34. Isaac
34
ISAAC
J ackhammers pounded inside my ears. I wasn’t sure if it was from the absurdly loud music or the hangover I was staving off with more alcohol. Hair of the dog, baby.
I sank back deeper into the vinyl couch and spread my legs wide. Cynthia— or was it Cinnamon— shook her artificially enhanced tits in my face.
She lowered herself onto her knees and straddled my hips. “Tell me what you like, Mr. Lawson,” she soothed as she rolled her toned abs up my body until those plastic tits were just the right height for me to bury my face in them. “If you want,” she said as she glanced at the security cameras in the room before leaning closer. Her lips grazed my earlobe. “We can take this somewhere a little more private.”
Her acrylic nails scraped at the back of my neck. I’d have to bathe in antiseptic when I finally stumbled home.
The poor thing was trying. She was sexy, but it wasn’t her fault that I had a limp dick.
I hadn’t been sober since I left London. There was no reason to be. I’d been club-hopping since we landed at Teterboro. I was thankful that Alice didn’t ask questions. She just picked me up and dropped me off when I told her to.
That’s all my life was. People did what I paid them to do. That’s how things worked in my world. When the money went away, people stopped pretending to care.
Everything was a deal.
“You’re even better looking in person.” She smiled.
Eh, might as well get my money’s worth. The fees this club charged for privacy and discretion bordered on extortion. Then again, those fees allowed me to do a lot more than spectate. I slid my hand up her waist and squeezed her breast.
She trailed her hands down the front of my suit. I’d throw it away when I left. Dry cleaning wouldn’t get her cheap perfume and body glitter out of the fibers.
The stripper, whose name I couldn’t remember, tipped her head back and pretended to be into it. I could tell she was faking it, but I had to give her credit for not half-assing it. She probably fooled every other client who paid for a VIP dance.
Too bad for her—I wasn’t every other client. I read people like books. It’s what made me unbeatable in negotiations.
It’s also how I knew I crushed Hannah Jane.
I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t trying to be cruel.
Cruelty would have been leading her on.
Cruelty would have been ignoring my limits.
Hannah Jane changed me. I could admit at least that. Love was real. I knew that now. I loved her as much as I could. But, at the end of the day, love just wasn’t enough.
The stripper who had a name that started with “C” giggled and rocked her pussy against my nonexistent erection. “I didn’t peg you as one of the shy ones, Mr. Lawson. Just relax. I’ll show you a good time.”
I looked over at the glass of mediocre whiskey on the table next to me. “I’m a little jet lagged, baby. ”
There was a reason I never called Hannah baby after we got together. That’s what I called women who I paid to entertain me.
“Why didn’t you say so?” She settled on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You seem like you just need someone to talk to,” she said as she twirled a strand of my hair around her finger. “What’s on your mind, handsome?”
There was a commotion outside the door to the VIP room that caught my attention.
Celena— I think it was Celena— trailed her fingers down my jaw. “Security will take care of whatever it is.” She took my hand and slid it up her thigh to rest on her ass. “Why don’t we get to know each other while you finish your drink?” she suggested, handing me the glass. I tossed it back and swallowed it down. She traced her fingertip along the lines on my neck. “I love a man in a suit.”
My head spun.
“Tell me,” she said, fishing for something to latch on for conversation while we ran out the clock. “Tits or ass?”
I chuckled darkly. “Why choose when you can have both?” I winked. “You do.”
The scuffle outside grew louder, but my head was swimming with alcohol. Cindy was trying her best to ride a hard-on that wasn’t there. I’d tip her well for that. I appreciated people who worked hard.
The door flew open. Cathy was startled. But when she saw three more men come in, dollar signs popped up in her eyes.
“Gentleman,” she smiled, tossing her fake extensions over her shoulder. “We were just finishing up in here, but I can rally up a few more ladies if you’re looking for a good time.”
Steve, arms crossed, wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Smells like stale farts and bad nachos in here.”
