Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Autumn looked at him, eyes watery and sad. He crossed the intervening space and pulled her into his arms. "You need to do nothing," he murmured in her ear. "Nothing that you are not ready for."
"I have to safeguard Eleni,” she whispered back. "I'm still not certain that it would be me damaged if we rupture."
"We can go slowly," he swayed with her. "Don't rush, love, don't be afraid. I will be with you. I will protect you." He looked down at her. "I am yours and you are mine until the Mountain crumbles to the sea."
She nodded against his chest, taking deep breaths until the fear in her shoulders faded. There was determination there, and he would do as much as he could to help, even if he was put out at Light for forcing her into this before he had even begun to earn her forgiveness.
Auster was still standing apart, watching them sway in the dimming light with a deep sorrow and something that approached need in his eyes. Auster had been the one among them that had needed affection the most, needed an anchor, and Boreus and Eleni had been that for him.
Now the East Wind was anchorless, and Boreus knew how that frightened Auster. He had no one to hold him steady, and that was possibly the worst punishment that any of them could have come up with.
Eventually she backed away, and Boreus let his arms fall. She turned to look at Auster, still with that determination in the set of her shoulders. "Supper?"
Auster looked terribly startled, but he recovered quickly and nodded. "I would like that.
"Lead on, then." Autumn reached back and took Boreus' hand.
Boreus and Autumn followed Auster back to the villa, Boreus achingly aware of Autumn's every move. He could feel that she was still afraid, and really, who wouldn't be?
Hitting Auster wasn't going to help. The only thing he could do was be there for Autumn, and that was no hardship at all.
They dined that night; the food made by Auster and even Boreus had to admit that the other god had improved in the kitchen.
"Thank you, East Wind." Autumn said, the tiniest shaking smile on her lips. "That was very good."
Auster looked gobsmacked, and Boreus could relate. He'd felt the same the first time he'd seen that fragile expression aimed at him. It made Boreus smile, but he tried to hide it from them. They were at a very delicate stage, and he wasn’t going to interrupt.
He didn’t forgive Auster, but he missed his partner.
The speed at which he was swinging between wanting to hurt Auster and wanting to hug him was dizzying and just a little nauseating. He wanted his partner back, but he wasn’t willing to jeopardize Autumn’s safety or her happiness.
It was so rare for her to just be happy. Especially now that the braid she shared with Eleni was torn and she was handling her own sorrow and Eleni’s mourning on top of it.
Boreus sat and watched, ready to step in if Autumn looked distressed. And she did, but there was something else there too, and he wasn’t certain what it was.
They stayed a little longer, helping Auster set the dishes aside to be cleaned, before they said good night and left to go back to the Bastion. Autumn didn’t say anything and Boreus could feel the struggle in her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.
She shook her head. “It just needs to happen. I don’t have to want it, and I don’t have to like it. I have to be able to save Eleni if the worst happens and I can’t do that with as weak as I am now.”
“Is that what Light told you?” He reached for her hand. “I can’t see that.”
“It’s not an injunction,” she said quietly. “But neither was her having me take him into my retinue. They were both simply expected of me. I am not myself; I am a tool, and that is something I have to get used to.”
“Autumn, you—” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s something that we aren’t seeing, that’s all. They don’t want you to be hurt. If you break, the Song?—”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” She said, quietly broken. “I only exist to them for what I can do, just like I only exist to Auster to be a vehicle for Eleni. Someday, I won’t care, but until then I simply have to continue to walk forward.”
“Or you could sit with me.” Boreus reached for her, lifting her from her feet and cradling her to his chest. “We can sit and we can figure out how to move together, because you still want to sacrifice yourself for Eleni and I refuse that solution.”
“You—”
“I would not be happy without you, Autumn.” Boreus said firmly, kissing the side of her head. “I love you, for you, not for any other reason.”
She let out a sour laugh, and he could feel how hard she was trying not to cry.
He just held her closer to his heart. “We will walk together, love. Both of us, and if someday, we decide that Auster has done enough that we can forgive him, then he will walk with us too.”
She laughed again, but there was no joy in it. Just those tightly restrained tears. “I should just go to sleep.” She said flatly. “It has been a very long day.”
He took her back to the Bastion, put her to bed and sat with her until she slept, watching as the twitches evened out, watched the slow tears that slipped from her eyes as she lost the iron grip she had on her emotions.
He waited until it all stopped, until she was asleep in truth before he left the Bastion and went back to the villa. He had half hoped that Auster would be asleep, and that he wouldn’t have to have this conversation. But Auster was sitting on the sofa in the living room, with his head in his hands.
He looked up when Boreus walked in, hope in his eyes that died down into flat worry when he saw who’d just walked in.
“Boreus,” Auster rose from the sofa. “What can I do for you.”
Boreus sighed. “Nothing,” he said with the same flat tone. “Light has given Autumn a responsibility to you, one I do not agree with. It is harming her stability, but she will not let it go.”
“What do I do?” Auster spread his hands. “There is a crack in her defenses, but it’s too small for me to make use of and I do not wish her the pain it will take to crack her further.”
“You should not wish her pain at all.” Boreus narrowed his eyes at Auster. “What do you see when you look at her?”
Auster stopped, and Boreus could see the wheels turn in his head. “I do not wish your platitudes, Auster. Tell me the truth, and you know I will know if you lie.”
Auster sighed, almost a tearing sound, before he sat back down and put his head in his hands.
“I didn’t want to remember.” He said quietly, words muffled in his palms. “All the times her eyes would change, all the times it would be Autumn that I saw, but denying it does me no good any longer. It was Autumn I saw, Autumn that sang to us. I don’t know how to know her the way she deserves to be known. ”
“Let me tell you a story,” Boreus sat down on the chair at the other side of the room. “Perhaps it will help you.”