Chapter 5 #2
“Okay. When I pull myself out of this hole, I’ll see what the tea is.”
“Bye.”
Cali pressed end and wallowed for the umpteenth time. Her grief wouldn’t allow her to enjoy a normal day.
Jovanis sat inside his whip, listening to Boosie’s Mind of a Maniac as the rain pattered against his windshield.
Parked in the driveway of his home, he was terrified for what awaited him.
His rage had affected the wrong person. Not able to control how incensed he had been caused him to hurt the most important person in his life.
“Shit,” he cursed, wishing he could go back.
Initially, when he was told about Noble and Irish’s love affair, he didn’t believe it.
Irish didn’t move sloppy like that. When she dated in the past, she always chose men that weren’t in close proximity to Jovanis.
Learning that Noble, of all people, was her lover made him livid.
He couldn’t deny the envy. She’d upgraded, got with a man that was over him.
Jovanis’ manhood couldn’t take it. Noble was with his wife/best friend.
He didn’t deserve her. Irish was such a gem who brightened everyone’s life.
She was genuine, valuable, and a great friend to have.
A man like Noble didn’t deserve that. Irish was his and he couldn’t fathom losing to him.
Reaching in the passenger seat, Jovanis grabbed the bouquet of flowers.
He then got out and walked to the trunk.
Once open, he grabbed the shopping bags then walked toward the house.
When he entered, he noticed the mess he’d created had been cleaned.
Just the thought of his tantrum filled him with shame.
He sighed and continued down the hall to the bedroom.
Knocking once, he waited for her to grant him access.
Jovanis knew Irish was there because her car was parked in the driveway.
He knocked once more and when he didn’t get an answer, he opened the door.
The room was dimly lit from a candle that sat on the nightstand.
Surprisingly, Irish was up with her back toward the headboard and the covers up to her neck.
One look at her reddened eyes evoked so much guilt to seize Jovanis.
Look at what he had done. He had hurt the person he cared for the most, and he wasn’t sure how he would fix this.
He sat the bags down on the bed and extended the flowers toward her.
Irish snatched it from his hands and threw them on the floor.
“After putting your hands on me, you think you can come in here with gifts and flowers and think everything is okay? You should be in fucking jail!”
Jovanis was startled by her rant. Irish rarely raised her voice so hearing her curse him out had caught him off guard.
“Irish, I’m sorry, baby.”
“Fuck your sorry. You weren’t sorry when you were hemming me up and you weren’t sorry when you destroyed my home. I don't want anything from you! Leave!”
Jovanis stood dumbfounded since he didn’t know how to digest Irish’s rage.
She had every right to feel enraged. He had in fact roughed her up and ruined the living room.
On top of that, he went radio silent for days, not even offering an immediate apology.
Jovanis was dead wrong and figured he had to make things right.
Sliding his hands inside his pocket, he sighed.
“You right about everything. If I can take it all back, I would.
I spazzed out though. When I heard about you fucking with Noble, I lost my cool, Irish.
I never thought you would choose him to fuck with.
Then, you hid that shit from me. You know me and you don't even rock like that.”
Her grimace immediately softened. Irish picked at her hands before shaking her head.
“…It wasn’t intentional,” she confessed.
“What wasn’t intentional? You fucking him or you telling him my business?”
“I told you he knew already.”
He angled his head. “But you confirmed it.”
“Listen, I don't know how he knew but you're not about to blame me for him knowing. We rarely discussed you. You weren’t a factor in our relationship.”
That stung worse than Noble knowing he was gay. Jovanis had become so territorial of Irish over the years. He had made a huge investment into her, promising to take care of most of her needs. Learning she had allowed a man like Noble to penetrate her heart evoked envious feelings to arise.
He advanced toward her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “Why him?” That took a lot of courage for Jovanis to ask but he needed to know why it was easy for her to fall for Noble.
“I don't know…” she mumbled, taking her time to answer him. “I had always noticed him and how handsome he was. Whenever we were around him, I used to fantasize about him. Well, when we first had a conversation, it was easy and flowed. He let me know that he knew about your sexuality and I denied it. I went to bat for you, but when I realized that he knew what he was talking about, I couldn’t deny it anymore.”
“Fuck.” Jovanis shook his head, wondering how Noble knew about his extra-curricular activities.
Irish grabbed his hand. “That was the first and only time we ever discussed you.”
Jovanis wanted to believe her, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe he didn’t have Irish like he thought he did.
“How the fuck I’m supposed to move on with this man knowing my business? He could out me, Irish, and then what?”
“Noble isn’t like that.”
His head jerked back. “You defending him?”
“Yes, I am. He don't move like that. He would never tell your business because that’s not the type of man he is.”