I couldn’t tell if he was homicidal or just pissed off behind the beard .
Chase shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I don’t mind it.”
Steve smacked him upside the head.
“Mr. Lawson will be leaving now,” Luca snapped.
Wait. What? No, I wasn’t.
“Is he paid up?” Luca asked, sounding somewhat annoyed.
Cecilia reluctantly slid off my lap. “Everything is pay before you play.” She eyed Luca. “Anything I can do for you, handsome?”
He flashed his wedding band. What a chump.
Luca glared at me and jerked his head toward the naked lady in the middle of the room. “Tip the lady. Well. ”
Steve raised an eyebrow. “You for real, DeRossi?”
Luca leveled a look at Steve. “That’s how this works. This is her job. Haven’t you been to a strip club before?”
He shrugged and shook his head.
I pulled out a wad of Benjamins and dropped them on the table beside my empty glass. I wasn’t one to stuff bills in a dancer’s G-string.
Chase pressed his fist to his mouth and let out a quiet, “Damn . ”
I rolled my eyes and buttoned my suit jacket. “I’d rather get picked up by the mob than you three,” I slurred. “Who the hell told you where I was?”
Luca grabbed the back of my neck and death-marched me out of the club. Steve yanked a car door open. Luca got in first. Steve threw me in the middle and slammed the door shut behind us while Chase sat in the front with the driver.
“Hey, Al,” I grinned. “Long time no see.”
Alice peered over her shoulder and shook her head before pulling off the curb. “One of you fine gentlemen gonna tell Mr. Crenshaw that you picked up Mr. Lawson?”
“On it,” Luca mumbled as he texted my traitor of an assistant.
I should have known Spenser would sell me out. He was too easily bribed with food, and he’d live at Luca’s restaurants if he didn’t have to work.
“For the record, Spense didn’t snitch,” Luca clipped. “Pretty easy to find you when your every move is all over TMZ .”
“Thanks for the ride, Ms. Alice,” Chase said.
Alice preened like a peacock, fluffing up her silver hair. “Well, you’re certainly welcome,” she beamed. She looked like a grandma, but drove like she was in the Fast & Furious.
“How’d you get in this gig?” he asked. Chase could make small talk with a brick wall, but I didn’t want to hear it. Right now, I just wanted a handful of aspirin and a banana bag.
Alice swerved through traffic and took a shortcut to miss a road closure.
The car rammed a pothole. “ Fucking de Blasio, ” Alice and I muttered at the same time.
Al smiled—sweet as sugar—at Chase. “I was a truck driver in the Marines for twenty years. When I got out of the service, a buddy of mine was running for Congress, so I started driving his bus during his campaigns. Moved up, took on different clients, and somehow ended up driving for this sad sack,” she said, jerking her thumb backward at me.
“Well, thank you very much for your service, ma’am,” Chase said.
Alice pooh-poohed his manners. “Just call me Al like everyone else. No need for the ma’am.”
I craned around Steve to see a swarm of paparazzi flocked around my building like vultures. She peeked in the rearview mirror. “Back entrance okay with you, Mr. DeRossi?”
“Since when do you work for him?” I hissed.
Alice cocked an eyebrow at me. “Since he hauled your sloppy drunk ass out of a club. You want me to throw you to the wolves and make you go in the front? ”
It was rare that Alice talked back to me. I could count those moments on one hand.
Well, maybe I couldn’t count right now. The number of fingers on my hand kept wavering between eight and ten.
There was a chorus of seatbelts unlatching, and I was unceremoniously shoved out of the car.
“Better make it quick,” Alice warned.
Luca passed her a tip he pick-pocketed from my wallet. “Have a good night, Al.”
Steve fisted the back of my suit and perp-walked me to the service elevator. Tires screeched as Alice burned rubber getting out of the building. The ride up was only forty-five seconds, but Steve didn’t waste a single second. He looked like he was about to disembowel me.
