Chapter 32 - Anita Moore
THE FUNERAL
I sat staring at the blush pink casket in the front of the church, housing my only child. My daughter, . . . my baby . . . My only baby was gone. I couldn’t wrap my head around that. She was so young. She had so much life ahead of her. How could she die bringing my grandson into the world?
I looked over at him sleeping soundly in his father’s arms.
He was so pure, . . . so innocent.
He was every bit of his father, but when I looked at him, all I saw was my Donna. The last piece I’d ever have of her. I couldn’t barely look at him. I hadn’t even held him yet, because the urge to take him and never let go was so real right now.
“Sister Donna’s beautiful life was cut short too soon.
Rest assured that her time here was not in vain.
She gave her life to bring forth one of God’s biggest blessings.
” He motioned to KJ and gave a soft smile.
May the Lord bless this little angel. May his family find peace during this time of bereavement. Amen.”
The congregation gave a resounding Amen.
“Mrs. Moore, . . . believe me when I say that our heart goes out to you. To bury a child is one of the hardest and cruelest things any parent ever has to do. But know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Trust that He will cover you in this loss. Hold on to His unchanging hand, and He will heal your heart—”
I sat there staring straight ahead, tuning out the rest of his sermon. Nothing would ever heal my heart. Nothing would ever make me feel whole again. I’d lost my husband, and now, I’d lost my child. What did I have to live for?
The rest of the funeral went by in a blur and so did the burial.
For the longest time, I sat in that chair watching them throw dirt on my baby’s coffin.
Every shovel was like burying a piece of myself.
I was drowning. I didn’t see a way back to the surface.
Kerrion tried to get me to leave with the rest of the family, but I declined.
After everyone left, after all the grave diggers were gone, I sat there. I sat there for hours, well until nightfall. I missed the repast. I didn’t want to see anyone, . . . couldn’t see them. The last thing I wanted was their pity or sympathy.
I didn’t want the hugs or condolences. I didn’t want to hear that God wouldn’t put more on me than I could bear because I was suffocating. All I wanted was to be alone with my baby.
Tavia came back and finally made me leave.
She took me home, got me in the shower and into bed.
I didn’t sleep that night. Instead, I migrated to Donna’s old bedroom and lay in her bed.
All night long, I stared at the picture of her and my husband, wishing I could just leave this life and go with them.
The Body Snatcher
I wiped down the deep freezer one final time before stepping back to grab the blankets.
Humming softly to myself, I prepared the large container.
I hadn’t slept since the funeral three days ago.
I hadn’t eaten. Hadn’t showered. My body was on autopilot, yet I wasn’t tired, and I didn’t feel weak.
I just didn’t feel like myself, although this was an unfamiliar feeling if I was being honest.
Picking up the pillow from the floor, I ran my fingers over the stitching of Donna’s name. I’d made this for her when she was a little girl, and she’d slept with it every night until she moved out on her own. It was one of her favorite things, and I wanted her to have it when I brought her home.
“Just a few more hours,” I whispered, placing it inside the freezer.
Closing the lid, I popped the trunk of my car and loaded the tarp and shovel, all while humming to myself.
When I was done, I went back inside and took a seat on the couch.
There was mostly silence as I sat there staring at the clock on the wall.
My eyes followed the ticking hands as they completed several rounds.
I didn’t move.
I didn’t even think I was breathing heavily.
“Don’t do this, Anita,” I heard a familiar voice say.
Turning my head, I looked over to see my husband sitting beside me. I smiled as I took him in. He was still the same dangerously handsome man he’d always been.
“Donald,” I whispered, reaching out to touch his face.
He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm, same as he always did.
“Anita, I’m begging you not to do this again.”
“I have to bring her home. This is where she belongs. Right here with us.”
He stared at me, a reminder of what I had already done.
Donald Moore was the love of my life. My best friend.
My protector. Losing my husband was the first thing that broke something inside of me.
I needed him. Donna needed him. There was a void that nothing could fill without him being around, so I brought him home.
In the back corner of my backyard, he was resting beneath a bed of beautiful flowers that I tended to every single day. It was our little secret. Nobody knew that my husband was there, not even Donna.
“She’s where she needs to be, Anita.”
I shook my head. “No. No, I refuse to believe that. She shouldn’t be gone, Donald. She was so young. So full of life. How is it fair to lose you, then lose our child? It’s just not right.”
“This. . . what you’re about to do. . . it isn’t right. She’s resting, my love. I know you’re hurting. I know this is hard, but this isn’t the way to deal with your grief. Moving me here didn’t ease that pain then, and moving her won’t ease it now.”
Again, I shook my head, tears streaming down my face.
“You’re wrong. I need her. I need my baby with me.
I’m the only person that can take care of her the way only a mother can.
I need her. She’s all alone out there!” I stood to my feet, hand pressed against my stomach as I stared at the front door.
“I have to bring her home,” I said, walking away from him.
“Anita!”
“I have to bring her home!”
Grabbing my keys, I went into the garage and climbed into my car.
Lifting the door, I backed out and closed it before reversing out of the driveway and heading to the cemetery on the outskirts of town.
