Chapter 17 Beck
Beck
Getting back to the house, I let out a sigh of relief at the porch light turned on. I knew she’d beat me here, but a small part of me worried she’d sneak off to Lucie’s.
By the time I park and get to my stoop, I see Dottie wiggling away. “Hey, Dot, miss me?” I start to pet her head, but Jensen tugs back on her leash with a small scream.
“Christ, Beck, you scared me!”
Stepping closer, I pet Dottie properly this time. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Are you guys going in or out?”
“Back in,” Jensen whispers. “I took her out as soon as I got here.”
“I could have done that for you.” Straightening back up, I lock in on those eyes of hers.
Us living together is a ticking time bomb. We’ve got to do something. She could tell me to completely fuck off tonight, and not a single part of me would judge her for that. I just hope she hears me out.
Jensen bites at her lower lip and holds out Dottie’s leash. “She probably would have preferred that.”
“That’s not true, right, Dot?”
When Dottie lets out a small bark, Jensen breathes out a laugh.
“See?” I look at her hoping to hold on to this calm-before-the-storm feeling. Jensen’s cheeks blush before spinning on her heels to head inside.
With a deep breath, I squat down in front of Dottie to take off her leash. “Wish me luck,” I whisper before we head inside.
No part of me knows how this conversation is about to go, and with the way Jensen’s on edge, even less so. Hanging Dottie’s leash by the door, I hit the lock, then turn to her ready to get this over with, but to my surprise, she speaks first.
“Okay, I know you want to talk about whatever”—she gestures between us—“this is, and I think we just need to get it all out.”
I take a cautious step to her. “Agreed. Do you want me to go first?”
Jensen swallows hard then nods.
“Okay, laying it all out there—I don’t want a relationship.
I don’t want love or promises of forever.
But I can’t say that one time will be enough.
I think it’s safe to put it out there for both of us that there’s this mutual attraction.
I can’t get you out of my head. I haven’t entertained the idea of anyone but you since the night we met. ”
Jensen stills. “You haven’t slept with anyone? No one at all?”
I shake my head. “Haven’t in over two years, actually. There’s a deeper reasoning for not wanting to have a relationship, so unless it was abundantly clear all the way that it was nothing more than a one-night thing then it wasn’t happening.”
I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. I dare another step closer. “Jensen, let me be more clear. I didn’t sleep with anyone for a year and three months for that reason—I haven’t slept with anyone for the past nine months because I met you.”
Her eyes widen a bit. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but that makes it sound like our situation is a little more…unclear.”
Clear as fucking mud.
“Yeah, you’re really fucking with my head, Killer.”
“Right back at ya.” Jensen folds her arms across her chest with a small sigh.
“I can’t completely disregard the fact that I do feel something for you, but I don’t want a relationship right now either.
I know yours seems more of a long-term thing, and eventually I will want to find love. So, for now…”
“Now, we get it out of our system.”
“We get it out of our system,” Jensen parrots, then purses her lips. “Roommates with benefits, I guess?”
I repeat her this time. “Roommates with benefits. No attachments, and we keep the same ground rule—communicate with each other.”
Jensen stands up straighter. “I’m adding a no kissing rule to that.”
I quirk an eyebrow, that seemed to have a little bit of thought behind it. “Interesting rule…”
“Other places are fine, but don’t kiss me on the lips. I told you, there’s a little more for me here. We need to keep this purely sexual. Neither of us want more, right?”
I nod, understanding a bit more of what she’s getting at.
“Much to my dismay, I’m a romantic at heart. You kiss me and if it’s the slightest bit romantic, I’ll be fucked.”
I’ve never considered what it would be like to look my soul in the mirror, but I swear I am right now. I’ve called Jensen my polar opposite before, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I get her point. Kissing her at the bar tonight would have been catastrophic, because if I had, I’m not so sure the romantic in me would ever let her go.
“Got it, no romance. No candles or flowers. No fancy dates, just us as we normally are, plus sex.”
At that, it’s like what we’ve been talking about registers to her. She lets out a nervous laugh. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this. This is insane.” Jensen holds her hands up and retreats to the living room. “We can’t actually do this, can we?”
Following her, I can’t find it in me to slow down until my hands are on her waist and spinning her back around to face me. “Jen, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I want to try, but if it’s a no for you, then it’s a no. I’ll still be here for you no matter what you want.”
Jensen’s eyes pull from mine as she whispers. “Can I think about it?”
“Of course,” I answer without a pause. Moving my hands to her face, I bring her back to focus on me. All the struggle is shown in her eyes. I don’t ever want to be a form of stress for her.
So, I do the one thing I know to do. Annoy her.
With my signature smile I let go of her face and turn my hat around backward. “Does this help any?”
Her eyes roll immediately, taking the bait. “Beck, don’t.”
She gives me a quick push back, but I’m not done. “Oh, come on, we still have the classic debate on if I’m pierced or not.”
Jensen shakes her head and even though she’s starting to walk away I see that smile tugging at her lips. “Good night, Beckham.”
I wait for her to hit the stairs before I keep going. “Oh, come on, we can do missionary first so we can still argue. It’s perfect for us.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything until she hits the top of the stairs. She looks back with a smirk. “We’ll see, Stalker.”