Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
D id it matter anymore which Riley hit the car I’d been driving that night? Regardless, they lied. At this point, they were both hella guilty as charged. And I was starting to think I didn’t know them at all.
And yet my gut reaction after Cole confessed had been to see Crew. What for? Did I want to confront him? Tell him I knew the truth? Tell him I had feelings for him? Was that what I wanted?
I couldn’t believe this.
Just when I began to wrap my head around the idea of Crew being responsible for the car accident, Cole went and turned my world upside down. Again. It was a never-ending roller coaster with them. I didn’t know how to get off the ride. I couldn’t decide if I liked the thrill, the high heights, or the rush when I came crashing down. Or if I loathed carnival rides altogether.
I screamed into the pillow, desperate for the down feathers to take the conflict, the uncertainty, the rage, the want, and the longing churning in me. I stopped screaming when my throat hurt and my voice cracked, and with the air in my lungs depleted, I felt sorry for the pillow.
And myself.
Frankie came home late. Sometime in the early-morning hours. She tiptoe d into our room, the sweet, distinct aroma of alcohol emitting from her as she climbed into bed fully clothed. It didn’t take long until I heard the gentle, rhythmic sleep whereas I still lay wide awake, counting invisible sheep on the ceiling.
That shit never worked for me, but what else could I do except think of him.
And I was tired of expending energy on Crew.
I was damn exhausted, and all I wished for was a few hours to shut my brain off.
I got perhaps two patchy hours in total, and despite how tempting it was to stay in bed for the rest of the day, I rolled off the mattress like a boneless zombie, shuffling into the kitchen, and brewed a strong pot of coffee.
I thought I didn’t care. I told myself it didn’t matter. I yelled at my mind to focus.
No amount of discipline changed the fact Crew had wormed his way back into my thoughts. I could blame the kiss. I could fault Cole for spilling the truth. Yet somehow none of the rational thought processes worked through the weekend. By Monday, Crew still consumed me.
I made it to midday before I finally had enough. I hadn’t skipped a single class since starting WU except today. I should be sitting in the human development lecture hall. Instead, I combed the campus looking for the object of my intrusive thoughts. I couldn’t continue to be distracted by him.
The only way to stop the uncontrollable, whirling thoughts was to face the problem. I had to put an end to this madness. I needed to talk to Crew.
Yet as my feet rushed over the ground, I still had no idea what end that would be.
Love? Or hate?
After checking the frat house, I realized I didn’t know shit about Crew’s schedule, not that he stuck to it according to Cole. I had no idea how to find him, but I didn’t have time to waste scouring every corner of campus. The grounds were just too damn big for that.
Where’s your brother?
I texted Cole and then impatiently waited for hi m to respond. Since I couldn’t stand still, I went to check the cafeteria, and Cole’s response came minutes later.
Cole:
Probably sleeping.
My fingers flew over the keys as I walked mindlessly through campus.
Me:
I’ve already been to the house. He wasn’t there.
I chewed on my lip, watching the three dots for Cole’s response.
Cole:
Did you check his room?
Me:
No. Some guy told me he wasn’t home.
Cole:
At this time of day…trust me, he’s still in bed.
Why would the other guy lie? It didn’t matter. I pushed through the cafeteria doors and doubled back to the frat house., This time, I didn’t knock but walked right in. To the right of the foyer, a sitcom played on the TV. A guy sat on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. He paid me little attention. After a quick glance at me, his focus went back to the screen.
I stared at the staircase and fished out my phone again. Going door to door wasn’t an option, not if I wanted to avoid numerous awkward situations. I didn’t want to fathom what was going on behind each closed door. I texted Cole again.
Me:
Which room?
His response came quickly.
Cole:
Hook a left at the top of the stairs. Last door down the hall on your right.
Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I took the stairs two at a time. At the top, the hallway split off. Trusting Cole, something I never thought I’d do, I went left and headed to the last set of doors, staring at the one on the right.
A normal person would knock, and I meant to, but my impatience got the best of me, and before I thought about it, I was turning the knob. It was unlocked, and the door swung open.
I blinked, wishing the door would slam in my face, dying to burn the image in front of me from my mind.
Crew wasn’t alone.
The thought never crossed my mind. Had I really believed he’d be sulking in his room waiting for me forever? In the span of seconds, my mind jumped all over the place, attempting to read the situation .
