Chapter 35 Anita
It was seven a.m.
I sat on the porch with KJ, drinking my morning coffee and enjoying the sounds of nature.
It was so peaceful out here and exactly what we needed.
The first thing I did when we got here was go to the grocery store to pick up some food.
Since we were pretty high up, I wanted to grab enough so I wouldn’t have to drive back down for a while.
I picked up diapers and wipes for KJ as well.
He seemed to be enjoying himself.
Every morning since we got here, we’d been on nature walks, or I took him down to the lake to feed the birds and fish.
My little man loved the outdoors. Back home, whenever I had him, we spent a lot of time in the backyard.
He loved the feel of the grass beneath his toes or digging through the dirt.
“Isn’t it a beautiful morning, KJ?” I said, ruffling his curls.
“How about we go fishing today? Your grandfather loved to fish. He used to take me all the time and fuss because he had to bait my hook with live worms.” I placed the coffee mug down and picked him up.
“He would have loved you. He wanted a son so bad. I wish I could have given him that.”
He stared at me with a blank expression.
When his little lip poked out and tears swelled in his eyes, I knew the screaming was about to start.
Every so often, he got into these moods where he would just cry for no apparent reason.
Nothing I did would work, and oftentimes, he just cried himself to sleep.
“No, no, no. It’s okay,” I said, bouncing him. “It’s okay. Granny’s here.”
He balled up his face and let out an ear-piercing scream as he tried to get out of my arms. I sighed heavily as I stood and carried him back into the house. His tears and cries continued, and I could distinctly hear him say “DaDa” in between.
“Daddy’s not here. It’s just me and you now, baby.”
“DaDa! DaDa!”
“I’ve got you. All you need is me. Granny’s gonna take care of you. We’re gonna be happy, I promise.”
Even as I said the words, I didn’t know if I was trying to convince him or me. He didn’t understand a word I was saying. He didn’t understand what was happening. All he knew was he wanted his daddy.
For thirty minutes, I paced the floor, trying to calm him down before he finally fell asleep. After placing him in bed, I grabbed a blanket and took a seat in the bay window, allowing the morning sun to warm my face. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my raging thoughts.
Silence was my worst enemy.
It was true that an idle mind was the devil’s playground.
Silence paved way for intrusive and irrational thoughts.
It allowed my grief to escape the confines of my mind and fully rise to the surface.
I thought back to the night that changed everything for the second time.
There I was, sound asleep in Donna’s guest room.
She was due any day now, and I wanted to be right there when it was time.
The sounds of her groaning woke me from my slumber.
“Mom . . . Mom . . .”
I tossed back the covers and threw my legs over the side of the bed. After slipping my feet into my house shoes, I left the guest bedroom to go to her room right across the hall. When I opened the door, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, rushing over.
“I think—shit! I think I’m in labor.”
“Did your water break?”
“N-no, but I’ve been having contractions all day. Mom, it hurts.”
“I told you to let me take you to the hospital, baby. Braxton Hicks my ass.”
“Mommy, please! Not right now.”
“Don’t worry. Everything is gonna be okay. Take a few deep breaths for me. In and out. In and out.”
She mimicked my breathing with a pained expression as I grabbed her phone to call an ambulance.
Once I confirmed that they were on the way, I got her dressed and helped her out to the living room to wait.
I then went back to the guest room to put on clothes myself.
By the time I was ready, I could hear the ambulance outside.
I went back into her room to grab her phone then rushed out to the living room to open the door.
The EMTs rushed in to check my baby while I grabbed her hospital bag from the hall closet. As they loaded her onto the stretcher, she reached out for me.
“Mommy, I’m scared.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, baby. I’m right behind you, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I kissed her cheeks and rushed out the house behind them to my car. As soon as the ambulance pulled off, I was right on their ass with my emergency lights. Pulling out Donna’s phone, I found Kerrion’s contact and hit the call button. It rang for what seemed like forever before he answered.
“What’s up, D? You good?”
“Kerrion. It’s Anita.”
“Hey, Ms. Anita. Everything okay?”
“Donna is on her way to the hospital.”
“Oh shit! Are you at the hospital? Do I need to come get her? Did you—”
“Calm down. I called the ambulance. I’m on my way to the hospital now. She’s been having contractions all day and refusing to let me take her because she thought it was Braxton Hicks. Silly ass girl. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had that baby in the back of the ambulance.”
He chuckled. “I’m getting dressed. I’ll meet you there.”