I’d be up for it if it meant I wouldn’t have a hangover.
The place vaguely resembled my apartment. Then again, it had been a while since I’d been here. Between country hopping, I had spent every free moment at Hannah’s.
Fuck.
I stumbled to the kitchen just in time to unload the contents of my stomach into the sink. It was mostly liquor.
When did I redo my kitchen? This was swanky.
Someone whistled behind me. “So this is how the other half lives.” It was Chase. “Nice place, Lawson.”
Luca scoffed. “His? This is my place.”
I caught Steve and Chase sharing a look. Pointing to the ceiling, I said, “I’m next door.”
I tripped on my way to the fridge. Luca caught me on the arm and shoved me down into a chair. My reflexes weren’t fast enough. The Gatorade he threw hit me square in the chest. I coughed and sputtered, trying to catch my breath.
“Wanna tell me why you’re abducting and assaulting me? How the hell did you get in the club anyway? ”
Steve pulled his badge out of his pocket. Chase did the same. “Bouncers don’t look too closely at the jurisdiction. They see a badge and don’t ask questions.”
I’d have to have a word with Tony about the security at his club.
Luca stood in the kitchen, fuming. “Why don’t you start by explaining to me why the hell I had to leave my wife and fly all the way up here to bail your ass out? Huh? Or maybe you’d like to start with why the fuck you gutted Hannah Jane.”
Steve paced the length of the living room. He stood quietly for a moment before tapping on one of the windows. “Do these open?”
Luca shrugged. “Dunno. Never tried.”
I scoffed. “I broke up with your friend, so now you’re gonna throw me out the window?”
Steve shrugged, unbothered. “Fatherhood has made me soft. Murder isn’t really my style these days, but I’m not opposed to hanging you out the window by your ankles until you come to your senses.”
“Still a crime,” Chase chimed in. “I think.”
I cracked open the Gatorade and took a sip.
Luca sat down on the couch. Steve stood guard by the fireplace. Chase eyed the room suspiciously. “Where’s safe to sit?”
Luca raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“You know, like… where can I sit where you and Mad haven’t, you know...?”
He snickered under his breath. “You might want to stand, then.”
Chase went to jump up and sit on the kitchen island, but Luca shook his head.
“You and Mad are freaks,” Chase said with a pointed finger. “That’s where you eat.”
Luca grinned from ear to ear. “You’re damn right that’s where I eat.”
My stomach lurched again. I blamed it on too much information .
Chase fake dry heaved. “Maybe we should go up to Lawson’s place.”
Luca looked at me and then back at Chase. “Probably not any better knowing him.”
Steve checked his phone. “Are we gonna get this show on the road, or are we just gonna sit around and braid each other’s hair like we’re at a fuckin’ slumber party?” he growled.
Reluctantly, Chase sat down on the couch beside Luca and faced me. “What the fuck did you do to Hannah? She’s a fucking mess.”
I sighed and scrubbed my palms down my face. “It’s over. I let her go. She’ll be better off with someone who can give her what she wants.”
Steve rolled his eyes and muttered, “Cliché bullshit. At least come up with something original.”
“I told you from the get-go that HJ isn’t the kind of girl you fuck around with,” Luca snarled. “I fucking told you!”
“I wasn’t fucking around with her,” I shouted, rising out of the chair. Adrenaline pulsed hot through my veins. “I love her.”
Steve shoved me back down. “Love her or lov ed her?” he barked.
I tossed my hands up. “Does it matter?”
“Yeah, it fuckin’ matters,” Steve yelled.
I balled up my fist and pressed it against my mouth before looking over at Chase. He was probably the one who saw her after I left that day. Hell, maybe he witnessed it happen.
“Is she okay?” I croaked.
Chase looked at me, dumbfounded. “No, she’s not okay, you dumb fuck. Do you think we’d be here if she was okay?”
I sighed and hung my head. “I had to do it.”
