Chapter 16
THE DOOR BETWEEN US
STELLA
It’s late Thanksgiving night when we drive back to Boulder, but Aiden chats away about how cool the day was, about the games he got to play “on the huge TV”, and about he and the guys all playing a game of football in the wet and snowy yard before we left.
“I’m glad you had fun, buddy. But you know, this is Thanksgiving Day, and the tradition is that we have something to be grateful for,” I explain. “Why don’t you start? Is there anything you want to say?”
He pipes up. “I’m grateful for hockey. And Zammie. And Coach Eli.”
“Hey what about me?” I cry. I birthed him through excruciating labor cramps for nine hours. That should be worth some gratitude.
“I’m always thankful for you, Mom. I don’t have to say it just one day a year.”
“Oh, yes, you do,” I insist, ruffling his hair.
“And I’m thankful for… this,” Eli says, voice cracking, piling mine and Aiden’s hands on top of his at a stoplight. “For the two of you being in my life, and I hope for many more holidays of the same.”
“Our life has gotten better since we met you,” I admit, fighting back the tears when I extract my hand and leave the warmth of Eli’s. “I don’t know how else to explain it. But I’m grateful for you. And I’m always thankful for my little boy back there who ate three pieces of pumpkin pie.”
Aiden giggles. “But it was so good.”
“I agree, buddy. I’m grateful for pie, oh yes, I love eating pie,” Eli wiggles his brows my way. With a shake of my head and a sly smile, I leave the loaded comment there, gazing out at the road ahead of us, hoping nothing ever tears us apart.
Once we’re back at Eli’s Boulder house, he and Aiden take Zammie for a walk.
I heat up some water for tea and click my phone back on.
I don’t even bother with the ones from Jerrod, but there are a few from Mom.
She sent photos of herself holding a tropical drink by the pool with her new tan and her eyes bright, the bags under them not as deep as usual.
A second chance at life looks good on her and is exactly what she needed. Eli gave that to her, freeing her from the financial burdens.
I take advantage of the minutes ticking by to throw in a load of laundry and wander through the great room to declutter from the past week. This home suits my style much more than the mansion. Set up perfectly for a family, there’s a great room and kitchen designed with an open floor plan.
The home is split with a master suite on one side and four bedrooms and two more baths on the other. It could use a woman’s touch in terms of furniture and decorating, and I haven’t wanted to push, but I could see it clearly for what it could become—a cozy family home.
It’s strange the different paths our lives took since college.
Eli’s a path of notoriety and fortune. Mine a path of struggles and challenges.
Deep down, we’re still the same two people who connected long ago; I see it in the way he looks at me, feel it in his touches, how he stirs my soul awake.
The question is, can we really find a way forward through it all, combining our worlds into one?
They return and give Zammie treats. Eventually, I get Aiden to take a bath.
Eli talks on the phone with Renae. I unpack a few more boxes of our things around the house, and catch bits of their conversation about selling cars, maybe even his Denver mansion, and investing the money.
He’s actually following through, pairing down his luxuries. Life moves fast in his world.
When Aiden settles in bed, he calls for us both to come say goodnight.
Eli’s hand on the small of my back guides me down the hall, like we’re parents sending him off to dreamland.
If only things had been different, we could have been parents doing this for years with our own children. But we’re here. Can’t change it.
We enter his room, and the sight of him puts me off-center for a moment.
With Nuk the polar bear, a gift from Jerrod, tucked under one arm, and Aspen the team mascot, a gift from Eli, tucked under the other, he’s surrounded by love.
Too bad in real life there’s animosity between the men who gave him these toys.
The bed dips when I sit on it, and Eli comes to stand by my side. Zammie jumps up, turns in circles three times, and then settles in his new favorite spot at the foot of the bed.
“It was a busy day. Time to rest. Tomorrow I’ll be at the shop all day for the holiday sale we’re having. Eli will drop you off when he goes into Denver for practice.” I tuck the covers in under my son’s chin.
“I’ll be making chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, but only if you help me, so please say you will,” Eli begs.
“Of course,” my sweet little boy cracks up. The giggles subside, and then he’s serious for about a minute. “Mom, Eli… we need to talk.”
We share a bemused glance.
