Chapter 19
Standing outside the doorway to one of the guest rooms, I struggle to keep my breathing even.
I’m terrified this is the wrong move. That it’ll send him back into the darkness, obliterating every inch of his recovery.
Yet…I know he needs this. I twisted him into this, and the disgust rolls in my stomach for my past actions.
But I will not make him suffer in silence. Not while there is a breath in my body.
When the trio turns the corner, I only have eyes for my sweet Boy.
The one who brings light to my life, who healed me without either of us even realizing.
The fact he still trusts me enough to call me Master…
If there is anyone undeserving of that, it’s me.
Yet, I have to push that guilt away. Sarah warned me this would be hard.
She believed I could do it, though. And for Emilio, I will. No matter what.
They stop several feet away, and Hollis turns Emilio toward him, capturing his lips with a searing kiss, stamping his ownership for me to see and for the Boy to feel.
My heart aches at the sight. There’s no jealousy in me over it.
Hell, there's not even a pang of regret.
All that matters is that Emilio gets what he needs.
And I hope that his Angel can find himself as well.
The idea that I would have willingly shared my Boy in the past would have been laughable—yet, now, all I feel is gratitude.
He deserves every drop of love that we can give him.
We all have our own places, and nothing they can do will take my spot from me.
I’m not foolish enough to try and take him away from them.
It would only hurt Emilio, and that is something I promised to never do again.
They’re too far away for me to hear what Hollis says, but given the way Emilio smiles and relaxes, I can only imagine it’s some form of permission.
Thank fuck Hollis understands Emilio’s needs, because he would worry about upsetting his Owner.
Once they resume their slow trek over to me, I straighten further, a slight smile spreading across my face when Emilio gets closer.
“Sandro,” Hollis greets me stiffly, the level of distrust in his eyes weighs on my soul.
There are no words I can give him in this case.
No way to lessen his hatred of me. If he could see what stains the inside of my mind, he’d realize that the fear and hatred he has doesn’t come close to what’s already there.
Their hatred is but a speck, less than a grain of sand, compared to the self-hatred that eats at my own mind.
Still, I incline my head respectfully, forcing myself not to fall back.
Not when Emilio needs his Master, and while I may feel like I’m dying by inches, nothing will stop me from giving my Boy what he needs.
Not Hollis, not Tennant, and not even the demons that prey on my own goddamn mind.
Hollis swallows as he lets Emilio go, turning to brush a kiss against Tennant’s lips before walking away.
I’m not surprised when he turns back partially to catch my eye, and I can read the warning on his face clearer than any words spoken.
I don’t say anything, simply take it, because that’s not what matters.
Taking a deep breath, I hold out my arms, letting Emilio walk into them.
For a moment, I have peace. It’s fleeting, but it’s more than I’ll ever deserve.
Forcing my arms to drop, I open the door and usher Emilio and Tennant inside. It’s not set up like the playroom. Instead, I chose to use a very minimalistic design. Thankfully, the four-poster bed works for exactly what I need.
Turning to Emilio, I command, “Strip.”
With a blinding smile, stress almost melts off him, and while he sneaks a quick peek at his Daddy, he doesn’t say a word.
Tennant watches everything closely, but while he’s inherently part of the scene, this is between my sweet Boy and me.
I’m grateful Tennant is here in case something goes wrong…
in case I lose my sanity again. But, for now, my attention stays solely on Emilio.
He’s quick and efficient as he undresses, making sure to fold his clothes as he takes them off.
When he’s standing in front of me naked, he shivers, but I know it’s not from the cold.
I made sure the room was plenty warm. No, it’s the anticipation feeding him now, the adrenaline of a scene, and not knowing what’s going to happen.
“Come with me.” I hold out my hand and he grasps it firmly, without any hesitation. Fuck. It’s only the years of being forced to be someone I’m not that keeps my face blank as the doubts seep in, because while he trusts me completely, I have no faith in myself at all.