He was fully clothed, and so was the girl who sat on a very rumpled bed, but the clothing didn’t mean jack to my imagination. Crew’s head shifted from the window where he stood, his gaze landing on me. I stared at him, watching the confusion cross his features as if he couldn’t trust his eyes. We had that emotion in common.
“Arie?” he murmured, brows furrowing.
What do I do? Continue standing here like a hurt, speechless idiot? Close the door and pretend I never entered? Demand to speak to him alone? Or just say what I came to say, regardless of who overheard?
My gaze flicked to the girl lingering on his bed, and envy stabbed me. It should be me in his bed. Not some nameless, rich whore. I shouldn’t have judged her without knowing a single thing about the girl, but stumbling into this situation made me irrational.
I swallowed the instant apology that sprang to my lips. I had nothing to be sorry for. My chin lifted. “I didn’t realize you were otherwise…occupied,” I said, making the sarcasm thick and undeniable in my tone.
“I’m not. Trish was just leaving.” He jerked his head toward the door, indicating for the girl to leave.
Who the fuck was Trish? Not that I had any business asking. Crew and I weren’t together, but it didn’t stop the red-hot streak of jealousy from slashing through me. At least he knew her name. Was that a good thing or not?
God, when had I become so possessive of a guy who wasn’t mine?
Trish pushed to her feet, unbothered by Crew’s gruff tone. “Is this her?” she asked him.
“Trish, fucking go,” Crew ordered, his voice sounding like the crack of lightning while his eyes were stuck on me.
Her lips curved; she wasn’t the least bit intimidated or threatened by Crew. “Give him hell. I’m sure he deserves it,” she said as she passed by me.
I wasn’t sure how to take her advice, and she shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with Crew. Although the room differed from the one at the beach house, the smell was exactly the same. Don’t let it rattle you.
And yet, I took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent. Damn it. I missed it .
My gaze swept over the room, and I saw an open sketch pad on the desk with an array of pencils scattered around it. When they landed on the disarrayed bed, I bristled. Crew noticed.
“Do you want to give it a try? Is that why you came here, for a toss in the sheets, Killer?” He moved from the window, approaching me in slow, lazy strides as if he were a predator taking his time.
“Don’t be crass. You lied to me. Again,” I punctuated with a deeper scowl taking in his appearance and the slight stubble shadowing his jaw.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, and he looked like he could stare at me forever. He was only feet away from me now. “We covered this, Killer. If you need to continue to hate me, then do so, but do it outside of my bedroom.”
I shook my head, closing the last space between us, and poked him in the chest. Not once. Not twice. Three times. And it did nothing to alleviate the hurt and fury residing within me. “You should have told me, Crew. Instead, you let me believe it was you driving the car. I’m not everyone else. It was me behind the wheel that night. Me . Do you know how much guilt I’ve carried with me because of what happened to my dad? Why would you let me believe it was you? Why?”
The shadows in his eyes shifted but only for a second. “Cole shouldn’t have told you. The truth is between my brother and me, where it was supposed to stay,” he growled, knowing the only person who could have revealed their secret was his twin.
I threw my hands up, frustration raking across my heart. “He wanted to clear your name. God knows why. It’s not like you're worth redeeming.”
Crew scoffed. “That’s right. You should leave while you still can. While I have the willpower to let you, because the longer you stay in this room, the swifter the window of opportunity closes.”
His threat held truth for once. My heart pounded as his gaze imprisoned mine. Not a sane reaction, but nothing about Crew and I made sense. I lifted my chin. “That’s how much Cole cares about you . You’re his brother. He’d do anything for you.”
He couldn’t hide the troubled darkness from me. I saw through his armor. “You’re wrong, Killer. That’s how much he cares about you . Cole would never risk his future for any girl. ”
Perhaps Cole had selfish reasons, but he had still unveiled the lie, and yet, it made me understand Crew more. “But you would risk yours for his,” I murmured, the dynamic of their relationship becoming clearer.
Silence greeted me in return. And his scowl.
My stupid, foolish heart squeezed. “I doubt this is the first time you’ve covered for him. Why do you take the blame?”
He shrugged, his fingers snaking around my wrist. “It’s expected of me. We all have roles to play.”
“What, so you pretend to be the troubled asshole while Cole gets to be the carefree good guy?”
The pad of his thumb brushed the inside of my wrist. “I’m not pretending.” He advanced, and with each step he took, I mirrored one in retreat. The fingers still wrapped around my hand weren’t going anywhere, and oddly, I didn’t want them to, not with the tingles or warmth they created every so often with a caress.
