Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
XANDER
Present
After sound check I hang back and sit down at the piano.
Most of the time it’s Stone who plays it during our acoustic portion of the concert, but I like to keep myself fresh on the instrument, too.
Not to mention it gives me a chance to shut the world out and just play.
I don’t have to think about anything other than the music, and it’s just for me.
My fingers move in memory over the keys, taking me back years ago to playing this song for Jade.
I noticed she used to hum the song a lot while she was studying.
In my mind it became our song. Even though the stage crew is still milling about and finishing up, I can’t hold back from singing the lyrics.
As I play the final note, I feel her watching from the wings.
I turn to see her holding up her phone in one hand and wiping tears with her other.
I scoot sideways on the bench and motion for her to come over.
She takes a step forward, sliding the phone into her pocket, but hesitates.
My heart beats violently against the cage of my chest, like it could grow wings and fly to her.
The inner battle she wages plays out on every micro expression of her face as she eventually continues to my side.
Her jasmine and pomegranate scent surrounds me when she sits down.
I refuse to admit how many times I buried my face in the pillow she used just to inhale as much of her as I could when I came back home to an empty house.
“It’s been so long since I’ve heard ‘Somewhere Only We Know.’” Her voice holds a note of nostalgia. “You sang it beautifully.”
“Thank you.” I scratch the stubble shadowing my jaw. “Stone would probably make it sound better.”
“No.” She looks over at me with still wet eyes. “He wouldn’t.”
I reach up slowly, scared to spook her in what feels like a sacred moment, and wipe away a bit of her smudged eyeliner. Her lip quivers in an effort to stuff everything she’s feeling back inside, to keep her feelings safe from me. It fucking kills me.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t drop my hand. Instead, I slide my fingers into her hair.
“For what?”
“Every fucking thing. For being stupid and not telling you as soon as I found out that I was leaving. For not hunting you down when you blocked me. For every second of hurt I caused you. It was never my intention.”
She melts into my touch. I’m not sure if she knows she’s doing it, but I’ll sit here like this forever if it means I can keep touching her. There’s nothing I want more than permission to mess up her perfectly applied red lipstick.
“Forgiven,” she whispers quietly.
One word. It hits me like a sledgehammer made of hope, straight to the chest. When I lean forward she doesn’t retreat, instead she mirrors the motion. At the first brush of her lips against mine, I feel my broken universe explode and come back together, each jagged piece melting back into place.
She parts her lips for me when I wrap my arm around her back and drag her as close to my body as I can.
I tilt her head to give myself better access and pour every single second of fifteen years of longing and need into her.
I barely notice my dick roaring to life and straining against my jeans as she kisses me back with as much need as I feel.
Each stroke of her tongue against mine feels like coming home. She arches into me, both our bodies remembering how perfectly they fit together. Two pieces of a puzzle long forgotten back together.
“Xan—” The sound of Darren’s voice shatters the moment.
Jade slips out of my hold and stands on unsteady feet.
Her eyes widen as she looks from me to Darren and then bolts.
I watch her flee, but instead of the panic I should feel, there’s nothing but certainty.
There’s no question about us anymore. As far as I’m concerned, she’s mine now.
She can run, but wherever she goes, I’ll follow.
I turn my attention from her retreating form back to Darren. His mouth is comically agape, brows nearly touching his hairline. My lips twitch at the sight of the unflappable Darren Brown standing frozen in shock.
“I’ve never seen you speechless before.” I pull the lid down over the piano keys and stand.
He looks from me then over his shoulder and back. “I never thought I’d walk in on that.” He shakes his head trying to clear the surprise. “When did that start?”
It never stopped for me. “What do you need?” I ask instead of answering him. My relationship with Jade is too fragile to speak about to anyone other than her or Stone at this point.
“I fucking forgot. Holy shit.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I think you just hit my reset button.”
I chuckle, fully amused that the guy who has quite literally seen me balls deep in multiple people and not missed a step is now shook by seeing me kiss the love of my life. He walks off without saying another word. Trust that jackass would ruin the moment and then not say what he came to say.
I poke my head into the green room and find Tobias sitting alone staring at a line of coke sitting on the table in front of him. My mood instantly drops from amusement to concern. His eyes are hollow and haunted as they stay locked on the drugs.
Pulling out the chair across from him doesn’t break his trance.
“What’s up?” I ask, tapping the table to get his attention.
He lifts his eyes, the blue clouded with the pain he keeps locked inside. “Nothing.”
“Gonna hit this line?”
“Was thinking about it.”
“What’s holding you back?”
He looks up surprised that I’m not outright telling him no. “Dunno.”
“If you’re thinking this hard, maybe now isn’t the time to do it?” I keep my voice gentle and tone non-judgmental. Fuck knows the three of us have performed countless shows high. It’s not that we can’t, it’s that we’re getting smarter.
But Stone and I don’t have the same demons that haunt Tobias. We grew up loved by solid parents who would do anything to help us succeed. He grew up taking care of himself because of a shitty, unreliable family.
He nods. “Can you get rid of it?” A bit of desperation colors the question.
I don’t ask if he means bag it back up or fully get rid of it. I go with the latter. Fuck whatever is tormenting him. His ghosts can’t have him. I grab a disinfectant wipe and brush the powder away.
Stone comes in with his arm tossed around Hazel.
As soon as he and I lock eyes, he stops.
His eyes dart to Tobias, and then he whispers something in Hazel’s ear.
Her eyes darken as the happiness drains from her eyes only to be filled with concern.
