Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
I blacked out. Or something close to it. My mind went utterly blank before leaping to oh shit . Crew wore an expression so dark it could have made Satan squirm. Danger always edged just under the surface with Crew, but right now, he exploded with it, and I wasn’t sure if I feared Crew or feared for Cole. I swore the party behind the door hushed for a heartbeat as if everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen next. Or perhaps that was only me.
I couldn’t do anything but stare at Crew in frozen shock. I’d been able to avoid him for nearly six weeks, and I think I’d convinced myself he wasn’t here. But seeing him now made it very real—so fucking real that the organ pumping blood into my body thundered against my chest. I worried it would burst out and fly across the room, landing at his feet.
Our eyes locked, and I swooned a fraction but enough that Cole noticed and moved, putting a stable arm around me. Probably not the smartest move.
Crew’s eyes went darker, reading into the situation, his jaw tightening.
God, why did he have to look so amazing? With no self-control, my gaze drank in every inch of him, finally landing on the corner of his mouth where the silver hoop winked. My body wanted to shudder at the memory of what the cool metal could do to me, but I rejected the response.
“Whoa, there, Quinn. How much have you had to drink—” Cole’s words died as he finally caught sight of what captured my gaze. A rush of air left his lungs as he shoved a hand into his hair, scowling at Crew. “You’re timing is impeccable.”
“You were supposed to bring her here not seduce her,” Crew hissed, the lines around his mouth taut, violence simmering off every inch of him.
Then what he said registered. What the fuck? Bring me here?
I dragged my gaze from Crew with difficulty and glared at Cole. “You did this?” I whispered, and yet the accusation held a punch, packed with the beginnings of temper.
Cole shifted, sinking into the back of the couch, yet kept an arm draped behind me. “The silent treatment has gone on long enough. You guys need to stop torturing each other and talk.”
“I don’t want to speak to him. I thought I made that very clear, Cole.” Hurt speared through me. I couldn’t believe Cole had orchestrated this meeting behind my back. I shook my head. “I never should have trusted you.”
As if Cole anticipated I was about to bolt, he latched on to my upper arm and angled our faces side by side so he could murmur in my ear. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re not the only one suffering. I’ve never seen Crew like this.”
My palms shot out, landing on his chest, and I shoved him away. “And you’re implying it’s my fault . You did this. The two of you.”
Cole rubbed the spot on his chest, the glint of gold in his eyes sparkling while Crew’s eyes remained so damn grim. “There’s so much you don’t understand. Just give him a chance. He isn’t the monster you think he is.” And with that parting statement, Cole stood and walked out of the library, leaving me alone with his brother.
Damn it.
I didn’t know what to do. Run was an option and high on my list. The smart thing would be to get up and follow Cole out, but I didn’t always make decisions that were good for me. Sometimes I made the wrong ones .
Why weren’t my legs cooperating? Get up. And move, I screamed inside my head. Instead, I sat on the edge of the couch, my eyes captured by Crew’s as my chest rose and fell rapidly.
Crew blocked the doorway. My only way out. To escape, I’d have to go through him, get close to him, touch him, all things I wasn’t prepared to do. But the alternative was to stay trapped in this room with him. The irony. This wasn’t the first time I’d been trapped with Crew.
Finally, with considerable effort, I shoved to my feet, gaining control of my body despite my heart’s protest. “I’m leaving.”
Crew didn’t so much as blink at my declaration but raised a cocky single brow as if to say I’d like to see you try, Killer . I could all but hear the silent challenge in my head.
It stirred my blood. I stared at him, remaining more than an arm’s length away. I wanted to be able to dodge if he tried to reach for me. Those hands wouldn’t touch me. “Get out of my way,” I said, trying again with added firmness.
His gaze drifted over my face. “Not until you hear me out.”
I ground my teeth, grasping the shred of willpower remaining in my bones. “Crew, fucking move.”
“Why is it when you finally say my name after I’ve waited so long to hear it again it’s with disdain?”
My heart lurched in my chest. “Whose fault is that? You shouldn’t have lied to me for weeks.”
The muscle along his neck jumped. “I had my reasons.”
“Right,” I snorted, my hands curling into fists. “You’re an asshole who gets kicks out of playing with people.”
His eyes remained fixed on me. “Is that really what you think I did? That none of it was real?”
My features tightened. I had to stay steadfast and cling to my anger, or I’d fall apart. “You tried to clear your conscious by paying me. It doesn’t fix or erase what you did. Nothing will.”
He flinched, and when he replied, the harshness in his voice faded. “You’re right, Killer. I could apologize a million times, but it wouldn’t change anything. I can’t fix the past.”
A whiff of his sea salt and basil scent hit me, bringing with it a pang of homesickness for the beach. Why was he suddenly so close? Had he moved? Or had I? Regardless, I had to retreat, take a step back, and create space. Enough that I couldn’t smell him. “What is it you want from me?”
“I can’t get you out of my head,” he growled like it had been causing him physical pain each day.
Good. I hoped it had. “That doesn’t sound like my problem.”
