Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
ASHLYN
Ididn’t know what would happen when we crossed back into Nythrel, but I didn’t need a plan.
Uncertainty was no longer something I feared. I had made my choice.
The sun climbed into my chambers earlier than I wanted. Eva trailed in after it. “Rise. You’ve been summoned and I have little time to ready you.”
“Summoned by whom?”
“The royal family has asked for your presence immediately. They were most displeased to find that you’re not ready yet.” Eva pressed the stark white apron down over her black skirt.
“Do they all rise before the sun?” I forced myself out of bed.
She peeled my nightgown back and pulled out the blue gown I wore the day before. “This will have to do.” There was a rushed cadence in her tone as she tugged part of my hair back. Her fingers caught on a knot that had formed.
“I will just wear it down.” I combed the strands of blue over the fabric—I loved the way they glowed to match it.
The warmth of Fyn’s gaze held me as I met him in the hall.
“Are you ready to make your decision?” he asked.
“I am. I know exactly what I want.” My confidence in it wouldn’t waver.
Eva led us to where they were all waiting. Soren glared at me as I came up the final step. He wore a cerulean tunic that nearly matched. “Where have you been?”
“Sleeping.” I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. It mattered little. Soon I’d never have to contend with him again.
“Learn to rise earlier,” he snapped. “It is required of you.”
Kilan stepped outside the door. “Are you two done arguing? We can all hear you in there. Father is unamused.”
I peered around the room, where a slender man sat across from the king. The silver streaks in his hair—the way his shoulders sagged from age was too familiar.
He was someone I very much didn’t want to see at that table.
“Princess Ashlyn. I am pleased to see you looking so well,” Lord Vaden, my brother’s advisor, turned toward me.
“Lord Vaden. I wasn’t made aware that you were visiting Estlen.” I glanced back at Fyn. There was no way to warn him of everything this man represented. No way for him to know how doomed I was by Vaden’s presence.
“King Agan wanted to ensure everything went smoothly with your nuptials.” Lord Vaden guided me to sit beside him. “He has been very worried about you, Your Highness. We all have been.”
“You aren’t needed here. Prince Soren and I will handle everything.” I looked to Soren, desperate for him to intervene, but he wouldn’t look at me.
“Sit, Ashlyn,” King Harlan commanded.
“The fae lord’s presence is no longer required,” Lord Vaden said.
“The Lord Chancellor of Nythrel may stay for now.” Harlan gestured for Fyn to sit beside Vaden.
“I’m sure we can all be civil, as we all want what’s best for the princess,” Fyn said as his eye began to twitch. “She’s ready to decide.”
“I find it interesting that Nythrel thinks they have a say in anything to do with the Princess of Bailoc.” Lord Vaden leaned back in his chair.
“I have made my choice. I don’t wish to proceed with the marriage pact and will be returning to Nythrel.” I wouldn’t let my brother have a say in any of this. “Your assistance is no longer needed.”
“I am disappointed to hear it, especially after we’ve finalized the pact with Bailoc this morning.” Harlan looked at Soren. “Your permission wasn’t what we needed.”
As I rose, Soren placed his hand on mine. “Ashlyn, we will wed next week.”
I pulled my hand out from under his. “You invited me here—said we both could decide it.”
“King Lioran and I had an understanding. When you crossed you were to reside in the human realm,” Harlan said.
“He did not understand it that way.” Fyn’s jaw clenched. “He will not take kindly to this news.”
“She’s not a member of your court so I don’t expect him to act rashly—it would be unwise for both realms. Princess Ashlyn of Bailoc was wrongfully taken in the war. Was she not Lord Vaden?” King Harlan looked to my brother’s advisor.
“She was, Your Majesty,” Lord Vaden said. “A most devastating loss for our king and people.”
Rage clouded every thought—my words trailing in a way I could barely process them. “They pulled me out of a war. One that my brother—”
“The war must have been very traumatic for her with her having been where it started. I apologize for this outburst, Your Majesty.” Vaden’s words struck me. I was accustomed to being spoken to that way, but time and distance allowed me to forget it.
“We no longer have need for your assistance, Lord Fyn. You will still receive shipments of ore. I believe the new arrangement was confirmed by my seneschal.” The king acted as if my value was the same as the ore.
A room of men would define my fate. If I spoke out against Fyn leaving, I risked him.
“I will remain in this court until she weds, per King Lioran’s command,” Fyn said.
“Let the fae lord stay for the wedding. His dancing skills will amuse the guests.” Soren’s laughter tore through me.
“What a wise choice, brother.” Kilan rolled his eyes. “We were terribly concerned with how amused our guests would be.”
“You may stay if you wish it. We expect your departure the following morning. Lord Vaden and I have a few lingering matters to discuss. The rest of you may go,” King Harlan said.
