Chapter 36 Steel
I saw the perfect opportunity to subdue Ms. Anita and took it.
When I tackled her to the bed, the gun went flying in one direction as KJ rolled off to the side of her.
Pops sprang into action and scooped him up before carrying him out of the room.
My mom was waiting in the car for him. She insisted on coming, and after much convincing, Hershel agreed to let it happen.
“Give him back!” she screamed in full blown tears as I pinned her down. “Give him back!”
“Stop!” I yelled. “It’s over!”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand.”
I eased up off her. “Help me understand.”
“You don’t care. You just want to take him.”
She curled into the fetal position as I stood back.
“He’s the only thing keeping me here,” she whispered. “My husband is gone. My baby is gone. I’ve spent most of my life being a wife and mother. I don’t know how to live without them. I stayed away from KJ because from the moment I lost Donna, I just wanted to keep him to myself.
“I thought about taking him every day since she’s been gone. Every day, I wake up alone. I go through my day alone. I fall asleep alone. My heart is broken, and I can’t fix it. I can’t bring back the two people I loved most in this world, and it kills me.”
She fell into another fit of tears, and it took everything in me not to cry too. I knew grief could manifest itself in different ways, especially if left untreated. How did you help someone this far gone, though?
“I left them!” she wailed. “Now I can’t go back. My baby . . . she’s all alone out there.”
I shook my head. “She’s not alone. I took good care of her. She’s surrounded by your husband and my family. They will look after her until you can be with her again.”
She sniffled as she finally looked up at me. “They’re together?”
I nodded, stepping closer to her. “They’re in our mausoleum. Side by side.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t do that. Neha did. She spoke with my grandmother and made it happen.”
She sniffled. “Why would she do that?”
“Because she knows what Donna means to me. She knows that I loved your daughter. That I promised her if anything happened to her, I’d look after you. Please, Ms. Anita. Let me help you. You don’t have to keep letting this eat you alive. Come with me, and I promise, you’ll be safe.”
Silence.
“We can walk out of here right now and go get you some help.”
She stared at me blankly, not saying a word. I wasn’t sure if she was thinking about it, or if she was hallucinating again. To show her that I didn’t want to hurt her, I backed toward the door, giving her room to climb to her feet.
“Promise me something,” she said, lowly.
“What is it?”
“You’ll always take good care of KJ. Let him know I love him, and I wished that I could be around for him.”
“Ms. Anita—”
She moved to the side of the bed and reached down. When she stood, she had the gun in her hand.
“Ms. Anita, please,” I begged. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do. I can’t go to jail. I can’t live the rest of my life in a mental institution either. You aren’t gonna let me see KJ, and I don’t want him to see me locked away. What else is there for me? I just wanna be with my husband and daughter.”
She put the gun to her temple.
“Ms. Anita, no!”
“I love you, Kerrion. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t!”
Before I could get to her, the gun went off, and she slumped to the floor. I stood there for a moment, shock filling my core. I could hear my father’s footsteps pounding the floor behind me. When he stepped into the room, he stopped and muttered a curse.
“Shit . . .”
“I . . . I tried, Pop. I tried.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I know, Son.”
“I tried.”
Out of all the lives I’d taken, none had ever shaken me up like this. I’d never witnessed someone I cared about kill themselves.
“Kerrion!” my mother screamed from a distance.
“He’s fine, Tay!” Pops called. He grabbed me by the shoulders and steered me toward the door. “I’ll handle this.”
I allowed him to lead me out of the room. My mother stood in the doorway, clutching my son, tears streaming down her face. The moment she saw me, she ran to me, hugging me tightly and kissing my face.
“You’re okay,” she whispered. “You’re okay.”
She pulled back and handed me KJ.
“DaDa!” he squealed, teary eyed.
“Daddy’s got you, Fat Man,” I said, scooping him up. “God, I missed you so much.”
I couldn’t help but hold him tightly and kiss his face. I had to check every part of him to make sure there wasn’t a hair out of place.
“I’m so sorry, man,” I said, cradling him against my chest.
His little fingers rubbed my ears, something he did to soothe himself. My mother kissed and hugged both of us.
“Let’s get you home,” she said.
She and my father led us out of the house and back to the car.
As the house became a distant view, I expelled a heavy breath.
This wasn’t how I wanted things to go, but if I was honest, there was always the possibility that this was how it ended up.
Ms. Anita was too far gone at this point.
I couldn’t take her out, so she did us all a favor and did it herself.
I just wished it didn’t have to be that way.
I’d never been so happy to see the compound.
