Chapter Eight #2
“I know this shit ain't healthy. You know, us depending on each other like this but it’s all I know. You know my mama fed me to the wolves and my uncles were incapable of raising me with love. Your mama wasn’t shit and that nigga, Emanuel, was an even bigger piece of shit.
It’s always been us. We’ve been locked in for years.
Nobody has ever been able to come between us until now.
So, excuse me for feeling like my position in your life is being threatened. ”
Irish scooted closer to Jovanis and held his hand.
She loved him so much. He had been her rock through every season of her life.
There was this codependency that she wouldn’t consider healthy, but it was all they knew.
They only had each other. Whenever a problem arose, her go-to person was him and vice versa.
“I think you're looking at this through a negative lens. We’ll always be bonded for life. We share so many memories together and experienced a lot of firsts. But we’re growing up.
You have your person that you're in love with and… I had mine. That ended but who’s to say that I won’t find another guy to fall in love with.
Our setup has been beautiful but life changes.
We grow up and want different things. That doesn’t mean I love you no less.
It just means that I don't want to be trapped anymore.”
His eyes were glossy as he peered into her orbs. “You're not trapped.”
“I feel like I am,” she admitted. “You’ve been able to enjoy whoever it is you're in love with while I’ve sat on the sidelines.
Van, you don't even know how lonely I was. I used to come home to an empty house night after night. You would drop by and we’d spend time together but that wasn’t enough.
I need companionship. I need love. I need to be someone else’s besides yours.
That doesn’t mean that I don't love you. It means I need to live my own life.”
That took much heart to reveal but Irish couldn’t hold it any longer. Jovanis couldn’t provide what Noble gave her. His love was the best. Top shelf. Crème de la crème. Jovanis, unfortunately, couldn’t compete with that.
“So, now what?”
She shrugged. “I don't know.”
He shook his head. “I hate this shit. I feel like I’m losing you.”
“But I’m here.” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “I've been here, Van, and I’m not leaving you, but I want to live my life.”
They sat in silence for a while, retreating to their own thoughts. Irish was relieved she’d made her stance clear. Jovanis needed to know that their setup had gotten old. She yearned to be released of the shackles he’d placed on her.
“I get it, Irish, but letting you go is going to be hard for me. I can’t do it.”
2002
Jovanis had never felt his heart beat so fast in his life. Margie parked in front of apartments that all looked the same. There was no grass on the lawn, and the siding could’ve used a few coats of paint. He looked at his mother as she shut off the engine.
“Why do I have to stay here?” he asked.
“Because.” She touched the side of his face. “Your uncles are going to teach you something that I can’t.”
“What’s that?”
“How to be a man.”
“But I’m just a boy,” he argued. “I can’t be a man right now.”
She smiled at him. Her disposition was a big contrast to the one she’d had at the house.
In this moment, Margie was soft with him.
Jovanis loved this side of his mother where she was gentle and understanding.
Most times, she was frustrated, stressing over money that she didn’t have.
With his father being overseas in the army, he sent what he could, but he didn’t make Jovanis his top priority.
Which explained why he only saw him once a year.
“Listen, you don't need to be scared. Your uncles are going to make sure you're good, Van. I can’t teach you how to be a man because I’m a woman. We can only do so much for our sons before they need their father. Since yours isn’t around, Uncle Mel and Uncle Fish are going to lookout for you.”
Tears crowded his brown eyes. This felt like a farewell, as if he wouldn’t see his mother anymore, and it cracked his heart.
“Will I see you again?” he muttered, eyes descending to his Chuck Taylor sneakers.
“Of course.” She chuckled. “Why wouldn’t you see me again? I’m your mother.”
Jovanis wanted to express how this felt like the end of their journey.
She was giving him away to uncles that he didn’t know that well.
What would his life be like moving forward?
She suddenly wanted him to be this man when Jovanis still loved sitting in his underwear, eating cereal, and watching Saturday morning cartoons.
“Come on. Let’s go inside.”
Reluctantly, he opened the door and got out the car.