She nods and presses a quick kiss to his lips before saying she needs to find Jade.
Stone grabs three waters from the fridge and joins us at the table.
The rest of the time before the show, we spend quietly together.
Just the three of us. I’m assuming Hazel said something to Jade or Darren since no one comes looking for us, aside from wardrobe dropping off our clothes for the show.
Throughout the show I sneak glances to my right.
Every time I’m greeted by the sight of Jade watching me.
Her body moves subtly in time with the music.
Occasionally she’ll speak with Hazel or Darren.
The latter of which has his attention locked, and I mean locked, on Tobias.
His phone never appears in his hands which, I’m not kidding, is a first.
Stone’s brow furrows when he notices that the ladies have disappeared.
When he looks at me for answers to his silent question as to where they went, I give a little shrug.
I’m not worried, Jade probably wanted to get shots of us performing from a different angle.
Stone, on the other hand, looks as if he’s ready to launch into the crowd at the first sign of trouble.
After what happened to Hazel at one of our earlier shows, I don’t blame him. It was terrifying to watch her be separated from her security and swept into a surging crowd. I’ve never seen Stone so angry, it might have been the first punch he’d ever thrown.
The tension doesn’t leave his body until they reappear about five songs later. Tobias absolutely kills his improv drum solo. I sneak offstage while the lights are focused solely on him to take a drink. Andi, our tour manager, hands both Stone and I opened bottles.
Stone takes the opportunity to plant a long, sloppy kiss on Hazel’s lips. Darren gives them a look of disgust and steps away from the girls. But Jade watches them with a bit of wistfulness.
“Someday I’m going to kiss you like that,” I whisper in her ear.
She stills, and I take the opportunity to feather my lips over the shell of her ear. I glance down at her neck, noting the way her pulse has kicked up from my proximity. Another surge of hope powers through my body like a tidal wave crashing ashore.
Of-fucking-course we have this breakthrough on a night where we have to get straight on the bus. The drive from Phoenix to Dallas is long, so we’ll sleep on the road tonight. As we go back onstage for the final three songs, I manage to convince myself that delayed gratification is good for me.
But as we take our final bow and I sneak another look at her offstage, a plan formulates in my mind. I hand my bass off to the crew to pack up. Another crew member comes to take the pack from my waistband and my in-ear monitors. I make it offstage faster than Stone for the first time this tour.
The sweat running down my body doesn’t bother me a single bit as I catch up to Jade. She turns, surprised when I pull her into the closest doorway. It turns out to be a mostly empty room. There’s a lighted vanity and black leather loveseat. Perfect. I kick the door closed behind me.
“Xander?”
She barely gets my name out when my lips are on hers. Our kiss earlier wasn’t enough. One kiss will never be enough.
Her body stiffens in surprise, but when my hands grip her waist and pull her flush against me, she gives in. She parts her lips, welcoming my tongue with sweeps of her own. My skin tingles as her fingers dive into my hair, nails scratching my scalp.
I walk backward and sit, pulling her onto my lap.
The cool leather of the small sofa feels amazing against my back.
Our lips never break apart as she settles into a comfortable position with her knees bracketing my hips.
Her hands roam down my chest and abs with a familiarity I feel down to the depths of my soul.
Reaching a hand behind my neck, I pull my sweat-dampened shirt over my head. She sits back, letting her eyes roam over me. She hasn’t looked at me like this in so long.
“What are we doing?” she whispers. “This is a bad idea.”
“This is the best idea we’ve had in years.” I pull her back to me, determined to erase any concerns from her head by whatever means necessary.
Her hips rock over my erection, searching for friction. “Oh god.” Her head falls back as I kiss down the column of her neck. “The worst idea.”
With inhuman strength I pull away from her, so I can look up into her eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”
I see the battle raging in her eyes as she formulates her answer. “No.” She drops her lips to mine. “Please don’t.”
Relief like I’ve never felt crashes through me. My hands move from her hips to her denim-covered ass. Our tongues dance together as our mouths fuse.
“Why are you wearing jeans?” I say in between kisses. “You never wear jeans to our shows.”
“I don’t know,” her answer is breathless. “Worst decision ever,” she mumbles against my lips.
“Definitely questioning your decision-making skills,” I answer back.
I cup one of her breasts over her shirt, my thumb instinctively finding her beaded nipple through the fabric. She gasps and arches her back into my touch. My dick strains angrily against the zipper of my jeans.
I’m about to pull her shirt over her head when I hear Stone calling my name. A minute later Hazel calls out for Jade. With matching groans we pull away from each other, though she stays in my lap. Her hands drop from my shoulders as we sit there, chests heaving and staring into each other’s eyes.
“What are we doing?” she whispers.
“What we were always meant to.”
She closes her eyes, and I feel the emotional distance she tries to put between us. I grab her hand as she starts to climb off my lap and press it right over my heart. She’s not getting off that easy.
“Feel that?” I ask her.
She looks down at her hand. “Yes,” she answers quietly.
“It’s all yours.”
Pain flashes in her eyes, and she stands on wobbly knees and extracts her hand from my grip. “I’ll go out first. You can follow me after a minute.”
“Or we can go out together.”
“I work for you. This isn’t a proper thing for us to be doing.”
I stand up and adjust myself. “Fuck propriety.”
She watches me without saying anything. Then she walks out, pulling the door closed behind her. I don’t care how hard she tries to push me away. Her kisses and her body don’t lie. Her fingers in my hair don’t lie. She still wants me, just as much as I do her.