Chapter Fourteen
Iwondered what she was seeing when she looked around the site.
Sure, it was still a messy construction site, but the main building was almost done.
They were working on wiring and shit inside, before the plastering and flooring and then we could start to decorate.
I was looking forward to that part, rather than the heavy lifting phase.
I’m not lazy, but I’d done so much heavy work on the road crew, that I was looking forward to just the normal kind of exhausted, instead of what I had been.
“This is nice,” she said in that curiously throaty voice that made me want to do things to her that were probably not even in her head right now.
I didn’t know what was in there, but it couldn’t be thinking of me that way.
No women ever did. My mouth always fucked things up way before this happened.
“It’s just until that building is ready to move into, then I’ll be living there.”
We sat on the annoyingly small bed, because why the fuck didn’t I get one of the tents with a double one, and started eating.
We’d opted for the same thing, chicken tikka masala, so there was no need to swap and share, just sit and eat.
We couldn’t talk while we were facing the same direction, which was literally just the collapsible dresser that held the entirety of my wardrobe.
My smart work clothes were in hangers on one of the struts, but there were just a few changes there.
That’s how I roll. I live simple. It’d be so easy to wipe me from existence in less than an hour.
That was a chilling fucking thought. Those mob assholes were really fucking with my head.
Still, if not for them, I’d be working tonight, and right now Claudia would be probably in some bar, being hit on by some asshole not worthy of her. Wow. Like me. I needed to remember that.
Once we’d finished eating, I dumped the bags outside my tent and yelled to the prospect to clean up, then grabbed two cold beers from my mini fridge, holding them up for Claudia to see. She nodded, and caught my hand as I popped the lid and offered hers.
“Thank you. Not only for saving me from her, but for letting me derail whatever plans you had.”
Oh shit. I told her I was working, and I forgot that.
I sat down beside her, turning with one knee tucked under me, which she mirrored, so thank fuck we could talk now, even if that’s usually where everything goes wrong.
“I was meant to be somewhere, but it got cancelled. I was just at a loose end, since I’d already missed out on seeing you.”
“But you were outside my place.”
Fuck me. How to explain that? Did I want to lie to her? Did I want to be that fucking guy? But would the truth have her running from me?
“Jesus,” I muttered, scratching my jaw as I wondered what the fuck to say.
“It’s okay that you were there,” she said, resting a hand on my knee. Holy fuck, she’s willingly touching me, and that’s with her knowing I was randomly outside her place.
“Fuck. I don’t want to lie to you. Do you promise to listen before you freak out? Fuck. Listen. I’m asking a deaf person to fucking listen. I’m such a prick. Everyone tells me that, and I’m proving it already.”
She patted my knee. “It’s okay. I like you, Stag. You’d have to be pretty fucked up for that to change.”
Ha. We’ll see.
“Hold that thought, love. I was meant to be on a crew all night doing manual labour, because I was doing community service. You know, like a criminal.”
Her brow creased a little, and she tilted her head, but she wasn’t pulling away.
“For?”
I sighed. “For stalking, but it was you. I mean, Jesus fuck, what do I mean? That sounds so creepy. I was at the same place as you, and your sister called the cops on me for stalking. It was a fucking joke. A mistake. I wasn’t stalking you. Just making sure you were safe. She did this to me.”
“Making sure I was safe? Like following me?”
Ugh. There was no way this was going to go well. I’d already fucked it up.
“I see you about sometimes, and I keep an eye to make sure nobody messes with you. Kinda protective, but not in a creepy way, I swear.”
She swallowed, lowering her eyes to her beer, which meant our conversation was over until she looked at me again.
I was actually getting used to having to wait ’til she looked at me to speak.
Every other relationship in my life was ruined by my mouth, my voice.
Was it possible to make this work, when she could still see my words?
She lifted her head at last, resting the beer against her knee, both hands around it now, which fuck me, don’t imagine her hands around my dick like that. Asshole.
“If I accept that you were being sweet, and looking out for me, do you promise not to get over the top like her? I can’t handle two people trying to control me for the excuse of my safety.
I’m my own person. I work, I drive, I cook, I do everything.