“Bullshit.” Steve shook his head and paced. “You’re too chickenshit to man up and go after your girl, so you’re getting shitfaced on booze and cheap dancers. ”
“Camilla was not cheap,” I argued, pointing my finger at him. I quickly retracted it when he looked like he wanted to snap it off my hand and shove it down my throat.
Annoyed, Luca stood up and put his hands on his hips. He had the same aneurysm face he got when he was pretending to be an asshole on television. “Why’d you dump her?”
There was no sense in lying. Not to Luca. “She wants to get married someday. I don’t do marriage. It’s black and white.”
“And why the hell don’t you want to marry her?” Luca asked sternly. “I’m not saying go buy the girl a ring tomorrow. I’m just asking why it’s not even on the table. You’re the one who always tells me to consider every option.”
“It’s not an option for me!” I shouted. “It might be easier for you guys, but it’s not for me.”
Steve cracked a smile. It was the flash of teeth you see before a lion devoured its prey. “Why? Because we’re not billionaires?” He glanced at Luca. “Well, me and Chase aren’t.”
Luca shrugged. He hadn’t quite made it from millionaire to billionaire status, but he would someday. I had faith in him.
I scoffed. “I haven’t seen a single successful relationship in my entire life, much less seen a marriage work. Why the hell would I bet on a losing horse?”
Steve lunged for me.
“I wasn’t calling Hannah a horse,” I said quickly as Chase held him back.
“Do you still love her?” Luca asked.
I sighed. “Yeah. I, uh, I do. But it is what it is. Y’all coming up here isn’t gonna change that.”
The hazy clouds of alcohol were starting to clear, and I caught the Three Musketeers laughing under their breath.
“What?”
“You said ‘y’all.’” Chase smirked .
“I think you know where you’re supposed to be,” Steve said. “Who you’re supposed to be with.”
Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore. “Why are y’all here?”
“I just wanted to kick your ass,” Steve said casually.
Luca was more reasonable. “We’re here because you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.” He paused and added, “I’m here because when the roles were reversed, you rerouted your plane the minute I told you I thought I had lost Maddie. I don’t know if I would have gotten her back if you hadn’t done what you did.”
“Nonna got to her first,” I pointed out.
There was a knock at the door. Had I just conjured Luca’s grandma?
Chase opened the door. There stood the three feet of Luca’s ornery Italian grandma.
The lines on her face were deeper than the last time I had seen her. Her hair was in the same silver braid it always was. Her decades-old purse was hanging from her shoulder. In one hand was a bottle of wine, and she had a giant Tupperware container in the other.
Rapid Italian flew off her tongue. Luca responded just as quickly, but it was making my head spin. That last glass of whiskey was a bad idea. Then again, so was the first glass.
Nonna marched in. She handed Chase the wine and the plastic bowl with strict instructions on how to warm up whatever it was she brought.
Luca grabbed four glasses and started pouring the wine. He went to fill the last one, but Nonna capped her hand over it.
“I brought my own,” she said, pulling a massive coffee mug out of her purse. It was at least twice the size of the wine glass. Luca humored her and filled it up.
She corralled the four of us around the long dining room table and served a bowl of pasta to each of us .
The carbs were heaven.
When we finished our late-night snack, Luca and Chase cleared the table.
Nonna was still sipping on her mug of wine. “Tell me, Isaac,” she began, patting the top of my hand. “Why does my Luca have me coming to Manhattan in the middle of the night to see you? I haven’t seen you since the wedding when you were chasing after that wedding planner.”
I looked down at the table and tried to hide my smile. I really gave Hannah hell that night. “I was in love with her, but I can’t marry her, Nonna. And that’s what she wants.”
Nonna nodded thoughtfully as if she saw through me with her old magic and was about to expound life-changing wisdom. “I see. You are…” She paused for a moment, turned her head toward Luca, and rambled in Italian so fast I wasn’t sure when one word stopped, and another began.
He smirked and said, “Chicken shit.”
