Prologue #9
She reached the door, knocked soft. I saw the curtain move, saw Miss Lorna’s face appear in the window. Saw her mama's expression go from confusion to concern in half a second. The door opened and Miss Lorna pulled Aurelia inside, wrapped her up in arms that had held her since she was born.
The door closed and I sat there, engine still running. My chest felt like somebody had reached inside and squeezed my heart until it couldn't beat right anymore. I should've left right away, but I couldn't move.
The weight of what I wanted and what I had to do settled deep in my chest like concrete. This was the right thing. I knew it was. But right things didn't always feel good.
Sometimes right things felt like dying.
My phone was in my pocket. I could text her. Could tell her I changed my mind or tell her to come back out. I could undo this whole thing.
I didn’t because loving her meant protecting her. Even from me. Even when protecting her felt like ripping my own heart out.
I loved her enough to let her figure out what she really wanted without me in her ear, in her space, in her bed, clouding her judgment.
I loved her enough to give her the choice. Not one made in the heat of the moment, not one made because she was hurt and scared and needed somewhere to go.
I loved her enough to risk her not choosing me. Even though the thought of that made me want to put my fist through something.
I sat there for another ten minutes, maybe fifteen, watching that house like I could protect her through the walls. I wanted to take her pain, but I couldn’t.
Finally, I shifted the car into drive, let my foot off the brake and started rolling forward. My phone buzzed in my pocket as I pulled away from the curb. For half a second, my heart jumped, thinking it was her. But it was just a social media notification.
I drove slow, taking the long way home knowing my mama would hear about this by the following afternoon.
Miss Lorna would call her, the way they always did.
They'd been friends since before Aurelia and I even met.
And my mama would call me, voice gentle but firm, asking what happened.
Asking why I brought that girl to her mama's house at that hour with tears streaming down her face.
When I explained that I couldn't let Aurelia stay with me tonight, after everything that happened, after I finally told her how I really felt when we were both too raw and she was too vulnerable? My mama would agree with me.
She'd tell me I did right. That I was protecting that girl even when it hurt me to do it. That real love sometimes means making the hard choice, the painful one. The choice that don't feel good in the moment but saves you both from something worse down the line.
She'd remind me that I was raised better than to take advantage of a woman when she's at her lowest. That the Duckworth men don't move like that. That my grandfather didn't raise my father like that, and my father didn't raise me like that.
And she'd be right.
Everything I did tonight was in the best interest of Aurelia. Every hard decision. Every painful word. Every moment I wanted to give in but didn't.
Sending her to her mama's instead of taking her home with me? That was for her. Pulling back when I wanted to kiss her? That was for her.
Not letting her make a choice she'd regret in the morning? That was for her. Even when it didn't feel like it. Even when it felt like I was abandoning her. Even when it felt like I was being cruel.
I wasn't.
I was loving her the only way I knew how. The way that protected her heart even when it was destroying mine. The right way if you ask me.
Because that's what you do when you really love someone. You put them first. Even when it costs you everything. Even when it feels like dying. Even when every instinct you got is screaming at you to be selfish, to take what you want, to hold on and never let go.
You let go anyway.
Real love ain't about possession. It ain't about having someone when it's convenient. Real love is wanting the best for somebody even when the best thing might not include you.
And tonight, the best thing for Aurelia was space and a chance to figure out what she really wanted without me clouding her judgment, without the comfort of my arms making her forget she had a choice to make.
So yeah.
If my mama called me in the morning asking what happened, I'd tell her the truth.
And she'd tell me I did right.
Even if my chest felt hollowed out and my hands wouldn't stop shaking and my place was gonna feel too quiet and too empty and too much like a prison.
I did right. I had to believe that. Because if I didn't believe that, if I let myself think I made a mistake, I'd turn this car around and go get her. And we both knew where that would lead.
So I kept driving.
But deep down?
Deep down, I knew I hadn't.
I knew that if Aurelia was meant to be mine, she'd come back to me on her own terms, in her own time, with her whole heart. And if she didn't? Then at least I'd know I loved her right. Even at the end. Even when it hurt. Even when letting go felt like the hardest thing I'd ever done.
I loved her right.
And that had to be enough.
At least for tonight.
Happy Valentines Day to me…