Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ASHLYN
King Harlan had outlined everything. Soren wasn’t even there. I didn’t know if he’d stop it if he had been there.
Eva slipped back into my chambers too quickly. “The prince has selected your gown for this evening’s feast.”
She rested the dress she was carrying on the bed. The material shimmered as the sunlight poured in. It was nearly colorless. Carefully etched stones protruded from the neckline.
“I thought the fashion was to wear vibrant hues.” My fingers trailed the lace that outlined the hem.
“When a woman is to be wed, she stops wearing color.” Eva slowly tugged at the ribbon that kept the gown laced together in the back. “It’s a sign of her devotion and purity.”
“The pact hasn’t been finalized.” The gilded chair’s flourishes pressed into my palm.
Eva didn’t look at me. “It is only a tradition.” She tilted her head slightly.
A burning sensation bubbled inside of me. “It hasn’t been required of me this entire time. Why now?”
“The prince is simply excited.” Her words triggered the starlight again.
“I don’t wish to partake in this… tradition.” I clenched my jaw.
“That is not for you to decide,” she said.
“And if I choose another gown?”
“You will find that the prince will not take kindly to it.” She was finally telling the truth—and it was one I had already guessed.
Soren expected I would step into this role seamlessly.
Every lie and every truth pulled from me. Exhaustion swept through me. Fighting his choice would be a waste of my energy when I already felt I had little left to give.
“I will wear it. I wish to drink coffee and rest first.”
“Rest again? Are you unwell?” The fabric of the gown billowed over the edges of the sofa as she laid it aside.
“I simply cannot sleep here.”
“Maybe I could bring you something to calm your nerves.”
“That will not be necessary.”
She left me without another word.
This life was a lie I wasn’t sure I could live.
I wished for some place quiet where I could hide away from every court. I had known that kind of peace only once before.
During the war, the threat grew too near to the Heart. My sister feared for her son’s safety, so Cora and I were sent to look after him somewhere no one would come looking for us—Fyn’s parents’ house.
It took us far beyond the threat. For a short while, we existed together there. Our hope that everyone we cared about would return carried us through.
I still remembered exactly how the light crept in every morning. The smell of Fyn’s mother’s biscuits baking. The little garden she kept.
No one stared. No one asked anything of me at all.
I didn’t know how much I’d miss it then, but now it seemed like the only place I wished to be.
My hands glided easily over the smooth fabric of my gown.
I should have wanted this life. It should have been what I dreamed of, but being back in the human realm again didn’t feel the way I thought it would.
Eva returned a while later with the coffee.
She swept the blue locks that hung over my shoulders up onto the top of my head.
The steam from the drink hit my lips. I placed it back down to let it cool. “Eva, do you know where my sword may have been stored?”
“I can inquire about its whereabouts.” She shoved a golden pin forcefully into my bun until it tugged my hair too tightly.
I pulled my head back swiftly. “I wish for it to be retrieved.”
“I will let the prince know,” she said.
“He is aware of my practice with it. He wouldn’t have taken it from me, would he?”
“No, Your Highness.”
The starlight’s heat simmered.
Each lie felt more overwhelming than the last—no matter how small. Somehow I would have to endure whatever the evening brought.
There was no coffee strong enough to combat it.
Sheer sleeves were attached to the bodice at my request. Soren had chosen the jewelry. A delicate pearl necklace that was as colorless as the gown.
When I finally emerged into the hallway Fyn was already waiting there for me. “This one is not your normal blue.”
“It is a tradition for brides in Estlen.” Eva laid the train flat on the ground.
Fyn’s eyebrow raised slightly at me. “You’ve chosen?”
“I haven’t,” I said. “The gown was chosen for me.”
Fyn shook his head as Eva disappeared down the hall. I adjusted the shimmering stone pendant that slid on its chain as we each took a step forward.
“If your stars exist… they must care little for me.” I wasn’t convinced they hadn’t cursed me with whatever this was.
“If? You drank—” He stopped himself before we passed a guard. When we walked well beyond them, his voice lowered. “You are not what you once were. We still truly don’t know what this means for you.”
“It means I will always know things I was never meant to know. That even if I choose to live a lie, it will punish me.” I tried to keep my composure.
“What is your truth?” His steps grew slower as his eyes met mine. “What would you do if you could choose anything?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said.