I barely had time to blink, to comprehend what happened as I found my back pressed up against the wall. Crew’s body boxed me in, his arms flanking either side of my head as his hands pressed into the drywall. “Tell me you feel nothing for me. Tell me your heart doesn’t race when I walk into a room. Tell me you aren’t thinking about kissing me right now,” he demanded, my eyes moving to his mouth, and I fucking cursed him silently. “Tell me it’s Cole you want, and I’ll leave you alone. You’ll never see me again…if that’s what you truly want. But I need to hear you say it, Killer. I need you to make me believe it.”
I swallowed, caught in the storm circulating in his eyes as he stared down at me. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? “Cole?” I swallowed, my mind getting tripped up on the thought of me wanting Cole.
His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, but I caught the flash of pain right before he banished it. The stare he gave me now was steeled for rejection. “If it’s my brother, I’ll step aside.”
He actually thought there was something going on between Cole and me. I laughed, a maddening, disbelieving chuckle that quickly died. Cole had tried to kiss me tonight, so perhaps Cole had said something to Crew. Regardless, the last place I wanted to be was wedged between them. Again.
“Asshole,” I hissed through my teeth, bringing my hands up between us. Shoving him away wasn’t the same as pushing Cole. Crew didn’t budge. “You think I jumped ship and am now sleeping with your brother.”
“Are you?” he asked lowly.
My chin jutted up, not the smartest move since it brought our lips nearer. “Fuck you.”
His eyes darted to my mouth. “Prove you don’t want me.”
The revelation he wanted me made my heart soar, and I hated it. Don’t you dare take the bait. Of course, I fucking wanted him. Didn’t he see that was the damn problem? I shouldn’t. “Let. Me. Go. ”
The attractive asshole leaned forward and murmured, “No.”
I was about to lose my mind. I was overwhelmed. It was all too much, and I stopped thinking, stopped being levelheaded and rational. Reckless Arie who gave little shits about consequences took over. I raised on my toes and took his mouth roughly. No skill. No finesse. No tenderness. Just raw, desperate, and hungry.
And I loved every second.
It had been too long, and the separation came through in the frantic moving of my lips. Wild for his taste, I shoved my tongue against his lips, parting them. The sigh that left me as his tongue met mine came out harsh. It was like fucking coming home after being gone for years. My entire body came alive. His hand snaked around my back, slamming me against him. He devoured, demanding, taking, begging, and pleading for more of me. Too much more. I wasn’t ready to give him everything.
Or anything other than a kiss for that matter.
This was a moment of weakness. I’d wanted to remember if he tasted as addicting as my dreams and memories. I needed to prove the summer hadn’t been a fluke. That the feelings had been real—he’d been real—and the tension sparking between us was still there.
It was and so much more.
And that frightened me.
What if I couldn’t stop?
That spark had ignited, setting off a wildfire within me, and I wasn’t sure I could contain it, the flames burning brighter, soaring, consuming me. Especially with his hands worshipping every curve and hollow of my body. It was as if he feared he wouldn’t get another chance to touch me and he planned to use every second of this opportunity to memorize my lines with his fingers.
I had to stop.
If I didn’t end this madness now, I’d throw away everything for him. My father. My education. My future. Crew could destroy it all, which was impossible to fathom when his lips were inciting such immense pleasure.
I ripped my mouth from his as swiftly as I had taken possession of it and stared at him with so much heat in my eyes but also so much pain and confusion. “You want to know what I want? Here’s your answer. I don’ t want either of you. Touch me again, and I’ll rip off your balls and shove them up your ass.”
I swore his lips twitched a fraction in amusement, but I could be seeing something that wasn’t there. “ You kissed me,” Crew pointed out huskily, and I hated what the texture of his voice did to me.
“Go fuck yourself, Crew .” I jerked away from him, going straight for the door.
“Arie,” Crew called with a firmness in his tone he used when he expected to be obeyed.
My feet kept walking despite the fracturing in my heart.
“Don’t leave,” I thought I heard him whisper, and my feet faltered, but I made it through the door. The noise level of the party came rushing back, and I tackled the crowd, focused on only the exit.
The night’s air hit me in the face. I pressed a palm to the brick wall, steadying the wave of lightheadedness. It was clear I still had feelings for him. Just what was I to do about them?
And what about him? Had what I thought he felt about me been real? Or just part of the game?
If his feelings had been genuine, could I forgive him for the past?
I thought I’d been so careful, kept my feelings guarded. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t fall for someone like Crew Riley. And yet each step that carried me farther from Crew, the more it hurt to breathe.
I’d endured various amounts of pain in my life, but I’d never suffered a broken heart. Was that what I was feeling?
Why did it hurt so much?
Tears burned my eyes, but those loitering on the porch paid me little attention. Except for one.
He would be outside. It was possible he’d been waiting for me, but after what I’d experienced with his brother moments ago, I wasn’t sure now was the time for him to approach me.
Cole did anyway.
“Quinn?” His brow furrowed into concern. “What did he do now?”
I shook my head, sniffing back a sob. “Nothing. I got my period.” I blurted the first excuse that came to my mind. Most guys hated it when you mentioned anything to do with that time of the month .
“Bullshit. Come here.” He held out his arms, but what surprised me more was I actually walked into his embrace.