I couldn’t decide if he knew what he was doing or if he unconsciously had to touch me. “Bullshit, Crew,” I hissed. “You’re not as bad as you want everyone to think.” The backs of my legs hit the edge of the bed.
“Are you sure about that, Killer?” In one quick movement, I was flat on the bed with Crew on top of me, the firmness of his body pressing me deeper into the mattress—pressing into me.
“I didn’t ask for this. None of it. Not you. Not him. To be wedged between the two of you.”
“Too late for that,” he whispered against my lips, his lip ring grazing the corner of my mouth.
I stifled a moan. “It’s never too late, Crew. Or haven’t you figured it out yet?”
Something primal and dark flashed across his eyes, and it had my blood singing.
I wanted this. Wanted him. That blind need had never been clearer, but was it just lust, just my body reacting to his? Or did this thing go deeper? Love? Did I love Crew?
“You should have left when I told you,” he whispered.
My fingers moved to his face, gliding over the bristly side of his jaw. “What do you want from me? ”
“You,” he groaned. “I want you. I can’t get you out of my head, Killer. I’ve tried everything. Drinking. Fighting. Fucking. Nothing works. You destroy my illusion of restraint. You destroy me.”
My heart did the unthinkable. Betrayed me, cartwheeling in my chest. I had to find a thread of sanity. Something to hold on to before I lost myself in everything Crew. His intoxicating scent. The pleasure of his body. The texture of his voice. The depth of his words.
My fingers curled into the wrinkled sheets as he rubbed the cool hoop of his piercing along my feverish lips. The bed was still warm, and Trish’s face flashed in my head. The girl he’d been with before I interrupted him. “Did you sleep with her?”
Dazed, he blinked, his gaze focused on my mouth. “Who?” he murmured, his head dipping, and I knew he was about to take possession of my lips.
“Have you forgotten the girl who was in your room before me already? Did she mean that little to you?” I hurled the words at him with such strong pain and venom I felt like a cobra striking at him with words. The question smacked with jealousy, but the truth of it was I boiled with that red-hot emotion.
His lips twitched. “On the contrary, Killer. Trish is someone I care about deeply. But she isn’t you.”
“If that was supposed to make me feel better, feel special, it didn’t. So, you were just using her as a substitute for me?” My voice was cold and clipped.
“Stop jumping to conclusions. Did you sleep with Cole?” he countered, a lick of anger merging with the heat still in his eyes.
I recoiled under him. “What? No. Of course not.”
Silence frosted between us. “Have you thought about it? If fucking him would feel like having me inside you?”
There was no questioning who him was. Cole. I knew what it was like to torment myself, and I couldn’t stop my fingers from brushing aside a strand of dark hair that had fallen in his eyes. “The only person you’re torturing with those images is yourself.”
Crew gave me a long, suffering, intense glance. “Do you know how hard it is seeing you with him?”
I swallowed, letting a single finger trace down the side of his face, somehow unable to stop touching him. The urge contradicted the practical side of me. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”
His eyes softened. “Perhaps, but you took me by surprise. I hadn’t expected…”
“What hadn’t you expected?” I prompted, desperate to hear what was going through his head. “Did you think I’d be different than other girls because of how I grew up, because of where I came from?”
He looked at me in a way that made me feel too seen. “You are different, just not in the way you assume.”
“How so?” I asked, genuinely interested. How did Crew see me?
“Most of the world is driven by three things. Greed. Fear. And stupidity. But not you, Killer. I’ve never met anyone with such sheer determination. I admire that quality in you. You want freedom, but you don’t know how free you really are. Money has its shackles, and I’d give it all up for something real.”
“Crew,” I whispered, my gaze drawn to his lips, to the hoop at the corner, and before I thought about what I was doing, I leaned up and kissed him.
His mouth pressed deeper against mine, and he kissed me back but not in his usual untamed and possessive way. There was a softness to his lips, to how they moved over mine, slowly coaxing the response he wanted from me. I was powerless to do anything but kiss him back.
He captured my wrists and pinned them above my head against the bed. “Arie,” he groaned into my mouth, the metal of his lip ring grazing the corner of my lip. “I need to hear you want this.”
I could see what it cost him to give me the opportunity to leave. I had many regrets, but sleeping with Crew no longer was one of them. I knew what I wanted. My chest rose, lifting my breasts higher against his chest. “I want you, Crew,” I murmured before nipping his bottom lip gently.
