34. Sophie
The seating arrangements for dinner were apparently a complicated affair that Kasten completely ignored, choosing three seats far away from the king’s table, and glaring at any servant who approached to move us. Every other guest was after an honored place near the front of the room, and the poor servants directed the guests as if they were stepping on eggshells. More than one noble made a frustrated comment or demanded to exchange places, some even dragging up recent scandals as evidence they should be seated closer than others.
Kasten watched it all with a bored expression while Callum grinned as if thoroughly entertained. Since his return from the king’s office, my husband had been quiet and distracted. He barely looked at me. I didn’t know if I should ask about what had been said. Though even if I did, it would hardly be an appropriate conversation for the palace.
Once everyone was settled, the noise died down as we waited for the first course to be served. My stomach growled in anticipation as I imagined royal delicacies such as I’d never seen. And I didn’t have Miss Claris here to chaperone what and how much I ate.
The king stood, and I felt Kasten tense beside me, even though we were seated far from the king. I rested a hand on his knee under the table, and he relaxed slightly, covering my fingers with the weight of his own, which sent warm shivers through my chest. I couldn’t help a small smile as some of the emotions from our dance returned. He hadn’t withdrawn to a place beyond my reach.
It was hard to focus on anything other than Kasten’s hand, but I forced my attention back to the king standing above us all. It hit me suddenly that this was Kasten’s father. I’d always known that, but seeing them here in the same room, it struck me how unfair and confusing that was. The king wore a mustache and a beard while Kasten was clean shaven, but I could still see the strong similarity in the nose, cheekbones, and jaw.
That man was trying to kill my husband. That man was a mass murderer.
But here with his pristine white jacket of gold brocade covered by a dozen medals and his fine manners, it seemed impossible. He smiled as he addressed the room, and I felt his eyes linger on me for a moment. Kasten’s hand tightened under the table. I interlocked my fingers with his.
After the normal ramble of pleasantries expected from a host, he paused for effect. “I would like to take this chance to announce some important news. Tonight, I plan to betroth my dearest daughter to one of you. One whose loyalty and commitment has always been unquestioned. One I would be honored to call a son.”
The tension and excitement in the room rose. I scanned the royal table to find the princess. She looked beautiful with her tanned skin and golden hair pulled over one shoulder. If she was nervous about who she was about to marry, she didn’t show it. But as I studied her face more closely, I realized she was just as hard to read as Kasten. Her bright red smile was just a mask.
My husband cocked his head and stroked his chin in thought. I wondered if he had any relationship with his half sister. Before I could ask, he took his wine glass and attempted to drain it.
Callum grumbled beside me. “If he chooses Lord Lyrason, I’m going to vomit.”
Kasten snorted into his cup.
I scanned the tables for Lord Lyrason. I knew little of him personally, but every time I’d seen him, he appeared as calm, polite, and smiling as he had during our conversation earlier. He had a way of looking at you through his glasses which made you feel seen and empathized with—apparently, another person whose appearance could deceive, especially after his casual threat to Callum earlier.
I found the lord sitting near the front, dressed in his smart navy jacket. He had straightened, craning to hear the king’s next words.
“Lord Lyrason looks like he expects it to be him,” I whispered.
Kasten’s thumb swept over the back of my hand in response. He leaned forward slightly as if worried.
The king grinned at the suspense he had created. “Lord Venerick, would you accept the honor of my daughter’s hand?”
Kasten slumped back in his chair in relief. The lord in question stood, and chatter broke out, but my eyes were still on Lord Lyrason. His mouth was open in shock. His hands half raised. He looked betrayed, and that look was quickly turning to fury.
Callum chuckled next to me. “Look at him! He looks like a spoiled puppy that’s been kicked out into the street!”
Kasten’s response was more measured. “I think the king might have just made himself a very powerful enemy. There’s definitely something going on between them.”
Callum sat back. “Good. Let our enemies be occupied fighting each other. Might mean we actually get a break.”
I kicked him under the table. “Not too loud.”
Kasten shook his head. “The king wants to finalize the plans for the next campaign. He wants me here in a fortnight for a week to decide on the best plan.”
My heart sank.
Callum frowned. “Already? A whole week?”
