Chapter 9
Jesse
I’m on my way to Ella’s apartment; it’ll be my first time there.
She lives in the city, forty-five minutes away from Bellamy.
It has its perks, like flower shops. I stopped and got her a bouquet on my way over.
Come to think of it, I haven’t bought flowers for a girlfriend since her.
I buy my mom flowers for Mother’s Day and her birthday.
I’ve gotten them for Addison already on her birthday.
I never got Lexie flowers. She didn’t seem like the type that would appreciate them.
I haven’t seen Ella since I kissed her. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.
The desire to do it again is overwhelming.
Just goes to show, nothing has changed—she still drives me just as crazy as she did when we were eighteen.
In fact, that kiss felt exactly like it did the first time I ever kissed her.
It held the same weight, the same rush, that same feeling of something new and exciting.
Twelve years ago
I finally found the courage to hold Ella’s hand as we walk down to the creek. My brothers and I used to have a lot of fun here when we were younger. It’s a little steep to get down to it, and although she’s wearing boots, I don’t want her to fall.
I go first and then help her down, admiring how soft her hands are. I’ve never held a girl’s hand before. I wonder if they’re all this soft and delicate.
She slips slightly on the last rock, but I’m there to steady her. She laughs it off.
“Me and my brothers used to have rock fights down here.”
“Rock fights?”
“Yeah.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
“Yeah, that’s what makes it fun. Trying not to get hurt,” I explain, but her face says I’m not making much sense. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna throw rocks at you.”
She smiles cheekily and my eyes can’t get past her lips. I’ve wanted to kiss her for weeks but wasn’t going to do it at school.
With her hand still in mine, I gently pull her closer to me.
Leaning in, I glance at her eyes first, giving her one last chance to bail.
When she leans in to meet me halfway, I commit.
My stomach stirs with something I’ve never felt and the rest of my body overheats.
Her lips on mine are soft, just like her hands.
When I feel her touch my back with her hand, the heat in me escalates. It scares me a little; honestly, it’s overwhelming. I pull away slowly, not wanting her to think anything’s wrong.
The corners of her mouth lift in a small smile. “That was nice.”
She makes me laugh. “That’s the most Ella thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“Sorry.” She giggles.
“Don’t be sorry. I like you. Everything about you.”
“I like you too.”
While I already figured that, hearing her confirm it is relieving. I’ve never had a girl like me back. It was always a one-way thing. Knowing Ella and I share the same feelings makes me happy and excited to see what life has in store.
End of flashback
As I wait for Ella to open her front door, I watch the traffic whiz by. Where is everyone going in such a hurry? Ella probably hates being in the hustle and bustle of it all too, but I know she enjoys the short commute to work.
The click of the door unlocking pulls me from my thoughts. My gaze drops first to her smiling face, bright and beautiful as always, then to the rest of her, wearing a green sweatshirt, gray sweatpants, and fuzzy, pink socks.
Her eyes running over my jeans, boots, and sweatshirt layered under a jacket, she teases, “I said to dress comfy. We’re watching a movie.”
Stepping inside with a grin, I slip an arm around her waist to pull her in for a much-desired hug. “Jeans are comfortable for me,” I mutter, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, savoring the moment. She tastes sweet, literally. She must have just eaten candy or something.
She pulls back first. I watch her eyes catch on the flowers in my hand.
“Who are those for?” she teases.
“Gee, I’m not sure.” I bring them up between us. “ Perhaps some pretty girl who missed out on getting them from me the last ten years?”
Her smile grows and she takes them. “Thank you.” She leans in to kiss me again.
“I’ve missed you,” I murmur against her lips.
Her voice is tender. “Me too.”
She turns to the kitchen, and I watch as her 5’5” frame stretches onto her tiptoes, reaching for a cabinet above the fridge. I bite back a laugh and walk over to grab the vase she’s struggling to get.
Shooting me a playful glare, she mutters, “Must be nice.”
“This is why you need me,” I grin as I hand it over.
“Oh, is that right?” She smirks.
While she fills the vase and arranges the flowers, I glance around her apartment. It’s pretty bare—just the basics. Clean, simple, but one thing that does stick out is no TV. I scan the room again, just to be sure.
“El, you said you wanted to watch a movie?” I turn back toward her.
“Yeah.”
I laugh. “On what?”
She glances over her shoulder with a mischievous smile. “The TV’s in my room.”
“Oh.” My heart skips, my pulse suddenly louder than before as my mind races to places it shouldn’t.
Having been with her before makes it hard not to go there, to revisit those memories, but I know I have to if I want to resist temptation.
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” I stutter and follow her.
Her room feels more lived-in than the rest of the apartment. A few things hang on the walls, side tables with lamps sit on either side of the bed, and a rug covers most of the floor. I imagine she spends most of her time in here, if this is where she decided to house the tv.
“I know you’ll hate any movie I’d pick, so why don’t you choose?” she sets a tray of snacks on the bed and drinks on the nightstand.
“I don’t care what we watch. I just wanna be with you, Ella,” I insist, watching the way her cheeks flush. She grabs the remote and crawls onto the bed, sitting cross-legged as she powers on the TV.
Before I join her, I kick off my boots and set my wallet, keys, phone and handgun—the one I carry regularly—on the side table. My heart starts to race a little more as the realization and yet the unknown of the evening settles in.
“Then we’re watching When Harry Met Sally,” her grin downright playful, like she’s waiting for me to protest.
I just laugh. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”
She gives me a surprised look, but I meant what I said. I don’t care what we watch—I’d watch paint dry with her. I’m just happy we found a night we could spend together.
This season has worn me out. Long days, early mornings, exhausted by the end. I’m thankful for it all of course, but throw in a girl you’d drop everything for, and balance feels almost impossible to find.
The movie starts, and she pulls a blanket over us before reaching for the tub of ice cream. I watch her eat straight from the carton and can’t help but let out an unwarranted laugh. I’ve seen this before.
“What?” she counters.
“You’re on your period.”
Her eyes bug out. “How did you know that?!”
“Because I know you, Ella. I remember every single thing there is to remember.”
“Really?” she asks, but not in a surprised way, in a sentimental way. Her eyes soften like she’s about to cry. No surprise there either.
“Of course.” I reach my arm out to place around her and she settles into me.
“What else do you remember?”
“That your lower back always hurts really bad; you needed me to use all my strength to massage it.”
She smiles. “Yup, still the same.”
I think harder about anything else I can recall. “Also, that I should’ve brought you chocolates or more ice cream instead of flowers,” I tease when I notice she doesn’t have much left.
“That or a pizza. Pizza would be perfect.”
I reach for my phone. “I’ll get one.”
“No. No, it’s fine,” she pushes my phone away. “Next time.”
I set my phone back down and turn in towards her, swiping my other hand up over her cheek. “Okay,” I whisper and bring my mouth down on hers.
Over the next ten minutes, things take a turn. What started out as a back massage for her has now shifted entirely. We got closer, I kissed her, she kissed me harder, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, she was sitting in my lap.
The heat between our bodies is building in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.
I flip us over, so I’m on top of her now, she continues to giggle.
The world around us is starting to disappear as there’s still that undeniable connection between us.
I can’t quite explain how it feels. The only thing I know for certain is that I’m still very much in love with her.