I urge him up onto the bed, having him kneel and face the backboard.
It takes a moment to get him in position, as I need him close enough to the headboard to use the ties that I already arranged together.
My uncle would likely be horrified with how expensive these ties are, but I had no problem sacrificing them.
Tied together, they act as a perfect rope.
One is looped around the column on the left of the headboard, and another to the column on the right. I carefully bind one to each of Emilio’s wrists, testing to make sure it won’t hurt him, even if he pulls.
“There’s no numbness, right?” He shakes his head, but that’s not enough. “I need you to give me words. I don’t want you hurt…well, not in the wrong way.”
“No, it’s comfortable,” he huffs, his body shifting impatiently. This isn’t like what we’ve done before and I don’t blame him for being frustrated. I’m changing the rules, but fuck, there’s no other way to do this.
I grip his chin tight, turning his face toward me. “You will use my title while you’re here. And while I am in control, I want you to know that you can say stop at any time, and we will.”
He growls, aggravation building, but this is too important to me.
I need him to understand that while I’m his Master, and I’ll give him the pain he needs, I never want to hurt him again, not in the wrong way.
I drop my hand, but don’t take my eyes from his.
There’s a fight within them, and I know he’s screaming for me to just dominate him, but I can’t let that voice win.
Not here. Not now. Not when it could lead to the ruin of everything.
Finally, he gives in and his shoulders slump. “Yes, Master.”
The misery in his voice has nothing on what chases through me. Fuck. How do I give him what he needs while still getting through to him that he’s the most important thing in my life?
I glance over at Tennant, the judgment in his eyes stealing my breath, and I force myself to turn away from him. Fuck. Can’t he tell I’m trying to follow his and Hollis’s rules?
Breathing out, I run my hand through Emilio’s hair, crooning, “You are such a good Boy. My sweet one. Always.”
He thrashes his head, and I let my hand pull back instinctively. Slapping his ass, I’m not sure which one of us is jarred the most. He lets out a mewl that settles me, that reinforces what I’m doing, even as I’m torn apart.
“That’s right. You don’t get to decide that. I do. Now, I want you to tell me why you’re here.”
“To be punished.” He says it with such certainty that it robs me of everything good, knowing he thinks he deserves punishment.
Tennant pushes off from the wall, but I stop him with a firm shake of my head. “No. You’ve done nothing to be punished for.”
“Yes, I have! I raped someone, Master! And I tortured my best friend, my soulmate, my love. I fell in love with others, and left you, even though I knew you were spiraling out of control. I’m…I’m a monster.”
A sharp crack when my hand meets his ass leaves him gasping.
“Enough! I will not let you talk about yourself like that. You did not rape someone—that bitch raped you and an innocent. You did not torture Roman. You were used by the Senator to do it. And you fell in love because these men saw how special you are and gave you what you needed. They cherish you, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about with that. ”
“But I left you!” he sobs. “I know what it’s like to lose control, and I still left you!”
“No, Tesoro. No, you didn’t. You kept yourself safe.” Silent tears roll down my face, and I wish I could take his pain onto me. I wish I could make him understand how much I love him. “You did exactly what I would always want you to do. You put yourself, and your safety, first.”
Without thought, I break and capture his face in my hands, leaning uncomfortably to do it. But I want him to look in my eyes, to see my belief in him, even as I’m the one stripped raw.
“M-m-master?” he whispers.
“You did nothing wrong. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, and I’m so fucking proud of you.” I don’t give him time to argue. Instead, I capture his lips, trying to sear the truth onto his soul in the only way I know how.
Letting him go, I brush one last kiss on his forehead, reminding myself—and him—of how much he means to me.
Standing up straight, I can’t resist looking over at Tennant.
For a man who so rarely shows emotions, the rawness is painted across his face right now, and I shudder from the force of it. Fuck.
It takes a moment for me to remember how to breathe, how to find my way back to reality, and by the time I do, he’s shut it all down again.
