Chapter 15
Tuck
I line up my shot, chalk dust still clinging to my fingers, and lean in. It’s an easy one. Too easy. The kind you could make half-asleep. Which, apparently, I am. Or maybe it’s something else that’s distracting me...
The ball clips the corner and ricochets wide, tapping the eight just enough to roll it into perfect position for Josh.
“Dude,” Josh laughs. “That was so easy. What happened?”
What happened is I can’t stop thinking about Maria. Her laugh. The way she tucks her hair behind her ear when she’s distracted. The fact that tonight is the night. She’s going out with someone else.
I scrub a hand over my face and push the thought down where it belongs. “Guess I’m just tired.”
With deep concentration, Josh lines up his shot, tongue poking out a little at the corner of his mouth like it always does when he’s focused. He sinks the eight clean, the crack echoing through the room as the game ends.
I huff out a breath. “You’re getting good at this.”
His chin lifts just a fraction, pride written all over his face. “I’ve been practicing all week.” He pauses, then adds, “Oh, and you know that shot you showed me at the family skate?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
His grin spreads wide. “I got the winning goal at last night’s game.” He throws his hands up. “The Panthers beat the Cheetahs, two to one.”
My chest squeezes tight, so fucking proud of the kids. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He racks his cue, trying to play it cool, but he’s practically buzzing. “I wish you could’ve been there to see it.”
Yeah…me too.
The words sit on my tongue, tangled up with too many other things. Footsteps pound overhead, breaking the moment, and I’m grateful.
“Mom’s here,” Lucas calls, his voice carrying down the stairs.
Josh is gone in a flash, bolting for the steps. I take my time, slower, dragging my feet just enough to pretend I’m not doing exactly what I’ve been doing all night. Avoiding the front door.
Avoiding her.
Because tonight is the night. The fucking double date. I’ve been hiding out in the games room on purpose, telling myself it doesn’t matter, that I don’t need to see her dressed up for someone else. Don’t need that image burned into my brain.
And yet…I still follow them upstairs.
Because apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment.
It’s not like I want a glimpse of her. Not like I’m picturing her in some tight black dress, hair down, lips just a little glossier than usual. Not like I’m wondering if she’ll smile at him the way she—
Yeah. This is a terrible idea.
I should want this for her. She deserves to be happy.
She deserves someone who shows up, someone who can give her boys what they need.
She realizes that too, and while we’ve had a couple of hook-ups since I got back from Edmonton, I’ve barely seen her.
And when I do, she stays in the car, engine running.
Obviously she’s avoiding me.
Maybe I don’t blame her.
Lucas presses Marbles into my hands as he reaches for the door, and the second it swings open, a rush of cold air spills inside. The kitten lets out a soft mewl and immediately climbs up, tucking himself into the crook of my neck.
I cradle him without thinking, fingers stroking along his back. “It’s okay, buddy,” I murmur, my voice soft. “I’ve got you.”
For a split second, it hits me—how many times I used to say that to Ben. Late nights, pacing the floor, whispering promises I wasn’t able to keep.
My throat tightens.
Josh watches me, eyebrows raised, a slow grin pulling at his mouth. “What?”
I clear my throat, shifting the kitten like that’ll somehow explain it away. “I thought you weren’t going to snuggle him.”
“He’s cold,” I say, weak even to my own ears.
He snorts, the sound way too knowing for a kid his age. “Are you coming out to say hi to Mom?”
I lift a hand and give a lazy wave toward the door. “Nah. She’s probably in a hurry.” I aim for casual, miss by a mile. “Doesn’t she have that double date tonight?” I scratch my head. “With Declan? The writer you guys like.”
“I never said I liked him,” Josh shoots back, shoulders tightening just enough for me to notice. “I don’t even know him.”
I lean a hip against the wall, folding my arms like I’m not completely unraveling on the inside. “You should give him a chance, Josh. I think he and your mom will have a lot in common.”
“Doubt it.” He mutters it under his breath, then louder, “And besides…he’s not you.”
My heart does this stupid, traitorous flip in my chest. “Your mom and I are friends,” I say, keeping my voice even.
Josh doesn’t argue, instead, he shifts gears. “We can still come over Tuesday night, right? When Mom has classes. You’ll pick us up?”
There it is. The thing that’s becoming the highlight of my week without me even realizing it.
Tuesday nights.
Maria’s at school. The boys are here. The house is loud and messy and alive in a way I love.
“Yeah,” I say, a little too quickly. I clear my throat. “Yeah, I don’t have a game, so that works.”
