and another thread tore loose from the braid.
“Stay until we have completed our duties.” She said in a shaking voice. “I can promise no more than that.”
“I will try anyway.” He said, bowing to her before rising to his feet. “I see you, Autumn, and I will try to prove to you that I have seen you always.”