Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
ASHLYN
Islammed my hands repeatedly into the wall until they quaked.
No one came to see why.
My sister would have caught me as I wept. She would have tried to find the words to say to offer comfort.
But there was no one. I stared up at the swirled design in the ceiling. Every decision solidified this future. Now there was no hope of another.
There never would be.
My gown bunched awkwardly behind me as I lay on the floor.
This was to be my cage. I had certainly picked a lavish one.
Painted roses lined the top of the ceiling. I hadn’t noticed them before. I counted each one, until their outlines blurred past recognition.
I wanted Fyn to hold me—to tell me everything I never let him say. His kiss would be a memory I would always keep.
If Bailoc insisted I stay and marry Soren, I would. And I’d beg to the stars, or whatever listened, to let me forget how much my heart belonged to Fyn.
We had missed our chance.
Fyn sent Eva in to check on me. She made me rise from the floor and insisted I eat more food than I wanted.
And when the room grew too cold and too dark, I went to sleep far earlier than I should have.
At least sleep wouldn’t disappoint me.
Eva carried in a tray covered in ivory roses the following morning. Drizzled pink icing pooled beneath the scone.
“The prince has sent a note.” Eva pointed to a slim folded piece of parchment sat beside a plate and teacup.
I pulled the letter off the tray and peeled back the midnight wax seal that was stamped with his initial. The color was so deep I couldn’t make out the rest of the details that surrounded it.
For you, my bride. - Soren
More romantic words could have been written. But romance was not something Soren appeared to be capable of. An apology would have been just as nice, but I was certain I’d never get one.
I plucked the scone off the plate and took a single bite. The sweet icing dried my throat. Only a glass of water lay beside it. “I wish for coffee. Could you bring me some?”
“I will get you some later,” Eva said.
“It is almost too beautiful to eat.” Fragmented bits of flowers clung to the edges of the plate as I lifted the scone to my lips. The icing melted quickly on my tongue.
“Novena always enjoys them. I thought you would too.” Eva removed the plate as soon as I had eaten the last bite.
“How is Novena doing?” I asked.
“She is better today.” Eva’s words flooded me with the starlight’s searing sensation.
“How does she master it all so gracefully?” I couldn’t let the conversation slip. There was something none of them wanted me to know.
“She does what a future queen must. Perhaps she will help you define your own path here, Princess Ashlyn.”
I couldn’t help but notice the way she looked at me as I ate the rest of the scone. My throat dried with every bite. “I’m so thirsty.”
She placed my water glass in my hands. “The prince would like me to ready you to meet with him. I’ve sent for Lord Fyn to escort you, but his business has pulled him out of his chamber this morning.”
“I will remain escorted until I am wed,” I said.
“Certainly, Your Highness. No one would ask otherwise.” She bowed her head. “I can escort you in his stead.”
Fyn’s absence had already hit me. He wasn’t gone, but he wasn’t within my reach. “I will be ready then.”
The halls seemed quieter as we walked them.
My vision became a hazy blur.
I stumbled as I walked down the hall. “I fear I am not well.”
Eva’s arm caught mine. “It must be the excitement of everything.”
The starlight struck me—pulling at me as if it were in a contest with the exhaustion that already loomed over me.
Soren turned the corner and walked toward me as Eva took her place against the palace wall.
“We’ve gotten off to a poor start. Since you are to be my wife, I want to take the time to—”
I laughed, but the sound was broken. “You hate me.” The words flowed out of my mouth quicker than I could stop them.
Soren squinted as he assessed me.
“You despise who I am—who they’ve told you to marry. It’s okay.” It was ironic. I’d be forced to live out my days with someone who didn’t want me.
“That is enough.” He grabbed my wrist before he dropped it. “I am trying.”
“Trying?” Every attempt to stop it only made me more aware of how I wasn’t in control. “This is you trying?”
I loved how angry he became when I said it. I love it too much.
My laughter cascaded until it drowned out the sound of his breath—until I was almost laughing as hard as I had when I drank the fae wine.
But there was no fae wine in Estlen.
“I’m not myself right now.” It had probably been apparent to everyone. It was only a matter of time before something in me snapped.
“Ashlyn—”
“I know, you wish to give me whatever I require—to have me pregnant within a month or two.” It was all he ever wanted.
“Is this all a joke to you?” He growled as he said it.
“It is funny.” I stumbled backward, scraping my back on the stone wall. “You hate me—and right now… I—”
His nails dug into my arm as he yanked me upright.
“Your kingdom didn’t buy my heart or my mind. You just bought my—”
“Don’t you dare say it,” he scolded me as if I was a child.
With each passing moment I grew more and more tired. And suddenly it became impossible to stop myself. “How will we survive each other?” They probably didn’t care about how I would survive him. “Will you just pretend I’m someone else when you’re—”
“Enough!” His grip tightened on my arm. “I command your silence.”
“Let go of me.” There was an uneasy calm that settled within me—too abrupt to be natural.
His hand slipped free. “Eva, gather something for the princess to drink. I’m going to walk her to the sitting room so she can relax somewhere private.” Soren wrapped his arm around me. “She is unwell.”
I was well. I should have been well. The starlight struck me. A sweltering warmth climbed through me, and I closed my eyes.
Something tugged deep within me—rivaling the starlight, it clawed at me as he guided me down the hall and into the sitting room.
Plush maroon couches sat alongside ornately set tea tables. The rest of the room’s decor was too hazy to recognize.
He helped me lower onto the sofa.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Eva returned with a glass of water. Her eyes widened as I gulped it down.
It didn’t help clear whatever had dried my throat.
“I need a moment to converse with my bride. As private as possible.” Soren’s voice softened.
“Certainly, Your Highness. I will stand at the door.” Eva took the glass back from me before she fell into position beside the guard. They both attempted to look around the room as if the finery it held was more amusing than the irrational princess who sat before them.
Soren held my hand in his, but I didn’t fight it. The haze that held me made it impossible to focus on more than one thing. And right then, all I could think of was how much I despised him.
“This is not what you wish,” he said.
“If you’re going to lecture me—”
“Can you please just remain quiet long enough for me to share a single thought?” He dropped my hand. “Is it too much to ask of you?” When I said nothing, he spoke again. “You can’t fight me every day.”
He must not have gotten to know me very well, because I most certainly could. “My respect must be earned." My final word slurred.
“As does mine.”
“You don’t want to marry me. Why didn’t you stop it?” Nothing could rob me of that certainty. I waited for him to tell me I was wrong—for the starlight to strike me.
“Kings will always choose for us.” He didn’t look at me. “When I sent the invitation there was truth in my request. It since shifted.”
Another lie—I needed the burning to cease.
“You should have told me.”
He folded his arms. “We are not good together, but suddenly we must be. I am not blind to what is asked of you.” There was a softness that washed over him as he spoke.
I didn’t want to be good together. “Then you know why I feel the way I do.”
His scoff echoed and the softness in his gaze hardened again. “I have work to attend to. When I see you again, I expect that you will comply.”
“How do you expect me to comply?” I looked up at him as he abruptly stood.
“There is very little expected of you—of any woman in this role.” He said it as if I was incapable of being anything that he needed. “Show up, look as you must, say your vows, and do what a royal bride must.”
It felt like someone was scraping away at the edges of me—like soon nothing would remain.
I closed my eyes to keep from crying and when I opened them again, he had vanished through the closing door.