My voice was silenced. I wondered if I would ever hear it again.
I would have dealt with the door that didn’t properly latch—with every fae that stared—if only I had time to be with Fyn again.
“I didn’t know it,” Soren uttered under his breath as we crossed over the thick dark marble line that divided the King’s council room from the hall.
I felt his lie. “You can’t expect me to believe that.
” My breath raced faster than my words until I grew lightheaded.
I forced it to slow as I watched the light glow fade from Fyn’s eyes.
A helpless, silent stare held between us, before I looked back at Soren.
“You lied to me. Did you think it would better my opinion of you if I thought you ever cared about me?”
The future Fyn and I had hoped for—the life we could have had was gone. Everything I wanted was taken from me.
“That is enough,” Soren hissed. “You will say nothing more.”
“Good luck to you, brother.” Kilan cocked his head to the side, his eyes widening as he watched us both. “I can only imagine what the wedding night will be like.”
“Where is your wife?” I hadn’t seen, or heard, from Novena since the marketplace. He flaunted his control, but maybe he had little of it. Maybe she hid from this world as much as she could. “You’re so concerned about me, but I don’t see her anywhere.”
Kilan’s arrogant grin didn’t waver. “She’s been fulfilling her wifely duties and requires a bit more rest. You will learn it in time too.”
I fought the urge to question him further and say yet another thing I’d soon regret.
Kilan gestured down the hall. “Come, Lord Fyn, we should leave them as they contemplate their seemingly joyful union.”
“Lord Fyn stays,” I said.
“Leave, Kilan.” Soren raked his hands through his hair, waiting for Kilan to leave. “Lord Fyn, surely you know how to handle her when she’s like this.”
Fyn shook his head as his glare sharpened on Soren.
“I am right here. You will speak to me directly.” Anger fueled my every pointed word.
“I won’t tolerate your disrespect.” Soren leaned over me. His words threatened me in a way they never had before. “You were caught off guard. I will excuse this behavior as your shock, but if you speak this way to me again, you will not find me forgiving of it.”
My heart fractured with each word.
I had condemned myself.
“I would like to—”
“Go back to your chambers?” Soren peered down the hall as if what I had to say didn’t shock him. “I was certain you would. Lord Fyn can walk you back. I have no desire to.”
His words fueled the rage that stirred within me.
Fyn and I left him before he had the chance to change his mind. Neither of us said a word to each other until we passed the metal arch that framed the end of our corridor.
“I truly thought it was my choice—I thought I was in control of my future.” That I could finally stop running from everything I was afraid to feel—that I could let it all go and choose Fyn.
“I could kill him and your brother,” Fyn muttered under his breath.
“That’s probably why Soren took my sword.” I brushed the tear that clung under my eye before more could form. I didn’t want to say what I was thinking. Maybe he was thinking it too.
“He took your sword? I thought you didn’t tell him about it.”
“I lied.” A heavy exhale escaped me. “He doesn’t like it. Eva said he stored it somewhere safe. Probably so I wouldn’t...”
Fyn tilted his head at the closest guard. It was the only reminder I needed to not say the rest. He waited until we came closer to my chambers. “I couldn’t do anything to protect you.” His words wavered. “I came to protect you. To—”
“Nothing could have been done to stop them.” I wanted to believe there was another reality—another way the pain wouldn’t swallow me whole. “I am the property of Bailoc—soon to be the property of Estlen.”
“You are not property.” He inched closer, stopping when I could feel his breath on me. “No one can own you.”
“We should have left last night.” I wanted to leave with him still.
“I will live every day hating myself for it if there isn’t another way.” He tugged at the leather belt that crossed over his chest, pulling it away from him. “I will write to Lioran and inform him of what’s been done.”
“Please. Don’t pretend there is anything to be done about it.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “You heard King Harlan.”
“When Aelira and Lioran hear the news they will be outraged—”
“Write Lioran if you must, but spare Aelira of it. I will write to her eventually, just not now—not like this.” My sister would be devastated that she wasn’t able to stop it. She felt everything more deeply than I ever could. I needed to carry this alone.
“Ashlyn—”
“Enough damage has already been done. It is final. I wish I could tell you it isn’t. That…” I couldn’t say the rest. No one needed to walk by and hear the plan that we both knew.
Only my heart needed to break. “Promise me you’ll return to Nythrel and build the life you wish. That it will be a happy one—full of bacon meat pies and laughter.” The even tone my voice kept wouldn’t betray the way I was breaking.
“I won’t promise that.” He looked down at me.
I would never let him go.
“Lord Fyn,” Lord Remus called to him from down the hall.
I slipped into my chambers quietly as Fyn turned toward him.