15. Sophie
Iwoke up with a start, my mind still sleep-addled after a long, warm bath and decadent chocolate-filled meal. Lucy had nodded off in a chair next to me; she stirred but didn’t wake. I hadn’t asked her to stay, but I was glad she had anyway. I didn’t feel like being alone right now.
I clenched the soft cotton between my fists and sighed. What had woken me? According to the grandfather clock, it was seven o’clock in the evening. I’d slept for four hours in the middle of the day, just because of a little fright. If the household didn’t find me delicate before, they certainly would now.
And I had flinched when Kasten had merely reached out his hand…
I was doing such a bad job of this.
I collapsed back into looming despair, pulling the covers up to my chin, then froze when I heard hushed voices through the door.
“And she’s still asleep?”
“Yes, General.” Meena’s voice.
“Nobody has seen her apart from Lucy and Beatrice?”
“No, General.”
I sat up to hear the voices better. Lucy jerked awake, blinked in confusion, and then looked between me and the door as if uncertain whether she should do something. I put my finger to my lips. She awkwardly pushed back her headband and smoothed her skirts, hiding any signs that she’d been sleeping.
Kasten’s voice was sharp but low as if trying not to wake me. “What happened, Meena?”
“I…I’m sorry, my lord.”
I frowned. Meena had saved me quickly and skillfully. Why was he berating her?
Though his voice was muffled, Kasten sounded more furious than I’d ever heard before. “How was the Red Man able to reach her? He shouldn’t have ever gotten so close, let alone while using kryalcomy. Was your device switched off?”
I held my breath, eager to hear every sentence. The Red Man. That name sounded familiar. I was sure I had read it on the front cover of one of Frederick’s newspapers. ‘Den of Red Men outed.’ Or something similar. The fact that one of that violent group had been hiding in my carriage would have been exciting had he not threatened me today.
Meena’s voice was uncertain. “I…the noise was so quiet on my device, and I had it turned low. I’m sorry, my lord, it won’t happen again.”
“I’m not certain this is forgivable, Meena. Tara is also keen for this job. Guarding my wife is an honor, and you took it too lightly.”
I gasped. What was he doing? He couldn’t dismiss Meena over this. It wasn’t her fault. I pushed back the covers. Lucy shot up beside me. “My lady, what are you doing?” she whispered. “You should try to go back to sleep.”
Meena’s voice had a hoarse edge to it. “Please, my lord, I need this job. You know what’s going on with my parents. You know how grateful I am for the opportunity. I scored top of my old battalion in every area. I won’t mess up. Not again.”
My throat constricted. I grabbed my silk dressing gown and hurried to the door before my courage ran out.
“This isn’t about you or your parents. This is about Lady Batton’s safety. Safety you severely compromised.”
I pushed open the door. Kasten whirled toward me in surprise. His eyes took in my disheveled hair and dressing gown, and he visibly suppressed his anger, though his hands trembled. He gave me a small bow. I felt the strange tension between us. “Sophie, my apologies for waking you. Please go back to bed. We’ll resume our conversation elsewhere.” He looked smart, his hair now brushed and styled. It made him more intimidating.
I frowned and stepped up to Meena’s side. “You can’t dismiss Meena. Please. She did an admirable job today. I feel safe with her. What happened was my fault. I gave her a job and then wandered the other side of a bush while her back was turned.”
Kasten’s dark eyes found mine in the evening shadows, and I could see the anger boiling just below the surface. He spoke through gritted teeth. “Your safety and the management of the guards is my duty, Sophie. Let me deal with this. Please focus on resting.”
My heart rate picked up as nervousness constricted my chest. What was I doing, arguing with him? I couldn’t afford to anger him again. I’d already made one serious mistake when I flinched from his touch. I was meant to please him, and I so rarely spoke with him. But this was unfair, and Meena was my friend. I clenched my sweaty fists and pretended I wasn’t afraid, raising my head.
“She is my guard, General. And I wish for her to remain so. Or do I get no say at all in the running of this household?” My heart rate picked up. I was shocked at my audacity and started to feel lightheaded. Behind me, I heard a soft gasp from Lucy.
The general ran a hand down his face. His voice was soft and fast. “Sophie, you don’t understand how the guard works. Meena did not follow protocol. There are things going on you are not privy to, and I must keep you safe. Trust me that I know what I’m doing.”
I stepped closer to him, a heady recklessness flowing through me. “If these things are so dangerous, then tell me about them instead of keeping it all secret.”
His eyes burned into mine. “If I told you, your life would be in danger.”
“I trust you and Meena to keep me safe. You will not dismiss her. You are being too harsh—it borders on cruelty.”
His elegant jaw clenched, and I felt the tension rise around us. My heart beat so fast, I thought my chest would burst. What was I doing?
Meena stepped up to me. “Lady Sophie, please understand, the general is correct that I…”
Kasten held up his hand, and she stopped speaking at once. He turned to face her. “Dame Tara will guard her for two hours every morning while you train. You have grown rusty. You will remain her head guard. If you make another mistake, you will be out of the castle. Understood?”
She fell to her knee and bowed her head. “Thank you, General.”