“Look, I know you two make googly eyes at each other.” He shakes a finger at us with a stern attempt at his approach.
“I’m old enough to realize that Dad has remarried, so I’m okay if you and Coach Eli kiss and hug.
And it’s okay with me if you get married, too.
If you want to. I mean, Mom, you already said to Grandma that he’s sex on a stick, whatever that means. ”
My cheeks must burn through five shades of pink.
He takes me by storm with this, and I’m speechless.
I thought we were being careful not to show any affection or talk about “us” in front of him, waiting to see what develops before clueing him in.
But leave it to my smart kid to be more intuitive than we think.
Eli clears his throat and breaks the silence first, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Aiden, you have such a special mother, and yes, I want to kiss her—a lot. But you need to know how much you’re loved.
We will always put you first. I’d like nothing more than to be there for you and your mom, all the time, and to have more days like today where we can be together. Like a family.”
“I’d like that, too.” He yawns, holding up a tired limb to fist bump with Eli one more time.
“I love you so much, buddy,” I croak; it’s all I can say, filling with emotion. I plant a goodnight kiss on his cheek.
“Goodnight.” Eli takes my hand and guides me out. We barely close the door before the tears rain down my cheeks and I swipe them away.
He moves to hold me, but I put up a hand on his chest, needing a moment.
I escape to the kitchen. I clutch the counter to steady me, gulping in breaths, shoulders shaking.
While heating water for tea, my mind reels from Aiden’s big boy approach.
Does he understand what it would mean to let Eli become a permanent part of our family?
To rewrite the shape of his life—and mine?
I calm down enough, cleaning my face, and eventually make the tea. Eli has a fire started when I return to the living room. I settle in at his side on the couch, cozy in his warmth. His arm lands behind me, grazing my shoulder with his fingertips.
He chuckles. “Aiden gave us permission. How about that? Only I thought you’d be happier about it. Are you okay?” His kind eyes search my face for clues.
I nod and watch the flames flicker, resting, sipping tea, and not ready to say a word yet.
I replay the day in my mind. Eli and I are closer than ever now; Aiden is closer, too, giving us permission to be together.
If only Jerrod wasn’t in the picture with all his threats to take Aiden away from me.
But he is; he’s not going away, and it’s something Eli and I need to deal with.
“You know how you want me to let you in and tell you everything? There is something more,” I finally admit, setting my cup on the coffee table. The fear takes root of having a boyfriend—who might become more someday—who may not always get along with my ex, the father of my son.
He tightens his arm around me, his blue eyes imploring. “Whatever it is, I can handle it, as long as we’re together.”
In the safety of his arms, trusting at last, I tell him about Jerrod flying out for the birthday party. Next, I show him the texts on my phone from today at the game.
“Goddammit,” he mutters under his breath, reading through about a dozen of them, all threatening to take me back to court for full custody—if I don’t leave Eli behind.
“I know there was animosity between you two back then, but even now? You’re grown men. He’s remarried. We have Aiden to think about, and as adults there’s no place for jealousy anymore.” I shake my head. “I need to respond to his texts somehow to calm this situation down.”
He sets the phone down and leans forward, elbows on his knees, cracking his knuckles loud enough to wake Aiden if he doesn’t stop.
Every muscle on his back tenses, but I reach out and rub it in soothing circles, willing him to be smart about this.
After a minute or two, he sinks back into the cushions with a huge sigh, threading our fingers together.
“I won’t walk away, Stella. He destroyed us the first time around; I won’t let him do it again.
But I’ll use every resource, every dollar I have, to hire the best lawyer and help you fight for custody if he follows through with his threats.
I promise you, I’ll be the better man. If Jerrod comes to Aiden’s birthday party, I’ll welcome him, and I’ll be good.
He’s his father, and I will not show any hostility toward him, not with Aiden watching.
It’d do us no good fighting for custody if I make front-page headlines assaulting Jerrod for being an asshole. ”
“Thank you. That means so much to me. Oh, God, I made a horrible mistake, didn’t I?
” I cup his cheeks. “I think back to the day I broke up with you. I broke your heart, Eli, and I knew it was wrong the entire time I talked with you about it. Why did I do that? And why did you just let me go?” I breakdown, sobbing into his shoulder, the tears coming fast and furious.
