Chapter 4 Neha
It had been a full week since running into Kerrion, and my nerves were on edge.
I hadn’t said a word about it to anybody, not even Dinah.
I just wanted to forget it happened. My brain was in a state of denial and panic.
I thought I had more time before I saw him, .
. . if I saw him at all. Who knew he still lived here?
Then again, when I transferred schools, I cut off all communication. I blocked him on everything and never looked him up again. I had no clue what he’d done with his life, where he was living, or anything else.
Was he married?
Did he have children?
Was he still that angry hothead that fractured faces and beat people to a bloody pulp? Had he actually beaten somebody to death yet? The questions plagued my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more that familiar feeling of fear sank in.
I never wanted to believe that Kerrion would hurt me, .
. . not with the way that he once showed me love.
But his anger scared me, and that was a valid reason.
I never wanted to be on the receiving end of his blackouts.
Running away seemed like my only option, because I couldn’t escape him on campus.
He had chased me for weeks after the incident, and I didn’t think that he would stop.
So I left.
I went home, transferred schools, and went on with my life like nothing happened. Now here we were, in the same city. I felt like once I saw him, I would never be able to not see him again. It was only so long I could hide from him before I had to face the music.
I was so distracted by everything that happened that I couldn’t focus at work.
The secret was eating me alive, and I had to tell somebody.
Deciding to leave work early, I headed home, praying that Dinah wasn’t busy.
When I walked into my house, I kicked off my shoes and headed for her office upstairs.
I found her at her desk, talking on the phone. When she saw me, she raised an eyebrow but motioned for me to sit. She held up a finger to let me know to hold on a minute. I sat, trying to gather my thoughts for the bomb I was about to drop on her.
About five minutes passed before she finally hung up.
“You’re home early,” she noted.
“Yeah. I needed a mental day.”
“What’s wrong? You haven’t been yourself lately, Neha.”
“I . . . I have to tell you something, Dinah.”
She leaned forward, giving me her full attention.
“What is it?”
“I saw him . . . Kerrion. At Nayelli’s school. I almost backed into him, and when I got out to give the person a piece of my mind, it was him. Dinah. I don’t know what to do. He saw me. What’s gonna happen if I run into him again? I can’t just act like I don’t see him.”
She stared blankly at me, not saying a word, but the look on her face spoke volumes.
“Dinah?”
“Neha, I have something to tell you.”
“What?”
She sighed. “I enrolled Nayelli in a self-defense class.”
“What!” I yelled. “Dinah, you know how I feel about fighting!”
“I know, but we can’t be there all the time, Neha. She has to know how to defend herself, because bullying only gets worse.”
“You should have talked to me about it!”
“Shut up and listen to me!” She dropped her head in her hands.
“I wasn’t sure when we met the instructor.
I thought maybe it was a coincidence, you know?
That the world wouldn’t be that small. I brushed it off and took her to her first class Then we got to talking and I asked him his last name and he showed me a picture of his son. ”
“His son? What are you saying to me, Dinah?”
“His son looks just like Nayelli as a baby, Neha. He could have been her twin. I’m saying . . . I’m saying her instructor is her father. I wasn’t sure at first. I thought he looked familiar from pictures you showed me, but when I asked his last name, I knew.”
My heart began to race.
Did he see his son in Nayelli?
Did he suspect anything?
My heart began to race. “She can’t go back there, Dinah,” I said.
“She likes it, Neha. It’s the first time I’ve seen her confidence like this in months. Maybe it’s time you talk to him and explain things. I’ve been telling you this for years, Sis. You couldn’t have moved here and expect to never see that man.”
“Don’t you think I know that?”
“Don’t get snappy with me, girl! I’m just saying. You loved that man’s dirty drawers back then. I get why you ghosted him, but to this day, I still think you should have explained yourself instead of running.”
I hung my head. She’d lit into my ass so many times over the years about this very thing.
I was afraid. I grew up in a house with an abusive father.
He’d often get mad and black out, just like Kerrion, and take his anger out on my mom, Dinah, and me.
It took years and her almost being beaten to death for her to leave him and press charges against him.
Currently, he was serving a twenty-year sentence for what he did to my mother.
My stepdad was the only man I acknowledged as my father.
My mom met him when I was fourteen and married him when I was fifteen.
It took a lot for me to trust him. Even when he wanted nothing but to love me, I wouldn’t accept it.
Seeing the level of violence Kerrion resorted to at times triggered me. That night took me back to a time when I hid in the closet at my mother’s command because my dad came home drunk and picking a fight.
“Sarah! Where the fuck you at!”
My mother jumped up from my bed where she sat talking to me and Dinah.
“Get in the closet,” she said, ushering me out of bed. She snatched back the covers on Dinah’s bed and rushed her out too. “No matter what you hear, don’t come out. Go!”
Dinah grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the closet. Tears were already streaming down my face. At twelve years old, this had become an all too familiar routine. My mama was already sporting bruises from a drunken rage just a few days ago.
My dad came at me about something so small that sent him over the edge. She jumped in to defend me, and they started fighting. The next morning, she was walking around with a bruised cheek and busted lip.
In the closet, fourteen-year-old Dinah hid us behind some clothes. She pulled me into her lap and covered my mouth with her hand.
“Shhhh!” she said.
I tried my hardest to hold in my tears, but I was scared. Mama’s screams were getting louder and louder.
“Timothy, stop! Please!”
“Shut up, bitch! I’ll give you something to really cry about.”
“The girls—”
“Fuck them kids. I hate all of you. All you do is ruin my life. I should put a bullet in your fucking head to get rid of you once and for all!”
My eyes widened. How could he say that? Fathers were supposed to love their kids. He was supposed to love my mom. They were supposed to make you feel safe, but he wanted to hurt us.
“Dinah, I’m scared.”
“I know. I’m scared, too, but Mama said don’t come out.”
“What if he hurts her really bad!”
The screams continued for what seemed like forever. Then they stopped. That scared me more. If she screamed, at least she was alive.
“We have to help her!” I whisper yelled.
“Mama said—”
The sound of tires screeching cut her off. I broke away from her arms and fled the closet to the window of our bedroom, making it just in time to see the taillights of my father’s car. I didn’t wait for my sister before running from the room.
When Dinah and I found her, she was barely hanging on.
She was all bloody and bruised. I thought she was dead.
Dinah had to slap me to stop me from screaming so she could call 9-1-1.
The shit traumatized me. The screams, . .
. the blood, it was all I could hear and see for months.
It haunted me, even in my sleep. That was what I saw at the party.
That was what I saw every time I looked at him after the incident.
“What am I going to do?” I whispered.
“Talk to him, Sis. Give him a chance to understand what happened.”
I sighed heavily.
She was right. At this point, there was nothing else I could do. I had a feeling I’d be seeing him again very soon.