Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ASHLYN
Alack of sleep tormented me until the sun rose.
Every dream I momentarily slipped into replayed fragments of our conversation and memories of the bed we never should have shared.
If only I had listened and not drunk the fae wine.
When the night grew too silent, I thought only about the look in his eyes, the way something in me responded to it. No matter where I directed my thoughts, they kept returning to him.
A cruel and lingering hope nagged at me—that humanity could still fill the void that had formed within me.
I closed my eyes, desperate for sleep to take me, so I didn’t have to think on any of it any longer.
Maybe I was more like my mother than I thought.
When Eva came in the next morning, I pretended to be asleep only so I could give myself another hour with my eyes shut. They burned too greatly to open them any wider. But it only bought me a sliver of time.
She was significantly louder the next time she entered, setting the breakfast tray abruptly on the table. The clang of metal on wood jolted me.
“You must rise. The court will talk if you sleep the entire morning away.” Eva wrung her fingers around the pale lavender cuffs of her sleeves.
“What exactly will they say?” I couldn’t think what there would be to discuss. “Does Estlen not value sleep? Or perhaps they do not value a princess in a good mood.” I pressed my lips tightly together so that I wouldn’t say anything else.
“I am not paid enough for this,” she muttered under her breath.
I was certain there were many times my ladies’ maids in Bailoc uttered the same sentiment. “I am up. What is the agenda?” I pulled my loose locks across my back until they flowed over my shoulder.
“There is to be a grand feast tonight. King Harlan wishes an audience with you this morning.”
She could have led with that. “Only me? What does the king wish to address?”
“The fae lord will accompany you. It is not my business to inquire, only to dress you and design your hair in a way that will not displease the king.”
Apparently, the king had his preferences too.
She pulled a deep navy gown from the wardrobe. “Eat first, and then we’ll dress you. You won’t want to meet the king with an empty stomach.”
That didn’t sound ominous at all.
My nerves didn’t require food first. The corner of a scone broke off easily, and I shoved it into my mouth. “You may dress me now.”
She grumbled something I could barely make out as she dressed me quickly.
I pressed the fresh gown down around my hips as I wandered out into the corridor.
Fyn’s grand bow greeted me when I stepped before him. I wanted to tell him to rise, to look at me instead, but he only extended his arm to me as he guided me down the hall.
“Do you know what this is regarding?”
“I can imagine it could only be one thing.” There was a stark contrast between what was said and what wasn’t, as he peered back into my eyes.
“I am not ready to agree to the pact.” My hands shook as I clasped them together.
He halted when I spoke. “What are you saying?”
“I am not ready to make my choice. There are other matters I must consider first.”
He began walking when I took my next step. “What caused the shift?”
Exhaustion crept in, blurring my vision. I couldn’t afford a single lie. “Events that have transpired.” To survive the day, and the starlight, I would have to find a way to carefully speak my truth.
“Would last night happen to be one of those events? “His voice grew even quieter.
My eyes burned as sunlight soon flooded the corridor. I didn’t have the answer he wanted. “Please don’t ask me that right now.”
A knight I didn’t recognize walked down the hall toward us. “His Majesty is awaiting you both in his council hall. I shall walk you.”
“Lead the way,” Fyn replied.
I clutched the banister tighter than I should have as we rounded every curve the staircase held until we reached the top.
The knight held out his hand as he pushed two iron-framed doors back. He gestured for me to enter.
“Princess Ashlyn, it is good to see you well this morning.” The king didn’t rise from his seat. “I hear you have made yourself most at home here. With the hue that adorns your hair, I see it is so.” He gestured to the chair across from him at the table.
Fyn pushed the chair in as I sat.
“Everyone has been welcoming. Prince Soren has been most kind with his gifts,” I said.
Harlan raised his gilded maroon goblet to his lips. The filigree trailed all the way down the stem. “My son hopes to ensure your comfort. I wish to ensure we are all in alignment.”
Fyn shifted his weight, his boots scuffing against the stone floor.
“Marrying my son is not all about the glamour,” King Harlan said.
“I am aware of what it means to be a royal wife. I was tutored.”
“That is a pleasant surprise. One never truly knows what to expect from the women of Bailoc. You all are truly hard to decipher.” His lips lifted only at the corner. “Your sister was truly a surprise.”
