Chapter 12 Neha
I sat in the pickup line waiting on Nayelli to get out of school.
I decided to pick her up today so we could have a conversation.
While she wasn’t being disrespectful anymore, she was still quiet around the house.
This time it was because she was upset I told her she needed a break from self-defense class.
I trusted my sister to take her, but the part of me that wanted to protect her didn’t want her going when I wasn’t around to keep an eye on her myself.
She told me she’d finally started making friends, and taking that away from her was ruining her life.
I felt bad about that because I knew how important being liked was to her right now.
While her self-worth shouldn’t be defined by being well liked, I also realized she was just a kid. She had feelings, and they mattered.
I decided to make peace with her today and meet her where she was with this.
As I sat in the pickup line, waiting for her to come out.
When I finally noticed her, the first thing that caught my attention was the bright smile on her face.
Next were the kids walking out with her.
She was laughing and talking with them like they were old friends.
My heart swelled in my chest as they all gave her a hug before she ran to the car.
“Hey, baby,” I said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.
“Hey!”
“Looks like you had a great day.”
“I had the best day. I made some friends!”
“You did! That’s wonderful, Nayelli. I’m so happy for you. What are their names?”
“Prince, Kadence, Jaiden, and Reagan. Jaiden is in my class.” She waved to them as we pulled off. “Guess what happened today?”
“What?”
“Those girls tried to bully me again at recess, and Kadence told them if they mess with me, she was going to punch them in the face.”
“Nayelli!” I exclaimed.
“What? She’s my friend. She took up for me.”
“And that’s great, but she can’t be threatening other kids.”
“Well, they threatened me.”
I sighed. “Just . . . don’t get in any fights. I can’t control other people’s kids, but you will not be fighting, Nayelli Malone.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.” I was quiet for a moment. “So . . . I’ve decided you can go back to the defense academy.”
Her face lit up. “Really!”
“Yes. But Dinah and I will take turns going with you. I need to keep eyes on you.”
“Mr. K is a good daddy. He’s really nice, Mom.”
I looked over at her, hearing those words. “I’m not saying he isn’t. I’d just feel better being there.”
“You said he used to be your boyfriend?”
“A long time ago.”
“Were you gonna get married?”
I gave a soft chuckle. “We talked about it.”
“Why did you break up?”
I was quiet for a moment. “Things just didn’t work out. Sometimes people aren’t meant to be together.”
“You could marry somebody else. You don’t want a husband?”
“You’re asking a lot of questions about my business, lil’ girl. I’m fine. I don’t need a man. I have you, your grandparents, and Auntie Dinah.”
“You don’t want somebody to kiss on you like Grandpa kisses on Grandma?”
“Girl, don’t worry about all that. I’m good.”
She shrugged. I shook my head because kids loved to be all in your damn business.
Ten minutes later, we pulled up to the academy. I grabbed Nayelli’s bag from the back seat, and we got out of the car. She ran ahead of me to the front door and went inside. I had to take a deep breath before I followed her.
Today was the first day I’d stepped foot in this place. I didn’t have anything to say to him. I was simply here to watch. It was crazy that the man I watched beat someone to a bloody pulp was the same man teaching self-defense classes.
When I stepped into the building, Nayelli was excitedly telling him about her new friends as he listened attentively before slapping her a high five.
He looked around the room for a moment before his eyes landed on me.
His gaze caused me to take a step back as he took a step forward.
He stopped and looked down at Nayelli, before motioning for her to come over to me.
I handed her, her bag. “I’m gonna be right over here, okay?”
“Okay. I’m gonna go change.”
She sprinted off to the bathroom, and this time, Kerrion advanced toward me. I took several deep breaths as he got closer.
“You let her come back?” he asked.
I crossed my arms. “She loves it, so yeah.”
“Good. Any problems with bullies lately?”
My brows furrowed. “No, . . . why?”
“Just making sure.”
“Mm-hmm. Don’t you have a class to teach?”
“Neha.” He gently took my arm and led me away from prying ears. “I don’t wanna fight with you. I’m sorry for the way I came at you about all this. Emotions were high. I was pissed off, and I acted out of character.”
I scoffed. “If I remember correctly, flying off the handle seems to be right on brand for you. I’m watching you, Kerrion. I swear to God, if you ever blow up like that at my daughter—”
“She’s not just yours, and you need to remember that.
She has a whole family here, a big one. I’m telling them about her this weekend, and I want her to be at the next family dinner on Sunday.
After that, we can sit down and have a conversation about a schedule for her.
She’s my daughter too. You had her for ten years, remember?
” He chuckled. “It’s a lot I could say right now, but I won’t.
All you need to know is that our daughter is safe with me. ”
I crossed my arms and glared at him. I hated this so much, but I knew I had to do right by Nayelli now that the secret was out. I just couldn’t get over her being out of my sight with a man I wasn’t sure I could trust.
“Fine,” I said softly.
“Another thing.” He stepped closer to me, and for the first time, his features softened. “I feel like I scared you, and you don’t have to be afraid of me. I’ve never wanted you to be afraid of me, Neha.”
I was quiet as I studied his face. This was the calm demeanor he’d always spoken to me in. It was the tone that had given me comfort, but in this moment, I wasn’t sure.
“You should get back to class,” I said, stepping out of his space.
He sighed and stepped back before turning and walking away.
