Chapter 37
Chapter
Thirty-Seven
“Light to banish darkness.” Not “repair what was broken.” Could that be the key?
— From the journal of Violet Andrever
Iwoke to his arm around my waist, my back against his chest. His mouth was on me, stringing kisses along my shoulder and upper back, anywhere he could reach.
“This is a nicer way to wake up,” I sighed.
“Than?”
“Than just in your arms, trying to disentangle myself from you without letting you know I wanted you. Or waking to an empty bed.”
“It was torture,” he murmured between kisses, his hand coming over to gently palm my breast.
I arched into his touch. “What was?”
“Holding you every damn night, unable to touch you. Took me forever to fall asleep. And then the mornings were no better. I always woke up hard and aching to fuck you.”
I could feel him pressing into my back. I stroked his length, running my thumb along his silky head. “And what exactly did you want to do about it?”
His hand coasted down my stomach to the juncture of my thighs, finding me wet and ready for him. “This.” He slid into me, inch by delicious inch.
I looked back over my shoulder, and his mouth met mine as he moved gently inside me.
This was different than the other times we had joined.
This wasn’t the furious, grabbing possession of the first time, all desperate hands and clashing teeth.
Or the exploration of the second, curious touches mapping uncharted territory.
This was tender, loving, like coming home after a lifetime of wandering.
This was it—the closeness I had been craving my entire life.
Light spilled out like warm sunshine through my veins from that golden well where the mating bond tethering us resided.
It pooled beneath my skin, bathing me in a saffron radiance.
An answering light bloomed from deep within him, twining with mine, until I couldn’t tell where my glow ended and his began.
The light danced across our joined bodies like sunlight through stained glass, chasing away every shadow and turning this into something sacred, as he cradled me closer.
“You feel amazing,” he whispered down the bond. “I’ll never get enough of you. Can you feel this? I’ve never imagined this closeness.”
“I feel it. I feel you.” I gasped as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Again,” I begged.
And so he did it again. And again. I clenched around him and felt the wave start to build.
Its crescendo was gentle, but no less strong than the previous ones, fueled by the emotion I saw in his eyes.
He paused his thrusting as the wave crashed over me.
He held my gaze, his eyes shining in the golden light.
I reached a hand up to cup his cheek, ranking my fingers through his hair.
He groaned, never breaking our eye contact.
With one final thrust, I felt him spill inside me.
He slumped over me, pressing kisses anywhere he could reach.
So apparently we glowed now. That was different.
I’m not sure how long we lay there, entwined, his calloused fingers threading through my hair while my head rose and fell with each breath against his chest. The steady thrum of his heartbeat echoed through my ribs as my own heart matched his rhythm.
I had the strangest urge to look at him and drink in the sight of him, to ensure that this wasn’t some fever dream born of longing.
That I was truly here, skin to skin with Griff. My mate. My other half.
What I saw took my breath away. His head laid back against the edge of the headboard, sandy hair mussed, several days of scruff shadowing the strong line of his jaw.
His eyes were closed, lashes fanned against his cheekbones, the mask completely gone.
He looked younger somehow, peaceful in a way that made my chest tighten with tenderness.
I traced my fingers through his silky waves, marveling at how such a fierce warrior could look so vulnerable and at ease.
He caught my wandering hand to press a playful nip to my fingers. “What are you thinking?” His voice was rough with contentment, eyes still closed.
“That I’ve only seen you this peaceful once before. On your island.”
His eyes opened, those hazel depths as soft as morning mist. He caught a strand of my hair, lifting it away from where it clung to my flushed cheek.
“I used to think the sunrise over the water was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
” He surged forward to capture my lips. “That was until you. Standing there in your grandmother’s doorway, afternoon light shining behind you.
Even covered in mud and looking furious, you took my breath away. ”
We took our time, but finally, we both knew we had to head back.
As I closed the cottage door behind me, the soft click of the latch felt final.
I had an overwhelming premonition that the next time I crossed this threshold, everything would have changed.
The certainty of it welled up inside me so strong that a tear escaped before I could stop it.
Griff caught it. “Want to talk about it?”