“With all due respect, Your Majesty, I thought we were here to discuss me.” I could have let him say whatever he wanted, but I didn’t want to hear the rest.
“If you are to wed my son, you will live up to our expectations.”
“And what are your expectations?” If I solidified my part in this cage, I would know every crevice of it.
“You will honor him in whatever way he deems fitting of his bride. Bear him the children he requires.” He slid his goblet aside.
I knew they would expect it of me, but I didn’t expect it to be stated so plainly—like it was my only purpose. It couldn’t be my only purpose.
“Kilan does not yet have a child. If Novena doesn’t birth an heir, the children you give Soren will carry the throne after he is gone,” the king said. “Is there any reason you’ve been given to believe you are not capable of it?” He stared at me plainly.
My skin heated as I looked down at my hands on the table. How could anyone ever know that? “None that I am aware of, Your Majesty.”
“Very well then.”
I wouldn’t be reduced to being a womb. “I’ve studied policy too.” My father believed that my education, and my ability to rule in my brother’s stead, if it were ever required, was critical.
“My son will handle the royal affairs. You may find your own hobbies to fill your time.”
Hobbies like Novena’s shopping. “Is there anything else you wish to speak to me about?”
“I needed to hear it for myself, that you are completely invested in fulfilling your role. That there is nothing that will keep you from being what we need.” His breathy laughter escaped him.
“How someone answers a question reveals a great deal about their person, and you’ve said very little in response to any of it. ”
“If I choose to proceed with the arrangement, then I will commit to the role.” I stared into his eyes. They were just as dark as Soren’s.
“If you choose to proceed?” He scoffed. “We have been more than generous in inviting you here. It would have been far easier to leave you with the fae. But would they have kept you there? Surely Bailoc would want you back if you find our offer isn’t suitable for you.”
I couldn’t go back to Bailoc. My brother would see my refusal as a failure and a disgrace. He’d continue his plan to offer me to whoever benefited him most.
“My son requires a pure bride. Your royal bloodline is the only reason you are here.” He left lulls in between whatever he said as if it was a tactic to make me uneasy. “We will have another feast this evening—you will want to ready yourself soon.”
It was hours until nightfall. Nearly the entire day was still ahead of us.
When I rose, I curtsied before him before I left. An uneasy silence held between Fyn and me as we walked down the stairs and through the corridor.
“Princess Ashlyn, it is lovely to see you again.” One of Novena’s friends from the market stopped in front of me. I had forgotten what her name was.
“And you.” My body trembled from the king’s words still.
“Do you care for a walk in the garden?” She asked.
Weeks ago I would have loved nothing more, but now the air pulled unevenly in my chest. “I’m afraid I can’t right now, but another time that would be so lovely.”
She curtsied before she left.
When we slowed our pace near my chambers, I lowered my voice. “I’m…” Just a body to them—a royal bloodline to be passed down—a woman that will produce heirs. Assuming it and hearing it were two different things. It was suffocating. “They—”
“You’ve studied policy?” Fyn asked it like it mattered.
“A little.” I needed my tears not to fall. I steadied myself, the only way I knew how. “Apparently, I should have only been tutored in how to make a baby as fast as possible.”
“That sounds most inappropriate for a princess.” His laughter leaked out between his breaking words.
“I could have told the king that I was well versed. He would have appreciated that.” I had walked right into all of this.
“Something tells me that wouldn’t have been a comfort to him.” Fyn pressed his palm into the wall.
“Fyn,” I held my breath for a heartbeat after I uttered his name. “If I choose to go back to Nythrel—”
“I will take you.” His gaze held mine.
I couldn’t decide anything while my head throbbed behind my eyes.
“Send for me if you need me. There is a matter of missing ore I need to tend to.”
“What happened to it?” I asked.
“We are no longer the only ones interested in it,” he said. “An emissary from your kingdom recently arrived, and the overlap suggests their involvement.”
I had heard nothing of their arrival. “Soren mentioned trade resuming between Estlen and Bailoc.”
Fyn gripped his belt. “Wonderful. Just what I wanted to contend with.”
I reached for him before I pulled my hand back.