“Hey, did you forget I tried reaching you that entire week—by phone, text, even pounding on your dorm room door? I couldn’t find you.
And then I saw you on Jerrod’s lap in the cafeteria, feeding him lunch and smiling at him like you and I were never together.
It killed me to see you happy in his arms, but if that’s who you wanted most…
” His voice cracks, head shaking. “I didn’t fight for you.
I loved you too much to prevent your happiness with Jerrod, so I let it go, and I walked away from what I thought was true love. It nearly killed me, Stella.”
“I didn’t return your calls because I was miserable after breaking up with you. So I went out with my friends that night to get drunk. I needed a distraction from everything. Only I woke up the next morning hungover in Jerrod’s bed—”
Eli scowls, his chest caved in, shoulders down, as if the pain of it all is fresh again, weighing him down. But I have to get it all out now.
“I lost my phone somewhere that night, and I don’t remember a thing.
But Jerrod was a good friend and knew my family situation.
So he made a comfortable and safe place for me to stay the entire week in his dorm room, hiding me away, letting me use his phone to contact my mom and dad and figure things out.
But I think…” I suck in a breath. “If I had had my phone and been in my dorm, looked into your eyes and heard your voice, I’d have told you everything and gotten back together with you. ”
“You think Jerrod was there for you as a friend?” The level of his voice rises. His eyes are dark, wearing his pain there. “I see it differently. Sounds more like he held you captive, keeping you away from me so we couldn’t reconcile.”
“No. He held me together, the glue I needed to keep from falling apart.” The ache in my heart tightens as the memories press in.
“My dad was arrested. My parents were drowning in serious legal and money issues. After I broke up with you, Jerrod stepped in and took over everything for my mom and me—appointments, paperwork, and more. And when I found out I was pregnant—” I hesitate when he winces.
“Go on. Don’t stop now. Tell me everything.”
“The doctor and I counted back the weeks, trying to narrow down the window of conception. It landed somewhere around the week you and I broke up. The last time we were together could have fallen early in that window. For a fleeting moment, I thought the baby was yours.”
His breath catches—just once—before he exhales through his nose, frowning.
This next part might hurt him even more.
“But when I told Jerrod—he admitted we’d slept together the night I was drunk and hadn’t used protection.
I don’t remember any of it. He didn’t want to tell me the next morning because of how distraught I was, and he didn’t figure it would matter.
But with the baby news, it suddenly mattered. ”
“What kind of asshole takes advantage of a drunken woman like that? You know I never liked him, Stella. He’s a conniving—” He stands and drags a hand through his hair, pacing away from the couch.
I take a deep breath. “No, it wasn’t like that.
He was genuinely overjoyed about becoming a father.
He proposed to me and planned our wedding.
Convinced me to take time off from school to have the baby.
He told me it was okay to stay home, even when we could barely survive on his income.
” My voice drops. “He was only ever there for me—at least until the end of our marriage.”
“Stella, do you hear yourself? He was isolating you. Controlling you like a puppet. Can’t you see that? Years later, when he found someone new, you became inconvenient, so he divorced you. But he’s still trying to control you from afar, trying to drive a wedge between us again. Fuck!” he shouts.
I jump up, folding my arms tightly against my chest, like a shield. “You’re wrong about him. Why don’t you understand? See, this is why I shouldn’t have the two of you together at Aiden’s birthday party.”
“You’re right. I said earlier I’d be the better man when he arrives for the party, but hearing everything he did to you? I don’t think I can hold myself back from beating his ass.”
Enraged, I let him have it. “You know I can’t have anything or anyone cause problems for me if there’s another custody battle. If you’re going to let your emotions rule and fists fly, then forget about the party. I don’t want you anywhere near Jerrod.”
“Stella, wait—”
“No, Eli. I won’t risk it. My priority is Aiden and I need to protect him.” I run to the bedroom.
“Stella!”
My hand trembles on the doorknob, knowing if I put this wall between us, we might not be able to find our way back. But I’m doing what’s best for my son. I yank it open and slam it shut.
Tears free-fall down my face, and I slide to the floor, knees to my chest. I have to do this—even if it means shutting Eli out once again. No matter what it’s costing my heart this time.