“Please drive safe. It’s late.”
“I will. See you soon.”
I hung up and focused my attention on the road. Ten minutes later, we were pulling into the hospital parking lot. I quickly found a space and rushed out of my car. When the ambulance door opened, the first thing I noticed was the amount of blood.
Nurses came rushing out as the EMTs rolled Donna out. One of them had a small bundle in their arms.
“Is she okay!” I asked frantically. “Is the baby okay?”
“The baby is fine, but we have to get her to surgery.”
“Surgery!”
“Come with me, ma’am,” one of the nurses said softly, as she guided me inside. “I’ll keep you updated.”
“Donna! Donna, baby, I’m right here! I’m not going anywhere!”
My heart dropped as they wheeled her away. Finally, I allowed the nurse to lead me to the waiting room. She had me fill out all the important paperwork, then it was a waiting game. For what seemed like forever, I paced the waiting room floor, wringing my hands together.
At one point, I felt a tightness in my chest that stopped me in my tracks. My hand flew to my heart the same time as that familiar nurse appeared with a solemn look on her face. Slowly, she approached me and took my hands.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I shook my head. “No.”
“She had a uterine atony. Her muscles didn’t contract to close the placental blood vessels, and it caused her to hemorrhage. We did everything we could.”
“No!” I screamed, grabbing her arms. “Oh God, no!”
She wrapped her arms around me in a strong hug. I didn’t have the strength to hold myself up, as my knees gave way, and I slid to the floor in a fit of screams and tears. She couldn’t be gone. She just . . . she couldn’t be gone.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I opened my eyes. I relived that moment far too often. I’d tried grief counseling, and it wasn’t working. I just couldn’t pull myself out of this heartbreak.
The sound of the door creeping out front broke me from my thoughts. Nobody was supposed to be here. We didn’t rent this place out, and the nearest neighbor was three miles away.
I sprang from the window seat and over to my purse. Rummaging inside, I grabbed my gun and waited for the intruder to show themselves. Heavy footsteps approached, causing me to wrap my finger around the trigger.
My breath hitched as Kerrion and his father stepped into the room.
“Stay back!” I demanded, scooping KJ up from the bed with my gun still trained on them.
He stepped closer. “Ms. Anita, I don’t want to hurt you. I just want my son.”
“You can’t have him. He-he’s mine. He’s all I have!”
“Ms. Anita, . . . I’m his father. He needs me, and I need him. Donna wouldn’t want this for you.”
“Don’t you speak on her!” I screamed, causing KJ to stir.
“You moved on! You have a child with another woman! While you’re happy, I’m fucking drowning!
” Tears streamed down my face as I stared at him.
“You get to enjoy the life of your child while I have to mourn the loss of mine. I can’t hold her.
I can’t kiss her. I can’t do anything! I have nothing left of her but him! I just . . . I needed him.”
“You don’t get to take my child because you lost yours.”
“You have another one! You have that woman that looks like Donna. The two of you can always make another baby. I don’t have that luxury!”
KJ started to cry, breaking my focus. I gently bounced him in my arms while kissing his temple.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. Grandma’s here.”
I held him against my chest, crying profusely.
“Look at what you’re doing to him, Ms. Anita,” Kerrion said softly. “He’s stressed, and that’s not good for him. I know you love him. I understand how important he is to you, but this isn’t the way. You have to give him back.”
I shook my head. “I can’t . . . You’re gonna kill me as soon as I hand him over.”
“I love you. I could never bring myself to hurt you.”
I looked up at him. “Is that why you brought your father? To have him do it?”
“I’m here for emotional support,” Senior said. “My son just wants to help you, Anita.”
“You’re trying to trick me!”
“No, we aren’t. Just let me have KJ. He doesn’t need to see this.”
I clutched a screaming KJ to my chest and continued to shake my head. I didn’t want to scare him, but I just couldn’t let him go.
“You have to give him back, Anita.”
I could hear my husband clear as day.
“No, Donald.”
“He belongs with his father. This has gotten out of hand, love.”
“I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”
“Mommy, please!”
“D-Donna? Baby, is that you?”
“Mom, this has gone too far. KJ should be with his father. That’s what I would have wanted.”
“He’s all I have of you, baby . . . I can’t. If I give him back, I’ll never see him again. It’ll be like losing you all over again, and I can’t take that.”
“You have to trust Kerrion. He will take care of you.”
“No!”
My eyes popped open just as Kerrion tackled me to the bed.