January 29
So what if I continue to run away? Maybe if I’ll be distracted long enough I’ll feel better someday.
Anyway, I like traveling around the world, seeing a different sunset every day, meeting new people and new cultures.
I love what I do, and I enjoy every day.
Well, I did until Amit came into the picture.
Who says that if I face my fears I’ll really feel better?
Even if everyone over there accepts me, will I feel better stuck in New York instead of traveling?
Facing your fears sounds good in theory, but my happiness doesn’t follow formulas.
When I’m traveling, I’m not scared. I left that fear behind and I didn’t give up a thing.
I didn’t have a problem leaving my family and friends; I didn’t have a problem with everyone I knew disappearing from my life.
Except Amit. I spent hours arguing with myself like this.
The part of me that had been happy couldn’t comprehend how one person could bring everything to a standstill.
I finally gave in and started the read The Alchemist , the book Amit had given me.
It was because I missed him that I started reading it.
I thought perhaps it would bring me a trace of Amit.
Maybe not the best idea, but the only one I had.
Right from the beginning, I understood why Amit gave me that particular book; it’s about a nomadic journey.
But, a few hours later, I finished reading and threw the book against the wall.
“Come on! What is this crap!” I yelled at the walls.
Amit’s voice appeared in my head: “I told you the end would surprise you.”
“I’m only surprised by how much it sucked!” I replied to him, or myself.
How could such an amazing story have such a terrible ending? That whole journey only to find that the treasure is at the starting point. What an appalling waste of time.
Another flashback hit me, of Amit’s flushed face with the gecko in his hand, his glasses askew and my irrational certainty that I’d stumbled on a treasure.
On the other hand – Amit and I also had a terrible ending.
If there was a book about us, readers would probably toss it out of the window, and I’d join them if I could.
No. I won’t. I won’t let my story end terribly. There are good endings, bad endings – but terrible? No! A writer must be brave and make choices. Or just settle for a terrible ending to get away with not choosing. It’s so unfair!
It took me a while but then I got it, what Amit, the author, or the universe itself was trying to tell me.
If I didn’t have the experience of being a nomad – this amazing journey – I would never have connected with Amit.
It’s true. In Brooklyn I might not even have glanced at him if I’d passed him in the street.
I had to make my journey in order to notice him.
It wasn’t random. It was meant to be. Everything I’d experienced was a prelude to meeting Amit at the right moment in time.
Amit wasn’t just a point in time, he wasn’t a footnote or an accident that I should have avoided or moved beyond.
He was the objective – the destination I’d been traveling towards.
The nomadic life was the means, not the end.
My story has to end differently. It won’t have a terrible ending. It will end with a choice.
I picked up my phone and was surprised to see a lot of messages wishing me happy birthday.
I hadn’t been paying attention to the dates recently.
Turns out I was 25 that day. I saw the names on the screen and my heart twinged.
What with Amit leaving and the Vipassana workshop, I hadn’t been in touch with friends for the past few weeks.
I hadn’t replied to their messages. It’s not that I didn’t see them, but I hadn’t had the energy or interest to reply.
Everything had seemed meaningless. One of the messages was from Naama. I opened it immediately.
Dear Daniel,
You’ve seen so much in your life, traveled the world and made connections with so many people, but there are some things you have to learn on your own – not through others.
Sometimes you have to sweat blood to understand.
I won’t be generic and wish you wealth and happiness, but I will wish you as little agony as possible on your road to the real happiness you seek.
I wish you the strength to choose and take risks with your whole heart.
Live life without regret. That’s what I would wish myself at your age.
Keep inspiring others and sharing your contagious enthusiasm for life wherever you go.
We loved meeting you, even if our time together was short.
We’ll keep following you Happy birthday.
Naama was right. It was time to sweat blood.