CHAPTER SEVEN
– BALLARD –
Great fucking reminder to rip a blissful moment.
For a second there I felt normal. As if nothing is wrong with me.
Except for the fact that I want to lick her juices off my fingers, which I’m fairly sure I can’t due to risk of infection.
Right? Shit. I make a mental note to google it as soon as I’m home.
I mean, if caffeine and alcohol should be avoided to avoid irritation, giving oral might cause infection. But fuck if I know, I’m not a damn doctor. Doesn’t take away the craving to taste her. Hell, the woman understands me without me uttering a single word.
Silence falls between us as I drive the remaining few miles up the mountain. Even if I did have the use of my voice, I still have no clue what to say to her. With what she just said? The reminder of the fact that all there is between us is work, and a deal we had in place. A deal she just paid off.
Anger flares. At myself for not setting boundaries, at the fucked-up situation we’re in, at every-fucking-thing at this point in my life.
I decide to drop her off at her own cabin instead of bringing her to mine, which was my original plan.
After the blow job and returning the favor with my hand, I truly expected to bring her back to my cabin and devour her in every way possible.
“What are you doing?” she asks when I turn on the blinker.
I ignore her, having no other option due to the lack of speech.
“I thought we were going back to your place to discuss things and do some research. Why are you taking the turn to my cabin instead? And why do you look pissed? Was it what I just said? About the fake relationship? I should have said fake pregnancy because we do have some sort of a relationship, right? Or was your plan to take me to my cabin so you could knock me up for real? That is until I tried to throw up a normal conversation after what we just did. See? What the hell is going on inside your head, Ballard? Because I’m really getting confused here and am in no way familiar with doing stuff with colleagues, or making deals about blow jobs,” she rattles and turns her face to stare out the side window when she adds, “Knocking me up isn’t an option if I can’t have sex. ”
Her last line makes me hit the brakes a little too hard. Our seatbelts keep us in place, and we both turn to face one another.
“Why can’t you have sex?” is what I want to bellow.
Instead, all I can do is throw my hands up and shake my head in a “what the actual fuck?” manner.
Her shoulders drop and with a small voice she asks, “It’s the ‘I can’t have sex’ part, right?”
I give her a tight nod. Silence thickens the air between us, but the one thing I’m good at is being patient. Being on stakeout, sharpshooting, a security detail, everything revolves around patience and waiting for the right moment.
Helena clearly needs some time and takes it when minutes drag on.
Her face is turned away from me when she finally says, “He used a knife down there. I’m surprised you didn’t notice when you had your hand down my pants. He even cut away parts of my labia. The worst scars are on my thighs and mound.”
She glances at me and reaches out to touch the scar on my neck. “Your cuts are smooth and flawlessly stitched back together. Mine are from a hunting knife, and he used the jagged edge. Ugly.”
The last word is a mere whisper, but it hits my ears so damn loud, there’s a ring inside my head.
Motherfucker. Anything I say to her now wouldn’t hit the mark.
Besides, I can’t voice anything, and typing things out is.
..well, I don’t have the right words in my head due to the motherfucking anger I’m feeling that she went through that shit and is still suffering.
Reaching out, I take her hand and bring it to my mouth to feather a kiss on her knuckles.
I place her hand on my thigh and turn the vehicle around.
I might not be able to talk about the very private and personal stuff she just shared, but there’s no way I’m going to drop her off and stay alone tonight.
“Just so you know...I’m not in the mood for a pity fuck either,” she mutters.
I huff out a breath and it causes her to giggle.
The mood has definitely lightened between us, and I now understand her reaction.
To be honest? I couldn’t give two fucks about scars on her body.
Fuck knows I have lots. Then again, insecurity is a bitch and completely different for a woman I’m guessing by the way she reacted.
A few minutes later I bring the vehicle to a stop in front of my cabin. We walk inside and I make sure to lock up behind us. Helena strolls to the kitchen and grabs two bottles of water while I fire up the laptop.
My mind is still in turmoil. I knew she was taken by a serial killer. It was the very reason why she applied for the job of deputy sheriff and bought Royce’s cabin. I didn’t know the finer details and I’m guessing not many do.
I take the bottle of water and take a few sips, letting the cold water slide down my throat. My throat still feels as if there’s a lump I can’t swallow down. Not something I can get used to, even if it’s been a few weeks.
Opening a text editor on my laptop, I type out, “Royce offered me a desk job along with my own office.”
“For real?” Helena asks, excitement written all over her face. “Damn. You really are good.”
I give her a smirk and she rolls her eyes.
She takes a few sips of her water while I open another window to do some research on Jacob Tucker. The information comes rolling in and I open another window to run a background check on his wife, Stella. Helena drags her chair closer to me and leans in to glance at the screen.
“Do you think Jacob Tucker was in on Jolene’s plan? I don’t. Jolene has always been a bitch who takes what she wants,” Helena states.
Switching between screens, I find the text editor and ask, “Were you and Jolene close growing up? Even though your grandparents raised you?”
Helena shrugs. “No. We only had the incidental family gatherings. As a child I didn’t know certain things I do now.
By the time I was a teenager I understood why my mother didn’t want anything to do with me.
You know, since Jolene was the money cow and I was the result of a hate-fuck.
She was given an allowance from Burk, something Royce handled.
Which is why he visited them regularly. Jolene would always throw it in my face how he was more of a dad to her.
Nice, right? Well, I had my grandparents who raised me to be the woman I am now.
Did you know my grandfather was a homicide detective?
It’s why I wanted to follow in his footsteps. ”
Sadness hits her and she takes a deep breath. “Apparently not for long.”
I reach out to place my hand on the nape of her neck. Her short hair brushes my skin as I pull her close. Leaning in, I brush my lips against hers. She instantly opens and allows me to deepen the kiss.
Screw fake. Spending time with her lets me know she’s the kind of woman I can allow myself to think of a future with. Hell, she’s been the only one I’ve allowed to stay near me for more than a handful of minutes. I’ve tried to run her off and yet she somehow wormed herself in my life.
Working together has also showed we’re fruitful, and the way she sucked my cock for sure as shit was something I’d like to happen long-term. Which is why I cup her face with my other hand and keep devouring her mouth.
There is no rush or need for more than a kiss. We’ve already given one another an orgasm today. Eventually, I’d like to feel her pussy clenching my cock. Like I said before, I’m a patient man.
Helena pulls back and breaks the kiss. Lips swollen from the scorching kiss I gave her, and there’s a blush on her cheeks. My cock twitches behind the zipper of my jeans. I’ve felt those lips, know how hot her little mouth is.
I let my thumb trace her bottom lip and swallow hard. Dropping my hand, I focus back on the laptop. Time. She now knows I want her and am going to give her enough space to get comfortable with me. Until there comes a time where we will fuck.
Because knocking her up for real suddenly sounds very fucking appealing.