Chapter 43
Together. Always. Those two words said by the man who stole my heart in ways I never expected, and didn’t know was possible.
I once saw Carter as my forever. The family we had, the life we built… After all we lived through, the lies of omission, the torture, ripping my heart to shreds thinking I would have to kill the man I loved… As it turns out, I am the one who tore it all down like it was nothing.
The consequences of my actions, whether I was in my “right mind” or not, will haunt me for the rest of my life.
But this? Being in Allesandro’s arms… He’s the strength I never knew I needed. He's capable of holding me up in ways I didn’t think I’d need, not when I was used to being the strength all this time.
While wrapped in Allesandro—Sandro’s—arms…my Cuore…the patch that holds my shattered soul together, I feel lighter than I have in a very long time.
When I pull back, Sandro moves his chair until he's sitting in front of me, his legs spread around mine. Leaning forward, he holds my face in his palms, his fingers brushing away my tears.
“I think you’re right,” I tell him, my voice unrecognizable even to my own ears. “I think I need to talk to Javi about seeing one of the therapists he’s bringing in. I…I can’t keep living like this. It’s unfair to you, and to Roman.”
“It’s unfair to yourself, Dolce Cuore,” he says softly.
That stupid nickname brings a soft, barely-there smile to my lips. Him and Roman…they are the only bright spots to my cold, endless, and lonely days. But…I know I need more. I need something to keep me going, otherwise, what’s the point of it all?
“You really think it’ll help?”
“Yes, I really do, Sweetheart. I haven’t started yet, but the meds they’ve given me…
I didn’t know I was living in such a fog before.
I didn’t realize the things I experienced were weighing me down that much.
I want you to feel as…free as I do. Is it easy?
No, not at all. But I’m getting a chance to explore a side of myself I haven’t in a long time.
I think that’s something you need too. Something that doesn’t hinge on waiting for your son to forgive you. ”
I let out a shuddering breath, knowing he’s right.
The problem is, I never had that. No aunt to teach me to bake.
I had my uncle, the abusive piece of shit that he was, and Tennant, the only one who kept me sane.
The best friend who, in order to protect everything we built, left me out in the cold.
He was right when he told me he was saving our Family.
He was saving my son from me. And isn’t that a fucking kick to the heart?
If Roman was supposed to be safe with anyone, it should have been me. I fucked that up.
I know why Roman is upset. Not because of anything I did or said to him, but because I hurt Carter. Roman is protective of those he cares about, more than anyone else, and the way I hurt Carter? There’s no excuse for that.
The divorce papers Sinclair prepared are sitting in my room, ready for me to either contest or sign… Every time I look at the envelope, my stomach churns, but I know I need to get it over with. For Carter’s sake, if not my own.
He’s happy now, I know that. And I want to be happy for him.
I want him to have everything he’s ever dreamed of…
more children, a partner to love him the way he should be…
But him having that with someone that's not me… It’s going to take some time.
More than anything, losing him is the biggest regret I will carry for the rest of my days.
But…he’s happy, and I can’t begrudge him that.
Even if seeing him with Keegan and Marcus kills me.
Staring at Sandro, seeing the way his bright blue eyes bore into mine, full of love and patience I don’t deserve…I say the only thing I can. “I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“Never, Sweetheart. Never. I told you. Insieme. Simpre. Whatever happens next, you don’t have to be alone.”
Taking a breath, I nod then lean forward, kissing him so softly I’m not even sure it can truly be called a kiss, but it’s a connection we both desperately need. And I finally am starting to believe that maybe we can get through this…together.