Chapter 5
IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO
Easier said than done when you’re malnourished and plainly outnumbered. It only took two keepers coming at me from either side to be immobilised. If I’d eaten more, they would’ve been sorry.
Nix stands, barely conscious, strapped to the X at the centre of the platform in the distance.
Nothing blocks my view of him, just gravel, misery, and a thin-lined metal fence separating us.
I can hardly see him as tears clog my ducts, my arms gruffly held on each side facing the fence that the parking lot borders on.
On the other side, my brother. My heart. My life.
A sickening torment suffocates me at the torture of seeing him on that X.
Nix has told me stories of the teenagers who died at the hands of Halo.
They were left to starve to death. Our own personal horror story.
A warning for any missteps within our captivity.
As if broken bones and welts aren’t enough when we don’t make quotas or steal food to stay alive.
As much as it is killing me inside to witness his intense brown eyes hold prayer over my blue ones, I cannot let him go. He’s everything to Mam and me in this horrid world we call home. I won’t lose him. I’ll let them breed my body dry if it means I never have to witness my protector’s death.
“No, no, no.” I shake my head. “Please, stop. I will go with you. I will do whatever you say. Please don’t hurt him.
” The words tumble unbidden out of my mouth, begging for my brother’s release.
He can’t be another statistic. Another wasted life on this barren land will not be Nix’s fate.
He is my steady heart in the darkest night.
He’s the soft place I can always rest my head.
He’s my only friend, and above all, my hero.
If I lose him, I lose myself—my hope. Sour as it might be.
FIGHT. His steady tone pushes through my doubt. It keeps getting quieter and quieter.
“Nix.” The squeak that leaves me as they tighten the ropes on the X is deafening.
My body trembles from horror, from madness, and from my heart beating wildly.
If they take him from me, I will make it my life’s mission to slaughter every last one of those Halo-solenced assholes.
I don’t give a flying fuck if I’m half Halo.
I have no loyalty but to the boy who is being punished for me.
Me.
“Take her to the car. Send her to the commander for her placement. Any luck, it’ll be with one of us, and we can take turns with her.” Tiny Dick is screaming to have his face punched in as he directs the Halo keepers holding me.
Blue storm clouds lap up every breath of the boy staring me down, memorising me like I catalogued him earlier. Fortunately for us, the keepers have strapped him facing the fence, so he can see me and I can see him. Rubbing our misery in our faces.
Little do they know, if they hurt him, I’ll be their torturer.
FIGHT.
Energy bursts through me. To hell with it all.
Shrinking down, I catch the Halo pricks off guard and spring up, thrashing in their arms. By sheer stupidity, or because they don’t want to be attached to the crazy girl, they let go, and I run.
I run so fast that the burn in my throat and lungs is instantaneous.
My bare feet catch on small, sharp rocks, the pain pushing me forward, a straight shot to the fence my brother lies behind, propped up on Halo’s personally branded terror device.
I deflate slightly before I even get to the fence. The metal barrier is two stories high, with striking barbs at the top. Two fences sit in a neat row, spaced a few feet apart. The thin, vertical lines of the metal bars make them impossible for us to scale.
I latch on to the rails and shake. They don’t move. Cold and hard. “Phoenix. This is not the end. They cannot have you.” His full name rolls painfully off my tongue. Mam only uses it when he’s in trouble.
A lazy smile stretches his face. Now that I’m closer, I can see his red-dripping scalp and swelling eye. “You were the brave one,” he says, spitting some solence next to him.
Footsteps rush behind me. The Halo keeper standing beside Nix leers. We both know my time’s up.
Firm, hungry hands grab at my body. A scream rips from my lungs. “You hear me? You can’t have him. I won’t let you.”
I’m forced against a hard chest, pinned at both sides by two other hollows. Funny how it takes three full-grown men to pin down one girl.
My eyes flick up to find warming brown pools.
Nix’s lips mimic the words, “And if you should ever forget.” Words I would know in any lifetime.
I hear him loud and clear, his comforting tone landing heavy in my heart.
A favourite memory of mine comes to mind.
Sitting next to Mam and Nix in bed. Me and Mam reading this poem together.
Mam reminding both of us that her love for us is unending. Beyond time and space.
It’s our poem. Our family’s silent rebellion. A declaration of love. Something they can never take from us. He could’ve said anything else. Anything. He knew how those words would brace me for what is to come.
Pressure sitting heavy on my sternum, I stop my thrashing, and mouth, “Find me in your heart where we are equals.”
“Where our souls will meet in eternity.” The movement of his lips abruptly halts. The X is jerkily turned around to face the crowd. I didn’t know it could do that.
The back of the crudely wrought wooden frame is the only thing I see. Nix gone.
That’s it.
I’m without grounding.
“Take her to the car. I’m sick of her shit.”
Nix might not be dead yet, but he will be soon. How many days can he go without food and water? What’s worse, knowing he will suffer, or knowing he will be gone forever?
I can’t decide. My body makes the decision for me, unmoving in the arms of the Halo keepers. My eyes plastered open, I gasp in lungfuls of air as I’m dragged to the car, Nix’s voice circling through my numb mind. “And if you should ever forget.”
Until finally it finds its pair. “Find me in your heart where we are equals.”
I’ve never truly known loss before… At this moment, when my heart stops and pinpricks of black cover my vision, I dance with loss in a heady, unrelenting tug.
Where our souls will meet in eternity.
Where our souls will meet in eternity.
Where our souls will meet in eternity.
The poem of my reckoning is all I hear as everything within me breaks into a million tiny pieces.
My brother gave everything for me, and now, I find myself bereft of life. A sickening bitterness rises within my throat, and before I’m thrown into a car, I vomit on the gravel in front of me. Excrement of acid splash boots and my own bare feet. The crude display gives me satisfaction.
Tumultuous exclamations hit my ears. Rough hands tug me forward. But I’m drowning in a pool of utter despair, devoured whole.
Ears crackling with static, I find myself manhandled through a door, my bones finding relief beneath it as I sink further into the lapping, endless darkness as it buries me. I suddenly lurch. No one holds me. My head freely hits softness.
My worn lids close, and I wish they won’t open again. Not unless the endless brown orbs of home are staring back at me.