At least he wouldn’t be away fighting this time. Still, I would miss him. I’d wanted us to have time to build our relationship now it was moving forward. There was still so much about him I didn’t understand. I squeezed his knee with gentle pressure.
Kasten nodded. “I get the feeling I’m being kept busy and out of the way. Lord Lyrason and the king might be working together.”
Callum sighed and drank his wine, then leaned over and drank mine too. “Well, that news has thoroughly ruined my day.” A servant leaned over and refilled both glasses.
More servants arrived with the first course of food, poached eggs in an acidic smelling sauce with watercress, and I lifted my hand from Kasten’s knee. I instantly missed our connection but couldn’t eat politely one-handed. Even though I didn’t understand much of what was going on, while we were touching, I didn’t feel left out.
Kasten stoodand held out his hand to me as the servants came to clear the dessert bowls. I took it and smiled as I rose, pride blooming in my chest that I was standing next to the general in view of all these important people.
Kasten’s eyes lingered on me for several heartbeats before he turned away. “Now that dinner is over, the less distinguished guests join us and there’s ballroom dancing.” I could tell from his tone that he wasn’t enthused. “Would you like to stay?” The question sounded genuine.
I chuckled and patted his arm. “You were very kind to dance with me earlier. I won’t put you through that again in front of the masses.” After seeing the king’s effect on Kasten, and how much he hated being here, I just wanted to go home where it was safe. Hopefully, we’d have another chance to dance together at a different occasion. “Shall we go to our carriage?”
Callum stood up from the table. “Ah, but the wine here is so good.” He glanced down at me and grinned. “No, you’re right. Now is a good time to leave before mister grouchy here gets any worse.”
Kasten ignored him and narrowed his eyes at somebody across the room. “You two make your way to the atrium. I need to have a word with somebody.”
Callum followed his gaze and worked his jaw but said nothing. He threw me a smile and nodded to the servants in the corner. “I’ll ask for our cloaks and coats.”
I nodded and picked up my glass, sipping the last of the sweet berry dessert wine. The explosion of flavors warmed me from my toes to my cheeks. Callum was right, it was good, and I didn’t want to waste it. To one side, full orchestral music started to play, and I drifted from the table to get a glimpse of the royal ballroom before we left.
I rounded the corner and dropped my glass. It shattered on the marble floor, sparkling shards covering the hem of my dress with specks of red.
Father was standing there, George at his side.
Seeing him so close made it hard to breathe. I tried to collect myself as I shrank under the pressure of his gaze. I was very small and very alone.
“Is that how you greet your father, Sophie?” He frowned down to the splinters of glass. “What a mess you are making.” His fingers tapped the top of his walking stick in displeasure.
A tremble ran up my spine. I’d thought I was stronger than this. I thought I would face him more easily now that I’d had sent George away. But I was just as weak as ever. Pathetic.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and bobbed a curtsy. I bent down to pick up the smashed glass pieces. Gloved hands reached them first and I followed them in surprise to see Kasten bent down beside me, efficiently collecting the pieces. His expression was suppressed rage.
I glanced back at Father. He wouldn’t approve of Kasten kneeling on the floor due to my mistake. He studied my husband with pursed lips and calculating eyes.
Kasten leaned toward me, as I half knelt. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m here now.”
I wanted to reach out and grab him to absorb some of his strength and confidence, but I resisted. We stood together, and a servant hurried over to take the glass pieces from Kasten’s hands.
“Lord Halfield.” Kasten nodded curtly. “It appears you startled my wife.” There was no warmth or courtesy in his tone, only accusation.
Father bowed his head. “My apologies, General. I apologize on her behalf, too, for the trouble she just caused you. She has always been a little clumsy.” His eyes flicked to mine with the last sentence, and I looked down and kept my back straight, my hands folded neatly in my skirts. The posture that made everyone look over me.
Tension and anger radiated from Kasten, but Father spoke as if he didn’t notice. “We are just about to have a private audience with the king.” He puffed himself up with a self-satisfied smile. “I trust you are both well? Any news yet?”
I raised my eyes in question and saw him looking pointedly at my belly. My heartrate picked up and I shook my head.
Father sighed. “Pity. I assume you still have the tonics? Since you sent Miss Claris away so abruptly, I fear you don’t have everything you’re accustomed to.”
