Chapter 46
“What can I do?” Chase pulls back and wipes my tear-stained cheeks.
“Keep kissing me. I need to feel you.” Wordlessly, he stands from the bed and picks me up in a bridal carry. My arms go around his neck as he carries me across the room.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m going to take care of you.” He kisses my forehead where it rests against his shoulder.
Walking into the bathroom, he sets me on the counter and turns to the bathtub, cranking on the hot water.
I watch as the tub fills with water, and he dumps in bubble bath and bath salts.
When he’s happy with the temperature, he turns off the water and discards his pants and underwear.
Sliding off the counter, I remove my clothes as he scans my body. I feel the warmth of love in his gaze. Admiration. Devotion.
“Come here.” He holds his hand out for me and I take it, the feel of his callused palm against my skin calming me.
“You’re so beautiful.” He kisses me slowly, taking his time to explore every corner of my mouth.
Pulling him closer, I sink my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and try to take it further.
To feel every inch of him pressed against me.
“Let’s get you in the tub.”
“Aren’t you joining me?” I need his strength and love wrapped around me.
“Yeah, Princess. I’m getting in too.”
I step into the hot water and sigh as I sit down. It feels heavenly. When he sits behind me and pulls me back to his chest, I close my eyes and revel in the comfort of his embrace.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“Anything for you.” He presses a light kiss to my neck.
“I’m sorry for picking a fight with you.”
“I know. I’d like to talk about what was really happening whenever you’re ready. You’ve had a rough day, so let me take care of you.”
“I think I’d like to talk about it now if that’s okay.”
“Whatever you need.”
“I’m not sure what exactly Miller told you, but last year I had a scare. There was a lump in my breast and the doctor ordered a diagnostic mammogram. I did the scan, and they said there was nothing to worry about.”
He stays quiet, sensing I need to get this all out at once.
“It was a huge relief, but there’s still this fear associated with it, you know?
Like what if they got it wrong? What if it wasn’t the lump I thought I felt?
I feel a whole host of anxiety when I think about it.
But since I was cleared, I didn’t tell anyone about it.
Miller only knows because he found me that day.
Just like he found me today. Oh my god.” I start to cry.
My poor friend. He’s found me comatose twice now.
“He’s downstairs. He’s okay,” Chase soothes.
“I can’t believe I did that to him again.”
“He’s worried about you, but I promise he’s okay. He’s not going anywhere until he knows you’re okay too.”
“I’m glad he called you.”
“Me too. Keep going, Princess. Get it out.” He massages my shoulders, distracting me with his touch. I focus on it while I share the rest.
“So, my annual gynecology appointment was last week. Leading up to it, I started getting more anxious and not trusting myself when I tried to do my self-exam. I knew the doctor would do another breast exam while I was there, but all of the sudden the past couple weeks the worry creeped in.”
“When was your appointment?”
“The day after Bark in the Park.”
“When Taylor came over? She said you weren’t acting yourself that day. Then that night you were really quiet.”
“Yeah, she was here when I got back from the doctor’s office.”
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, told her I was working at a coffee shop.”
“What happened at your appointment?” he asks, getting us back on track.
“My doctor thinks she felt something in the other breast, not the same one as last year. She wasn’t sure if it was just dense breast tissue, or if it was a lump. So, she ordered another diagnostic mammogram. I’m not forty yet and don’t have annual mammograms yet.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He stops massaging and turns my chin to him.
“I don’t know.”
“Bree.” His plea for more hurts my heart. I hate that I did this to him, to us.
“I was scared. I wanted to go home and fall apart for a minute, throw myself a pity party, and then forget about it until my mammogram. I didn’t want to bring anyone into it until I knew for sure if something was going on or not.
I know we talked about me being more open, but this is me, Chase.
I overanalyze, I overthink, and I avoid my problems when the emotions are too heavy to deal with. ”
“Is that why you picked a fight?” He rests his head on my shoulder, pulling me closer into his chest.
“Partly. The night of my appointment was the game where you winked at the camera and put your jersey in your mouth. I was in a bad headspace and Ivory and Taylor were talking about how hot that move was. Obviously, I loved it too, but then I looked around and you had every woman in the stadium frothing at the mouth for you.”
“And I only had eyes for you.”
I cling to his arms around my middle like he’s my life raft in a storm. His steady heart beating against my shoulder blade assures me of his truth as I share the deepest, darkest part of my intrusive thoughts from that night.