Kasten’s eyes moved to my shoulders, and I steeled myself for the fire I’d see when our gazes met. But he never raised them above my chin. He nodded, turned, and stalked off without a word.
Meena stood beside me. She seemed less confident than before.
“You should go back to bed, my lady. I’m sorry we woke you.”
I watched as Kasten’s back melted away into the shadows, my heart thudding a chaotic rhythm over what I’d just done. My throat constricted as some of the adrenaline wore off.
I shouldn’t have done that. I’d angered him further.
But I wouldn’t stand by and let my guard be dismissed over something so unfair. He had taken Miss Claris away; I didn’t want to lose Meena too.
I forced a smile as I looked up at my guard. “It wasn’t fair for you to be dismissed. You were amazing today.”
Meena shook her head. She still seemed concerned. “He’s not in the wrong, Sophie. He’s a good man. I messed up today and broke protocol. He’s only angry because he cares about you, and I put you in danger.”
I met her eyes with a determined expression. “Nobody could have predicted what happened earlier. I was the one who sent you to move the branches, and then I wandered out of sight. It was my fault. You were merely following orders.”
The guard looked ready to say more but closed her mouth instead.
I watched the shadows of the corridor for any remaining movement, but the castle was silent once more. I frowned as something she’d said registered. “How can you think he cares about me, Meena? He barely talks to me or looks at me.” I rubbed my arms and my voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes I even think I see disgust in his eyes.”
I looked down. I shouldn’t be saying these things out loud. Matters between a husband and wife were supposed to be private. But the pressure of this place was causing me to crumble, and I had nobody else to talk to except Meena, Beatrice, and Lucy.
Meena’s hand rested on my arm, and I looked up at her in surprise. “The disgust isn’t directed at you, my lady.”
I frowned, studying her face for the things she wasn’t saying. “It’s not?”
Her lips gained a small smile. “I think the fact that he barely talks or looks at you is one of the ways you can tell how he feels. You are the one person I know that he can’t look straight in the eyes with complete fearlessness, and I’ve seen him stare down the king himself.”
I shook my head slowly. “That makes no sense. I’m probably the least intimidating person in Fenland.”
Her lips formed a shaky grin. “Goodnight, my lady. And…thank you for your loyalty to me. I won’t forget it.”
The door opened behind me, and Lucy popped her head out, looking down the corridor to make sure Kasten was gone. Then she turned wide eyes to me. “You were magnificent, wasn’t she, Meena? She actually stood up to the general. I have never heard anyone speak to him like that.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks. What would Miss Claris say when she found out? If he never spoke to me again, it would be my own fault. “I hope he’s not too angry with me.”
Meena managed a half laugh. “Oh, believe me, Sophie. You are the last person he is angry with right now.” Her humor dropped and she lowered her head. “I won’t fail you again. I promise.”
I forced a smile. “You have never failed me, Meena. I’m grateful that you’re my guard.”
As I closed the door, I frowned at flowers on my desk. If he wasn’t angry with me, why had he stalked off like that?
And why was he avoiding me?
Kasten
I swirled the whiskey.“She called me harsh and cruel, Callum.”
Callum grunted from the sofa where he was lying half asleep. The kryalcomy lamps were turned down low and the castle was silent since all the servants were in bed.
“I think she’s…I think she’s scared of me. She flinched as if I were some kind of monster. It makes me worry about…what happened to her before.” I pulled some loose splinters free from the scarred table.
Callum sighed but didn’t sit up. “You can’t have it both ways, Kasten. You can’t leave her in the dark, pretty much ignore her, and only show up when you’re angry at somebody for reasons she doesn’t understand, then expect her to think you’re a nice, sweet person.”
I grimaced. “I’m not nice or sweet. But I’m not harsh and cruel either.”
Callum sighed again, rubbing his eyes. “Either let her in fully, Kasten, or leave her out to make her own conclusions and stop worrying what they are.”
I pinched my forehead. He was right. It didn’t matter what she thought of me. I would probably be dead in a few weeks anyway. I’d only married her so I could legally change my will and so she could inherit Kasomere for the safety of my people and her own happiness. She would grieve less if she didn’t like me. It would probably make things easier for her.
This wasn’t about me.
Still, I couldn’t shake the guilt. A man had threatened her on my lands. Despite everything I was doing to protect her, I had still failed to keep her safe.
I steeled my resolve. “I’m going back to Adenburg.”
Callum groaned and sat up, his hair sticking up at odd angles. “What? Now? It’s…Kasten, it’s two in the morning. You should sleep while you can. Who knows when you’ll get another chance on the campaign.”
I put down my whiskey and started buttoning up my cloak. “I need to leave an important message. Nobody touches my wife. I must know she’ll be safe when I’m gone.”
Callum groaned again and collapsed on the sofa. “You know, I think I preferred the old, unmarried Kasten. Try not to kill anybody.”
“Watch out for her while I’m gone. And work out how to stop any more intruders, whatever kryalcomy they may have stolen from Lord Lyrason. I’ve asked Sir Egbert to increase the guard patrols on his side of the walls, but I want you to tighten our defenses from the inside.”
He raised his empty glass to me as I left the room.