Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
“ T he consulate?” asked Nabil, his vizier.
“Yes, apparently the consulate,” confirmed Kadar, trying desperately to control the feeling of panic which threatened to overwhelm him. Everything he did seemed to take him further and further away from what he’d wanted. He seemed to have been placed on a one-way track into deceit, which he detested. He felt as if the slight hold he’d had on his kingship was in danger of unravelling completely.
“Who gave her permission to leave the palace?” Nabil asked.
“She’s not a prisoner, Nabil. She can come and go as she pleases.”
“You don’t seem to understand what’s at stake here,” Nabil said.
“I understand exactly what’s at stake here. I think you don’t understand that Sarah is not some helpless pawn to be moved around as we see fit. She’s an intelligent young woman who has pieced together at least part of what’s going on.” It devastated him to the core to imagine the hurt she must be feeling because if only half of what the British Consul had told him was true, Sarah had partly discovered what was going on. “And I have no idea what she’ll do.”
“Do? Do? ” exploded Nabil. “She’ll ruin our plans! That’s what she’ll do !”
“Our plans had always been tenuous right from the beginning. If we had trapped her into marriage, as you wanted?—”
“ You also wanted it,” Nabil interrupted.
And didn’t he know it, thought Kadar, closing his eyes at the thought. “If we had trapped her into marriage, then how long do you think it would have lasted—the alliance would have lasted—after she’d discovered the truth?”
“It would be too late then. Divorce would bring shame to her tribe and herself. No, she would not do that.”
“You are wrong.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“Yes,” said Kadar, standing up and glowering at his vizier. “You are wrong, because you do not know Sarah.”
“I do not need to know her. She is a woman who will be your wife—the answer to our problems.”
“Not anymore. If she’s gone to the consulate, she’s discovered that it’s not them who are withholding her passport. It’s us .” He practically spat the last word out. He felt sick to his stomach that he’d agreed to the plan. He jumped up and paced away from his vizier. He should never have listened to him. But he knew why he had. Because he’d been driven by duty to his country and he hadn’t yet fallen completely and utterly in love with Sarah. But he had now. And he deeply regretted the subterfuge and hadn’t a clue how to extricate himself from it without losing her. And he couldn’t risk that. She was more important than anything now.
“I have to see her.”
Nabil picked up a phone. “I’ll have her collected from the consulate and brought to your office.”
“No. That’s the last thing I want. Ordering her about will only confirm her suspicions that we wish to control her. No”—he turned and looked out the window—“let her return in her own time and I’ll be here, waiting for her. Then we’ll talk.”
“What are you going to say?”
“Whatever I have to.”
The vizier frowned, and Kadar turned to face him, knowing the unspoken question the vizier wanted an answer to.
“Whatever I have to, to ensure she marries me.” Because he couldn’t live without her now. He needed her, but not in the way his vizier imagined.
Nabil’s frown lifted. “Good. The plan must proceed. It’s clearly the best way forward for everyone concerned.”
Kadar just hoped that Sarah would see it in the same way. If she didn’t? Then it would be his vizier who would be angry, but he’d deal with that.
When the consulate driver dropped Sarah off at the palace gates, she looked up at the palace facade—all ancient turrets and imposing stone—and wondered how she could ever have imagined that Kadar, king of all that she was looking at, could ever have been interested in her for herself. Ridiculous! Why would he? No one else had ever been. Not that she’d given anyone much chance. She’d always been on the outside. But here in Sirun, from the moment she’d stepped foot inside the country, she’d felt as if she had belonged. But Kadar had only been using her, keeping her here under the pretense of waiting for a passport. A passport which, if she hadn’t gone to the consulate, would never have eventuated. She didn’t have a clue why. But she was going to find out. And there was only one person who could tell her.
She greeted the guards, who let her into the compound without a question. She was known now and could move freely. She walked directly toward the main palace area and was surprised to see Kadar walking towards her.
“Sarah,” he said with a nod of the head. “Do you have a moment?”
“Of course,” she said. Her mind raced. He must have been waiting for her, which meant he probably knew where she’d been. She’d been na?ve to imagine she could go to the consulate unobserved. No doubt he had people watching her, especially if she was considered some kind of political risk. What kind of risk, she was determined to find out.
The doors swung open for them both and they walked past the offices.
“We are we going?”
“I wanted to talk with you, but not in the administrative buildings.”
“But not in the private quarters, either? What does that mean?”
They reached a door which wasn’t manned, and he opened it for her. “It means, Sarah, that this is neither public nor private. Somewhere in between.” He caught her gaze.
And she understood in that moment that she wasn’t the only one who was unsure. He swept open the doors to reveal an intimate garden, surrounded by a wilderness of other gardens.
“You were certain of me coming with you then,” she said, noting the drinks and food laid out, ready for them.
“Of course. You had nowhere else to go, and no one else you needed to see.”
She swallowed hard. He was correct. And she hated that.
“Would you care for a drink?” he asked, as if they were chatting at a party.
She shrugged. “Yes,” she said, “I suppose so.”
He nodded to a server who poured drinks and then withdrew quietly out of sight.
“So,” he said, indicating she should take a seat. She continued to stand.
Grim-faced, he sat back on the cushions and looked up at her, his eyes searching hers. He looked resigned, sad, somehow, she thought. “Tell me first, why did you go to the British Consulate?”
“I will tell you, first , that I don’t have to tell you anything! You can demand answers from me all you like, but you won’t be getting any.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s only questions I have for you.”
