Chapter 18 Jensen
Jensen
It’s officially been one week since moving into Beck’s place, and precisely four days, twelve hours, and thirty-seven minutes since our roommates-with-benefits conversation.
I keep going around in circles because one huge part of me wants to do it.
Get all our built-up chemistry and sexual tension out.
But then I remember how Beck went from being the guy that I found a little annoying and exhausting to a man that I found funny, caring, albeit still a little annoying, but dammit, he’s made me like that about him now.
How he has the capability to give serious conversations the depth and attention they require then flip and make me laugh and blush is something I don’t think I’ll ever understand.
I came to Boston with the intention of not looking for a relationship at all. The rush to find someone and be with them forever was a trap I fell into before. I don’t need the pressures a relationship adds right now. I’m allowed to be in my twenties and not be looking for forever right now.
I wasn’t even looking for someone I could fall for. But then, along comes Beck, he really hit that plan out of the ball park.
I can’t call my sister or Lucie to talk about this, so I’ve been stuck playing my own devil’s advocate, and the only argument I can make for us doing this friends-with-benefits deal is that maybe it would actually work to help me get past my feelings for him.
He was very clear that he didn’t want a relationship, granted he didn’t exactly tell me why, but I could cling to that…
possibly. Not to mention, I’ll move out eventually, then when his season starts back up, he’ll be gone all the time with games—really, the deal has potential to fizzle out on its own.
But if it somehow goes insanely wrong, I run the risk of losing the friendships I have now and end up homeless.
However, that feels a bit like a trauma response rooted in me from my ex. With how mature Beck’s been about it this week, I’ve moved this reasoning down a bit on my con list.
Looking out Beck’s sliding doors, Dottie lets out a little grumble at my feet. We officially have snow, and she hates it. Between the heavy salt and icy slush, it absolutely tears up her paws if we do long runs.
Squatting down next to her, I scratch at her head and behind her ears. “Sorry, girl. On the bright side, Beck’s got a great dog park across the street. You got some energy out there this morning, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, she did,” Beck says, coming up behind us. He’s wearing these jeans I know immediately are Levi’s with the way they fit him perfectly. His tan sweater looks so damn comfy that I’m not sure if I want to be wrapped up in it or him wearing it.
He squats down next to me causing Dottie to shift her whole body around so she can get proper attention from him. Such a traitor.
“You ran laps around snooty Mr. Peterson’s doodle, didn’t you?” Beck ups his tone, which gets Dottie fired up right away. She’s wiggling her whole body as he eggs her on until she starts barking.
Pushing back up, I pinch the bridge of my nose. These two.
“Okay, okay.” Beck stands back up, now putting his attention on me. “You ready to go?”
“Yep,” I say on an exhale.
We’re heading out to meet Reagan at the storefront so I can make a final decision on whether I want to go into business with her or start searching for other shops hiring in the area.
Beck slides a small bit of my hair behind my ear. “You only have to be physically ready. Mentally and emotionally can come later.”
That right there has my brain screaming benefits it is, and my heart begging me to put up walls.
Beck’s hand doesn’t linger; he simply smiles at me. “Come on, let’s go check the place out.”
“Wait, tell me again, why am I allowing you to come with me today?”
“Because you’re obsessed with me?”
“Beck,” I groan, rubbing the back of my neck. I swear he’s giving me a crick.
“Because I’m obsessed with you?” he pesters again. My pointed glare only seems to make his smile grow. “I won’t bring up me paying for everything. I’m a completely neutral party who has zero interest in seeing you do something you love.”
Well, that’s a little more embellished than our agreement, but really, I shouldn’t expect anything different from him.
“Great, let’s go.” I nod and start toward the front door where Beck is ever the gentleman helping me with my coat then getting the doors.
When he gestures for me to lead us anywhere, his hand finds the small of my back—again with the touches, they’re all small and soft, yet they send waves of warmth through me each time.
“Hey, this place isn’t too far off from our running spot,” Beck says as we walk up the brick steps. “That’s definitely going in the plus column.”
“Beck,” I groan again, ringing the doorbell for Reagan. “What did we just talk about?”
He holds his hands up. “Hey, that’s a plus for me, Jenni-cakes. I didn’t say anything about you.”
