Chapter 40
Hope
December
The first contraction hits in my sleep, sharp and low. The second happens while I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to decide if I should wake Zane up.
By the time the third has me in its grip, he’s awake and kneeling in front of me, trying to put pants on me because I’ve been sleeping in his rodeo t-shirt and nothing else.
I keep shaking my head.
“I know, City Girl, but it’s fucking cold outside and I don’t want you to get frostbite on the way to meet our baby.”
I love the way he says that. I need him to keep saying it, because—
I lurch forward as my water breaks, a startling pop that soaks the edge of the mattress and my legs. I think Zane gets hit, too.
“No…” I whisper.
“It’s okay.” He kisses my forehead.
“Zane.” I clutch at his shirt. “No. Time.”
He goes still for a second, searching my face in the dim light of our quiet bedroom.
And then he explodes into motion. “Stay here.”
Like I’m going anywhere.
I roll onto the bed on all fours, pressing my face into my pillow as I try to breathe and get ready for the next contraction.
This baby is so low, suddenly, it feels like he’s going to tear himself free of my body any second, and all I can do is bear down and feel it happen.
When Zane comes back, Luna is with him. I don’t look up, but I can hear her voice, a low murmur.
Zane has towels from the bathroom, and he works one between my legs, then his hand lands firmly on my lower back, right where I’ve liked him to rub in the last few weeks.
“My mom is calling for help,” he murmurs. “You want to do this here?”
Want to? No. I wanted to make it to a hospital this time. I wanted an epidural and monitoring and all the good things Dr. Tailfeathers promised me.
But this is nothing like my labour with Bellamy. And what I want is out the window.
“I need the bathroom,” I manage to gasp.
With a towel between my legs, Luna and Zane help me get next door.
And that’s where two of Dragonfly Creek’s paramedics find me fifteen minutes later, as our baby is crowning and Zane is preparing to catch him.
“You look like you’ve got this under control, Dad,” one of them says. “But we’re here to check on your baby as soon as they slide into this world.”
With a yell, I push again, because there’s no sliding happening here, only a very undignified eruption from my body.
But the look on Zane’s face when they call him Dad makes up for all of it, topped only by the next moment, as he cradles our baby in his hands and gazes down with an expression of such gentle wonder, my body immediately forgets the chaos of the last thirty minutes.
“It’s a boy,” he breathes. “Welcome to the world, son. You’re a little devil, aren’t you? Living up to your name already.”
“Good pipes on him,” one of the paramedics says. “What’s this little guy’s name?”
Zane looks at me. We’ve been debating back and forth for weeks.
“Finn Kincaid,” I say, my voice raspy from moaning and carrying on.
“Good name.”
“First kid in our family to be born with the name he’s going to keep forever,” Zane says, bursting at the seams with pride.
If the paramedics wonder what that means, he leaves them hanging, because he’s shifting around me to give them room to work, to check my blood pressure and help deliver the placenta.
“You’re pretty calm, Mom,” the other one says.
“She’s done this before,” Zane says, his lips against my temple.
But I shake my head. I haven’t done this before. Never gave birth surrounded by this much love before. Never knew it was going to be okay before. Never had anyone to hold me like this, and protect my baby like this.
From across the hall, I hear Bellamy’s little voice. “Mommy?”
Luna’s voice is immediately there, whispering that Mommy is busy, but I know there’s no stopping them. Both of them want to see that I’m okay, that the baby is okay.
I try to tell Zane, but I’m choked up.
He reads my mind, anyway.
“Guys, can we just cover her up for a minute?” His arm circles around me and Finn, flicking a towel over my lower body. Commanding. Sure.
And then Bellamy worms her way into the bathroom.
She comes to an abrupt halt when she sees her little brother on my chest.
“Oh.” Her eyes go wide.
Like she doesn’t pay any mind to the two strange paramedics in the bathroom with us, but the tiny little wriggling infant…he has all of her attention.
And she’s not sure.
“Mommy?” Her gaze skips to my face. Her lip juts out. She’s grown up a lot the last few months, but she’s suddenly not my baby anymore, and that’s hard.
My heart exists outside of my body in more than one little form now.
“Come here, Bellaboo,” I whisper.
And because Zane has his hand on Finn, I can give her all of my attention for a minute.
“Your baby brother came really fast. Faster than you did. But I’m okay, and he’s okay, and in the morning, we’ll have a nice long cuddle together and you’ll get to look at him all you want, okay?”
She presses her face into my neck and nods.
“Can you go upstairs and sleep with Grandma Luna tonight?”
Another nod.
“I love you,” I whisper. Just for her ears. “I will always love you so, so much.”
“Love you, Mommy.” And then she wriggles free.
She stops before standing up, and then she very delicately leans in and air kisses Finn’s towel-covered back. “Love you, Baby.”
Dr. Tailfeathers arrives as the paramedics are discussing whether to transport me to the hospital or not. She brings with her the vitamin K shot for Finn, and says she’s going to stay for a cup of tea with Luna until I’m settled in bed, and there’s no need for us to go into the city.
I have a little cry when Zane helps me back to the bed and I find it cleaned up, the sheets changed.
“Your mom had to—”
“My mom got to,” Zane corrects me, rocking Finn back and forth in his arms as I try to figure out how I want to nurse.
Everything is different this time. We have so many more pillows. Regular pillows, body pillows, dedicated nursing pillows. Fresh sheets and so many helping hands.
A wave of emotion rolls over me. Tears start rolling down my face.
Zane is beside me immediately, putting Finn in my arms on the nursing pillow I picked, and then he’s wiping my cheeks with a tissue.
“You told me about this,” he says. “Hormones. And you warned me you won’t like to be reminded it’s hormones.”
I laugh.
He grins.
Then he settles in beside me, sliding his arm around my shoulders. “Lean on me, City Girl. I’ll tell you some more jokes while you show me how hungry my son is.”