Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
T he night had passed as their previous seven nights had passed. Full of passion and tenderness. But there was a difference. Sarah could feel it. And she knew Kadar could, too. The difference was there in the way he touched her, the way he looked at her, and the way he pleasured her. She couldn’t put a name to it, but he’d changed. There was almost a sadness, a regret, an appreciation which only comes when you know something is ending. But neither said anything because she knew that, deep down, neither of them wanted this to end. But unless she received a resolution to this mystery sometime soon, she knew she’d have to force it to a conclusion.
They’d passed the night in virtual silence. It seemed the only communication either of them was interested in was through their bodies. It was only later, when the shadows lengthened, and their breathing had returned to normal that they lay, her on her side, her head on his arm, while he lazily stroked her shoulder, that the words filled her mind once more, flooding her head with doubts.
But she didn’t express them, and slowly the stroking ceased and the words faded away to form inchoate dreams of yearning and sadness.
She awoke the next morning to find herself alone in bed. She lay without moving for a few minutes, listening for any sign of Kadar, but there was none. He’d gone. Left her without a word. She pushed herself up against the luxurious pillows and looked around, feeling suddenly uneasy as all the doubts of the previous day returned, twofold.
She checked her phone, but there was no message from Kadar. Nothing. She went into the bathroom and switched on the shower.
He had work. Of course he did. He was king and couldn’t just lie around in bed all morning, waiting for her to wake up. Of course. Then, she wondered, as she stepped under the stream of warm water, why did she feel so unsure?
By the time she’d showered and dressed, there was a message on her phone. But it wasn’t from Kadar. The British Consul had left a phone message to tell her he’d pulled a few strings and overnight they’d received an electronic version of her birth certificate and the application for both passport and visa could now be processed.
She rang and left a message with the consul, confirming she’d see him later in the morning, as he’d suggested.
Things were moving along. Kadar had told her to trust in their love and she truly wanted to. But she still felt uneasy. He still hadn’t explained what she’d heard him say about marriage. He’d insisted that he loved her and wanted to marry her, but how could he? She wasn’t the answer to his political prayers. But, even as she thought that, she wondered again if the answer to her questions lay in the past, in her family, in the paperwork she was about to be given.
“Ms Albright,” welcomed the consul, standing up from his desk and walking over to greet her. “I’m glad you could come.”
“Mr. Wallis,” she extended her hand to shake his. “I hear you have some good news for you.”
“More than that,” he said, returning to his desk and plucking a large envelope off it. “I have something for you which I believe will be of great interest.”
“My birth certificate,” she said with relief. “So we can get on with my passport now.”
“Indeed, we can. And, indeed, we have organized both your passport and your visa.”
“Thank goodness! It’s felt strange being without my papers, unable to leave if I wanted to.”
“All it needs is your signature and you can take it away. Please, have a seat.”
She sat down and eagerly pulled out first her passport, flicking it open to inspect it. The photo she’d emailed him earlier had been used, and everything seemed in order.
“You just need to sign it here.” He passed a pen to her.
She opened it to the correct page and signed it. “Great!” she said with a smile. Things were looking up. She was no longer tied to the palace, and could try to find out more about her family—the reason she was here in the first place. Kadar had promised to help, and the thought of them both working together on it made her happy.
“We took the liberty of using the name on your birth certificate,” the consul continued. “I hope that’s what you’d wished.”
She frowned in confusion. “Of course. It’s my name.”
It was his turn to look confused. “Yes, but it’s different from the one you’ve been going by. Different to your previous passport. But we thought it best, as it’s the name on your birth certificate.” He pointed to the birth certificate, which was still in the envelope. She looked at him and realized she’d missed something.
Slowly, she pulled out the birth certificate and read it. The confusion his words had created made the printed words swim in front of her eyes for a few moments, and then she saw it. Sarah Al-Barraq. She looked up at the consul with a start.
“What?”
The consul tilted his head, the frown still in evidence. “You weren’t aware of the name on your birth certificate?”
Dumbfounded, she shook her head. She opened her mouth to speak, but it was dry. She cleared her throat. “No. I thought my name was Albright.”
“Ah,” he said thoughtfully. “Maybe your grandfather anglicized your name to help you both to assimilate, or to cover your tracks. But,” he tapped the paper, “it’s definitely Al-Barraq. It means Albright in Arabic. And it means you’re part of the great Al-Barraq family.”