“As if, that was implied for both of us.”
Beck takes a step up, invading my personal space in the best way. It doesn’t matter that we’re surrounded by snow, Beck always smells like a cozy fall day. “Is it a plus for you too then?”
“I’d say I’m indifferent.” I shrug him off but quietly take another inhale of him.
His head tilts back, and I can already tell there’s another flirty comeback on the tip of his tongue.
“Hey, you’re here.” Reagan pops her head out the front door. Her eyes track every bit of the minimal distance between me and Beck. “Come on in.”
Beck holds out one hand for me to lead…then the other finds the small of my back. That’s on the plus list. Every. Damn. Time.
Taking a few steps into the main hallway, I can immediately see the vision explained in Beck’s kitchen brought to life. There’s not a single thing in here, but I can see it.
The two rooms on the sides are separated by glass walls while the back wall has this insane art deco tile that I think could easily mold to mine and Reagan’s styles. The floors seem to be real hardwood that’s in great condition which is a nice plus.
The bay windows have this adorable bench seating underneath them and my immediate thought is how perfect of a waiting area that would be.
“So, whatcha think?” Reagan asks, stepping in front of me.
My mind is running with ideas already, but I try to contain it. No point in letting her see my excitement until I can give a full green light.
“I see what you mean…I could see the execution of us doing this playing out.”
Reagan’s smile isn’t one I typically see this wide, and honestly, it’s refreshing. Seeing her genuine excitement for this helps a ton. I know I could make it work with her, but I’d rather us have a good partnership in this, than me simply being someone who helps pay the rent.
Reagan gestures to the room behind me. “For right now, I think this would be the better space to have your set up. I did some research on all the shop requirements and health codes, we’ll definitely have to work on some plumbing and electrical for both sides.
The floral shop will need it more for the back room, but as far as the front goes, the inspector recommended this side for any adjustments. It has the customer restroom as well.”
Nodding, I turn slowly to the right side. I can’t explain it, considering both sides look nearly identical, but in my head I saw my set up on this half.
“If you want to take a look around, I have to run out and meet Julie with this check for the landlord. I’ll be back in about ten-ish minutes, but if you leave first just press the lock on the keypad.”
Beck’s hand finds my back again. “Sounds good. I’m sure we’ll still be here, but we’ll text if not.”
Reagan’s eyes narrow in on the contact then she immediately bites her lip. Yep, I’m definitely going to be getting a call from Lucie tonight. “Have fun looking around,” she chimes before heading out the door.
Beck steps around me to open up the glass door. “Let’s start in here, tell me what you’re thinking.”
With Reagan, I contained it, but with Beck…I don’t hesitate. I walk in and start letting all my thoughts out.
“This place is gorgeous. I could see the desk and waiting area there by the windows. I’ll definitely get different curtains for the window—these gray ones are horrendous.
” Spinning around, I walk a few steps back into the room.
“Possibly some to break up the room a bit for some more privacy or maybe we could get at least one private room built in for certain piercings and tattoos.”
“You could easily get some room dividers too. Do you think you could get some other artists in here too?” Beck asks.
At this point, my brain is running ninety miles an hour and there’s no stopping it. I didn’t anticipate being this excited over an empty space, but here we are.
“Yeah, I think for sure we could. Eventually maybe two to three chairs along this wall and possibly a room right here for piercings. Oh, and along the glass wall I could have a little snack and water cart. I could get one of those old gumball machines and have like random mini designs in them. And on the glass itself I’m sure Emma could do something really cool, and—” Spinning back around the space, I stop when I see the way Beck’s smiling at me.
“You’re practically glowing, Jen. Please keep going.”
I could probably bounce back into that mode, but with the look he just gave me I feel like my body is sobering up from a high.
I don’t let a lot of people see this super excited side.
Until the girls here the only other person who saw that was my family, but somehow Beck just seems to fit right into those categories.
With a deep breath, I don’t go back into my ideas but I’m not done talking about it, and I’m not mad that Beck’s here to be the one to listen. “I think I want to do this, Beck.”
He chuckles softly, taking a few small steps to me. “You think? Oh, come on, Jenni-cakes, you know you want this.”
He’s right. I really freaking do.