Chapter 15
fifteen
LULU
I don't know what to do. The uncertainty is killing me. Preston won't leave for work and I feel like I should be alone. He's only making my wild torrent of emotions even worse.
Slipping into Little space last night after we got back to his house was a relief.
Except I'm a bit embarrassed about how I completely avoided the issue.
Preston won't let me wallow in my misery.
He keeps trying to coax my Little out of her hiding place, but it's not working.
I don't think it'll work until he stops frowning at me.
I did my best to avoid looking at him when I was playing last night which helped me relax. Waking up in my adult mindset doesn't give me such privileges.
"Baby, why don't we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie?"
I bite the inside of my cheek to hold my words in. There's been something else on my mind. I want Preston to touch me. If I'm going to be all in, I need to know if he wants me that way too.
I can't be in Little space for that to happen. Plus what better way to take my mind off of seeing my father's lifeless body being dragged on the ground than losing my virginity?
Preston sucks in a tired breath and leans his butt against the countertop. He's probably trying to find some patience to put up with me. "I can see you want to say something, Lulu. What's on your mind?"
"I—" My big gulp is audible, making my cheeks heat. Shoot, I'm just going to say it. "Will you give me a bath, Preston?"
Watching his eyes widen would be comical if it weren't for my shaking hands. I'm terrified he'll reject me.
Preston's jaw clenches not once, but three times before he clears his throat. "I need to address some things. First, you're my Little girl. No matter what headspace you're in, I'm your Daddy. Is that something you're okay with?"
I look down at the ground, my mind and my heart warring with each other.
His boots stomp toward me and his warm hand cups my cheek. "Lulu, do you want to be my Little and my woman still? Or was yesterday about wanting us to end?"
"No!" The stricken look on his face makes me stumble over my next words as the emotions become too great to hold on to. "Oh gosh. I'm so sorry! No, it wasn't about us. Yes, I want you to be my-my Daddy but I'm confused and l-lost!"
"Come here," he murmurs. Not waiting for my response, he lifts me into his arms and brings us to a room beside his. "This is your playroom," he rumbles, stomping through it.
I get glimpses of pretty things and blank walls. My heart swells but I'm soon captivated by the frown on his face again. "Presto—"
He raises a brow as he sits us down in a baby-pink rocking chair.
I don't find it hard to accept he wants me to only refer to him as Daddy. That might be the easiest part of all of this honestly.
"You haven't stopped frowning, Daddy," I whisper and hide under his jaw. "You haven't touched me. Why haven't we had sex? What do you really want from me?"
The rise and fall of his chest stutters a few times but he finally responds.
Cupping the back of my neck, he presses his lips to the top of my forehead.
"Why don't you tell me what you want, little one?
I'm a little confused too. I thought we'd been over the fact that we're in a relationship and want a life together. "
He sounds worried which hurts my heart and makes my stomach clench with guilt.
"I want—" I've never told anyone what I want.
Daddy is safe though... "I want to be Little whenever I want.
That's my dream; to not be afraid if I'm slipping into that headspace when it wasn't planned.
I want you to love me, and like actually want me. "
"Those things sound perfect to me, baby. So what has you confused?"
He's holding back so he doesn't upset me, I know it. I feel like that's what he's been doing since we met. "You haven't even kissed me, Daddy. You've been treating me like an Uncle, not the man who says I belong to him..."
"Fuck," Daddy hisses and gives me some of his weight for a change. Shifting, he repositions me on his lap so I'm straddling his big thighs and his hand goes around my throat and jaw to keep me in place. "I've fucked this all up. Jesus, I don't even have your phone number."
"I don't have a phone." A low growl rumbles out of him but I quickly amend my statement. "I've been using my mom’s. I've never had my own so I don't even know her number."
"That will be fixed by the end of the day.
Things are about to change, little girl.
Are you ready? Because I'm realizing that holding back was the wrong call.
" When my eyes light up, he chuckles. "No, that doesn't mean we're going right to sex, little minx.
We haven't known each other long enough and you don't trust me yet. "
"Yes I do!" I gasp and fist his shirt. "I do!"
The sad smile on his face makes my heart clench. "You won't tell me what happened yesterday, Lulu. I've been hesitant to push you and go full Daddy. The fact that you didn't run to me and tell me what happened says a lot."
"I—" It's not that I don't want to tell him, it's just how. How do I tell him I saw my father's dead body yesterday and thought an MC member was going to kill me? "I want to tell you. I'm just scared."
Internally I'm stifling the urge to slip into Little space so I can avoid this confrontation. Being with Preston, having a Daddy, is something completely outside of my comfort zone. He's not the only one holding back for fear of the unknown.
"If I tell you does that mean you'll kiss me?
" When I woke up this morning, it felt like everything had shifted.
I thought I was going to die yesterday and all I wanted was to give Daddy my all.
I want everything with him. It's as if that epiphany awoke my senses.
I've been wanting him to touch me all day, but wasn't sure he would want to because he hasn't even tried yet.
"Oh baby," Daddy says around a chuckle. To my utter surprise, he drags me into his chest and slants his mouth over mine. I have no idea what to do but the moment his tongue tickles the seam of my lips, I gasp and everything tingles in the most overwhelming way possible.
More. I need more. But I also need him to show me how.
A needy moan slips free from me when he nibbles on my lip. "Daddy," I whimper when he trails those tantalizing bites down to my jaw where he still grips me gently.
"You never need to earn a kiss, little one," he rumbles when he pulls back. "If you would like to tell me what happened, I'll cherish it always. I gotta say though, my instincts are driving me to punish it out of you because you haven't eaten all day and you screamed multiple times last night."
"I did?" Holy crap, when?
He frowns and I wish I hadn't said anything. "You don't remember your nightmares?" Daddy makes a noncommittal sound when I shake my head. "Alright. Well, what would you like to do? I won’t always give you the option to keep things from me, but we're new."
"I want to tell you, but Daddy..." I trail off, unsure how to say this. A warm kiss on my mouth pulls the words from me. "I need you to be my Daddy even when I'm not Little. My life hasn't been normal and sometimes I just... I really don't know what to do."
"My brave beautiful woman. Thank you for telling me what you need from me."
On my next exhale, I tell him what I saw because if he starts going on about our relationship again, I might never get the words out. "I saw my father's dead body and thought the guy who did it was going to kill me. Then my truck broke down."