I hugged myself tightly, attempting to regulate my emotions. Maybe we were getting somewhere.
I could see why Nayelli loved coming here.
Kerrion really did have a way with children.
They all flocked to him like he was the best thing in their little world.
Their smiles when he talked to them or listened to them was infectious.
Today, they were practicing blocking and getting out of holds.
My baby looked so focused as she listened to him.
I could tell she was taking everything in.
When he paired them up, Nayelli did a great job without being too rough.
I think that was the part that scared me a little.
Self-defense was one thing. Combat training was another.
I knew the extreme part of this man. I knew what he was capable of.
Kerrion fought like he was in survival mode.
Like if it was between you and him, it would always be him.
“Did you see me?” Nayelli asked, running over to me. “Did I do good?”
“You did amazing. I’m so proud of you.”
“I told you Mr. K was a good teacher,” she said, beaming.
“You did, and he is.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, baby.”
“Did you love him?”
The question caught me off guard. I had to sit there for a moment before I answered.
“Once upon a time, I loved him very much.”
“As much as Granny loves Grandpa?”
“Yes.”
“That makes me sad.”
“Why?”
“’Cause people who love each other like Granny and Grandpa should be together. You’re all alone.”
“I’m not alone. I have you.”
“That’s different.” She looked back at Kerrion and smiled. “You can get back together, and we can be a real family.”
I hated to burst her bubble, but that wasn’t happening.
“Go say bye, and come on here so we can go home. You have homework.”
She giggled as she ran off to the rest of the kids. I crossed my legs and rested my chin in my hand as I watched her. Knowing her, we would revisit this conversation at a later date. If only she knew things weren’t that easy. Love wasn’t enough sometimes. I knew that firsthand.
My eyes drifted to Kerrion.
On the outside, he still looked like the man I once loved.
From afar, he carried that familiar energy that used to make me swoon.
I wondered if the parts of him I once loved still existed.
Was he still as romantic and passionate as he used to be?
Was he still sweet? Then I wondered if he was attached to anyone.
Where was his child’s mother? Even if he wasn’t with her, was he even single?
There was no ring on his finger, but maybe he had a girlfriend, .
. . a fiancée? I wondered if he was good to her. If she’d seen the dark side of him.
My heart dropped, and I didn’t know why.
The thought of him being with another woman made my stomach lurch.
What the fuck was wrong with me? He wasn’t mine and couldn’t be mine.
What he did now was none of my business.
I cleared the thought from my head as Nayelli walked back over to me with her snacks.
“I’m ready,” she announced.
I stood to my feet. “Let’s get going.”
Nayelli ran over to hug Kerrion. He picked her up and gave her a warm embrace before kissing her cheek. A few parents murmured about the action, some even looking at me. I didn’t owe them an explanation.
“I’ll call you later, baby girl,” he said, placing her on her feet. “I love you.”
Nayelli smiled as she made her way back to my outstretched hand.
“Neha,” Kerrion called.
I slowly turned to face him.
“Be good.”
He walked off, and I stared after him for a moment before turning to leave. When my eyes landed on Nayelli, she was grinning. I rolled my eyes as I gently pushed her out the door.
“Come on here, girl.”
Twenty minutes later, we were walking into the house.
Dinah had her music going and the house smelling good. She came around the corner in her apron with a smile on her face as she made her way over to hug us both.
“Hey, my loves!” She turned to Nayelli. “You had a good day, pud?”
“I had the best day. I made some friends, and Auntie Dinah, guess what?”
“What?”
“Mom let me go back to class!”
“I know! You learn some new moves today?”
“I did. I’ll show you later.”
“Okay, baby. Go on upstairs and get started on that homework. Dinner will be ready soon.”
Nayelli started for the stairs but turned back and came to hug me.
“Thank you, Mom.”
I smiled as I returned the hug. “You’re welcome.”
She pulled away and ran upstairs. Dinah shook her head.
“I see y’all aren’t beefing anymore. These kids will stress you the fuck out.”
“Tell me about it.” I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the island. “Your niece got beside herself today.”
“How?”
“She asked me about Kerrion . . . if I loved him. When I told her I did at one point, she told me people who love each other like her granny and grandpa should be together. She proceeded to tell me that we could get back together and be a real family.”
Dinah almost choked on her wine.
“That’s not funny, Dinah!” I exclaimed.
“It is, because why is a ten-year-old telling you to shoot your shot? You ever thought about it over the years? Like what would have changed if you spoke up?”
I shrugged, rimming the glass with my finger. “Sometimes. I was so in love with him, Dinah. Up until that incident, I was sure that was the man I was going to marry. I saw my entire life with that man.”
“What about now? Do you think there’s any chance y’all could work this out? You heard my niece. She wants a real family.”
“I seriously doubt that. That man hates my guts right now. Even if he didn’t, I don’t know if I trust myself with him.”
“Do you—you still have feelings for him, don’t you?”
I was quiet, contemplating my answer. Love wasn’t a feeling that went away just because you wanted it to.
I’d buried my feelings for this man the moment I left campus, but they never went away.
There were so many times I regretted my decision.
So many what ifs and maybes ran through my mind.
If I’d just told him about my childhood and my aversion to violence, maybe he would have handled things differently.
Maybe we would have been together still.
Maybe we would be married with kids by now.
Maybe . . . maybe we could have been happy.