It was either the words or the sound of his name that unraveled something in him, and our mouths collided.
Finally. My entire body sighed.
This kiss wasn’t like the first but was hard and hot, and the switch robbed me of breath. Then my body soared, aching heat scorching me from head to toe. My legs wound over his, keeping him pressed into me. I tried to reach for him, forgetting he still had my arms pegged above my head. I wanted my hands on him.
His lips yanked away from mine, moving to my neck. “God, I missed you.” I arched into the kisses he lavished from my ear to my shoulder.
When I tried again to put my hands on him and still found resistance, I could no longer stay quiet. “I need to touch you,” I begged, my hips lifting and rubbing along his very evident erection.
He smiled, and holy shit, my core liquefied. I melted deeper into the mattress. I should be thankful he didn’t use the weapon he called a smile more frequently on me, or hell, I’d be a puddle of lust at his feet.
His fingers flexed slowly, unlacing from mine before moving down my forearm, past my elbow and biceps, and I wished I was no longer wearing my sweater. He took the curve of my armpit, skimming the side of my breast. “You don’t know how many nights I thought about having you in my bed again.”
With my hands finally freed, I slid my fingers into his hair, the silky, dark strands slipping between my fingers. He continued to trail his fingers down the side of my body until he reached my sweater’s hem. The first touch of his hands on my bare skin as he slipped them under my clothes sent a burst of delicious pleasure radiating through me. My body was hypersensitive to anything Crew did. A touch. A kiss. A whisper. I always responded, and it felt so fucking good.
Seconds later I lost my top, Crew easing it up my chest and over my head with flawless skill. He sat up long enough to dispose of his T-shirt, leaving his golden chest on display for my eyes and hands. I didn’t waste the opportunity, running my hands over the planes of his stomach. Muscle rippled under my fingertips.
He was so fucking gorgeous.
And for now, Crew Riley was mine.
I loved all of his tattoos, but the feather on his rib drew my attention. He had a body worth worshipping for hours, but my fingers and need were impatient for such dedication.
As if Crew sensed my urgency, he took my lips in a kiss that was more of a caress, his tongue dancing and stroking mine, a wicked game leaving me heady for more. His mouth didn’t stay long on mine but takes a trip south ,
Unclasping my bra and shoving it aside, he bared my breasts, and his mouth began a sensual assault. I inhaled a sharp breath at the touch of his hot tongue brushing and teasing my nipple while his hand molded my other breast, applying pressure to the aching mound, crossing the line of pleasure and pain, a sweet torment that had my back bowing off the bed, nails digging into his tight back.
I sought relief from the desire Crew created, but the more he touched and kissed me, the wilder and hotter I became.
Crew’s lips moved down my body, brushing over my lower stomach, then the side of my hip. He pressed a wicked, taunting kiss between my lips through the fabric of my underwear, and the pressure of his mouth had me grinding against his face, my fingers driving into his hair, but he only teased me, moving to my legs.
He let out a deep groan that vibrated the insides of my thighs. His fingers skimmed the edge of my underwear, and I angled myself slightly, letting him know I didn’t just want his fingers inside me. I was desperate for them. For him.
He shed me of my last barrier, and when I couldn’t imagine wanting him more, his mouth was on me, right where I burned the most, his tongue doing the most amazing things.
What little clothes he had left disappeared. His touch was electric as he stroked my core, pleasure tightening and pulsing between my legs.
“You’re so damn gorgeous.”
A shudder rolled through me as his fingers slipped inside and started to stroke me. I nearly shattered from the way he used his mouth, tongue, and fingers. “I could say the same thing about you,” I said between gasping breaths.
My hands curled into the sheets, the tingles of an orgasm rushing to the surface, but right before I fell over the blissful cliff, Crew lifted his head and removed his fingers. I immediately felt robbed and was about to curse at him when he thrust inside me.
His mouth took mine in a ravenous kiss as he pushed deeper, my legs widening and wrapping around him. I moved with him, my hips matching his rhythm in what felt like an erotic dance, one my body didn’t seem to forget.
Having him inside me was the only thing that mattered .
He pulled out, his tip hovering just in my entrance, taunting me. I raised my hips as I bit my lip, begging for him to return deep into my folds. “More, Crew. I need more.”
“So impatient, Killer,” he whispered against my ear, nipping at my lobe.
I arched into him, driving him inside me again, harder than before, and I tightened around him. “Can you blame me?”