She looked up. “The Al-Barraq family.” She could only repeat the words back to him. They meant nothing to her.
“Yes. It will be easier now for you to trace your relatives.”
“How? I mean, do you know who I should contact? Where I can find them?”
“The Al-Barraqs are located east of the mountain range. Far from here.”
“Then I will pay them a visit.”
He looked down, avoiding her gaze. “Hm, you may need to get official clearance to travel over there.” He opened his mouth as if to speak before thinking better of it.
She cocked her head to one side. “What were you going to say? Is there something I should know?”
He clasped his hands before him on the desk. “Ms Albright, The Al-Barraq tribe are traditional enemies of the ruling dynasty. They are, not to put too fine a point on it, the king’s enemies.”
She stared at him, wide-eyed, as she let the words sink in.
“Enemies,” she repeated faintly. “Right.”
“I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I thought you were aware of the situation.’
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t realize there even was a situation.” She rose to her feet. “But now I can see that I’m most definitely in the middle of one, and I’m not sure what to do.”
“If I may venture an opinion?”
She nodded. “Gladly.”
“Proceed with caution.”
“Do you think I’m in danger?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Why not, if my family are enemies to the king?”
“Because I suspect the king already knows your true identity. You see, it’s not only your name—a straight transliteration from the Arabic—which is a clue to your identity, but also your looks. Your fine features and coloring are typical of those of your tribe. I should have spotted it, but didn’t realize you were from Sirun. The two things combined would have made it extremely unlikely that the king and his advisers were unaware of your true identity.”
She swallowed nervously. She felt sick to her stomach. She nodded. “I’d better go. I’m expected back at the palace.”
The consul stood, shook her hand, and then opened the door for her. “If there’s anything I can do for you, Ms Albright, anything at all, here’s my number. Call me night or day if you feel you’re in any kind of danger. And I’ll do my best to help.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” And she did. She felt that this man was the only person in the entire country she could trust at that moment.
But the only thought that repeated through her brain as she left the consulate and went to the waiting car was that, if Kadar and his advisers knew of her identity, then why hadn’t they told her? It was another piece to the puzzle, which was forming a whole she didn’t like the look of.
“Sarah!”
Kadar’s voice reached her across the courtyard. She didn’t turn around, but kept on walking. Because she had no smiles for him now. He’d tricked her. He and his vizier, and his officers, and everyone she’d spoken to over the past few weeks, had tricked her. All she wanted to do was use her newly minted passport and get the hell out of there. Go find the family he’d been keeping from her.
But she hadn’t even reached the door when he called again, and his voice was a lot nearer now. He must have run across the public courtyard. He must suspect she knew. And she hadn’t even got through the door when his hand reached out and stopped her from closing it.
“Sarah,” he said, quietly now that he’d reached her. “Tell me. What’s happened?”
Still she didn’t turn around. He closed the door behind them both and they were alone in the shadowy corridor. He placed his hands on her shoulders. She still had her back to him. Her throat was blocked, and she blinked back tears. She still felt the same feelings when he touched her. Just as she had only hours earlier when they’d been in bed together. But now she refused to submit to her traitorous body.
“I can’t do this,” she said, the words torn from her as she forced herself to turn around to face him.
“Can’t do what?” he asked, his brow creased with concern.
She swept her fingers under her eyes to rub away the traces of tears. “I can’t pretend nothing has happened. I cannot pretend things are the same between us.”
His face went grim. “Why not? What’s changed?”
“Everything!” She shook her head. “How could you, Kadar? You knew I was looking for my family. You knew I had no one and was desperate to find them. And yet you withheld that information from me.”
He didn’t speak immediately. But his lips pursed, and a muscle flickered in his jaw, the only sign of his inner tension.
“I want to know why, Kadar,” continued Sarah. “I want to know why you didn’t tell me.”
Another tear escaped Sarah’s control and ran down her cheek. Kadar’s face softened when he saw it. And she knew then that whatever she was about to hear, at least it would be the truth.
“Because it wasn’t in my interests to do so.”
She shook her head as her heart broke into a thousand pieces. “Not in your interests? In what way?”