Wordlessly, I shook my head.
Arm in arm, we left the sanctuary of the clearing, and teleported back to our real life.
Instead of arriving back at the castle, he had transported us to the base of Valdris. “Feeling up for a walk?”
I was still incredibly sore but I wasn’t about to pass up spending more time alone with him.
Anything that would keep us in the bubble of happiness we’d found in the past day, anything that kept the weight of the prophecy and the Veil off my shoulders for just a little while longer.
Griff kept my hand in his, and it just felt comfortable and normal.
Like we were just a couple out for a walk.
For a moment, I could pretend—that it was just him and me, and we had our whole lives together.
Emotions swirled in me, some from me and some I assumed were from him. The bond had twisted us together in many different ways.
“Yes,” he said quietly. “I’m feeling your emotions too.”
“Should we do something about that?”
“You could probably shield me out if you didn’t want me to feel something. But I don’t mind. I like everything that allows me to know you. Besides, you’ll get better at sorting through them. I can block mine off if you’d like.”
I shook my head, concentrating on separating them, quickly realizing our emotions had distinct signatures.
Mine swirled like a kaleidoscope of shifting colors while his flowed like a steady river, constant and sure.
Once I recognized the difference, separating them became as natural as distinguishing my heartbeat from his.
I let out a sigh and felt him echo it, some of the tension leaving his face.
“Before this”—I waved a hand as if that could encompass everything that had happened between us—“every time you touched me, I felt something like lightning under my skin. From that very first day. Did you have that too?”
He squeezed my hand. “I did. I think it was our souls recognizing each other and rejoicing to find its other half.”
I liked that thought. “It seems like it’s lessening now. Or isn’t as startling, at least. More like just a constant fizzle when I’m near you.”
“I feel it too. If I had to guess, it’s because we accepted this. There’s deep magic in doing so. No one entirely understands it.”
We were quiet for several minutes, just enjoying being next to each other, hand in hand, before I spoke again. “Why didn’t you act on it earlier?” I ventured to ask.
“A misguided sense of chivalry?” He was quiet for a long moment, his thumb tracing circles on my hand.
“From the moment I saw you, I was lost. One look at you standing in the doorway and every rational thought I’d ever had disappeared.
” His voice dropped lower. “I wanted you desperately, all the while knowing I had to keep you safe. You were under my protection, mine to guard, not fuck into oblivion until you forgot even your own name.”
I felt heat rise in my cheeks at his raw honesty.
“I’ve never been a fan of the idea of being forced to be with someone. Fated. Destined. I wanted you to choose me for me, not because some cosmic force had decided we belonged together.”
“Blessed Erde, Griff, I’ve wanted you for months! I thought you didn’t want me!”
His eyes darkened. “Not want you?” He backed me against the nearest wall, his body caging me in.
“For all my desires about having a choice in the matter, one look at you and I was gone. I drove myself insane for months trying to keep my distance. And failing miserably at it. And then you yelled at me about doing so.”
I remembered that day well. “You should have said something sooner. Acted on it.” I wanted to put the blame fully on his shoulders, but then the look on his face when I’d called us friends flashed through my memory. But he had echoed that sentiment to Finn.
“I should have,” he admitted. “If you knew how many times I thought about it… I had a dream where I almost admitted it to you. Back when we were in Maraleth. I came to your room and you were wearing Finn’s shirt.”
I froze in his arms, staring at him. “You told me to take it off.”
His eyes widened, searching my face. “And wear mine instead,” he said slowly.
“You kissed my shoulder first,” I whispered, touching the spot.
“And up your neck,” he breathed, staring at me in amazement.
“It wasn’t a dream…” I said wonderingly.
“I’ve heard whispers of this—mates meeting in the space between waking and sleeping.
But I never believed…” He cupped my face gently.
“It was everything I wanted. And then you were ripped from my arms and I woke up frantic. I teleported to you without thinking, and found you in the middle of a nightmare. I almost told you then, but I was so relieved to have you in my arms, safe and sound, that I didn’t want to ruin anything.
There were so many times I almost told you.
But something always got in the way.” He touched his forehead to mine. “Same question.”