I started to speak. “I am?—”
Kasten stepped forward, interrupting me, his voice dangerous. “Believe me, she is well cared for, Lord Halfield. She has many maids, and you shouldn’t question my ability to see that her every need is met by trying to send your own.”
Father smiled widely at the general and bowed again. “That wasn’t my intention, General. I merely like to know my beloved daughter is happy. She contributes much to our family.”
His words made my skin crawl. I swallowed down the nausea.
I was dimly aware of Callum coming to stand on the other side of Kasten and laying a cautionary hand on his arm. I just wanted to leave, but I needed to show Father I was stronger now and wanted him to leave us alone and out of his schemes.
“I am well, Father. Thank you for your concern. We were just on our way to…to…”
“We were leaving.” Kasten finished far more rudely. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him protectively.
I didn’t dare look at my father as Kasten pushed us past him and toward the footmen lining the palace entrance hall. This room was too stuffy. I needed air.
I had wanted to tell Father that I didn’t need his help or protection anymore, but Kasten hadn’t given me the chance. He probably didn’t think I was strong enough to stand up to Father. He was probably right.
I felt small and weak. I didn’t want to feel like this. I didn’t want to be this person anymore. I thought I’d changed. I thought I had left her behind.
“Sophie?”
Kasten’s voice snapped me back to reality.
“Hmm?” was all I managed. I looked up to see his concerned eyes studying every detail of my face as if they contained secrets. I supposed they did.
“Are you well? If you need to, you can draw strength from your necklace.”
“I…I just want to go back to the townhouse.” I felt foolish saying it when I had begged to come here.
Kasten nodded and kept his arm around my waist, sweeping me out into the dusk air. He felt rigid beside me.
A thought struck me out of nowhere. A worry that was so obvious, I should have given it more thought. I looked up at his severe profile. “When you agreed to marry me, what were the terms set between you and Father?”
Kasten glanced back, distracted. “You don’t know? You had a dowry of one thousand pescos. In return, he got his link to royalty, which he craved, and I excused his son, George, from being on the reserves for military service.”
One thousand pescos. Kasten was already wealthy; that would have made no difference to him.
I stopped, forcing him to turn. “Then why did you choose to marry me, Kasten? And so quickly?”
The general turned his attention back to me as if only just processing the direction of my questions.
“I…eh…well, I saw you were unhappy. I saw the way Sir Cuthbert treated you, as well as your father. I didn’t want you to be bargained away to one of his business associates. And I needed a wife so Kasomere wouldn’t be claimed by the king in the likely event of my death.”
The words settled across my chest and tightened my ribcage.
He had married me out of pity and convenience.
He had a good heart, so he had decided to rescue the defenseless, helpless girl, too weak to help herself. Just like he had taken pity on all the helpless people in Kasomere.
Too weak to even give her the chance to speak to her father. And would I have managed, if he hadn’t interrupted? Probably not.
It made more sense now. It suited his character and explained why he had mostly ignored me. He didn’t need me to be a wife in truth because he had merely been acting on his compassion.
My mind went back to the kiss. Had that been out of pity too? Because I had kissed him first? He didn’t want me to feel rejected. I had thought he was attracted to me, but I could easily be reading too much into his subtle smiles and gestures.
Beside me, I became vaguely aware of Callum hissing something at Kasten and elbowing him. They felt far away now, despite Kasten’s arm still being around my waist. Ever the protector.
He was a good man. I…I…
To my embarrassment, tears welled behind my eyes. I held my breath and hid my face until I was safely in the darkness of a carriage.
I hadn’t helped Kasten at all tonight. I’d thought I could aid Kasten as his wife by socializing, but all I’d done was make him angry and show my ignorance. I had begged him for a dance before tripping over my own skirts. It hadn’t even been hard footwork. Not to mention the smashed wine glass…
I was so unworthy of him.
Kasten and Callum joined me a moment later, but the silence lingered all the way back to the townhouse. I couldn’t shake the feeling Father created in me. I was small. I was weak and clumsy. I was nothing more than somebody for Kasten to pity and protect.
The darkness I hadn’t felt for weeks rose from the depths of my soul and swallowed me whole.