I just can’t hear. That’s all. It’s not like missing a limb. It’s a sense. We adapt. I did adapt.”
Fuck me. Was that what it would have appeared like? Me trying to control her like that bitch she was related to, hell, was literally a carbon copy of? No. The sister was the copy. Claudia was the fucking definitive person. The original, best, and only.
“I felt like an ass after that night at the club, the first one. I thought you were just ignoring me like the others do. Like I’m not enough.
Like I’m just some prick. I guess I am sometimes, but I mean well.
I couldn’t stop thinking about you, but I guess I was a coward, and when I saw you out, I couldn’t approach you.
That second night at the club, I was there to look for you. To man up and at least say hi.”
She smiled and nodded at me to continue. Fuck me. Not more words from me, that’s never good.
“You looked so fucking sexy, just lost in the music like that. Even though I’m banned from there, I just wanted to be near you, to feel what you were feeling. To be closer to you, and touching you, and I half expected you to slap me, but you didn’t.”
She was still smiling. “I don’t normally like men dancing with me when I don’t know them, but something about your touch felt right, like I already knew you. I know that’s weird, but I didn’t pull away because your touch felt natural.”
Fuck me. I want to touch her naturally all over.
“I’m gonna get so much stuff wrong, Claudia. I’m shit at literally everything, but I just want to be near you. To spend time with you. I promise to always do my best not to fuck up.”
She reached over and touched my knee again. Jesus, it’s nowhere near my junk, but it feels like it. It feels like a first step in something that I want to race to the end of, just to feel everything.
“I liked dancing with you,” she said, “and I really liked kissing you.”
Tell me that’s her saying she wants another kiss. All I fucking want is to get closer to her, and feel her against me, to taste her. All the fucking things.
“I liked that too,” I said lamely, so glad my brothers couldn’t hear how pathetic I sounded. This was why I always failed with women. Not because of my approach. Not because of my words. Because they weren’t her. She’s why. It was always meant to be her.
“If we kiss again,” Claudia said, lifting a palm as she giggled softly, “wow, I never speak this much normally. It almost feels natural too.”
I nodded, but I wanted her to get back to that kissing thing. Were we about to go back there? Would begging help that happen? I’d beg. I’d fucking get on my knees for her.
“If we kiss again, it doesn’t mean we’re doing more, okay? I need to get to know you first, and I think that’s important. You seem like a really good person, but I need to know for sure.”
As long as she doesn’t interact with anyone who knows me, maybe that could work, but what are the chances of that?
And if that’s how I react to that comment from her, doesn’t that automatically mean I’m not a good person? That I’m an asshole who’s already trying to figure out how to hide all the bad parts of me, just so she doesn’t lose that illusion of the man she thinks she sees?
Her eyes were fixed on mine, and she nodded slowly.
“This bothers you. Is it because you just want what’s between my legs? Is this just about sex for you?”
If she looked down right now, she’d think she knows the answer to that question, but for me it had become so much more complex.
It wasn’t just about sex, although I really fucking wanted her that way.
It was about her as a person, as a fucking goddess who suffered something that’d break a person, and took it in her stride.
Adapted to work with it, rather than fighting against it.
Didn’t I owe her the chance to see if the me she thought she saw was real?
“It doesn’t. It scares me. I’m scared you won’t like who you get to know. I’m just some biker prick, love. I’m nobody special, and fuck, I can’t even talk to you with my hands like I should be able to. I’ve been trying, but it’s so hard online. I need to try the classes at the place you mentioned.”
Claudia
There was something really vulnerable about him, like he didn’t like or trust himself at all, and kept waiting for things to go wrong.
I wanted to reassure him, but I didn’t know him well enough to know if he deserved that yet.
I did know that he went out of his way to get me away from Marissa before I lost my shit, but did that mean he was a good man?
He gave me his only helmet, and risked his life to ride to the shop for another, so that was a tick in the good guy box for sure. Or the idiot one. He could have been killed, but he still put my safety first, so I’m sticking with that being a good guy move. A green flag as they call it.
He bought me dinner, and he was going out of his way to interact with me in ways that were easy for me to feel included and normal. That was all good stuff too.