They were tears dredged from anger, mixed with some sadness and unfairness, but it was primarily anger with myself. I felt weak for still wanting him. I never should have kissed him. It only reminded me how fucked up I was. How could I want someone I hated?
My fingers hung limply at my sides as I buried my face into the front of Cole’s shirt. He didn’t try to pry information from me but held me, rubbing comforting circles over my back. As much as I loathed crying, there was something about the way a good sobbing session purged the soul. Yes, it made me so tired and drained, but the release lightened the tension in my chest, alleviating the ache in my heart.
Lifting my head, I sniffled again, a wet broken laugh bubbling out of me as I rubbed at my eyes, clearing away the blurriness. I felt ridiculous, but when I glanced into Cole’s face to bumble a stupid apology for ruining his shirt, his focus was elsewhere, off to the side.
I followed his gaze, a lump forming in my throat.
Crew stood just outside the front door, scowling at us. Not us. His brother.
I stepped out of Cole’s embrace, color flooding my cheeks. What the fuck do I have to be embarrassed for ? Crew had basically driven me into his brother’s arms.
I steeled my shoulders, prepared for shit to go down. The dark glare in Crew’s eyes looked like he wanted to murder someone.
Me? Cole? Both of us?
I jumped as a firework went off from the backyard, followed by the whooping and hollering of drunk frat boys, diverting my attention from Crew for a few seconds, but when I glanced back to the porch, he was gone. My eyes darted over the faces, searching for Crew. A ribbon of disappointment sunk into my stomach.
My shoulders slumped. “I need to go home,” I muttered, my feet making quick steps toward the stairs.
Cole’s steps sounded behind me. “Wait. I’ll walk you.”
He caught up to me on the sidewalk, and neither of us said a word. I needed the silence. Perhaps he sensed it in my mood .
I should probably text Frankie and let her know I left, and I would, once I got in our apartment.
We lingered outside my building as I struggled with what to say. I wanted to sneak inside and crawl into bed for the night.
Cole cleared his throat. “I assume you and Crew didn’t work things out.”
Slivers of moonlight cut through the half-empty tree branches, spilling onto the side of my face. “Hardly,” I snorted. The only thing I accomplished from seeing Crew was adding another level of confusion to my feelings.
“I was hoping you’d get the closure you need.”
A fly buzzed around the exterior light, repeatedly smacking into it. I could relate. “Why does it matter to you? And don’t tell me it’s because we’re friends. I don’t know what we are, Cole,” I admitted.
He pressed a hand to the brick wall above my head, his gaze holding mine. “And if I told you I wanted to be more than your friend. Would it make a difference?” he asked frankly.
My back sagged into the building as I tugged at the end of my sleeves. “Honestly, right now, I can’t think about relationships. I just want to get through this year and pass my classes.
“And if I wait?”
My silence was deafening as I struggled to find the right words. This wasn’t happening. How did I end up here? With two guys wanting me? Who am I?
“It was never me.” His voice dropped an octave. “It will never be me.”
“I’m sorry.” What else was there to say?
The wind shifted strands of his dark hair as his lips tipped up. Was he smirking? “I had to be sure of your feelings. Crew’s been hurt,” he said tightly.
I flinched before my gaze narrowed, regarding Cole with wariness. “Are you testing me?”
He straightened, shoving his hands into his back pockets. “Can you blame me? You met my ex.”
He had me there. Gianna took crazy ex-girlfriend to another stratosphere. “I’m confused. So, you don’t like me? ”
“I never said that. Truth? If you had said you wanted to give us a shot, I would have taken it, but we both know I’m the wrong choice. I’m not Crew.”
Crew I understood. Cole? He made my brain hurt. “I might not have been able to tell you apart before, but I can now.”
“That’s not exactly what I was implying.” The touch of amusement in his features faded quickly. “Before you make any definite decisions, you should know the truth.”
A loud sigh resonated in my head. “I’m not sure I can handle any more Riley truths.”
The somber line descending on his mouth reminded me too much of Crew. A very not Cole trait, and I got a flutter of nerves. “Well, I can’t stand to see the two of you in agony anymore. It’s gone on long enough. Clearly, you have feelings for my brother, which goes beyond my scope of understanding. Do you love him?”
My arms wrapped around myself. I didn’t have the energy for this conversation. “I fail to see why that matters. I can never forgive him.” I did my best to keep my voice steady and firm.
“It’s not Crew who needs your forgiveness.” Cole took a breath, his eyes shifting off my face briefly before he said, “It’s me, Quinn.”
I blinked, my world tilting. “What are you saying?”
The shadows dimmed in his eyes. “I think you know. You’re punishing the wrong guy. Crew wasn’t driving the car that night. I was. We were both wasted, but I’m the one who insisted I could drive, that I was fine. Clearly, I wasn’t it. But Crew took the fall. He always takes the fall. He was protecting me. It’s what Crew does.”
This was so fucking surreal. I almost didn’t believe him, but something in the solemnity of his face had my stomach pitching. “You were driving that night?” I repeated as if I needed to speak the words to make my mind accept them.
Cole nodded.