It was a secluded area with very little traffic, so I wasn’t worried about anybody seeing me.
Donna’s grave was toward the front. I blocked the spot with my car, got out, and popped the truck to grab the shovel.
The soil was still fresh as I dug the shovel into it.
My mind transported me somewhere else as I continued to shovel the dirt away.
For what seemed like forever, I dug and dug until I could see the top of the coffin.
My arms were on fire, but I didn’t stop.
I couldn’t stop. Tears streamed down my face as I cleared the path to my baby.
Opening the coffin, I stared down at her beautiful face. She looked so peaceful.
“It’s okay,” I said, going to her. “It’s okay. Mommy’s here.”
I lifted her upper half from the coffin, cradling her against my chest as I cried against her cold flesh.
“I got you . . . I’m taking you home.”
I don’t know where the strength came from as I lifted her from the coffin and maneuvered her out of the grave and into the trunk of the car. Stroking her hair and kissing her cheeks, I tried to comfort her. I let her know that everything was going to be okay. I needed her to know that.
Closing the trunk, I took the shovel and flipped the casket closed before getting to work, covering it back up.
It was almost four in the morning before I left the cemetery.
I drove back to my home in silence. It didn’t matter that what I’d done was wrong.
My baby was coming home, and that was the only thing that counted.
Present Day
“It’s okay, KJ,” I said, bouncing him as I paced the floor of the motel room.
He’d been fussy for the last two hours. I’d changed him, tried to feed him, and offered him comfort, but nothing was working.
“What’s the matter, baby?” I asked, rubbing his back. “I’m trying here, KJ.”
Of course, he didn’t understand that, and I didn’t know what else to do.
I kept walking and bouncing him until his cries finally subsided, and he fell asleep.
Even after he was asleep, I kept pacing and bouncing him to ensure that he stayed asleep.
Once I was sure he was down for the count, I placed him on the bed and built a barrier of pillows and blankets to make sure he didn’t go anywhere.
Grabbing my toiletries bag, I headed into the bathroom to shower.
Turning on the shower, I stood in front of the mirror with my hands resting against the counter.
My head hung low as tears streamed down my face.
I’d been keeping it together the whole trip, but now that I had a moment to finally breathe, it was hitting me all at once.
I’d left everything to run off with my grandson.
Yesterday, I took an Uber to meet with someone selling a cash car.
I knew I couldn’t take mine because there would be a BOLO out on the make, model, and license plate.
While KJ was asleep, I packed as much as I could into my suitcases and placed them in the car.
Around five a.m., I hit the road to beat the early morning traffic.
The only thing I took was all the cash from my account and essentials for us. I didn’t take any electronics that could be traced. After we’d been on the road for a while, I stopped to get one of those prepaid debit cards and phones from the dollar store.
It wasn’t like I would need it, because I had no one to call. I was sure there was an amber alert out for KJ and that my face was plastered all over the news. It wasn’t a well thought-out plan, but it would buy me some time to think of something.
I didn’t know what I was thinking, running off with this baby.
I just . . . I wanted him to myself. He was all I had left of my daughter.
The little time I got with him wasn’t enough.
Weekend visits or calls weren’t enough. This week with him brought me so much peace and happiness.
KJ reminded me so much of Donna. It was the little things he did that mimicked her as a baby.
I’d convinced myself that she didn’t leave me. She was still here, . . . still with me in the form of her son. When he looked at me, all I saw were her eyes looking back at me. I felt like I was getting a second chance with my baby.
Gathering myself, I stripped down and climbed in the shower.
The hot water was soothing to my muscles.
We’d been on the road for seven hours now, and all I wanted to do was sleep.
We still had miles and miles to go before we reached our destination.
I was taking him far away from our home to a place that had always been peaceful for me and my family.
Donald had a cabin in the hills of Tennessee.
Every summer, we’d go up there and spend two weeks enjoying the peaceful quiet of the lake.
It was one of my favorite places to get away.
After he passed, Donna and I continued the tradition.
While it was lonely without him, having her there kept me in good spirits.
Now that she was gone, KJ was the only person I could see me taking to this place. I wanted him to experience a little of the life we shared before it all went to shit. It was his birthright, and I thought we could be happy there, if only for a little while.
My thoughts drifted to Kerrion.
I knew he was losing his shit, and I was sorry that he had to go through this, but he had another child. He had a life and woman he could go and make more babies with. He would be okay, but I wasn’t. Maybe it didn’t make sense. Maybe it wasn’t rational, but it was all I had.
I knew if he ever caught me, I was dead.
I knew his family, . . . what they did, . . . what they were capable of. The moment I was caught, I was dead. Maybe I was hoping that would be the case. For someone to finally put me out of my misery because I didn’t think I could do it myself.
I finished in the shower and brushed my teeth before throwing on my bonnet and pajamas then climbing into bed.
I watched KJ sleeping peacefully, praying that I could get some rest. As I lay there staring at him, thoughts of my husband and Donna flooded my mind.
It saddened me to leave them behind after all I’d done to bring them home.
It wasn’t forever, just temporary. I tried to think of the promise that one day we would all be together again. With that thought instilled, I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.