Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
He shouldn't have done that. Auster should not have listened; it was a breach of their privacy and their trust, as fragile as it was, shouldn't have been something that he tested for his own needs.
Auster collapsed against the door, pushing it shut with his back and trying to breathe against the sounds in his mind. Autumn crying Boreus's name as she came apart, calling for him in passion and love.
He wanted that desperately. He'd nearly come apart earlier when she'd held his hand. Tears or pleasure, he hadn't truly been able to tell.
Auster had always craved the physical expression of care. He also really enjoyed intimacy, though Eleni had never been comfortable with it.
But Autumn was, not that she would want that from him, at least not yet. For now, it would be Boreus that she gave her body to, but maybe he could earn that pleasure someday.
For now, he would have to manage his urges on his own. Auster needed to be calm and clear-headed when they came to speak to him, and he was neither of those things right now.
He slid to the floor, undoing his pants and letting himself free. Void, he was so hard, he ached with every breath, with every beat of his heart. Aching for her attention.
He wrapped his hand around himself, hissing at the feeling.
Leaning his head back against the door and closing his eyes, letting his mind wander to what she would look like, wanton, eyes clouded with the pleasure of his touch.
Pleading with him for more. He would give her what she wanted, but he would make her beg for it.
Auster groaned, fisting his cock harder. Dreaming of her, how she would taste on his tongue, how she would feel around him as she flew, as she cried his name.
“Autumn,” he groaned her name as he spilled all over his hand, dripping off his knuckles and onto the floor. He was almost dizzy with it, with his fantasy and his release.
It was nothing like the real thing, but it would do for now.
Auster sighed, standing up and heading for bed. He would sleep, and hopefully, when he woke up, he would have something approaching a plan.
* * *
He didn't, not even when he woke up. Auster had no idea how he was going to approach them. He was just going to be honest. While it was a lie that it was always the best policy, in this case, it was.
Autumn would know if he lied, and her trust in him, whatever fragile shadow he'd built the night before, would be shattered.
It was about suppertime, and maybe they would still be asleep; maybe he would have time to make them supper before they woke.
But he wasn't so lucky; he wasn't able to finish supper before they walked out of the room they'd shared. He was in the middle of stirring the last of the herbs into the soup when Autumn stopped at his side and sniffed the steam appreciatively.
"That smells very nice," she said quietly. "It woke me up."
"It's nearly ready," he said with a smile. "Do you want to get me the bowls from the alcove? I noticed this morning that you prefer lighter food, so I hope this is alright."
She looked startled, and he gave her a sad smile. "I told you, I see you, Autumn."
She just nodded and flitted off, bringing him the bowls and setting them down at his elbow before stepping back.
Auster filled each bowl with the steaming vegetable soup and offered two of them to Autumn. "Will you help me carry them?"
She nodded, coming forward to take the bowls from him. Her fingers brushed his, and Auster hid the shudder the touch sent up his spine with everything he was. He wasn't sure if she'd done it on purpose, and he didn't want to frighten her.
Autumn didn't seem to notice; she just smiled and took the soup to the table. Setting them down and smiling at Boreus.
"Supper time?" she asked him. "I think we should talk."
"I think so, too." Auster said from behind them. "I don't know what to say, so I will just be honest."
"That is all I ask, East Wind." Autumn said, looking up at him seriously. "If we are to walk together, I need to know that you will always tell me the truth, even when it might hurt."
"I didn't want to see you." He said, wincing. "I wanted to go back to the time before I was a heartless idiot, before I left Eleni. I wanted to save her, because then she might forgive me for leaving."
"She forgave you a long time ago." Autumn said, giving him a sad smile. "She only wanted to know why you left."
"Because I was a fool." Auster said flatly. “I loved her, I still love her, but I didn’t know how to help and it was simpler to leave her to her own pain and mourning. I swore I would go back, swore I would find a way to help, but before I could, she was gone.”
“So you went to Charan,” Autumn said, nodding. “Thank you for your honesty, East Wind.”
“And now I’m here,” Auster said, looking down into his soup. “I’m here and I see you.”
“Even though you would rather have Eleni.” Autumn said, but she just sounded resigned to it, not sad, or angry, just like she knew that this was how it was supposed to be.
And that hurt. “I want to get to know you.” He said, reaching for her hand. “I want to try, Autumn, don’t reject me, please?”
She let out a tiny broken sigh, but there was a world of feeling in it. The sound hit him, forcing him to see the cracks she lived with. Boreus had told him everything, and he couldn’t figure out what he could give her so the cracks would heal.
Auster shut his eyes, calling all of the things Boreus had told him to the front of his brain. How she felt she was lesser, but not just to Eleni. How she had been forced to be lesser by the Mother of Seasons, her own mother had forced her child smaller but to what end?
She was poking at her soup when he opened his eyes again. Not eating, just stirring and watching the potato pieces float around like boats in the broth.
He wasn’t helpless, Auster looked at Boreus, who just flicked his eyes down at Autumn and shrugged. He was leaving it entirely in Auster’s hands. Which was as it should be, Auster had made a hash of it, and it was only right that he repair it.
Auster rose from the table and walked around to Autumn’s side, taking the spoon from her hand and pulling her from the chair and into his chest. “Dance with me, Autumn.”
She tried to push away from him, but he didn’t let go, swaying with her there in the dining room of the villa. he didn’t know what to say, but he could dance, like they had before, and maybe then he could come up with words that would work.