“Logically, I know that, but in that moment it felt like you could have anyone you wanted and they would be better than me. Not someone who insisted your relationship be a secret. Not someone who is an anxious overthinker who keeps putting you through hell just because she doesn’t know how to turn it off and live in the moment.
And definitely not someone who may or may not be facing a cancer diagnosis. ”
“All the fears creeped in, and you believed them,” he whispers into my ear.
“I did. I’m not proud of it, but mentally I was shot.
I couldn’t fight it off, so I let it fester, and then when you got in that fight at the game a few days later because of me?
I couldn’t take it. The possibility of you getting into more trouble because of me, the idea off our relationship being outed before we were ready, it was too much all at once and I reacted.
I tried to push you away because I convinced myself if we broke it off now, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. ”
“And how did that go?” I feel his smile as he kisses my cheek, already knowing the answer.
“It was miserable, and it was only a few days that we barely spoke.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere. Inconvenient time to be on the road, but regardless of if you had sent me that text or not, I was coming over here today to work it out. I’m all in with you Bree. You can try to push me away but I’m not leaving. You’re it for me.”
“How can you say that? I’ve been an absolute nightmare to deal with, and you don’t even know what the doctor said.”
“I don’t need to know what they said. It’s not going to change anything for me. Whatever happens we’ll figure it out together. As for you being a nightmare, I wouldn’t have you any other way. Your big, beautiful brain is part of what I love about you.”
Gasping, I freeze.
“Did you just—” I turn around in the tub to face him, my legs straddling his hips.
“Well, I didn’t foresee this happening naked in the bathtub with you, but I’m not mad at it.
” He winks. “I did. I love you, Princess. Every single piece of you that you try to fight and hide away. I love that you care. I love your drive and your passion for your work. I love how you challenge me to be better, to do better. I love how you don’t take shit from anyone, but on the inside you worry more than you should.
I love how you see me as more than The Chaser and my mistakes.
How you gave me a second chance even when you demanded to keep me your dirty little secret.
I love your friends, who’ve become my friends.
I love this bubble we’ve created together, where you can relax and let me in.
It’s all you, Bree. Imperfect and perfect, all of it together. I love you.”
“Chase.” I don’t know what to say. I’m on emotional overload. He kisses the tears off my cheeks then my nose, then my forehead. I feel his love in every point of contact.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I didn’t tell you because I expect you to say it back. I wanted you to know. I’ve almost told you so many times but the timing wasn’t right. Not saying the timing is right now with what’s going on, but I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”
“The timing was perfect.” I kiss him, pouring every ounce of emotion I possess into the kiss. I can’t say it with words, but I can show him how I feel. “I need you.”
“You have me.” He deepens our kiss, sucking my tongue into his mouth and drawing a needy moan from my throat.
Reaching between us, I fist his hardness and he whimpers when I pump him slowly.
“I don’t have a condom in here.”
“I don’t care. I need to feel you.” Sitting up, I sink down onto his length. Water sloshes over the edge of the tub as I rock over him.
“Slower, baby. Just let me feel you. We’re not in a rush.” He slows my hips to a snail’s pace, rocking me in rhythm with the water. The friction of him inside me lights me on fire.
“Right there.” I moan against his mouth when his tip hits the spot deep inside me.
“That’s it. Take what you need from me, use me, Princess. I’m yours.” With one hand still gripping my hip, his other runs over my spine to tangle in my hair.
“Kiss me,” I say into his mouth. The kiss is sloppy and wet, all tongue and open-mouthed fervor. When he circles my clit and pulls my hair at the same time, I whisper-shout “Oh fuck, yes, just like that.”
“Be quiet or he’ll hear you.”
I forgot Miller was still downstairs. Chase quickens his pace in time with his finger and that’s all it takes to send me over the edge.
I bite down on his shoulder to keep from screaming my release.
He pulls out and comes in the water, sinking back to rest his head against the ledge of the tub behind him.
I chuckle when he says, “I think we need a shower now to actually get clean.”
He stands from the water, and I watch enraptured as the water slides down every bulge of muscle. He’s already hard again and my mouth waters at the urge to taste him.
“Can we get dirty again before we get clean?”
“You see something you like?” he asks from above me. Biting my lip, I look up at him through my lashes and nod.
“You know what to do.” Licking my lips, I sit up on my knees and take his cock into my hand. He draws in a breath when my lips close around the tip and suck. “Fuck, you’re perfect.”