Against her will, we dropped my mama off first. She’d been up with us all night, and I knew she was tired. The moment we pulled through the gates, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. No matter what happened on the outside, I knew I was always safe on the other side of this iron.
KJ sat peacefully in his car seat, looking out the window. I kept watching him like I was afraid he’d disappear. Nothing in this life scared me. But losing my kids, . . . that shit terrified me. It was the one thing that could bring me to my knees.
Pops had let everyone know we’d gotten KJ back, and we were coming home.
He’d also told them to give us space and come visit tomorrow.
Right now, all I wanted was to get home to my little family.
As soon as we pulled into the driveway, the front door opened.
Neha and Nayelli ran out, both of them barefoot.
Baby girl latched on to me immediately when I stepped out.
“Daddy, you’re home!”
“I’m home, princess.”
She peered around me, looking for her brother. I carefully lifted him from the car seat so she could see him. The moment he laid eyes on her, a grin spread across his face, and his arms and feet started going in all different directions. Tears filled her eyes as she kissed his forehead.
“I’m so glad you’re home, KJ,” she said, tickling his belly. “I missed you so much.”
“I’m sure he missed you too, baby.”
Neha came to me with red, puffy eyes. I pulled her in for a hug and kissed her lips before handing off KJ. When he recognized who she was, he squealed in delight.
“Mama! Mama!”
Neha and I both gasped as she stared at him, then at me.
“What did you say?” she whispered.
As though he understood her, he said it again. “Mama!”
He placed a slobbery kiss to her cheek like he did anytime he got close enough to her face. She held him close to her, crying as she returned the kisses to his cheek.
“Oh, I’ve missed you so much,” she declared. “We’re so glad you’re home.”
Pops climbed out of his truck to join the tearful reunion. He scooped up Nayelli to love on her a bit before kissing Neha’s temple.
“You girls held it down while we were gone?” he asked.
“My aunties and uncles came over,” Nayelli confessed, making him chuckle.
“That sounds about right,” Senior said. “They don’t give you a moment’s peace when things get serious. That’s why your grandma almost beat your daddy’s butt,” he added with a smirk.”
Nayelli giggled. “I thought she was gonna get you like she, Auntie Allison, and Auntie Steph got Grandpa the other Sunday.”
The smirk dropped from his face. “Really, Yelli? Why would you bring that up?”
She grinned and shrugged.
He shook his head. “I’m gonna head on up to the house. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Pop, can you stay a little bit?” I asked. “I just, um . . . I just need a second, man.”
He nodded, knowing what time it was. I’d been holding it together since we left that cabin.
Of my brothers, I was the one more in touch with my feelings.
If a nigga needed to cry, I couldn’t hold that shit back.
When we were kids, they used to fuck with me about being the sensitive one until I started beating their asses.
Pops gathered KJ and Nayelli and took them inside.
I grabbed Neha’s hand and led her into the house and upstairs to my room.
The moment the door closed, I felt my resolve break.
I barely made it to the bed before I was on my knees, crying my eyes out.
Neha joined me on the floor and pulled me into her arms.
“I got you, baby. Let it all out.”
“She’s gone, Neha . . . I tried to help her.”
“I know you did. This isn’t your fault, Kerrion. Her grief . . . she just couldn’t handle it.”
I heard her, but it didn’t make that shit hurt any less.
Despite what she did, she was part of my family, and I loved her.
How was I supposed to explain to my son that his grandmother killed herself when he was old enough?
It was going to be hard enough explaining that his birthday and his mother’s death fell on the same day. I couldn’t explain that too.
Neha held my face and stared into my eyes. “We’re gonna take care of her, just like you promised. When she’s back here, I can help you plan a funeral so you and KJ can properly say goodbye. If your dad is okay with it, we can bury her in the mausoleum, right next to Donna and her husband.”
“You would help me with that?”
She smiled softly. “I love you, Kerrion. I would do anything for you. You don’t have to tell me how much she meant to you. I can see it. I know you well enough to know that you want to properly lay her to rest. If you can’t be a part of it, I’ll take on the responsibility.”
I palmed her face and pecked her lips. “Thank you, baby.”
“You’ve got me, so it’s only right that I have you. We’re gonna get through this. As sad as it is, the important thing is KJ being home safe.”
I nodded as I sat up. “He called you mama.”
She blushed. “He called me mama.”
“How are you feeling about that?”
“I’m honored. He’ll never be treated like anything less than my son. You know this means you can never get rid of me, right?”
I smiled softly for the first time in days. “I wouldn’t try.”