His mother opened the trunk. After grabbing his bag, she led the way toward the house.
Jovanis heard loud music as they drew near the front door.
Margie kicked it a few times, and his Uncle Mel answered the door.
His expression was grim until he realized who it was.
“Baby sis. What’s up, girl?” He pulled her in for a hug while Jovanis nervously stood.
“What’s going on?” she greeted him, playfully pinching his cherub cheek.
“Shit.” He then placed his attention on Jovanis. “I see you brought my soldier with you.”
“Yeah, it’s time,” she muttered, giving Jovanis a forced smile.
“Y’all come on in.”
They all walked inside where the furniture was scarce. The only thing in the living room was a TV, two big speakers, and a leather couch.
“Aye, Fish! Margie and Jovanis out here!” Mel yelled.
Seconds later, Uncle Fish emerged from the back, dragging his feet in his house shoes. Fish was shorter than Mel with light skin and wild, kinky hair. While Mel was taller with a chocolate tone and deep waves.
“You ready to get jumped in, lil’ man?” Fish teased him.
Jovanis looked at Margie, who waved her hand dismissively. “Boy, they just messing with you.”
“All that scary shit gotta go. If you gon’ hang with us, you gotta be a soldier. You can’t be a fucking mama’s boy acting all soft.”
Jovanis didn’t understand why being a mama’s boy was so bad. He loved Margie, despite her mood swings. She was good to him when life was good to her. When it wasn’t, she released her frustrations with cruel words that she often apologized for.
“Don't be over here abusing my son. I just want y’all to toughen him up. Not take him through the ringer,” she warned.
“Ah, girl, get the fuck on. You want us to make a man outta him, right?” Fish retorted.
“Well, yeah.”
“Then, let us do what we do.”
Fish grabbed the back of Jovanis’ head and pushed him toward him. “Tell ya mama bye.”
Jovanis peered at her with glossy eyes. There was a plea in his orbs that begged Margie not to leave without him. He knew she had recognized his appeal because her eyes watered, too.
“Listen, I’m going to come see you this weekend. Like I said, your uncles are going to take care of you, okay?”
When Jovanis realized that she wouldn’t change her mind, his eyes cast down to the shabby carpet.
“You hear me, Van?” she asked.
“Girl, gone ‘head,” Mel fussed. “Stop treating this nigga like a baby.”
“Okay.” She quickly wiped away a tear and made her exit out of the house. Jovanis stood, fighting the feeling of abandonment from engulfing him like flames. When the door shut, he looked at his uncles.
“Don't be looking at us.” Mel laughed. “You already know we don't play that soft shit. Put ya dukes up. Show me you got hands.”
“Dukes?” he questioned.
Fish groaned. “Man, put your fists up. Yeah, you gon’ need a lot of fucking work.”
Jovanis hesitantly put his hands up in a boxer stance. Mel stood in front of him, squaring up.
“Hit me with your best shot.”
Jovanis threw his arm, but the punch had no power.
“Ah, nigga you can do better than that. Hit me with all your might.”
Jovanis mustered up as much power as he could and swung again.
This time he missed, and Mel saw an opening and hit him in the chest. He gasped as he fell backwards.
The agony was so great that his voice stalled in his lungs.
Seconds later, the pain released the guttural cry that blared from his mouth.
“Ah, boy you bet’ not be crying!” Fish snapped. “Get yo’ soft ass up and fight.”
Jovanis was in too much pain to throw a fist. He could barely inhale a deep breath let alone fight.
“Get yo’ ass up, Van. Come fight me like a man,” Mel badgered him.
Hesitantly, he got up from the ground, whimpering as his face became saturated with his tears.
“Now square up and hit that nigga.”
Jovanis did exactly what Fish instructed him to do. He threw another weak punch only for Mel to hit him in the chest again.
“Fuck, this nigga is Jell-O Pudding.” Mel laughed.
“Yeah, it’s gon’ take some work, but we’ll get his ass in shape. Get yo’ ass up and fight. You not leaving out of here until you give him some rounds.”