Chapter 16
sixteen
PRESTON
Lulu has said one fucking sentence and I'm already close to losing my shit. It takes all my willpower to stay seated with her on my lap.
"I'm going to need you to tell me more," I push through my teeth. "From the beginning, Lulu."
So she does. Her voice is flat and her eyes stay trained on my chest the entire time. She starts from the moment she pulled down the dirt road to her childhood house.
I'm already pissed when she describes how she didn't even get close enough to trip on the rotting wood that had fallen from a nearby tree. A picture has already built up in my head of the life she lived before me, and it only seems to get worse each time we talk about it.
I thought it was hard not to start pacing before but when my sweet Little girl describes the fucking gunshot wound in her father's forehead..."Lulu, I need to set you down for a second."
She barely reacts to me moving us around and my body heat leaving her. I feel like the worst kind of asshole when she starts shivering without me holding her but I'm so damn afraid I'll squeeze her too tight and scare her.
"Then the MC guy started shouting at me. He grabbed me with his bloody hands. My father's blood was there," she whispers, staring at her pale forearm where a small bruise has formed. How did I not notice that? "I cleaned the blood off on a leaf."
"MC guy..." I mutter to myself. My heart is pounding and I haven't stopped pacing. I should be holding my girl, but I can't. This is too much.
"Then the president saved me. The first guy is getting fired. Did you know they don't hurt women or children?" Her monotone is what finally makes me pause. "He told me my father offered to sell me to pay off his debt to them. He signed his own death sentence I guess."
"Lulu—" My pathetic croak is cut off. No Little should ever need to say those words. It goes against everything a Daddy wants for his baby.
With her feet a few inches off the ground, her hands braced beside her thighs and her eyes zoned out, Lulu says the most horrific thing possible.
"It wasn't the worst thing. I mean, the bastard kept me locked in the basement most of my life.
He even whipped me on occasion when the mood struck.
Is it bad I didn't mind seeing his blood smeared across his dead lawn?
He didn't care to keep anything alive...
even me. I'm relieved he's gone. Does that make me a monster? "
For the first time since she started telling me what happened, she looks at me. The slight tinge of worry in her gaze snaps me out of my rage. I can be horrified and rageful later. For now, my woman needs me and the Little in her requires my dominance.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I grasp her face in my palms and let her see the truth in my eyes.
"No, Lulu, absolutely not. You are not a monster.
What you are feeling is very real and valid, baby.
That man abused you when he was supposed to love you.
Relief is expected, so is not knowing how to respond. "
To my horror, Lulu's bottom lip wobbles and her eyes fill with tears. "Am I bad, Daddy?"
"God no!" Pulling her from the chair as I stand, I cradle her to my chest and take the brunt of her back breaking sobs. "You're such a good girl. My good girl. The strongest sweetest woman I've ever met. The world needs more people like you, little one."
As her sobs turn to sniffles, I decide it's time to move forward. Standing with her tucked against me, I walk us to our bedroom and into the attached bathroom. "Do you want some bath toys?" I ask and turn the water on for the tub.
Lulu stiffens and manages to push her way out of my arms. I don't fight her movements, knowing she might need something I don't understand quite yet. So I watch her fingers twist in her shirt and her eyes shift away.
"No, Daddy. I can't be Little right now."
With the tub filling, I lift her chin. "Why not?"
A pretty blush brightens her cheeks helping me understand where her head is at a bit more. "The first time I'm naked, I don't want to be your Little. I want to be your woman, Daddy. Because maybe then..."
I hum and rub my thumbs over her high cheek bones. "Nothing is happening while I bathe you this time. But that doesn't mean I'm not extremely attracted to you."
"If you are, then why haven't you had sex with me? Isn't that what happens when people want each other?"
I work damn hard to keep my frown in check. I'm learning that nonverbal cues are very important when communicating with Lulu. She clocks the slight change in facial expressions each time, just like I'm learning to do with her.
It's a punch to the gut every time I remember Lulu didn't have a normal childhood. Her perception of relationships is extremely warped which means it's up to me to ensure she feels safe and comfortable before we cross any lines.
Unable to help myself, I lean down and kiss her gently.
"Baby, when the time is right, I'll worship your body.
Our focus right now is connecting and building trust. Those things can happen slow or fast depending on the couple.
Let's just see where our love takes us, okay?
No need to rush when we have our entire lives. "
"Okay," she whispers, still sounding confused but my kiss dazed her a little. "I have um... I have some scars."
My lips tense but I don't purse them in rage like I normally would. Instead, I give her a gentle smile and tug her fingers away from her shirt. "I'll love all of you, Lulu."
She gasps and sways toward me like my words magnetize her. "You love me?"
"I do. I love you more than anything. I'm sorry if that was too soon but—"
"I love you too!" she blurts and immediately covers her mouth with shaking fingers. "Oh jeez. Sometimes my small side is hard to control. I got excited..."
Fuck, she's perfect. "I will always welcome Little Lulu when she peeks out. She's adorable and deserves all the attention. You sure you don't want toys, baby?"
"I'm sure," Lulu declares, voice strong even though I see the slight hesitation in her gaze. "Green, Daddy."
"Good girl," I rumble, proud of her for remembering what I need to hear.
Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her creamy skin and perky nipples. The bra that came off with her shirt is a tiny tank top that seems to be enough support for her smaller breasts.
"Stunning," I whisper, running my hands down her ribcage. The slight way her ribs protrude concerns me, but it's nothing I can't heal. I'll make her any kind of food she wants for the rest of her life.
When my fingers dip into the waistband of her bottoms and underwear, I glance up at Lulu.
"Still green." Her voice is breathy and so sexy I almost regret telling her we would take our time.
It only gets worse when her clean-shaven mound comes into view and the scent of her arousal reaches my nose. Fuck. Fuck!
"Daddy?"
Sucking in a breath, I force my eyes away from her glistening lips. She's so turned on just from this small interaction. "Sorry, little one. You have me mesmerized. Come on, let's get you warmed up."
She doesn't comment on how tense my tone is which I hope means I'm not scaring her. When she put us firmly in Big girl, Daddy territory, I didn't think it would be this hard to keep my hands to myself.
As she turns to step in, I catch sight of the scars she was talking about. Thin, long white lines are scattered across her back and what's even fucking more distressing is they travel over her ass too.
That man whipped her with no fucking pants on. What perverted sick fuck would do this to his daughter?
"He's dead, Daddy."
My chest collapses at her whispered words. Part of me wishes he weren't so I could torture him myself. A bullet to the head was a goddamn mercy he didn't deserve.
Her big brown eyes peer up at me from her seated position in the tub. Guilt swamps me that I didn't help her get in and I drop to my knees beside the porcelain wall.
"I'm so sorry for what's happened to you. I'm even more sorry I wasn't there to save you. But you saved yourself all on your own. I'm so proud of you, Lulu."
I watch her sift through my statements as if trying to find cracks in the truth. She must find none or give up, because she soon nods with a small smile and slumps back into the tub.
"You rest. Daddy needs to take care of you," I murmur and drop a bath bomb between her legs. Her gasp makes my dick hard and when she starts to wiggle as it fizzles near her pussy, I shush her. "Relax."
I'm aware I'm only heightening her arousal as I run my hands over her silky body, but I avoid her nipples and leave it to her to clean her privates. There's too much fear that if I touch her pretty little pussy, I'll take her all the way. I quicken the bath and get her out.
We're both a tense, hot, mess as I wrap her in a towel thirty minutes later. The path to getting her ready for bed is intense yet sweet as she submits to me. I fall asleep worried that I started something we'll need to finish sooner than I had planned.