Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
“Good morning,” he said to the surprised footman of Nicholas’ house. “I’ll show myself in.”
Andrew rose before any of the servants expected to see him awake, ordering a horse to be called and riding across to Nicholas’s house.
After a sleepless night thinking about everything that had taken place between Jessamine and him, he needed another perspective, and Nicholas was the only person he thought could provide that.
All the blinds were drawn as he approached, and he rapped smartly on the door.
“But Lord—” the footman began.
Andrew waved a dismissive hand over his shoulder as he walked determinedly along the corridor. “Lord Mirthby will receive me. See to my horse, if you will.”
Being a duke did make certain activities easier. It gave him the liberty to order others around and for them to listen. No one dared deny a duke, no matter how much they had denied Lord Andrew, the younger son of a duke.
He took the stairs two at a time and rapped his knuckles loudly on Nicholas’s bedchamber door before letting himself in. Light strained in through the curtains, and Nicholas stirred groggily in the bed.
“Wake up,” Andrew said.
“What the devil did I do to deserve this?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“And you couldn’t wait until calling hours like a civilized person?” Nicholas sat up in bed. “What time is it, anyway?”
“Just after eight.”
“The army did you no favors,” Nicholas grumbled, stretching and propping himself on the pillow. “Open the curtains, then. If you’re so determined to talk, you may as well shed some light on the situation.”
Andrew strode to the curtains, throwing them open and welcoming a shaft of sunlight onto the floor. Nicholas swung out of bed and grabbed a robe hanging over a chair, slinging it across his shoulders.
He dragged a hand through his hair. “I ought to be sleeping for another two hours at least,” he grumbled. “Do you know at what time I got to bed?”
“Went to White’s after you left mine, did you?” Andrew asked, unsympathetically.
“What of it? A man must have some entertainment that doesn’t revolve around an infant, you know.” He paused, sinking back onto the edge of the bed. “Yet I will admit that it all went very smoothly yesterday. I suppose you’re proud of yourself?”
“Jessamine deserves all the credit.” As he said her name, his stomach tightened.
God, she had been so perfectly responsive in his arms. He had ached for her so desperately, and he knew this foolishness had to stop before it progressed further. Before he damaged what he had in pursuit of what he should not want.
“I see,” Nicholas said slowly. “You’ve come here because she’s thrown you out?”
Andrew sent his friend a stern glance. “No.”
“Then what on earth possessed you to disturb my sleep like this?”
Andrew threw himself into a chair. Now he was here, on the verge of discussing it, he wasn’t even sure how to go about the discussion.
“I never wanted a bride,” he began, after several false starts. “Even before my father and brother died. There was no woman I wanted to bring into my life and make my wife and… You know.”
“Yes, yes, you’re thoroughly damaged.” Nicholas propped his chin on his fist. “But you do have a wife.”
“For William’s sake.”
“And yet I think it may be slightly more than that,” Nicholas said slyly. “Or were you not glaring into the back of my head last night with the force of a thousand suns?”
Andrew scowled. “You must have been imagining it.”
“I never imagine the ire of jealous husbands,” Nicholas assured him. “Your wife is wonderful, by the way. A delight. You are a very fortunate man.”
Andrew rested his forehead on his hands. “I think it might make me lose what’s left of my sanity?”
“For what reason?”
“This marriage was supposed to be entirely…” He let out a long breath. “I don’t know. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. You know my past. Everything I’ve been through shouldn’t weigh her down, but I’ve already told her about Rebecca.”
“She already knew a great deal about Rebecca,” Nicholas pointed out. “They were friends.”
“But my burdens are not hers.”
“I have it under excellent authority that that is marriage.”
“Not the marriage we were meant to have,” Andrew snapped. “It was meant to be an entirely dispassionate arrangement purely for the sake of taking care of William. A practical arrangement alone.”
Nicholas ran a hand through his hair. “I presume you think now is too early for a drink?”
“For God’s sake, Nick.”
“You look like you need a drink,” Nicholas said unrepentantly. “Have you even slept?”
“If I had,” Andrew said, dropping his hands to glare at his friend, “I would not be here.”
“So, to sum up, you are feeling like a fool because you confided in your new wife, and now you feel as though your burdens have become her burdens, and that you will make a poor husband?”
“I also—” Andrew couldn’t bring himself to detail what happened last night. “Things have become a trifle more intimate between us,” he said at last. “And I… believe I have acted in error.”
Nicholas groaned. “For what reason? Of all the women in the world, she is the one you should be satisfying the most.”
“There are no other women, Nick.”
“All the more reason to be taking your pleasure from her, then! That may not have been the reason you married, but it’s certainly an advantage.
She’s a beautiful lady, and no doubt she will have other offers in time.
You know as well as I that the ton only pretends to virtue.