His face is once again a mask of nothingness.
Still, that peek behind the curtain tells me more than I ever hoped for.
Because while I am grateful to him and Hollis, now I know for certain, these are the two men that will always protect Emilio, including from ourselves.
Pulling myself away from my thoughts, I turn back toward my heart, and this time, I open the drawer to the nightstand and take out a flogger.
The hitch in Emilio’s breath is enough to make my cock begin to harden, but after a moment of shock, the idea of actually feeling sexual arousal is so foreign at this point, I shut it down.
This is for him, not me. Never me. I’d cut off my dick if I could, so I could never hurt my love again.
“You deserve a reward for being honest,” I say roughly, knowing exactly what the dark promise in my voice does to him. “Isn’t that right?”
“Please, Master.” He begs so sweetly.
“That’s right. I’ll always give my sweet Boy what he needs.” I pray that’s true. I vow it always will be from now on.
Keeping the memories in the forefront of my mind, including all the lessons that taught me the right way to inflict pain, instead of the fucked up ways my father had taught me, I zero in on Emilio’s ass and start out with the perfect hit.
It's just enough for the beginning of redness to bloom across it.
He yelps, but it changes quickly to a moan.
I don’t let up, my focus narrowing only on him, his pleasure and pain.
On the control I’m exerting, and the sweet gift of submission he gives me.
This…this is what I can give him. I can take away the emotional turmoil and give him something else to focus on.
Increasing the intensity, I watch the redness grow, the heat almost pouring off him. Now it’s a battle of wills. His or mine. Which of us will break first, and I fucking pray like I never have in the past that he breaks before my mind does. He needs to let go, to get that release.
Gritting my teeth, I ramp up once again, sweat dotting my forehead as the hitches in his breath come faster.
I sense Tennant moving behind me, but I ignore him.
I can’t take the time to reassure him when I know what Emilio needs.
Fuck, Tennant could stick a knife in me right now, and unless the devil manages to take my soul, I. Will. Not. Stop.
And then, it happens. Sobs like nothing else rack my sweet Boy’s body, release and relief crashing through him.
As much as I want to toss the fucking flogger aside and hold him, I can’t.
Not yet. Instead, I meticulously start to decrease the force and speed of the hits, bringing him down from that high slowly, instead of letting him crash to earth.
As soon as I can, I drop the flogger, barely realizing I’m gulping for air the same as him, as trembles hit me.
I reach for the nightstand drawer again, pulling out the cream to use on him. Aftercare. The most important part of this. The time to reconnect and let him know how very loved he is. Part of me wonders if I should leave it to his Daddy. Wouldn’t that be better?
“Master,” Lio whimpers, and it steals my heart, just as he has been doing since the beginning when I faced him down as a captive. I’m not sure when it switched, when suddenly he became the captor, but fuck if he’s not. He holds my very life in his hands, even if he doesn’t realize it.
“I’m here, Tesoro. I’m here,” I murmur, applying the cream to his ass before tossing it aside. I undo the ties easily and help him move down on the bed, so that he can sprawl out. I hesitate, but only briefly, before I join him.
I don’t deserve it, and I know that, but fuck if I can resist. I gather him close in my arms and whisper how proud I am of him, how much I love him, and I hope that even a small amount of the love I have for him gets through.
I think it must because as he quiets, he snuggles into me, his body fully relaxed as he breathes out.
I feel the bed depress, but I don’t pay attention to it. I can’t. Whether he’s joining us, or he plans to take my love from me… Fuck, I just can’t think right now.
All that matters is that Emilio finally broke. He gave in to the emotional upheaval he’s been fighting, and he won because he came out the other side. And if I have my way, I’ll always be here to guide him through it.
Although, there's no fucking way I’ll let anyone touch my Little One again. Not while there’s breath left in my body, or any amount of life clings to me, because he’s all that matters. As it should be…