Someone walked by. “Come, let’s find somewhere more private to speak.”
Sarah could no more have protested than stopped breathing. She was desperate for him to tell her something which would make sense of his betrayal, something—anything—which would allow her to continue to love him and to be with him. So, stunned, she allowed herself to be guided into an ante room—a place where people waited, an in-between place. It seemed appropriate.
“Take a seat, Sarah,” he said, pointing to one of the ornate, uncomfortable looking chairs. “You look as if a puff of wind will blow you over.”
He went and poured a glass of water for her and brought it over. Automatically she took it, but immediately placed it on the table and turned to look up at him.
“I repeat, Kadar. In what way was it in your interests not to tell me who my family were, and where I could find them? What way?”
His expression did nothing to lessen her sense of dread.
“Your family is my enemy, Sarah.”
“That much I know. But, even so, why would you not tell me about them? Kadar! There’s only ever been me and my grandfather, and now he’s gone. I’m all alone and want to find my family. And, apparently, they’ve been here all this time only you’ve not told me. And I want to know why!”
“Because of something it appears you don’t know. Your family is not only the Al-Barraq family, but you are also the sole surviving child of their foremost family. You are, Sarah, someone who could lead them, someone who could make them strong again.”
“And you don’t want that.”
“No, we don’t want that.”
“So it wasn’t only you.”
He shook his head. “No, me and my vizier. We decided it was best that you remain in ignorance of the facts until…” His voice faded out and he looked away as if unable to continue.
“Until what?”
“Until you agree to marry me.”
Her mouth dropped open as the last turn of the key unlocked the whole truth. “Because only then would the threat to your rule be neutralized. That’s it, isn’t it?”
He gave one brief nod, which changed her world.
“I was the person you were talking about. The woman you were going to marry. The woman who would sort out your political troubles.”
He nodded.
“And all the while, I thought you’d been lying to me.”
“I hadn’t. I love you. I’ve never lied to you about that.”
“No, but you’ve lied to me by not telling me the whole truth. A lie by omission. It’s almost worse.” She jumped up, suddenly unable to face him any longer, face the truth about their relationship—they didn’t have one. Because how can you have a relationship with someone who has used you? “I must go.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah. I’m truly sorry.”
“Before I go, I would like to know one thing.” She prayed her voice wouldn’t break. “Please tell me you didn’t know all along. Please, tell me that it was your vizier’s idea. Please tell me something—anything—which will allow me to believe that you didn’t use me. Please.”
“I can’t.” He stepped back. “I wish I could. I knew who you were the moment you told me your name. Your eyes, the shape of your face and nose, and your name, they all told me who you were. When you said you were looking for your family, I knew instantly. Your grandfather’s name confirmed it.”
“And yet you said nothing.”
“And yet I said nothing. I’m sorry, Sarah. I’m truly sorry. I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
“Then how did you want me to find out? Hey?” She was angry now, and prodded him on the chest. “How the hell did you intend to tell me, if you ever were?”
“After we married.”
She shook her head. “I have to go.”
“We need to talk. We can’t leave things like this. There are things to discuss.”
Her eyes blazed. “Things to discuss? Like what? Like how you want to use me next? Like how we still should get married so that your throne will be more secure?”
He didn’t answer, and she knew she was correct.
“Just let me go, Kadar. Please,” she said as the tears threatened to burst through into noisy sobs.
Whatever made him turn around and leave, she was thankful. For the moment he closed the door, she fell to her knees and gave a quiet exhaled wail that tore the air from her lungs before she gasped and covered her head as sob after sob wracked through her body. And she stayed there until she was out of tears and her heart was well and truly numbed.
Kadar could hear the wail, even though he was sure she’d tried to smother it. He’d seen the desolation mounting in her eyes and knew that at least that was one thing he could give her—privacy to vent her sadness in private.
“Don’t go there,” he said to someone about to enter. “Stand guard, and make sure no one else enters, and extend help to the lady inside when she emerges. She may need it.”
He continued walking, knowing she wouldn’t have accepted help from him. The thought was like a nail being slammed into his heart.
He’d give her space for now. If nothing else than to show her he had no intention, ever again, of trying to control her, or trying to use her. And he wanted, in some small way, to demonstrate that to her. He’d go to her in the morning.