“And you feel this way because you were fucking him?” He scoffed, hating the idea of them being intimate.
“No because I know him,” she fired back. “You need to get over this shit.”
He stood, feeling his wrath surface since Irish wasn’t taking this matter seriously.
“I got a fucking reputation, Irish. I can’t have a man that’s over me knowing my business. He can ruin me.”
“If he already knew, don't you think he would’ve been said something?”
“No, ‘cause I wasn’t standing in his way of being with you. Shit has changed. The stakes are higher. He could fuck me over, Irish. Then what?”
Shaking her head, she replied, “He wouldn’t do that.”
Jovanis expelled a deep breath. Somehow, Irish was being dense and he couldn’t stand it. “You gotta end that shit with him for the sake of our marriage.”
“Marriage?” She laughed, condescendingly. “This isn’t a marriage, Jovanis. You get to live your life while I waste away. I don't think a marriage is set up like that.”
His upper lip curled in contempt. “That nigga done got in your head.”
“No!” she yelled. “I came to my senses. You want me in your corner, supporting you and making sure you're okay, emotionally.
Meanwhile, I get nothing emotionally. I don't get a chance to find love.
I don't get a chance to be open to the possibility of being with another man because you're in my way.”
Stunned, her words were like a knife, and she’d just sliced Jovanis through his chest. Where was his best friend?
Certainly, it couldn’t be this woman, who stared at him with such disdain.
Irish had been infected by the Noble effect.
He had gotten in her head, rearranging all the plans she and him had made.
Now, she was speaking a different language Jovanis wasn’t fluent in.
He felt left out like he was on the outside of her heart.
What was once his was now gone and his heart ached at that reality.
“Listen,” he stated with desperation. “I love you, Irish, and I don't wanna lose you. Tell me what you need, and I’ll make that shit happen. We can’t let go of what we’ve built. Remember we made a pact. It’s do or die. Us against everybody. Remember?”
Her eyes watered. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Remind me of our past. You did it that day you went crazy. I don't wanna think about that, Van. Did you say that to keep me held hostage?”
Confused by what she was referring to, Jovanis jogged his memory, coming up empty.
“Oh, you don't remember? You said, ‘Me and you have done shit’.”
Immediately, Jovanis recalled the line, but it wasn’t what Irish thought. He never said it with the purpose to blackmail her. He would never try to do that to Irish because she knew too much of his dirt. What good would it be if he tried to keep her hostage when she knew so many of his sins?
“I would never do that to you, Irish. Look at me.” He grabbed her face. “You think I’m this bitch-ass nigga that would blackmail you? I said that to remind you of the bond we have. Never did I say that to keep you hostage or under my thumb. You know I don't even move like that.”
Jovanis released her face and started pacing back and forth. He hated the position they were in. They didn’t behave this way toward each other. They barely even argued. Jovanis needed to get them back on the same page before he lost her for good.
“Irish, listen…” He paused for a moment. “You my baby, and I love you more than any other person in this world. I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry if you feel that I’ve held you back. I just don't wanna lose you.”
Irish’s watery lenses peered at him. “Who said you were going to lose me?”
“What?” He scoffed. “You think someone like Noble gon’ let you stay connected to me? He’ll do everything to ensure that he’s the only man in your life.”
“Well, you don't have to worry about that.” She laid back on the bed with tears gathering on her eyes. “My situation with Noble ended, so you can go back to being self-absorbed while I continue to be lonely.”
Jovanis’ glee waited for him to acknowledge it, but Irish’s sadness needed his immediate attention. He sat back on the bed, stretching his arms on the side of her body.
“You don't need to be lonely. I’m here, and I’ll make sure to spend more time with you. We can do whatever you want to do.”
Irish glared at him but didn’t respond. Jovanis had never felt so nervous. His position in Irish’s life had been threatened, and he couldn’t fathom her not being by his side. She was his person. The one that had his heart despite his sexuality.
“I just want you to leave me alone for a while.”
He shook his head. “No, I don't wanna do that. Let me make you feel better. Tell me what you need.”
“Space.” She huffed with finality.
Unwillingly, he nodded. “A’ight, I’ll do that, but I won’t stay away for long. You got me, Irish. Tell me if I still have you.”
She paused for a moment while he held his breath. Jovanis would lose his mind if she finally decided that their journey had come to an end.
“You know you got me.”
Discreetly, he exhaled before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Call me if you need me.”
Irish ignored him and turned over on her side.
She pulled the covers over her head and made it clear that their discussion was over.
Jovanis wanted to do more for her. He wished to pull her out of this slump, but she didn’t want him around.
The only solace he had was knowing that Irish’s love affair with Noble had come to an end.
It was selfish to celebrate but he couldn’t lose her to another man, especially one of Noble’s caliber.