He rubbed his chin before nodding. “Go on.”
“Okay. One, why am I a person of ‘special interest’ to the government?”
“Because you’re a person of special interest to me.”
“You really want me to keep asking you the same questions?”
He didn’t reply.
“Okay, why am I a person of ‘special interest’ to you?”
“You really have to ask that? After the past few days?”
Emotion fluttered in her gut, threatening the anger which was the only thing keeping her together. She nodded.
“I have feelings for you. I thought you understood that.”
“ Feelings ,” she repeated, giving the word a sarcastic edge. She nodded repeatedly, betraying her agitation. “And what kind of feelings are they? Hey?”
“They are feelings of love, Sarah—you know this, your heart knows this—and of course there are other feelings caught up in them.”
“Ah, now perhaps you’ll elaborate on these other feelings because I suspect we’re getting closer.”
“Closer to what?”
“The truth. What other feelings, Kadar?”
“These are more difficult to describe. I am king, Sarah, and I have the duties and responsibilities of a king.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
She sat down, suddenly too weak to stand. He reached across the table and took her hands in his. She wished he hadn’t. A wave of emotion flowed over her, crashing down on her defenses and leaving her exposed. She gulped in a breath, trying to suppress her vulnerability, her tears.
“Kadar,” she said, the tears glistening in her eyes nevertheless, “how could you?” She shook her head.
His eyes narrowed. It seemed he needed clarification. “How could I?”
“How could you use me like that? After everything you said.”
“I meant everything I said.” He brushed a tear from her cheek. “I told you I loved you, because I do. I told you I wanted you in my life, because I do. Do you not believe me now?”
“I find it hard to trust my instincts and believe you when I hear things which seem to contradict them.”
He shook his head. “Your instincts are correct.”
“Then how do you explain the fact that you are promised to someone else? That your marriage has already been planned?”
His frown deepened. “What do you mean?”
She tore herself away from him. She could hardly think when he touched her. “I overheard the vizier on the phone, and then you, confirming that you would be married within a few weeks and that all your problems would be over.” She turned around to see his reaction. But his face was stony. “What woman? What marriage?”
“ You are the only woman I wish to marry.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you intend to marry someone for political reasons?”
He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. “It’s complicated, Sarah, as I said before.”
“I’m a quick learner. Tell me.”
“I cannot. I have my reasons. You have to trust me on this.”
“Trust? I’ve done nothing but trust, and from what I hear, I’m not so sure I should. Not only do I discover you’re to marry someone else, but the British Consul also tells me that my passport has been delayed because your vizier informed them I’d be forwarding them my birth certificate. I don’t have a birth certificate. And, not only that, but my application can’t be processed like anyone else’s because, apparently, I’m a person ‘of interest’. Whatever that means. Now tell me how you believe I can trust you when I can’t even trust your offices to get me a passport?”
“My country isn’t like yours, Sarah. It’s complicated. Everything is complicated. The only thing that isn’t complicated and that you can trust is that I love you. And you honestly cannot think I don’t after the week we’ve had together.” He paused, opened up his hands helplessly. “Can you?”
She gnawed her lip and shook her head, trying to stop herself from throwing herself into his arms. All the evidence proved she couldn’t trust him. But she felt herself waver at the sight of his vulnerability and the love she could see clearly expressed in his eyes. If she’d had more experience with men, she might have turned away, but she didn’t. She was an innocent abroad, exactly as her grandfather had feared.
“I don’t know what to think. I have no idea what to believe, or who to believe anymore.”
“I hate seeing you this way. Tell me what I can do to make things right.”
“Explain why you all seem determined to keep me trapped here.”
“You’re not trapped. You’re free to go.”
“But I can’t go far without my passport, can I?”
“I hoped you wouldn’t want to.”
“I’d like to know I’m free to leave, whether I want to or not.”
“Of course you are.” He waved his hand. “All the rest is pure bureaucracy.”
“But there’s so much I don’t understand. How can I be sure of anything, even my own heart?”
Kadar took her hands in his. “Believe in us . I know it’s complicated, but my feelings for you are simple and true. I love you, Sarah. Let that be your anchor.”
She searched his eyes and saw no deception, only earnest sincerity and devotion. Her own feelings surged in response, that profound connection between them drowning her doubts. In that moment, looking into Kadar’s eyes, love felt like solid ground beneath her feet.
“I love you too,” she breathed. “I’m scared, but I want to trust in that, in us.”
Kadar leaned in and captured her lips in a searing kiss, his hands coming up to frame her face tenderly. Sarah melted into him, pouring all her love and longing into the kiss. The rest of the world fell away until there were only the two of them, bound by the strength of their feelings.
When they finally parted, both breathing heavily, Kadar rested his forehead against hers. “Come inside with me, habibti ,” he murmured. “Let me show you the depth of my love.”
Sarah allowed him to draw her to her feet and lead her out of the garden. With every step she felt her resolve crystallizing. She would stand by Kadar and believe in their love, no matter what storms might come. In her heart, she knew it would be enough.
“Kadar,” she just said, her voice breaking, just as her heart was.
His arms enfolded her and he pressed her to his chest. “Sarah, habibti ,” he said, his voice muffled as he kissed her hair. She shook her head, her forehead rubbing against his robe.
“Make love to me,” she whispered because she wanted no more words, only the proof of his body inside her, reassuring her that everything was all right.
He didn’t need asking twice. He took her hand and walked across the garden, taking a shortcut to his suite of rooms.