“Ah,” Nonna nodded and turned back to me. “You are chicken shit.”
Steve cracked up laughing. I had a feeling he and Nonna would get along swimmingly.
“I’m not scared, Nonna,” I hissed through gritted teeth. Why the fuck was everyone so damn insistent on calling me a coward?
I was doing what was best for Hannah. Wasn’t that what love was? The whole, if you love her, set her free thing?
She took a long drink from her mug. “Make me understand, bambino .”
I just shook my head. I wasn’t a fan of the guys listening in, but it was Nonna. I couldn’t say no to her. And, like Luca, I couldn’t lie to her.
“I didn’t get to grow up like Luca. He has two parents who are still together. He had you and his grandfather. His sisters are all married. He got to watch marriages work. He was taught how to make it work. I wasn’t. All I ever saw was my dad cheating on every woman he’s ever been with. Those women never minded because they were just in it for the money.”
It wasn’t that I enjoyed being a playboy or being noncommittal. It was just easier that way. No one got hurt. No one got used.
“I don’t know how to do it, Nonna,” I admitted.
“Sure you do, Isaac,” she said kindly. “Like you said, you watched Nonno and me. You watched Luca’s parents. You see Luca and Madeline. We’re your family just as much as your own blood.” She eyed Steve and added. “I’ve heard stories about this one,” she said, reaching out and squeezing his massive arm with arthritic fingers. “Did your love have the baby yet?”
Steve smiled. A little attention from Nonna, and he transformed from a werewolf into a puppy. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through thousands of photos of Aly.
And just like that, I was chopped liver.
By the time he finished showing off his baby girl, Nonna had sworn up and down that she was going to visit Maddie and Luca just so she could snuggle Aly and teach Erica how to make pasta.
Goodbyes were said, and Luca left to take Nonna back to Brooklyn. Chase stepped out to call some girl he had started seeing, which left me with the bearded beast.
“Be straight with me, Lawson,” he said as he sat down by the fireplace. He kicked a size fourteen shoe on top of his knee. Probably just to remind me that he’d use it to stomp my face in if needed. “You gonna go get your girl, or am I gonna have to beat some sense into you?”
“I can’t do it, man,” I said, scrubbing my face to rid my eyes of the tiredness.
“Take marriage off the table. Do you want her?”
“Yeah. ”
“Exclusively?”
“Yeah.”
“Casually?”
I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. “No. What’s with the twenty questions?”
Steve hunched over and clasped his hands together. “You’re tellin’ me that you found a woman you love, who loves you back. One who could easily fit in with—” he waved his hands around Luca’s apartment “—all this, and yet you know she doesn’t want it. She might be the one woman on earth who doesn’t give a fuck about your name or your money. Hannah’s happy in Beaufort, and I think if you got your head out of your ass, you’d realize that you like it there too. So, tell me what the hang-up is because I don’t see it.”
I pressed my fingers into my eyeballs. “I don’t want to let her down,” I groaned. I knew he was right. Hannah felt like the one person in the world I could trust with everything, but I knew I’d fail her.
His countenance softened. “Look, man. I’ve done it twice now. Not because I wanted to, but because that was the hand I was given. After my wife died, I didn’t think I could do marriage again. Didn’t think I’d let myself love anyone again. Losing Heather hurt too much—Erica changed all that. I realized I’d do it all again because loving someone is worth the risk. It’s worth the risk of failing. Given the way that you go after things with… Whatever it is that you do. I have a pretty good feeling that you’d go after Hannah the same way. The trick is to never be satisfied. Keep working at it. Keep getting better. Keep learning everything you can about her. I worry about some of the girls, but I don’t worry about Hannah. She’ll demand her worth. Never stop chasing her.”
Huh. It was basically the same advice I had given Kristin’s brother—stay hungry, work hard .
Was it really that simple?
“Is marriage really that different from, you know—just being together long-term?”
Steve grinned. “Fuck yeah. Marriage is fuckin’ awesome.”