You ought to ensure her sights are set on you alone. ”
Andrew scoffed. Perhaps he did not know Jessamine all that well yet, but he knew her well enough to know she would not be stepping outside their marriage.
His reticence was because he knew how easy it was to hurt someone to whom he was close.
They could not afford intimacy to turn cold and angry.
William required two parents—even if neither were his actual parents—who were able to be around each other with a calm sense of duty.
Introducing other aspects to that relationship paved the way for disaster.
“It’s not as simple as all that,” he said.
Nicholas sighed and lay back on the bed. “So keep your distance from her. But for heaven’s sake, still treat her as though she matters to you. It’s obvious she does, so if you retreat back into yourself and become Captain Kinley with her, you’ll only make things worse.”
“Captain Kinley?” he asked wryly.
“You know. All stiff and distant and proper. Just be yourself, and don’t bed her, if you’re so worried about that. Although, if you’ve done it once, she’ll expect you to do it again.”
Nicholas raised his head to waggle his eyebrows at Andrew, who tossed a cushion at him and rose to leave.
He would go riding, he thought—anything other than return to his house to eat an awkward breakfast with Jessamine.
If she thought last night was the beginning of something—
Well, they would have to cross that particular bridge when they came to it. And he hoped not to come to it for some time yet.
When Jessamine descended downstairs for breakfast, she found the breakfast room empty.
Her stomach dropped.
This was his usual time for eating; by London standards, he was an early riser, choosing to do more with his day than ladies and gentlemen often did.
Evidently, he had chosen to do even more than usual.
Jessamine pinched her nose, calming herself. So her husband was avoiding her after he had put his mouth between her legs in a manner she had not known was enjoyable—but what did that matter?
Better they both put the event entirely behind them.
She reached for the marmalade and slowly spread it over her toast. “Do you know where His Grace is?” she asked the footman who brought in a tray of hot tea.
“I believe he went out, Your Grace.”
“Will he be back for breakfast?”
The footman’s gaze darted from her to the empty seat at the other end of the table. “I’m afraid he didn’t specify, Your Grace.”
“Very well. Thank you, Thomas.”
The footman bobbed his head again and bid a hasty retreat. Jessamine poured herself some tea and gathered up the last of her wounded feelings, tucking them away again.
This was perfectly fine. She was a duchess, and she had plenty of things to do with her time that did not involve a reticent duke.
After finishing breakfast, she retired to the library, where she wrote a series of notes to her friends.
If Andrew was going to be out, then she would be, too. The weather was sunny, and so she invited Irene, Temperance, and Lady Marwich to a picnic in Hyde Park.
Next, she descended into the kitchens to speak with the cook to ask if a picnic could be made at such short notice.
With much smiling, the cook assured her yes, but the moment she left the kitchens, she heard his voice rising in anger as he commanded new ingredients to be bought and preparations to be made.
No doubt she had put herself in the cook’s bad books for the foreseeable future, but she couldn’t remain in the house any longer than she absolutely had to.
That done, she retired upstairs to where Lucy was holding William against her chest. Something inside Jessamine loosened when she saw the baby.
He had largely recovered from the colic now, although he grizzled for no reason sometimes still, and he turned his large, blue-gray eyes on her as she reached for him.
“William,” she said, nuzzling her face into his hair. “I declare you’re growing bigger every single day.”
“That he is,” Lucy said with a smile. “He’s happy to see you.”
William’s chubby hands fastened around one of her curls and held on for dear life. After a moment’s consideration, he brought it to his mouth, and she disentangled herself as best she could.
“I’m happy to see him,” Jessamine said. “Sometimes it feels as though he’s the best part of every single day.”
“That’s how it feels,” Lucy said, smiling. “He’s a sweet lad, I’ll say that. How was the christening?”
“You were there.” Jessamine laughed, settling into the rocking chair and adjusting William in her arms. “I think, for the most part, it went well.”
She hesitated, thinking about Andrew, his sorrow over his cousin, and the way he had held her when she’d confided in him about Percy. That had been painful, as well, but also incredibly rewarding.
And that was enough thinking about that.
“It went well,” she said again, and changed the subject. “I thought I would go for a picnic in Hyde Park today with some of my friends. Temperance and Irene and Lady Marwich.”
Lucy smiled warmly. “What a lovely idea. Would you like to bring William? The sunshine and fresh air would be good for him.”
“Oh.” Yet another thing in Jessamine’s heart felt as though it expanded. Doing the things she loved, but with William. Adding him made things all the better. “Yes, let’s do that! How wonderful.”
Already, a little of the sting from Andrew’s absence faded.
She did not need a man. All she needed was her precious boy. She hugged him closer, feeling her racing heart settle.
Yes, this was all she needed. All she would ever need.
If only she could truly believe it.