I glance out the window, at the dark sky rolling in, heavy clouds pressing low like a storm’s coming. Feels about right.
“We can stay overnight?” Josh asks.
“Sure, if you want.”
Jesus.
If I could step outside myself for five seconds, I’d knock my own head straight.
Because the truth is, I fucking love it.
I love having them here. The noise, the chaos, the way Josh argues about bedtime like it’s a full-contact sport.
The way Lucas forgets where he left literally everything.
The mornings, even. The rushed breakfasts, the backpacks, the half-zipped jackets.
I want it, but I can’t get used to it. I won’t.
Because for all I know, Maria’s going to fall head over heels for Declan-the-Writer-Who-Probably-Uses-Words-Like-Prose-in-Casual-Conversation, and he’ll have some big house somewhere, and they’ll all just…move on.
Move forward.
Without me.
“Tuck,” Josh says, quieter now, pulling me back.
“Yeah, bud?”
“I really like staying here.”
I look down at him, at the way he’s watching me, hopeful, a little unsure. Something tightens in my chest. “Okay,” I manage, because anything more feels too dangerous.
“I like being close to everyone in the neighborhood,” he goes on, words picking up speed now. “And this winter, when Tanner puts in a rink, I can just walk over whenever I want. He told me I could.” His eyes light up. “You should put in a rink.”
I huff out a quiet breath, shaking my head a little. “You want a rink, Josh?”
“I’d help you build it.” He grins, all confidence now, like the deal’s already done.
“It’s a lot of work to maintain. It’s a big responsibility and I’m away a lot, remember? Maeve’s father takes care of theirs when Tanner is away.”
Marbles chooses that moment to lick up the side of my neck, and Josh laughs. “I can do it. I’m responsible. I take care of Marbles, don’t I?”
I snort, adjusting the kitten as he purrs against me. “I never said you weren’t responsible when it comes to Marbles.” I arch a brow at him. “Putting your cereal bowl in the dishwasher, though? That’s still under review.”
Josh groans, but he’s smiling. And the whole time, I can feel it creeping in. The want. Not just for Tuesday nights. For it all.
Again.
He laughs. “See you Tuesday.”
“Josh,” I start, and he pauses, turning back toward me.
“Yeah?”
“Tell Lucas to be careful driving tonight.” I rub the back of my neck. “I heard he’s dropping you at your friend’s place and then heading to see Ari.”
Josh studies me for a second. “Yeah, okay. I’ll tell him. We’re not going far, though.”
“Still,” I say, a little firmer this time. “Be careful. There’s a storm brewing.”
That earns me a laugh. “Okay, Dad.”
Dad.
Holy fucking God.
I know he’s kidding. But the truth is I am acting like an overprotective parent, hovering and handing out safety lectures like it’s my job.
But that one word— It hits me square in the chest like a runaway puck.
Knocks the air right out of me. I don’t even have time to recover before he’s gone, the door swinging wider, cold air rushing in again.
Despite every instinct telling me to stay put, to keep my distance like I promised myself I would…
I step up to the door. Because apparently, I have zero self-preservation when it comes to her.
Maria’s in the car, and even from here, it’s like a punch to the gut.
She’s dressed up. Not over the top. Not trying too hard.
Just enough to make it obvious this isn’t a grocery run or a quick errand.
There’s a soft glow to her skin, a light layer of makeup she doesn’t usually wear.
Her lips have this pink sheen that catches the porch light, and her hair—
Jesus.
Her hair is down in loose curls, falling over her shoulders, a reminder that she’s about to go out with another man. A reminder of what I don’t get to have.
She rolls down the window, smiling up at me, and I force my feet to keep moving until I’m on the stoop. “Thanks for letting the boys come by today, Tuck.”
“No problem,” I say, holding onto Marbles like he’s my lifeline. “I was just…vegging.”
Vegging.
Great. Smooth. What am I, twelve?
“Well, I appreciate it.”
There’s a beat. A moment where I could just leave it alone. Should leave it alone.
Don’t say it.
Don’t fucking say it.
“Have fun with Declan tonight.”
The second it’s out of my mouth, I want to take it back. Her head tilts slightly, eyes narrowing just a fraction, and I can practically hear how it sounded.
Jealous.
Petty.
Not my best look.
“What are you up to tonight?” she asks.
I casually lean against the wooden post like I didn’t just trip over my own emotions. “Probably going to hit up Kilting Around. Grab a drink with Nicklas.”
Nicklas—who better keep his hands to himself when my sister shows up.
“Say hi to Nicklas for me,” she says, a small laugh slipping out. “And tell him to behave.”