The air crackled with electric energy fueled by our desire. His gaze locked on mine, and the look on his face made my pulse quicken. “How can I when I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you?” His hips rocked with mine, the friction building and building within me.
Lust took me in waves like the ocean at home that would forever remind me of Crew. I surrendered to it—to him.
My release came seconds before his, and the shuddering of his orgasm only heightened mine, bringing a second tide of raw pleasure.
Crew didn’t immediately roll off me, and he kept our bodies connected, glancing down at me and looking as enthralled as I felt. Our breaths mingled unsteadily, our chests heaving together, after what could only be described as wondrous, crazy, and unhinged in the best possible ways. And damned if I didn’t want to do it all again.
“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing strands of hair off the side of my face.
“Ask me tomorrow.” I smiled, my entire being still reeling as if I’d just fallen from the heavens.
He chuckled, finally untangling himself from me and lying flat on the bed beside me. With the loss of his body and warmth came the sobering realization of what I’d done—what we’d done. “That was better than I remember.”
It had been, frighteningly so. What a bad idea it was to let my heart get screwed up again with Crew. Sex was never our problem. Trust was a big issue and one I hadn’t come to terms with. “Thank you, I think.”
Fuck, what have I done?
I’d made things a million times harder for myself. I’d come here for answers, not a tumble in his bed, and yet here I was naked and pleasantly satisfied, but as the tingles faded, confusion took its place.
I needed to think. Something I should have done before jumping into h is bed. Hindsight was a bitch. I’d learned too many life lessons the hard way.
Rolling to the side of the bed, I sat up, searching for my clothes. I couldn’t even remember what I wore.
A hand traced down my spine, and those tingles I thought had dissolved returned. “Where are you going?” Crew asked, reaching for my hips, and I knew what would happen if he pulled me back onto the bed.
I tensed, glancing over my shoulder, but careful to keep my gaze on just his face. I didn’t trust myself to look anywhere else. “I should go.”
“Stay,” he murmured, a wolf-like grin curling on his too damn attractive face.
I sighed, knowing this could only go two ways. I didn’t expect to feel such an internal conflict about his reaction. “It’s not a good idea. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.”
Crew’s jaw flexed. “And what would that be, Killer?”
Facing forward, I found my pants and slipped my feet into the legs, avoiding Crew’s eyes. “That what happened was nothing more than sex.”
“I see. And if I told you that’s bullshit.” His voice remained level.
Drawing on the last bit of bravado I possessed, I stood, tugging my pants over my hips, and faced him. “Crew?—”
He cut me off. “Say it again.”
My heart hit the ground, but I ignored it and firmed my chin. I knew what he wanted. For weeks, I’d called him by his brother’s name. “No,” I said.
It took a split second for Crew to slip into the detached jerk he was known for, and the shadows creeping into his eyes caused a chill to race through my veins. It didn’t seem possible I could feel this cold when minutes ago my body had been blazing. “You might not be ready to admit there’s something more between us than sex, but I’m telling you there is, at least for me. You’re not just some girl.”
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have come here. It was a mistake.”
“Nothing about what we did was a mistake, Killer,” he said as I picked up my shirt, jerking it over my head. He could keep my undergarments. Finding them was the least of my concerns.
Crew wouldn’t let me walk away easily. I had to get out of here before I let him talk me back into his bed. “You used me. You lied to me. I haven’t forgiven you yet. I don’t know that I can.”
He sat up naked in the middle of the rumpled bed, raking a hand through his hair. A smidgen of hurt flashed over his eyes. “I get it. You used me tonight. We’re even.”
“Crew, that’s not what this was.” I hadn’t used him. I’d needed him. Had it been a moment of weakness? Had I been desperate to have a connection with another person after feeling so lonely since I’d walked out of his life?
Nothing in his face showed a speck of kindness or gentleness. It was difficult to believe he was the same man who’d worshipped my body. His glare cut through me like a knife, and I swore a stab of pain lanced my heart. “The next time you get the urge , go find my brother. He’s better at no strings attached.”
I picked up my discarded shoes, suddenly too angry to put them on, but anger felt better than vulnerable. “Get fucked, Crew.”
“Already did. By you.”
I’d reached the door and had been about to throw it open. Instead, I whirled and hurled my shoe across the room at him. And then the other. The first one missed, and the second would have connected if Crew hadn’t dodged at the last moment.
I slammed the door as hard as I could.