“The only time you sought to tell me the truth was when you drank the fae wine.”
“Please, I’m already embarrassed enough about my behavior that night.”
“I woke up before you did.” His voice was so quiet I could barely make out his words. Fyn was rarely quiet about anything.
“When I was…” I kept my eyes on every guard that lined the halls, speaking only when we passed them. “And you didn’t think to move me?”
“I couldn’t.”
“How gallant of you.” It felt so violating to know that he knew. “You said nothing of it.”
“You had chosen. And I promised myself I wouldn’t guide you to choose anything else.”
“I thought we were friends.” I blinked so my eyes wouldn’t water.
“I was never just your friend.” He halted at the bottom of the stairs.
Suddenly the truth became as threatening as any lie. It tightened around me in a way that the starlight couldn’t. I would have taken every annoying, destabilizing sensation it carried over this.
He knew how I felt.
He had to have known, but he didn’t act on it.
For me.
“He’s waiting for you,” Fyn said.
Every note the orchestra struck carried down the staircase. I held his stare longer than I should have as I tried to swallow his words.
I couldn’t think about them any longer.
When I reached the top I looked into the ballroom. Candlelight illuminated etched gemstones. They cast a glittering glow on the dance floor in the center.
“Princess Ashlyn.” Kilan was standing near the door.
I looked around for Novena, but I didn’t see her anywhere. “Is Princess Novena joining us this evening?”
“She is unwell and requires extra rest,” Kilan said.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Please send her my regards when you see her later.” I hadn’t seen her since we went to the marketplace, and she seemed fine then.
“I will.” Kilan pulled at the top button on his emerald tunic jacket. “Your brother asked for an update on the pact, Princess Ashlyn.”
“And what did you share?” Agan would have already solidified it if it were up to him.
Soren’s glare sharpened on Kilan when he finally reached us. “Are you boring her already?”
“Most likely. She’s yours to entertain now.” Kilan left me without an answer to my question.
“What did he say to you?” Soren reached for my hand.
“My brother has asked for an update,” I said.
“It is to be expected. A match between us would strengthen the human realm.” Soren raised his hand to my lips, kissing it. “You can’t fault him for his interest.”
I pulled it free too quickly.
“We could announce it tonight.” He guided me toward the center of the room until all eyes were upon us. “You are certainly dressed for the occasion.”
He ensured I was dressed for the occasion. “I haven’t—”
“What could you possibly be waiting for, Ashlyn?” Soren scoffed.
“It is sudden and we—”
“Lord Fyn,” Soren called him toward us when he finally entered the ballroom. “Princess Ashlyn shines brightly tonight, does she not?”
“As bright as starlight,” Fyn said.
“What an unusual saying.” Soren studied Fyn. “It is strange to think about. Imagine if you could see starlight up close.”
“Wouldn’t it be grand?” Fyn adjusted the collar of his tunic jacket. “To see the way it would glitter, Princess Ashlyn?”
“It would be spectacular.” My throat tightened too quickly.
“I bet it would gleam like your eyes are right now.” Soren peered into them.
It was just the chandelier. It had to have been.
He couldn’t have known.
“My people believe the stars grant certain fae magic,” Fyn said.
“But you have been granted none. Or so I’ve been told.” Soren pushed his sleeves back.
“None for me.” Fyn’s gaze held mine for a heartbeat.
“Such a pity that must be, but you were only granted access to our realm because the fae have assured me you have none,” Soren said. “So at least your lack allows you to travel.”
“Estlen has no desire to see magic?” There wasn’t shock in Fyn’s tone.
“We believe it is a source of evil. We will never allow anything of the kind within our borders.” Soren had never mentioned it. No one had shared their thoughts on magic with me at all since I arrived.
My heart thrummed faster. I wasn’t a fool. I knew what Fyn was doing—what he wanted me to see.
“Luckily, Fyn is just as boring as the rest of us.” The words barely pushed past my teeth before the sensation struck me hard until I flinched. “Something has been draining me all day.”
“Perhaps you’re hungry.” Soren lifted my hand in his again and pulled me closer to the table.
“I am hungry.” Every word would have to be carefully selected so that I wouldn’t make the starlight flare again.
Fyn only nodded as we turned.