Chapter 18 #2
“You don’t have to replace her. Grandpa Hershel didn’t replace Grandpa Stanley. They both love my daddy. You could love me and KJ.”
This little girl was too smart for her own good, and she made too much sense. It could all be that simple, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t explain that to her, because her mind was already made up. Just as I went to say something, an older woman approached our table.
“Kerrion?”
He looked up and smiled. “Hey, Ms. Anita.” He pulled her into a hug. “How are you?”
Her gaze drifted to Nayelli, then to me. She stared at me long and hard. At one point, it became uncomfortable when tears brimmed her eyes. She quickly swiped them away and turned to Kerrion.
“I’m okay. I just came to grab something to eat for me and . . .” She looked down at the bag in her hand. “I um . . . I grabbed Donna’s favorite. You know she loved this place when she was pregnant.”
So this was the grandmother. My heart went out to her. It was clear she was still heavily grieving the loss of her child.
“She did. I’ve come here a million times to grab her a plate.”
She gave a soft smile as she picked up KJ and kissed his chubby cheeks. Baby boy grinned and touched her face.
“Hey, Grandma’s baby! I missed you.”
“I’m sure he missed you too,” Kerrion said, taking his seat.
Ms. Anita’s gaze drifted over to us again. This time, she said something. “Who’s this?” she asked.
“Ms. Anita. This is Neha and Nayelli. Nayelli is my daughter.”
Her eyes widened. “Your-your daughter?”
“Yes.”
“Like this is your girlfriend and you claim her child, or like this is your biological child?”
“She’s biologically mine.”
“Well, . . . this is news to me. You nor Donna never mentioned you having a daughter.”
“We just came into each other’s lives.”
“Oh. Well, um. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s nice to meet you both,” she said, softly. She looked at KJ, placing a kiss on his forehead. “Can I have him this weekend? I want him to spend some time with his mother.”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. It’s about time for a visit to her anyway.”
“I’m sure you’ve been busy,” she said, throwing a look at me and Nayelli.
I fought back a frown. She clearly wasn’t feeling him having another child. She placed KJ back in his seat and clasped her hands in front of her.
“Well, you all enjoy your meal. You can drop him off tomorrow morning if you’d like.”
“That’s fine. I’ll call you before I bring him.”
“Okay.”
She leaned in to kiss his cheek before walking away from the table. Kerrion stared after her for a moment before returning his attention back to us.
“I apologize. She’s still having a hard time.”
“It’s okay. I can only imagine what she’s going through. She seems to love KJ.”
“Honestly, this is only her third time keeping him over the weekend. She’s been deep in her grief since we lost Donna. I’ve been patient with her and trying to move on her time when it comes to KJ. I’m just glad she’s spending time with him now.”
“Daddy?” Nayelli called.
“Yeah, baby.”
“Did you love KJ’s mom?”
“She was one of my best friends, and I loved her very much. Just not in a romantic sense.”
“Not the way you loved Mommy.”
His eyes drifted to me. “No. Not the way I loved your mother.”
I was happy as hell to see the server return with our food, because my child was surely plotting on me and her father, and she wasn’t shy about it.
It was going to be a huge disappointment when she didn’t get the family she wanted.
In life, it would be great if I could give her everything her heart desired, but his .
. . the ball wasn’t in my court on this one.
Dinner commenced without a lot of talking, and I was grateful for that.
By the time we finished eating, Nayelli’s eyes were tired.
She’d already done her homework, so I expected her to take a shower and climb into bed when we got home.
KJ was full from nibbling on his daddy’s food and drinking his milk, so he was knocked out.
Kerrion paid the bill, and we loaded the kids into the car.
He followed us home to make sure we got there safely.
After hugging him goodbye, Nayelli dragged herself up the front steps where Dinah was waiting. Kerrion and I stood outside his truck, a comfortable silence between us.
“This was nice,” I finally said.
He nodded. “It was. Maybe the three of us could hang out this weekend. Have a movie night or something.”
A smile spread across my face. “Forts?”
He laughed. “Damn, you remember that?”
“Of course I do.”
On weekends that we both stayed on campus, we’d sneak and have sleepovers in my room.
When we had our movie nights, we’d pitch a makeshift fort in my bedroom and watch movies on a projector.
As childish as it was, it was my favorite thing to do with him.
We’d go grab pizza and a bunch of junk food from the corner store and have the time of our lives.
“Those were good times,” I said, reminiscent of our time together.
“They were. We used to have so much fun together, man. Tearing that campus up on the weekends. You remember that time we put that soap in the fountain and flooded the quad with suds.”
“I’m still shocked we didn’t get caught. They would have expelled us.”
I vividly remembered the night we’d gotten high as hell and snuck into the quad to put a shit ton of soap in the fountain, then ran off to watch it overflow with suds. It wasn’t until other people started playing in the shit did we come out of hiding to join them.
“You almost got me in so much trouble that year,” I said, playfully pushing him.
“Nobody told you to follow my ass up. Admit it. You loved the thrill. You were a good girl. You probably didn’t step foot out of line before you went off to college. I made you live a little.”
“The result of us living a little too much just went in the house,” I reminded him.
His smile dropped a little. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“If things had been different, . . . would you have told me about her?”
I nodded. “Yes,” I answered honestly. “I would have been just as scared to be pregnant, but I would have told you.”
“You ever thought about not keeping her?”
“No. Never. I loved you, Kerrion. As afraid as I was, I still loved you, and I could never just get rid of her.” I grabbed his hands. “There were so many times I wanted to call you. So many times I wanted to come back and try to fix things. I never st—”
I paused in confessing my feelings. What good would it do me?
“I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I swear I am. Seeing you with her, . . . the way you love each other already, . . . I wish I could turn back time. I wish I would have shared my past with you instead of allowing it and my fear to control my actions. I just—I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Burying my face in my hands, I wept.
I wept for what I’d done.
I wept for the time I’d stolen from him and our child.
I wept for the life we could have had because I still loved this man so fucking much. I buried my feelings deep the day I walked away. They never diminished. They never softened. They were just there, tucked and buried away because I was afraid to face them.
Kerrion pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly. The familiar feeling crept back in like a thief in the night as my tears began to subside. I relaxed in his arms and took a few deep breaths.
“I forgive you,” he said softly.
He hadn’t said that yet, and it was such a huge relief.
Pulling away, he cupped my face and stroked my cheeks with the pads of his thumb.
“I don’t like being angry with you,” he said, staring at me. “I never did. That shit hurts, and I don’t need any more pain, Neha.”
“I never want to hurt you again.”
He kissed my forehead. When he pulled back, his eyes drifted to my lips.
I wanted him to take charge so bad and just fucking kiss me.
I couldn’t bring myself to lean in and take it, so I waited.
He stepped closer to me, pushing me up against the truck.
My hands were gripping his shirt for dear life in anticipation.
His lips were so close to mine that I could almost taste him.
Then he pulled away.
“I should—” He cleared his throat. “I should go. I’ll see you this weekend.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay,” I said, just above a whisper. “Goodnight, Kerrion.”
“Good night, Neha.”
He stood there until I made it up the front step before climbing in his truck. I watched as he pulled off, taking a piece of me with him.